What She Needs

by Danyiel Nicole

  “Don’t stop Alicia.” Heath commands in that voice that will make me participate in a triathlon.

  “O . . . okay.” Is all I can manage as a response. I’m tired, I’m wrung out, but it would be selfish of me to stop before he’s finished.

  I grab his shoulders, using them to hold myself up as I continue bouncing and rocking and swaying my hips in the name of my love for him.

  “Darling, aaahhhh,” He groans and then I feel his come filling up my little lady feeding her what she loves the most. He stills my hips and I rest my head on his chest and try to steady my breathing.

  “Are you alright?” He asks as he caresses my back with his hand.

  I nod, and then give him a swift kiss on his chest.

  “Are you tired?” He asks.

  I shake my head.

  “Good.” He says. “Because I’m not finished.” He picks me up and takes me into the kitchen and then the bedroom and every corner of the house that he can think of, making sweet agonizing love to me. By the time we finish we are in the bedroom and I am tired and beyond satisfied.

  “I think we’ve made up for lost time,” I say against his chest.

  “I hardly think so, but it’s a good start,” he says with a tired chuckle.

  I pick my head up off his chest and give him a faux evil glare.

  “Alicia you have to understand. My little lady and I have a connection and we must interact on a daily basis or I start to miss her and I find myself playing catch-up.”

  I giggle, embarrassed and touched by his revelation.

  “I could go another round, but lucky for you, we only have an hour before we’re due to arrive at Marcus and Tamia’s place.” He slaps me playfully on my behind. “Let’s get up and get showered and dress.”

  ***

  “You look so sexy.” Heath says as I walk into the living room. I’m wearing a pair of jean ankle pants, a black and white chevron print shirt, a red blazer, my red patent leather Christian Louboutin stilettos, and the jewelry he and his parents gave me for my birthday. My natural curls are long and flowing and my makeup is flawless. Yes, the old Alicia is back.

  “You don’t look so bad yourself.” I say to him as I grab his proffered arm and we head outside to the car. He’s wearing a pair of Armani Exchange fitted jeans, a white graphic t-shirt, and his black Giuseppe Zanotti sneakers. We look like a young American power couple ready for a night on the town.

  When we open the door, we are immediately blinded by the flash of cameras making Heath hurry as he opens the door for me to get into the car and then gets into the driver seat.

  “Who in the hell told those people we would be here?” I ask.

  “Anyone could have tipped them off. The pilot, the stewardess, sometimes these hungry motherfuckers even wait around the private terminals of airports just to see what celebrities are getting off their planes.” Heath says in disgust. “I just thought I would be able to live a somewhat normal life for the next six weeks.”

  “I’m sorry honey. We can do as much as we can to be at least close to normal.” I say in an effort to comfort him. “And if you haven’t noticed, I haven’t puked since this morning on the plane. I’m feeling much better.”

  “So maybe you just needed some of me to make you feel better. I have been told that I’m a cure-all kind of guy.” He laughs.

  Thankfully, Tamia put her gate remote in my car so that we don’t have to stop at the guard gate to enter her neighborhood and risk more exposure.

  Heidi’s car and a couple of others that I don’t recognize are in Tamia’s driveway when we pull up. The sun is going down and it’s getting kind of chilly out, so I’m thankful that I decided on a jacket.

  The door swings open just as I’m about to knock on it. It’s Brittany, she just couldn’t wait to see us again. I pick her up and hold her as tight as I can against me telling her that I love her and miss her so much. When I put her down, she leads us up to Tamia’s patio where Heidi, Bryan, Tamia’s mother, and Tamia and Marcus are congregating. Heidi jumps up when she sees me.

  “Alicia!” She says, happy to see me. She hugs me and then Heath. “Mr. St. James, it’s nice to see you again. This is my boyfriend Bryan. Bryan this is Heath St. James.”

  “I know exactly who he is. It’s a real pleasure to meet you sir. I’m a big racing fan.” Bryan says, shaking Heaths hand.

  “Really?” Heath asks. “What’s your favorite?”

  “Well, I have to say Nascar because I’m American, but I’m a big Bridgecam Racing fan and I follow Gumball 3000, as well,” Bryan says. I honestly have no clue what this man is talking about.

  “Ah, I see. I tell you what, I understand that you’ll be visiting Heidi often when she moves over.”

  Bryan nods like a star struck child.

  “I can get you tickets to sit in with my pit crew at the Bridgecam Races and I’m usually asked to appear at Gumball 3000, so if you’re there around that time, you’re welcome to join me,” Heath says.

  “Dude, that would be awesome!” Bryan exclaims.

  “Great, I look forward to it.”

  I lead him over to the end of the table where Tamia’s mother is sitting. “Heath, this is Ms. Emma, Tamia’s mother. Ms. Emma, this is my fiancée Heath St. James.” I say introducing them. She stands and gives both of us a hug. Ms. Emma is like my surrogate mother since mine is gone. I love her to pieces. She’s tall and voluptuous like Tamia and to be in her fifties she is one nice looking lady. She’s a circuit court judge and I think she is the reason Tamia went into practicing law.

