by Dara Nelson
He nodded his head. “Uh-huh. I know what it feels like,” then he suddenly sat up. “I have to go shower,” he said. He stood and took two steps toward the bathroom, then stopped. He turned and faced me… and began undressing. He slowly peeled off all of his clothes and stood there, in all his breathtaking, naked glory, and slightly smiled at me. I wanted to squeeze my eyes shut. I didn’t want to have to look at something so beautiful that I couldn’t have, anymore. But I didn’t close them. I forced them to stay open. That is, until he turned and headed into the bathroom. The second he turned, my eyes were shut and I was biting my lip. I didn’t want to cry until he was in the shower. But this time I wouldn’t have to cry. As he reached the bathroom door, without looking at me, he said, “Are you coming?”
“Are you sure?” I choked out.
“Sarah, don’t ask stupid questions. Just shut the hell up and get in here.”
I covered the distance in half a second.
Chapter Six
I stared at him, under the cascading water, as I slowly peeled off my tank top and shorts. I was expecting him to suddenly shout, ‘Ha, just kidding. Get the fuck out.’ I’m sure I deserved that. I deserved a lot worse than that. But he didn’t. Instead he just closed his eyes, leaned his head under the shower and showed me his chiseled, Greek god-like body – a body that still had me instantly wanting it no matter how many times I’d seen it. I tentatively stepped into the far end of the shower, and waited. For a while he acted like I wasn’t there. He turned his back toward me and washed his hair and body, then turned back around to rinse. He opened his eyes and almost seemed surprised to see me. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to hog all the water,” he said as he stepped to the side. When I didn’t move, he put his hands on my shoulders and turned me around until I was under the water. Then he watched me. I didn’t close my eyes. I was afraid to. I was afraid he would be gone when I opened them again. So I kept them open as I wet my hair. I kept them open as I shampooed my hair. And I kept them open, or tried to anyways, when I rinsed my hair. But as I began to blink and squint from the stinging shampoo, Matt said, “Jesus, Sarah. Would you frickin’ relax? I’m not going to run away and hide. Give me a little more credit than that. If I’m going to leave, I’ll tell you. Right now, I’m not going anywhere.”
“Why not?” I sobbed as I wiped the soap from my eyes.
“Why not? Seriously? Do I really need to answer that? How about this? You answer this for me. Why are you still here?” he said.
“Because I love you and want you so much that I couldn’t leave if I tried,” I said.
“Exactly,” he said. He turned, as if he was going to step out of the shower, but he didn’t. He stopped dead in his tracks and hung his head. I wanted to go to him in the worst way. I wanted to hug him and tell him that everything was going to be okay. But I couldn’t. Because I didn’t know that. I used to know that – before I messed everything up. I used to know that without a shadow of doubt. But that was before. Now was a whole lot different. Now was a brand new ball game.
Ever so quietly he muttered, “Why do you make me want you so much?”
Why did I make him want me? Was he crazy? It was the other way around. I knew that for a fact, as I stood there clasping my hands together to keep me from reaching for him.
“God damn it, Sarah,” he said as he turned and lunged for me. His mouth found mine as he pushed me against the shower wall. I felt every emotion coming from him. At first it was anger, betrayal, pain, lust and love. But gradually, as the fire burned brighter in him, I felt the anger, betrayal and pain beginning to splinter and the lust and love grew bigger and stronger. As he pinned my wrists to the wall, shoved my legs apart with his knee and entered me, I felt the splinters of pain shatter as the love took over. His hands grabbed my hips as he thrust into me. My hands grabbed his hair and pulled his head back. I kissed him harder as I felt my climax getting closer and closer. Suddenly he stopped. He dropped my hips and backed away a few steps. I was panting. Everything was throbbing. Are you kidding me? I thought. Look at how ready you are to burst… are you really going to walk away now? He stepped towards me and put his hands on my cheeks. This is it, I thought. He’s going to say goodbye. I tried desperately to brace myself. “God, Sarah, I love you so much,” he whispered as he slowly brought his mouth back to mine.
“I love you too,” I managed before his mouth crushed down. He grabbed my hips and began slowly pulsing in and out. He wanted something here.
I was trying to figure out what, when he held up his palm and said, “Together?”
Oh, dear God, yes. I brought my scar to his, nodded and said, “Together.” We were like two waves racing to reach the shore at exactly the same time. I was closer, so I closed my eyes and did everything I could to wait for him. I squeezed my other hand into a fist. I bit my lip. And I clenched every muscle in my body, which, of course, he felt… and that’s when I felt him. Both our eyes flew open and locked on each other’s as the waves crashed over us.
