by Perrin Briar
Daniel turned to the first door on the left. There were scuff marks at its base from where it had been opened with feet and not hands. There was a hole where a door handle should have been.
“What happened here?” Hamish said.
“We needed to get in,” Daniel said. “Dr. Scott locked the door before he left, snapping the key in the lock. We had to remove it in order to get inside.”
Hamish frowned. There had been no mention of this, or how Dr. Scott had died, in the report he’d been given to describe his new job and duties. At the time, he hadn’t cared. But now he was here, and there were all these questions, he was beginning to second-guess his kneejerk decision.
Dr. Scott’s office space was tiny, a cubicle large enough for a computer and small desk, but little else. Papers were piled high on every surface. But what really grabbed the eye were the large refrigerators that ran along the back wall, consisting of dozens of cabinet doors.
“What is this?” Hamish said. “A morgue?”
“Normally this room would only be used as a storage facility,” Daniel said. “For the ice cores and anything else we discover here. But Dr. Scott liked to be as near as possible to the samples at all times. He said they inspired him. He was a great man. You might doubt his methods, but you could never doubt his results.”
Hamish peered with apprehension at the rows of square drawers. He certainly could question Dr. Scott’s methods.
“I’m sorry for the mess,” Daniel said. “We meant to tidy up the papers, but we thought you might have need of them while you’re working.”
Hamish eyed the papers.
“Did Dr. Scott have a particular filing system?” Hamish said.
“Dr. Scott wasn’t much of a believer in systems,” Daniel said with a chuckle.
“Clearly,” Hamish said.
“Here’s Dr. Scott’s workstation,” Daniel said. “Your workstation.”
“Thank you,” Hamish said.
“He was working primarily on the ice cores, as you know,” Daniel said. “The ice sheets are incredible. It’s a time machine into the distant past. Go deep enough and you see the birth of life, or close enough to make no difference.”
“This is what you were working on before Dr. Scott died?” Hamish said.
“There’s no proof he died,” Daniel said.
“But that’s why I’m here, isn’t it?” Hamish said. “Because Dr. Scott disappeared.”
“Disappeared is not the same as dying,” Daniel said.
Hamish looked to the side, and then back at Daniel. Something didn’t feel right. It was important to try and catch people’s expressions when they thought you weren’t looking at them. What Hamish saw was unwavering belief that Dr. Scott was indeed missing, not dead.
“Where could he have gone?” Hamish said.
“That’s the question, isn’t it?” Daniel said. “Dr. Scott was an unparalleled genius, with no equal in the science community. In the past he got lost, wandered off, and when he returned, came back with some of the greatest insights and discoveries in modern science.”
Hamish was well aware of them. They’d been drilled into the minds of every science major at Princeton, Hamish’s alma mater, and every other institute of higher learning, for that matter. Legends travel well, especially when the principal character is still alive and kicking.
“What were you working on before he disappeared?” Hamish said.
Daniel’s expression changed dramatically. He smiled, a childlike grin that Hamish wouldn’t have believed he was capable of until he saw it.
“Something very exciting,” Daniel said. “And wholly unique. A fossil. We were studying the ice cores of seven million years ago when we came across a gorgeous specimen. It was in terrific shape, hardly damaged at all. We brought it to Dr. Scott, who recognized it for what it was immediately. It was a remarkable find, because those types of creatures had never been discovered in this part of the world before. It could completely change the way we think how Pangea developed.”
“Can I see it?” Hamish said.
He felt excited at the idea he might be able to interact with history before the rest of the science community – and the world – got their hands on it.
“I’m afraid not,” Daniel said. “We no longer have the specimen.”
Hamish blinked.
“What?” he said.
He couldn’t keep the surprise out of his voice. It was like someone had discovered the cure for cancer and forgotten where they’d put the formula.
“It’s missing,” Daniel said. “It disappeared at about the same time Dr. Scott did.”
Hamish deflated.
“But we have photos, test analyses results,” Daniel said. “You’re more than welcome to look at those.”
He moved to the computer and typed in his password. He accessed the relevant file and opened it. The images came up onscreen. He opened another program and sent them to a tablet. After a minute, the files and photos had been transferred. Daniel handed the tablet to Hamish.
The specimen was an odd-looking thing. It had a long snout and short, fat body. It had a maniacal grin, like it was preparing to play a trick on someone. Hamish couldn’t say he cared for it. It looked sinister and evil, like it contained a secret. A dangerous secret.
Hamish flicked through the pages. There were strikingly few.
“The tests weren’t completed,” Hamish said.
“No,” Daniel said. “No one has had the time to focus on it. It was at Dr. Scott’s discretion to complete the test results. We were going to send it to New York for further tests and let them handle it, but Dr. Scott was never one for handing over recognition to someone else.”
“Did he seem suicidal before the day he disappeared?” Hamish said.
“No,” Daniel said. “He was popular amongst the others. He was our unofficial father. Or grandfather. We miss him, and will continue to do so until he comes back. It is an honor to work alongside him. He is the greatest teacher anyone could ever have. But now I’m your assistant.”
