I opened my mouth to ask more. I knew he had kept something from me. But as I did, Blaine flew out of the driver side of his truck, ran to my door, pulling it open. I stepped out at the very moment my parents were pulling into the driveway to let us into the house, ending our discussion.
Chapter 10
Blaine and I are just friends.
An annoying fact I had to remind myself of every day. I enjoyed being with Blaine, and I knew he liked having me around. Most guys expect a female friend to leave so they can hang with their guy friends, but Blaine never asked me to go, and Jared didn’t seem to mind either. We were like the Three Musketeers, except when Crystal came over, making us a “fearsome foursome” as Mrs. Lasser liked to say.
Two months had passed since my accident, and I still had no memories of the two days I had lost to amnesia. But it didn’t matter now, things were back to normal again, mostly. As much as I would like to have thought Blaine had been in better spirits, it was apparent he was putting on a show. Sometimes, when he thought I wasn’t looking, I would sneak a glance at him from across the hall at school and recognize agony in his features. When I was around, he forced a smile and tried to make me laugh. To everyone else, he was the same old Blaine. But in my eyes, I could see him dying inside, little by little. It killed me to look into his eyes and watch the brightness dimming slowly every day. Blaine held a secret. One so dark he refrained from sharing with anyone, not me, not even Jared.
But carry on we did. For the first time in two months, I started to think everything would be ok. We had nearly finished cleaning out our lockers at the end of the day, getting ready for our first day of summer vacation. Jared came up to me and shoved his yearbook into my abdomen without even looking in my direction, and said, “Here, sign.” I exaggerated a grunt, pretending like he had hurt me with his callous way of approaching. Just then, a football came barreling through the air in our direction and smacked Jared in the shoulder. “What the heck, man?!” Blaine had thrown a pass that, apparently, he had not let Jared know about beforehand. Jared rubbed the sore spot on his shoulder.
Blaine came running up to us, laughing hysterically. “You’re supposed to catch the ball, not bounce it off your jelly rolls.” Jared looked to me and blushed. Clearly, Blaine had just embarrassed him. Suddenly, his mouth turned up to a devilish grin, and I knew Blaine would be getting something in return. Without taking his eyes off of me, Jared swept his leg behind Blaine’s and hammered his hand into Blaine’s chest. In the count of two, Blaine had been knocked on his ass. His face burned red hot, and while he gathered his bearings, he growled, “You’re gonna pay for that!”
As Blaine pushed himself off the floor, Jared’s expression took a turn for an exaggerated look of fear. In a small voice, he chirped, “Uh oh!” and set off in a sprint for the door. Yup, summer was here, and the boys were ready to play. Yes, everything is going to be all right.
Blaine pulled the truck over in front of my house to let me out and proceeded to hold a fist out to me in anticipation for me to bump knuckles. With a limp fist, I retaliated and said, “You and Jared still planning on going camping next week?” With the statement, a huge sense of éjà vu washed over me. Weird.
“Yup. Got all the gear ready, we just have to wait until Jared gets paid,” he replied, unaffected. It’s not uncommon for Jared and Blaine to take long camping trips in the summer. They loved the outdoors and were really good at survival stuff, like building fires and finding shelter. “See you tomorrow night?” he added.
“Only if you promise that you and Jared won’t toss me around like a rag doll!” I laughed, but I was only half kidding. They played too rough some of the time.
He put the truck in drive and, while pulling away from the curb, shouted out the window, “I can’t make any promises!”
Chapter 11
Opening the front door to my house, I had an instant feeling of dread. It was as if I knew something bad was going to happen, and I could feel its energy all around me. It was then that I noticed my parents were sitting at the kitchen table, serious looks on their faces. They asked me to come and join them, and it was then that they dropped a bomb on me. Since finishing grad school, my father had been settling for a teaching position at a nearby high school. But now, he was offered a much higher paying job teaching at a college about three hours away. He had accepted the offer last month, but they didn’t want to fill my last month of school with worry, so they waited until now to give me the news. It would mean we would have to move. I had the rest of the month to say goodbye to my friends and pack. We were moving in only two weeks!
