by Roxie Ray
How alone she must have felt here on this ship, I realized. How alone, really, she must have felt in this universe. Her family and husband-to-be all thought she was dead. The only other humans on this ship were being kept in stasis until we had a better idea of how to help them recover from a fate that Sawyer herself had narrowly avoided. And when Nion had placed her in our safe room during the battle with the Rutharian ambush, she had only been put in even further danger.
Kloran’s teasing aside, it was only right that I went to check on her. Not because of my feelings for her, or because of the kiss we had shared in that moment of passion, but because it was the right thing to do.
But by the time I made my way to Sawyer’s room, it was apparent that I was already too late. When I rounded the corner to her hallway, I caught sight of Nion slipping out of her door.
Blood. While I had been briefing Kloran on our situation, Nion had gotten to Sawyer first.
“What were you doing in there?” My question was dripping with accusation, and not only out of jealousy, either. After the Rutharian boarding, I could still not be sure that Nion could be trusted. Until we got to the bottom of that debacle, I would not be able to remain at ease any time I saw him anywhere near Sawyer.
“She was distraught. I thought I might be able to help,” Nion said. He tilted his head as if to challenge me for chastising him over such an innocent act. One that I had just been on my way to carry out for myself. “Is that an issue, General?”
“Not at all, Private.” I took a step closer to him. My shoulders shifted back as I drew myself up to my full height. “But I must question your sudden interest in our human guest. First, you take her to a room on the ship where she is then assaulted by two Rutharians who we did not even know had boarded.”
Nion shifted his posture to match my own. “Again with that nonsense? I am surprised, General. I thought we had already dispelled the idea that I would have ever betrayed Sawyer—or anyone else on this ship, for that matter.”
“We have dispelled nothing for certain,” I reminded him. “And your actions now have only raised more concerns. I must admit, I am not fond of you sneaking into Sawyer’s rooms. Unchaperoned and unattended, at that.”
Nion stared me down for a moment, then snorted in a chuckle. “Jealousy does not become you, Haelian. Neither does paranoia. Sawyer is alone on this ship. I merely thought that she needed a friend.” He took a step closer to me as well. Now, we were nearly nose to nose. His gaze on mine was piercing. “I could ask you the same thing you just asked of me, you know. If I am not to be in Sawyer’s rooms unchaperoned, certainly you should not be either. And yet, here you are. Am I to believe that you were not about to knock on her door to offer her comfort as well?”
I growled at his implication. Of course, he was right, but I did not enjoy this level of insubordination. Not from him. Not from anyone.
“I am captain of this ship, Nion,” I reminded him. “Responsible for her wellbeing—whether it is physical or emotional. I am well within my rights to inquire on her status.”
Slowly, Nion smiled. “Then allow me to brief you, General. Sawyer is distraught still, but I am certain she will be fine for the time being. I have put her to bed. It is my opinion that after all she has been through, a nice, long sleep would be the best thing for her right now. Do you not agree?”
I clenched my jaw. Of course, I could not disagree with him. The hour was late and Sawyer was still weak from her time with the Rutharians. One trouble after another had been heaped upon her ever since her abduction from Earth. Sleep, if nothing else, would help her recover.
But sleep also kept her away from me. A prospect that I was growing more and more dissatisfied with every time I considered it.
“It was kind of you to check on her,” I finally relented. I could not continue being frustrated with Nion for doing only what I had sought to do myself, nor could I grudge Sawyer the chance to rest and heal. But at the same time, I knew that my possessiveness of her was not a thing I would be able to deny for long. “Next time, though, I expect you to be chaperoned when you are in her quarters, Nion. She has endured enough embarrassment already. I will not have that embarrassment amplified by nasty little rumors about the men she entertains in her rooms while she recovers.”
“A very good point, General.” Nion raised his hand in salute, but there was a flicker of wickedness in his eyes even as he showed me that sign of respect. “One that I hope you will remember for yourself as well.”