“A big come down for you,” Hamish said with a smile.
Daniel didn’t smile. He shrugged his shoulders.
“You’re young,” he said. He couldn’t have been much older than Hamish. “You still have time to make big discoveries.”
His voice was offhand, like he didn’t really believe that. Hamish couldn’t blame him. He didn’t believe it either. By Hamish’s age Dr. Scott had already made several landmark discoveries.
“You must have gotten very close to him,” Hamish said.
“I did,” Daniel said.
“I’ll never be able to replace him,” Hamish said. “Would never attempt to. He was a great man. He achieved more by the age of thirty than many people achieve in their whole lives. I’m sure his loss was felt far and wide, much wider than just Palmer Station.”
Daniel smiled. It was tinged with sadness.
“Thank you,” he said. “I have to say, I was a bit hesitant about what Dr. Scott’s replacement might be like, but I see I worried for nothing. But then, you were requested by Dr. Scott himself.”
“I’m surprised they didn’t promote you to Dr. Scott’s position,” Hamish said. “You’ve been working with him a long time and know more about his research than anyone else. And, you’re already here, of course. You know how they like to save money.”
“I assisted the doctor,” Daniel said. “I was never in charge. I wouldn’t be able to focus on the job in hand anyhow. I’d be forever wondering when Dr. Scott would return. The research project deserves attention.”
“You’re certain he’s still alive out there?” Hamish said.
“I believe he is,” Daniel said. “Some of the others don’t agree. But just because I think he’s out there doesn’t mean I don’t worry about him.”
Daniel turned to usher Hamish out the door. He paused, causing Hamish to almost bump into him.
“I almost forgot,” Daniel said, reaching for something on a
shelf. “Dr. Scott left this for you. It’s how I knew he wanted you here. He left you a gift with your name on.”
Daniel took a figurine off the shelf and handed it to Hamish.
“Thank you,” Hamish said. “What is it?”
“It’s a bubblehead,” Daniel said. “From one of Dr. Scott’s extensive collection. He’s travelled all over the world, researched many different and diverse subjects, and he collected a bubblehead or another trinket from each of the places he visited. They reminded him of each of the places he went. He left one for each of the others here too. He had one made for each discovery in different parts of the world.”
The bubblehead was a squat Neanderthal man. He carried a club over his shoulder and had a large overbite.
“These are what you handed Captain Meadows to take back to Dr. Scott’s family?” Hamish said.
Daniel nodded.
It was an ugly thing, though not without its charm, rather like how a pug dog’s cuteness was wrapped in pity. Dr. Scott must have been more eccentric than Hamish thought. But he supposed if they were what Dr. Scott treasured most amongst his possessions it wasn’t such a bad gift.
“He left one for each of his family members at home, as well as for the other scientists here,” Daniel said. “That’s what we are, really. One big family.”
“You forgot the word ‘happy’,” Hamish said.
“Being so close to one another all the time, it’s sometimes easy for tempers to flare and for disagreements to settle in,” Daniel said. “When Dr. Scott was here he calmed us down. It was very much like when your grandmother came and everything would work out because everyone has such great respect for her. But he’s not here anymore and so we have to learn to defend and calm down by ourselves. Some of us are better at it than others.”
Hamish got the feeling Daniel was one of those who was not easily riled. He seemed calm and relaxed, able to take stock of the situation and make smart calls.
“If you’re ready, I’ll take you to your quarters now,” Daniel said. “Follow me.”
They stepped out of the office and back into the main corridor. They hung a left and proceeded down the hall. The place felt empty and neglected. Hamish shivered. The cold seemed to seep in through the walls. When he’d left Princeton it was a balmy seventy-three degrees. Now, here, it was barely zero. He wore a thick fleece but it didn’t seem to offer much protection against the cold.
“This is the men’s restroom,” Daniel said, pointing to a door with a sign. “And this is the shower room. They’re individual stalls. You have to keep an eye on the number of towels. We seem to keep losing them. We have a rota for when people can shower and use the hot water. As I said, we have to maintain strict controls.”
Daniel gestured to the rooms on either side of the corridor.
“Pick a room, any room,” Daniel said.
“Why are there so many empty bunks?” Hamish said.
“They’re for the summer team,” Daniel said. “We’re lucky enough to be here by ourselves which means we get a room each, otherwise some of us would have to share.”
“Any of these rooms?” Hamish said.
“Except for the ones with a sticker on,” Daniel said. “That’s where the others are staying.”
Hamish pushed open one of the doors without a sticker on. It was hardly the Ritz, but it was comfortable enough. The space had been designed with efficiency in mind. There was a small desk beside each bed and drawers underneath for clothes and other items. Evidently, if they could reduce their carbon footprint, they would.
“I’ll let you get settled in,” Daniel said. “If you have any questions, you can come ask me anytime – I’m right next door.”
He headed for the door and left. Hamish looked around at his surroundings and wondered what he had done to put himself in this situation. Thousands of miles from any meaningful civilization. Stuck in a shack full of nerds who would only see him as an attempt to replace their beloved Dr. Scott. All this travelling, all this inconvenience, for a chance to see an old friend who probably wouldn’t even remember him anyway.