While sitting in my room, staring at the wall, only one thing popped into my head. Blaine. When I moved, I wouldn’t be able to see Blaine every day. The thought of being apart from him made my stomach hurt. He would never know what he means to me, or how he made me feel, because I had been so stupid all this time and didn’t tell him. My chest began to get tight, as if someone were digging a bolder into my sternum. I clutched my middle, grasping at my shirt. Curling up in a ball on my bed, I gave in to the pain and sobbed. Blaine and I are just friends. That is all we will ever be.
Chapter 12
The next day, I kept my plans with Blaine and Jared and headed over to Blaine’s house. We played video games, joked around, laughed, and ate pizza. I kept up a front of everything being normal to avoid having to drop the news on them both that night. I wanted the night to be special. It wouldn’t be if I added my moving drama to the mix. So I was surprised when, after Jared walked out the front door to go home, Blaine asked me, “All right, Laquin, what’s up?” Looking down at me, he wasn’t buying my act. With an anguished sigh, my lip began to quiver. I don’t know what compelled me to do it, but I threw my face into Blaine’s shirt and bawled for what seemed like forever. In response, he just wrapped his arms around me and combed his fingers through my hair. I felt so safe, so warm, in his arms. Finally, when I was sure I could hold my composure, I pulled back. “Sorry,” I sniffled, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand.
“Wanna talk about it?” Blaine offered, guiding me back into the family room.
I plopped myself onto one end of the sofa, and Blaine sat on the opposite end. Looking up, my gaze met him square in the face, and I told him everything.
It came as a shock for Blaine too, but he seemed to be handling it well. I guess while consoling me he had managed to talk himself down as well. Or maybe he was glad I was moving. Surely it couldn’t be that. He was giving me a speech that was more grown up than I would have thought Blaine was capable of, but he was. When he was finally finished, we agreed that I would tell the rest of our group tomorrow at Lingo’s, so there wouldn’t be a scene. It would be easier for me having to make the announcement in public. I would be less likely to cry with a crowd full of people around me.
And so that next day, we carried out our plan. It would have gone perfectly had it not been for the fact that we had no idea Crystal wasn’t afraid to cry in public. We spent most of the lunch consoling her. She finally left with Jared, eyes red and swollen.
The next couple of weeks were a blur. Blaine and Jared had postponed their camping trip for the week after I left, so they could get as much time with me as possible before the move. Blaine made sure my last couple of days were packed full of activities, so I wouldn’t have time to think about leaving my friends. We went indoor rock climbing, hiked on the trails, visited the zoo, and played Frisbee golf. We would have been in a paintball war if Jared hadn’t pulled his hamstring during our hike. The “fearsome foursome” had never had so much fun before, and we were all exhausted by the end of each night. It was the best sendoff anyone could be privileged to get.
***
On my last night, Blaine had nothing planned because I had to finish packing up my stuff for our trip early the next morning. So, while I was stuffing my clothes into a big brown box, I was surprised to hear the doorbell at 9 pm. Hearing muffled conversation out in the hall, then a knock on my bedroom door,
I opened to find Blaine standing on the other side. His face looked ragged, and there was pain in his eyes. He was gripping two envelopes so hard they were crinkling in his palms. He smoothed them out and handed them to me, slowly. “These are for you. I won’t be there in the morning when you leave. I think it is better that way. Everything I want to tell you is in this letter.” He pointed to the envelope marked “READ NOW.” Then he pointed to the envelope marked in bold red lettering “DO NOT OPEN UNTIL MARCH 12, 2013 @ 5AM.” Okay, that is a little exact.
Before I could say anything, he rushed down the hallway and out the front door. A horrible thought occurred to me in that moment. It might be the last time I would ever see Blaine again. And I felt a tear roll down my right cheek.