I watched him go with a scowl knitted into my brow.
Blood. He was right. Of course he was right.
But that did not mean that I liked it—and it would not make it any easier for me to stay away.
11
Sawyer
Over the course of the next week, I was in mourning. The list of things I was grieving seemed to grow a little bigger every day.
My dignity, first and foremost. It wasn’t exactly comforting, knowing that I’d been unconscious for an entire week while I passed from the hands of alien slavers into the so-called care of the Rutharians. I’d been stripped out of my own clothes. Tested. Probed. Beaten. Locked away. Since they’d rescued me, the Lunarians had done their best to make me feel safe, but even then, it was a tenuous kind of safety at best.
Haelian had saved me twice from the horned, creepy demon-looking aliens who had wanted to make me into their sex slave. And as grateful as I was to him for that, I knew it was going to be an uphill battle to start feeling like myself again. After all that had happened to me, maybe I never really would.
My relationship. Aiden. In hindsight, I should have known that marriage was never going to work out, but since I’d crashed my car and been abducted by freaking aliens only shortly after leaving him, I hadn’t really had time to think about what a big deal breaking off our engagement had been. When I’d left, I’d just been angry. Angry, and maybe a little hurt. I still didn’t know why I had never been enough for him. Why I hadn’t satisfied him. I didn’t know what it was about me that had driven him into the arms of so many other women—and apparently, men. But the good thing about being entire galaxies removed from that situation, I guessed, was that it really didn’t seem to matter anymore.
In the end, I guessed I just hoped that he’d find someone who could make him happy in the way I’d never been able to. As it turned out, now I had way bigger problems to worry about than who my asshole fiancé was putting his dick in.
My parents. That one was a little more difficult to process. Haelian had promised that I could return to Earth as soon as the Lunarians were able to get me there, so initially the thought had never even crossed my mind that I’d never see them again. Sure, my mother had always seemed a little more interested in the social standing of who I was going to marry than my own happiness. And my dad—he’d always been so tired after his long days at work, sometimes it had felt like he’d never really taken that much of an interest in me at all. But that was life in the sectors for you, really. Social status, money and work were all that had really mattered there. I knew my parents had just wanted a better life for me than they’d been able to give me themselves.
The way they’d been crying in that news clip Leonix had showed me had been like taking an arrow to the heart. They’d done their best as parents, and now they thought I was dead and gone. For good.
That was the hardest thing of all for me to grieve, I’d come to realize. I’d miss my kindergarten class, even if a lot of them were spoiled to the point that they’d made my life pretty difficult at times. I’d miss my comfy sweaters, the steam from my morning cups of tea in my favorite mug, the way the leaves changed color in the fall. I’d even miss my junky old car, which, judging by the news report, had been all but totaled in my crash. But out of all the things I thought I’d have to mourn when I left Aiden, the last thing I’d expected to have to deal with was mourning, well…
Myself.
The world back home hadn’t exactly treated me the best, but I’d ha
d a pretty okay life there. I’d always done my best with what I’d had. I’d never been ungrateful. But now, I knew there was no world back home at all for me anymore. Whatever slave traders had plucked me from my crushed, burning car had ensured that when they’d planted my fake body out in the woods for the search parties to find.
Back on Earth, I was as good as dead. Even as I showered, slept, ate the weird Lunarian vegetables that my food articulator produced, and regained my strength, I knew that back home, my family was planning my funeral and preparing to put that body they believed to be mine into the ground.
Leonix, Nion and Haelian had all been too polite to say it out loud, but I knew what that all meant.
For me, there was no going home. Not anymore. My best chance at having a life now would be making a new one with the Lunarians—either here on Haelian’s ship or on his home planet, which I knew we must have been getting closer and closer to every day.