  Once we’ve all been acquainted, Tamia and Marcus serve us dinner, and it is a spread; Collard greens, fried okra, mac and cheese, fried chicken, and cornbread all of my favorite foods and then some. Seeing all of this food makes me immediately forget that I’ve had a stomach virus. We say grace and I dig in. Heath tries some of everything and much to my delight he likes it all. As we talk over dinner, Tamia tells me that she saw Lauren in the store and that she looked like she was pregnant again. My only response to that is that I wish her all the luck in the world.

  Heidi tells me that she has had as much of Tyler Bronson as she can take and the only reason that she hasn’t sought out other employment is because she is moving away in a few months. Heath shares some of his stories about work and upcoming projects with the St. James Company, and Bridgecam Racing, and I share my success with Stansbury Investment. It feels good to be back home amongst my loved ones.

  Tamia, Heidi and I do the dishes leaving the men on the patio to chat. Ms. Emma went home for the evening, “leaving us youngsters to hangout” were her exact words.

  “I’m only working half a day tomorrow Licia. What do you have planned? Do you want to do lunch or something?” Tamia asks.

  “Oh, I’m off tomorrow. I took a personal day because I’d rather hang out with my old boss than the asshole I have for a new one.” Heidi says with a disgusted look on her face.

  Tamia and I laugh at Heidi’s seriousness.

  “Well, Heath and I have an appointment in the morning with Dr. Jones. We’re going to discuss possibly freezing some of my eggs so that we can try invitro after we get married next year.” I say to them.

  “What?” Tamia says looking like she can’t believe what she’s just heard.

  “Alicia is ready to start a family?” Heidi sputters.

  My cheeks heat in embarrassment.

  “Look at this, Heidi. Our little Alicia is growing up.” Tamia says. “And I think she has really found love this time.”

  “What does that mean?” I ask with a ridiculous grin on my face.

  “You’re different with him. I like seeing you this way. Just carefree and in love . . . genuine. It’s not forced . . . you really love him,” Tamia says.

  “Shoot, the fact that you’re leaving your office for six weeks lets me know that this man has a different kind of hold on you. David couldn’t even get you to leave work on time.” Heidi says.

  I don’t respond, I j
ust start putting the dishes away thinking about how great Heath is to me and how I can’t wait to be his wife.

  Heidi has to leave because Bryan has an early practice session in the morning, but makes plans to meet for lunch after my doctor’s appointment. Brittany asks her new Uncle Heath and me to tuck her into bed for the night. It is so cute watching him put her into bed, tuck her in, and then read her a book while she drifts off to sleep. My heart skips a beat thinking about how great of a father Heath will be when we have our own children.

  Once Brittany is asleep, Heath and I head home, too.

  “You have some pretty good friends.” Heath says.

  “Yeah I do. They’re more than friends, they are family.” I respond, happy that he loves them as much as I do.

  “And that little Brittany has stolen my heart.” He chuckles.

  “I saw that.” I say laughing along with him. “But she is a sweet little girl, and she’s really smart, too.”

  We pull into the parking lot of our building and thankfully we don’t have to fight with the camera assassins to get in. I go straight to the room and put on some comfortable pajamas and then go into the living room grabbing a blanket out of one of the closets on the way. Heath has taken off his clothes and he is now bared chested in his boxer briefs laying on the sofa.

  “May I join you?” I ask.

  “I was hoping that you would.” He answers with a yawn. I lie down so that my back is to his front, cover us both with the blanket, and then he wraps one of his legs and one of his arms around me. He flips through the channels of the TV trying to find something we can both watch, settling on a cheesy Christmas movie on the Hallmark Channel. We lay there in silence because we are both tired from a long day of travel, lovemaking, and dinner with friends. I’m pretty sure I’m the first to fall asleep.

  ***

  It’s been almost a year since I’ve been here and everything is still the same. The television is still on the Home and Garden Channel, those old ass magazines are still sitting on the table, and these fake plants are at the point where they need to be replaced. I don’t understand how I set myself up for this foolishness on my first full day back in the states, because if Dr. Jones gives me one ounce of bad news, I’m convinced that my entire trip will be ruined. I can tell that my poor Heath is uncomfortable because he’s never been in a gynecologist’s office before. He has agreed to go to the back with me, but I’m not going to force him when it’s time. I stroke his hand because he is tapping away at the arm of the chair and he looks at me and gives me a tight smile.

  “Are you going to be okay?” I whisper to him.

  “Yes . . . sure.” He says almost forcefully.

  I smile and softly chuckle because his pride won’t let him tell me that he doesn’t really want to be here.

  The door of the office opens and I look up into the face of the last two people I want to see, David and Lauren. Tamia was right, she is pregnant. Lauren is holding a baby bag and David is holding Olivia. Once Lauren signs in, they both come into the waiting room and take the seats adjacent to Heath and me.

  “Hey, you two,” David says trying to sound like he didn’t talk trash about me to the tabloids. “I thought that was your car outside Alicia.”

  “Good morning,” Lauren says, half-nice and then runs her hand over her pregnant belly to let me know that this one is David’s, too.