He took a seat on the mattress. It was soft. At least he’d get a good night’s sleep, though he doubted getting a good night’s sleep was very difficult for someone stuck at the asshole of nowhere, where everything was an inconvenience and a major upheaval.
Hamish put his recently acquired bubblehead on a desk. It nodded to him, wobbling side to side, as if asking him what he was doing here. It was a question he’d been asking himself ever since he arrived.
It’d been a long time since they’d seen one another. Would she remember him? Why did he think coming here to see her would change anything? He shook his head. Too late now. He’d made his bed and now he had to lie in it. Part of the attraction in coming here was the fact there was no backing out. In for a penny, in for a pound. It wasn’t like he could hail a taxi out of there.
“A bit different to Princeton campus, huh?” a voice said.
Hamish looked up to see her leaning against the doorframe, her arms crossed beneath her breasts, head cocked to one side in thoughtful repose. Hamish’s insides turned to water.
“Not really,” Hamish said.
Kate wore a small smile. It was playful, and reminded Hamish of when they were kids and she wanted to do something to annoy the teachers. He’d always gone along with it, and he’d always been the one to get caught and take the rap. Kate always came forward to admit her part in the plan too, but the teachers never really took her admission seriously. She was top of the class in every subject, her parents very active on the school boards. She was never going to get treated the same as Hamish.
But he didn’t care. It was a small price to pay to spend time with her. What were losing a few lunchtimes in detention compared to spending days preparing their pranks together? Being with her was like an adventure. They were the last adventures he’d ever had. Until now.
“You’ve gotten taller,” Kate said.
“I stopped slouching,” Hamish said.
They hugged. Hamish embraced Kate tight. He was surprised to find she hugged him back just as hard. He could smell her scent – lavender with a splash of daisy. She felt good in his arms. When he pulled back, he could see she had a big smile on her face too. She turned her head to one side so she could hug Hamish again. He welcomed her warmth.
Kate never changed. She always looked the same, if a little worn with wrinkles around the eyes. She still had the same broad grin, the same slim tomboyish body, the same mischievous eyes that glinted with youth and vitality. She actually looked better to Hamish’s eyes than she ever had before.
She was the reason he’d come to Antarctica. She was the one thing in his life that if he could turn back the hands of time he would have changed. He was shy at school, especially with girls. She had been the girl of his dreams, except he hadn’t known that at the time. They were close friends, and he supposed they would always be together. He hadn’t known how special their relationship was until he was at university, after a series of unsuccessful girlfriends. Kate had been the only girl who’d ever truly understood him, accepted him. But by then she was studying hundreds of miles away at Brown.
They kept in touch, but only via the superficial means of social media. He didn’t really know her anymore, nor she him. It was only by chance, at a science conference in L.A., that he had met her again. They met and talked about the old days. They’d talked in the bar, and then walked around a park, and then went back to Hamish’s room and raided the mini-bar. They’d fallen asleep. Kate was in his arms in the morning. Hamish was sober enough to know nothing happened. She’d smelled so good, had felt so right that he never wanted to let her go.
But he did. They said little that morning, eyes skirting around one another, glancing up, and then looking away again as if they’d committed the ultimate sin. They hadn’t done anything to be ashamed of, but they had crossed a boundary they hadn’t even acknowledged before.
The next day, they to
ok their separate flights home. The sterility of his then current girlfriend was laid bare. They had problems, but they, like everyone else, simply coasted through life, ignoring them. Hamish couldn’t coast any longer. Kate had thrown his life into sharp relief.
Every girlfriend and date Hamish had gone on after her was a bland copy. He found himself comparing his dates against Kate, trying to reconcile their strengths and weaknesses against hers, and they always came up short. He often found himself shaking his head in the shower when a thought of her and his missed opportunity came to mind. Why hadn’t he just taken the risk and asked her out? The answer was prosaic, obvious and deceptively simple: the fear of rejection.
Hamish had once again failed to take the initiative and make something happen, fearing he would lose Kate as a friend, and lose his only real connection to that early part of his life, and at the same time, be unable to pursue any kind of meaningful relationship.
“It was good to see you,” Kate had said at the airport.
She’d let go of his hand – Hamish hadn’t realized they were holding hands – and boarded her plane. The words Hamish wanted to say got stuck in his throat.
Be with me. Be with me always.
But his avertness to risk had choked him, and he had said nothing. His was the kind of irrational fear that drove a man mad, the kind that only occurred to him after the moment had long passed, leaving him to dwell on it for years, until he either became old, twisted and spiteful, or he finally took action, only for it to be too late. That was why Hamish was here now. To see if it was too late.
“It’s good to see you,” Kate said, an echo of their final words to one another.
“It’s good to see you too,” Hamish said.
“How was your trip?” Kate said.
“Long,” Hamish said. “Someone needs to build an overseas highway through here.”
“The Environment Committee will love that,” Kate said.
“I’ll make sure to float it next time,” Hamish said.
They shared a grin.
“Fancy seeing you here,” Hamish said.