When I woke up on the seventh morning after the Rutharian ambush, I showered and ate like normal. It had taken a full week of shutting myself away from the rest of the ship and focusing on taking care of myself, but I was finally starting to feel, well, human again. The muscles in my legs had started to come back, so I could finally walk on my own. I didn’t feel lightheaded when I stood up anymore, and I’d finally figured out how to boss the food articulator in my room into making me things I could actually recognize as food. Nice, thick steaks cooked medium rare. Sweet, leafy greens dressed in salt and savory oil. I’d even discovered, after a lot of shouting and swearing at the machine, how to convince it to make me tea.
I dressed in what was quickly becoming my favorite outfit, the soft blue harem pants and halter top with the golden kimono-style robe, and braided my hair into one long, thick blonde plait that lay nicely over my shoulder. Leonix had sent over a little make-up for me to play around with, and even though the foundation was way too orange to match my skin, I liked the way her pale gold eyeshadow made the blue in my eyes pop now that my bruise was finally fading. A red lipstick helped cover up the telltale signs that I’d spent an entire week gnawing anxiously on my lower lip.
When I looked in the mirror, I still found it hard to recognize myself—but now that I’d had a week to consider it, I was starting to think maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing.
Maybe I wasn’t myself anymore. Maybe Sawyer Aniston, green-class, Sector Two, really had died back on Earth.
Back in the sectors, there was no such thing as a fresh start. But now that I’d been given one, in the worst way possible, I was becoming more and more determined to take this chance and run with it.
My life on Earth was over, but I was on a freaking space ship flying toward an alien planet. A brand-new life. And after everything I’d been through… I knew I’d be crazy not to recognize this chance and take it.
When I finally emerged from my room, there was a spring in my step. I held my head high.
I found Leonix and Nion sitting together in the canteen. I was still pretty sure they were a couple, but when they noticed me coming over, they didn’t look all that annoyed that I was interrupting their breakfast. Leonix smiled and Nion waved me over with a grin.
“Good morning, little human,” Nion said as he patted the chair next to him. “It is nice to see you looking so well.”
I didn’t miss the way his eyes lingered on my body as I sat down, but if that bothered Leonix, she didn’t make any mention of it. Maybe they weren’t a couple after all?
“You’re just in time.” Leonix took a bright green fruit from her tray and offered it to me. It looked like a plum, if plums existed in slightly glowing neon colors.
“No thanks. I’ve already had breakfast.” I smiled and pushed the fruit back at her. “In time for what?”
Leonix turned her head toward the window that ran all the way across one wall of the canteen. Outside, in the distance, I could see three moons. As the ship passed, a fourth came into view. “We’re almost home.”
Home. That was a weird word for me, in more ways than one. I knew why Leonix used the word. Lunaria was her home. But there was an unspoken implication, too, one that I didn’t miss.
The Lunarians’ planet would be my planet too now. Whether I was happy with that or not.
“Where, um…” I wrung my hands a little as I struggled with the second weirdness of this whole home concept. “Where will I go when we get there? I mean, I know you two probably mostly live here aboard the ship, but you’re soldiers. Will I stay with you when we leave again?”
Leonix and Nion exchanged a look.
“She could stay here with us,” Nion proposed with a shrug. “Gives us something worth fighting for, at least.”
That wasn’t the worst idea that I’d heard. I was only just adjusting to life here on the Avant Lupinia with Leonix and Nion and Haelian. Finding a place for myself on Lunaria would mean a whole new adjustment period. I wouldn’t know anyone there, and if the Lunarians didn’t have many children around, I could hardly see myself being useful as a kindergarten teacher. Actually, the idea of staying here didn’t bother me at all.
But Leonix took one look at the hopefulness in my eyes and shook her head, dashing my dreams before they’d even fully formed. “You are not a soldier, Sawyer. You have no place aboard a warship such as this. Add to that the fact that the Rutharians have already boarded us once to try and capture you again—”
“Which I had nothing to do with,” Nion assured me. He reached out and patted my hand, eyes full of sincerity. “I hope you know that.”