  I don’t give a flying fuck young lady.

  “I hope Lindzi has come to her senses and left this fucker alone.” Heath mutters under his breath so that only I can hear him.

  “What brings you two here?” Lauren asks.

  “Well, I am a woman and this is a gynecologist office.” I say using the perfect combination of nice and sarcastic.

  “Alicia McAllister?” Regina, Dr. Jones’ nurse calls out. Saved by the bell. Heath and I don’t waste time getting up. “Good morning. How have things been going with you?” Regina asks and we walk down the hall to Dr. Jones’s office.

  “It’s been really busy and things have changed for the better since the last time we saw each other.” I answer truthfully.

  “Well that’s good to hear. You’re due for your annual exam, so before you go to meet with Dr. Jones, can you please go into the bathroom and give a urine sample?” Regina asks.

  “Ugh, I hate this part.” I whine.

  “I know, I know, but I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t have you do it.” She says matching my whine.

  I go into the bathroom, pee in the cup muttering under my breath that these motherfuckers know that I’m infertile and they know that I’m not pregnant and they like to see the reaction I give them when they tell me that I’m not pregnant. I put my sample in the little turn around door, wash my hands and walk into Dr. Jones’ office where he and Heath are having a conversation about Bridgecam Racing.

  “Alicia!” Dr. Jones says in his British accent. “It’s so great to see you again.”

  “Likewise.” I say giving him a hug across his desk.

  “What can I help you two with today?” He’s all business.

  “Well, Alicia and I are getting married next year and we figured since we were going to be here for six weeks, we’d look into freezing her eggs so that after our honeymoon we can come back and try IVF.” Heath says taking control of the conversation. I don’t mind.

  “Are you okay with this Alicia?” Dr. Jones asks and I know exactly what he is referring to.

  “Absolutely,” I say, with a big grin on my face.

  “Ok, so here’s what we are going to do.” Dr. Jones give me explicit instructions how the egg freezing process works. He tells me that it works like the IVF process and the only difference is that I won’t get the transfer until I’m ready. “ Does that sound simple enough?” Dr. Jones asks looking at Heath and then me.

  “Sounds simple enough to me. I’m just not sure I want to do all this injecting again,” I say.

  “Darling, I’ll be here every step of the way,” Heath says comforting me.

  Dr. Jones starts to write a prescription for medications explaining what I have to take and when I have to take it. He knows that I’m no rookie to this but he is being as thorough as he can for the sake of Heath. When he has finished writing the last prescription, I put everything in the folder that he has provided for me and then I start to mentally prepare myself for the annual exam.

  There is a knock on the door and Regina comes in with the results to my urine test so that Dr. Jones can tell me what he has been telling me since I started visiting him. He looks over the results with seriousness and I start to think something is wrong outside of the fact that I’m not pregnant.

  He looks up at me and then Heath and then back at me again and my stomach starts to tie with a knot from anxiety.

  “When are you two getting married again?” He asks, starting some random conversation.

  Spill your fucking guts Jones!

  “July, why? What’s the problem doctor?” Heath asks almost frantic. He’s as nervous as I am.

  “Well, Alicia. I’m going to need that folder back because I’m going to have to write you a different medication regimen than the one I just provided because it won’t help you at all.”

  Oh great! I’m so infertile that I won’t produce eggs with the help of medicine. Tears start to well up in my eyes at the thought.

  “W . . . why? Why can’t I take the medicine you’ve given me? For the first time in my life I actually want a child with someone and you’re telling me it can’t happen!” I’m starting to throw the fit I normally throw when he gives me the bad news he always gives me.

  Heath rubs my back in an attempt to calm me. Dr. Jones is looking at me the same way he does when I lash out at him; like he wants to hug me because he knows I’m a different kind of person.

  “Dr. Jones help us out here. Tell us why the medication won’t help Alicia. I can’t stand for her to be upset like this.” Heath says, sounding more rational than me.

  “Well, Mr. St. Jam
es,” Dr. Jones starts.

  “Heath . . . please call me Heath,” He says

  Tears of frustration are running rapidly down my cheeks.

  Dr. Jones looks at me and then at Heath, and then takes a deep breath. “Well, Heath. The reason I need to prescribe something different is because the medication that I previously gave you will harm your fetus.”

  “Wait a minute.” Heath stops him before he can say anything else. “What fetus?”

  “The one Alicia is already carrying,” Dr. Jones say with a smile on his face.

  It only takes a second to process what he was trying to say before the floodgates re-open and I start a new set of tears.

  “Heath, Alicia, you don’t need my assistance getting pregnant because you already are,” Dr. Jones says finally putting it into simpler terms.

  Heath stands up and pulls me to my feet. “All the vomiting and nausea wasn’t from a stomach bug, it was because you’re pregnant.” Before I can say anything, his mouth is on mine and we are in a full-on moment of passion in the middle of Dr. Jones’s office.

  “I’m pregnant!” I say excitedly once we stop kissing.

  “No, we’re pregnant.” He says smiling proudly. “And I promise to be the best dad I can be.” He says rubbing my stomach.

  Holy shit! I’m pregnant.