Chapter 13
I closed the door to my bedroom, shoved a pile of clothes out of the way, and sat at the end of my bed. I couldn’t take my eyes off of the two envelopes in my hand. The envelope with the date marked on it seemed so strange to me. I have seen people label items “DO NOT OPEN UNTIL XMAS,” but this was taking that to a whole new level. I tried to think of a way that the date on the envelope was significant. What would I be doing in the spring of 2013? Well, the only thing I could think of was graduation. No matter where I went to school, I would be a senior that year and preparing for graduation. Maybe this was his way of standing beside me when I did. I respected his wishes and began to rip open the envelope labeled “READ NOW.” Smoothing out the lined notebook paper, I quickly realized there wasn’t much written. The letter read:
Kara,
I know you won’t understand why I will not be there tomorrow to say “goodbye,” but you have to believe me when I say it is better this way. In fact, you are really going to hate me when I say we cannot see, or speak to, each other ever again. It has nothing to do with the way I feel for you, I care for you deeply. More than you will ever know. It is just something that has to be done. One day, in the future, this will make perfect sense to you. I have something of a dark cloud that follows me, and I can’t bear to see you follow in its wake. Always know that I will be praying that you are adjusting well to your new life, and please don’t let me hold you back from moving forward.
With a heavy heart, I say “goodbye.”
Blaine
I felt like I was going to be sick. No. I knew I was going to be sick. My stomach was doing flips as I felt the bile rise to my throat. I ran down the hall, letter in hand, and locked myself in the bathroom. I lost everything I had eaten earlier that night, along with every secure feeling I had remembered having.
The move was quick, and the drive seemed too short. Maybe it was because I wasn’t looking back, or because I drifted in and out of consciousness, napping along the way. I had been up all night, comforting my mother by faking a stomach bug. I had nothing left, in my stomach, or elsewhere. As soon as the tires hit the interstate, I made a promise to myself. I would never let myself hurt like this again, never let anyone break me the way Blaine did. I had thought we had a connection, a friendship deeper than just sharing fries at Lingo’s. But I had been wrong, and I wasn’t going to let that happen again. So I put up a wall that nobody could get through. Blaine and I were no longer friends. And nobody else will be either.
***
I spent all of my free time jogging. In the last 18 months, I had managed to avoid social situations and coast through school with average grades. It felt as if the only release I could get from my thoughts was in the woods. I was lucky to have found trails that were challenging enough for me. I was becoming quite fast, and some trails were so short I would have to run them three times before I got tired. My parents were constantly worried about me, prying every chance they could get. But I had become a notoriously good liar. I only had to keep up the front for a few more months and I would be graduating.
It was the beginning of spring in my new town, 2013, only a matter of days before I would turn 18 and set out on my own. College was out of the question. In the time since our move, I had given up on any dream of having a future in art. It seemed sort of pointless to be around all those people learning how to draw when I preferred the solitude of an empty room. Being anti-social was my new normal behavior, and it showed.
Running was my release. It was my party, my alcohol, my drug. It was the cure to the constant pain that ripped through my chest every day. When I was running, it was as if I left my body and went somewhere else. I didn’t have to be me while my feet were hitting the ground, one in front of the other. I didn’t have to be Kara.
Chapter 14
After jumping in the shower, I sauntered to my room. Running a brush through my wet hair, I looked at the mirror atop my vanity. Slid into the crease between the frame and the glass was the envelope. DO NOT OPEN UNTIL MARCH 12, 2013 @ 5AM. I stared at that letter every day since the day we left. Behind it, tucked away, was the letter that I had opened that horrible night.