“Of course,” I said with a nod. Nion had been the first to come comfort me after I’d learned about my so-called death on Earth. I considered him to be a friend—and no matter what Haelian said, I didn’t think he would have put me in harm’s way.
“Haelian and I have discussed it at length,” Leonix continued. She shot a sharp look at Nion and he drew his hand away from mine. “We think it will be best if you are placed in a home with a member of your own kind. My cousin, General Kloran of House Dyoval, is married to another human female who was taken captive, much like you were. They are very much in love and have a cub together—a baby girl named Kaliope.”
“So there really are more of us,” I said softly. That made me sad, in a way. It was bad enough that the slavers had stolen the three of us aboard the Avant Lupinia already. But this Bria person sounded interesting, too. She’d fallen in love with a Lunarian man. Had a child with him and everything. And, from the sounds of things, she’d made a life for herself on Lunaria.
Maybe I could do the same.
“They currently reside in a palace in the capital. Kloran is organizing the political side of the recovery of the abducted human women while Haelian leads the search here aboard the ship.” Leonix smiled fondly. “Bria is lovely and kind. We are good friends—and I think you will be able to find friendship with her as well.”
“What about Haelian?” I blurted out. “Where does he live?”
Nion laughed as Leonix blinked at me for a moment, then smirked.
“Haelian has his own family home on Lunaria,” she told me, eyes narrowing and glimmering with coyness. “On the lands of High House Mihor, on the western coast of our main continent. But of course, when we leave, he will come with us.”
My cheeks were on fire, and there was a little tinge of disappointment in my chest. I shouldn’t have asked about Haelian, I knew. I could have figured all of that out for myself and saved myself the embarrassment of Nion and Leonix laughing at me. Plus, it didn’t really matter where he’d be, did it? We’d kissed once. In the heat of the moment. One little kiss didn’t mean I needed to keep tabs on him. He had his own life, and when we got to Lunaria, I’d need to focus on building mine.
“What is it that you humans say?” Nion cocked his head, grinning, as he caught sight of something over my shoulder. “Speak of the dee-vile?”
I blinked, then turned to see what he was looking at.
Speak of the devil. Across the
room, Haelian’s red hair was moving through the breakfast crowd like a torch held high.
“Sawyer. Could I speak with you?” Haelian came up to our table, giving a little nod to Leonix and Nion before focusing his gaze down at me.
I gestured to the chair next to me. “Of course you can.”
“No. I mean…” His brow furrowed, then he offered me his hand. “In private.”
“Oh.” I cast a glance at Leonix and Nion, who were both smirking and looking way too interested in their breakfasts. Slowly, I placed my hand in Haelian’s much larger one. “Yeah, sure, I guess.”
Haelian led me away from the table and out into the hallway outside the canteen. His hand was warm around my own, and for a second, I felt that same comforting sensation of safety that I’d first felt when I woke up in his arms.
“You are, ah…you seem to be mending well.” Haelian cleared his throat as two of his soldiers passed us. I could feel their eyes gliding up and down my body. One even turned to stare before his buddy nudged him through the canteen doors.
“Well, I guess a week of food and sleep can do that for a girl.” I forced a laugh. I knew I needed to get used to being gawked at by the Lunarians. Being one of the only females aboard the ship as well as being the only conscious human did kind of make me a bit of a spectacle.
“I assume Leonix has told you that we will be landing soon?”
“Yeah. Sounds like I’m going to be staying with her cousin and his wife. So that should be…fun, I guess.” I bit my lip, not really knowing what to say next. Small talk had never really been my strong suit—and Haelian’s fingers were still wrapped around mine, which was kind of distracting in its own right. “I really do appreciate all the hospitality, you know. It’s been hard, but…”
I looked up at Haelian, only to realize he was staring at me too. His eyes roamed over my body the same way the soldier’s just had…but there was something different, too, when the person staring at me was him. It made my skin warm and tingly all over, for one thing—which definitely didn’t happen when anyone else was looking at me.