I should have torn it up, flushed it, burned it in a fireplace somewhere. But for some reason, unknown to me, I kept it. I don’t even know why. It just seemed like something I had to do. I stared at it, weather-beaten, stained, and worn from bouncing back and forth in my room. Twice, I had thrown it away, tossing it into the trash bin, then losing my nerve and fishing it out. But I had no idea what Blaine had written in that letter, and I burned with the constant need to find out. Sure, I could have cheated and opened it earlier, but something told me it would be worth the wait. Something inside me just couldn’t let go of the fact that what was written in that letter was more important than any expectation I could possibly give it. And until the date labeled on it, that letter was Pandora’s Box.
Glancing at my calendar, filled with a red X on each day that had already passed, I noticed today’s date: March 11. I had been waiting eighteen months to open it, one more night wouldn’t hurt. Before curling up to sleep, I set my alarm for 5 am. I was going to hear from Blaine, one last time.
***
Before the sunrise, I was woken by the sound of R2D2 on crack. Ugh, I hate that stupid alarm! Smacking it with my hand, I shoved my head under my pillow. What had I been smoking, thinking of waking up this early on a Saturday morning? And then it occurred to me, THE LETTER! I threw the covers off of me, and darted for my vanity. Taking a seat on the stool, I plucked the letter from its most recent home. Tearing open the end, I couldn’t stop my fingers from shaking. After slipping the notebook paper out and smoothing it down, I read:
Kara,
I love you—
I stopped reading. Hell, I stopped breathing! Blaine loved me, at least at one time. Why didn’t he put that in the first letter? Why did he make me believe, all this time, that he didn’t want to have anything to do with me? No contact, that was what he said. It would be better if we didn’t speak, he wrote. Those are not words from a guy who loves someone! If this were 2 years ago, I would have been jumping up and down squealing, drawing hearts on the cover of my binder with BL+KL inside. But this was now, after nearly a year and a half of thinking he didn’t want anything to do with me. My only reaction was anger. As my face burned hot with contempt, I continued reading:
Kara,
I love you, I always have. Saying goodbye to you was the worst thing I will have had to do up until this point. You mean the world to me, and I couldn’t let you hurt and worry, knowing what I know now. By now I hoped you would have regained your memory of those two days that were lost from your fall. But if you haven’t yet, here is the truth. You and I kissed.
Wait, WHAT?!
Yes, kissed. In fact, we kissed twice. Once at my house, and the other in my truck at Lingo’s. But it wasn’t just any normal kiss. When our lips touched, we saw things. Things that haven’t happened yet, but were definitely going to. Before your accident, you saw them too. Being close to you opened a part of my mind that I had not been using until that moment, and it triggered a sort of sixth sense in me. After the second time we kissed, you cried. I don’t think you knew why, but I saw it in my vision. After that day i
n my truck, I started seeing things in my dreams, and many of my questions were answered. You moving away was a good thing at the time because I didn’t know how to explain why I was preparing for something that wouldn’t happen for nearly two years. I can only hope you weren’t so angry with me that you would throw this warning away. If you are reading this, it means you trusted me enough to wait. And I need you to continue that trust with what I am about to tell you.
I had a vision one night last week that put all the pieces together. We knew something bad was going to happen, but we couldn’t tell when or what. That night, I got the information we needed.
I stopped reading long enough to gather my thoughts. What was Blaine trying to say, that he was psychic? That I was psychic? My anger cooled into flustered confusion. So I continued reading:
Something huge is going to happen. Something that humanity cannot avoid. A solar flare. NASA tried calculating the exact point in time when it would happen, but they screwed up and it was wrong. It will come with an intensity not even they can predict. When it happens, you’ll know. Everything that runs on electricity will shut down, and there is nothing to get it running again. There will be mass chaos among people everywhere including looting, trampling of others, and even murder for supplies. The human race will diminish a great deal from this alone. But then there will be something, we did not anticipate, another threat. It is difficult to explain, but it has always been here. We just never knew it before.
Okay, now he was just reaching. This had to be one of his jokes. He was probably waiting by his cell for me to call him, so he could laugh until milk came out of his nose.
Here is what you need to know to survive…
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