His knees gave out and we both crashed to the floor. This was too much for him emotionally. We both knew that. He softly wept as I wrapped my arms around him. I bit back at least a hundred ‘I’m sorry’s’. My sister’s words began echoing through my head: “Don’t tell him, Sarah. Show him.” I turned my head and began kissing his neck. I squeezed tight and started gently moving my hips. His crying slowly came to a stop and he pulled me tighter to his body. He turned his head and stared at me. I saw anger back in his eyes. He opened his mouth to say something. Good, I thought. Yell at me, scream at me, tell me how horrible I am. Please. But he didn’t. He didn’t yell. He didn’t scream. He loved me so much that he couldn’t, and that broke my heart. He hesitated for just a moment and then he nodded. I saw the determination in his eyes… and the resignation. He was accepting this pain as a part of his life, as a part of our future. Why? Why the hell would he do that? And why the hell would I do this to him? If I loved him half as much as I said I did, how could I do this to him? This wasn’t me. This wasn’t who I was. At least, it wasn’t who I used to be. Was this who I was now? I had thought that nothing about my personality had changed when I became a vampire. Was I wrong? Or would this still have happened with Carlos even if Matt hadn’t changed me? Yes, I think it probably would have. My connection to both of them was that strong.
All of this went through my head as he brought his mouth to mine and began kissing me. Every inch of me wanted to jump up and start screaming, “What the hell is wrong with me?” But I couldn’t. The last thing I wanted was for Matt to have to deal with my self-loathing and feel like he had to make me feel better. He’d already done that way too much already. This moment, this time, was all about him, not me. It was about healing, not drama. I pulled him tighter as I finally felt his body beginning to respond. He stood up, turned off the water and carried me to the bed, where we spent the next few hours trying desperately to show each other that the love was still there.
He rolled his head to the side and looked at the clock. “Shit, I really have to get to work, Sarah,” he said.
“You sure you can’t take the day off?” I said as I began kissing his chest, then his belly. He groaned as I moved lower. “Wait… honey… God, don’t stop… no, wait,” he said.
I stopped what I was doing and smiled at him. “Wait and don’t stop. Are you going to make up your mind?”
He smiled, but then reached down and pulled me into his arms. Guess I was done for now. “I really don’t want you to stop, but there’s something I needed to talk to you about. I just forgot with all this… well, you know,” he said as he looked down. His eyes came back up. “There’s something really weird going on,” he said.
“Well, weird isn’t exactly the word I would use, but okay,” I said.
“No, not that. There’ve been some disappearances,” he said.
“Disappearances? What do you mean?” I said.
He grabbed my hand and pulled me out of bed. “Come to my office. I’ll show you what I
mean. It’s only a few vampires. About seven. But something seems weird about it.”
I looked him up and down. “Do you think we should get dressed first?” I said.
He smiled. I mean he really smiled. God, that felt good. “Funny. Yes we should. I’ve just never liked telling you to put some clothes on. That just feels so wrong to me.”
Dear God. That was so tender and sweet that I just couldn’t stop from reacting. I wrapped my arms tight around his neck. “I love you so much,” I whispered.
It took a moment, but then he wrapped his arms just as tightly around me and said, “I love you too, Sarah.” I wasn’t about to let go first. Nothing was going to pry my arms off of him. Nothing – except for maybe his cell phone. It started ringing on the nightstand. “I need to see who that is Sarah, please?” he whispered. I sighed and let him go. “Yes, Derek?” he said. “You’ve compiled the data? Good. Yes, I’m on my way. Thanks. Bye.” He tossed his phone on the bed, walked to the dresser and pulled out a t-shirt. “I want you to take a look at this data. See if you can see some sort of pattern or something,” he said as he pulled his clothes on.
“Me? Why me?” I said.
He rolled his eyes at me. “Christ, you can be so dumb sometimes. How many things have you figured out for us? The process for creating a vampire? The Elders and how corrupt they really were? Malina and her evil? Jonas and his soft side that only you could release? You’re good at this kind of stuff, Sarah,” he said as he tossed a shirt to me.
“Ummm, Matt? This is your shirt,” I said.
“I know,” he whispered.
Oh, I get it, I thought. He wants his scent all over me. I pulled the shirt over my head then pulled on the rest of my clothes. I smiled as he reached out and grabbed my hand before we headed out into the hall.
A few minutes later as I stood in his office. “Do you have a world map? And some pins?” I said.
“Yeah. Just push that bookcase to the side. It slides over,” he said as he studied the data in front of him.
“Okay, so where did the first one disappear from?” I said.
“Ummm, Juarez, Mexico.”
“And then?”
“Tulsa, Oklahoma.”
“Next?”
“Cincinnati, Ohio. Then New Brunswick, Nova Scotia.”
“And?”
“Dublin, Ireland and finally Frankfurt, Germany,” he said then he turned around and looked at the map. “Are you seeing anything?”
“I’m not sure. Not really a pattern, but it seems to be moving east, which is weird,” I said. I turned and leaned over his shoulder and started sifting through the pages, to see if anything caught my eye. Nothing caught my eye, but Matt definitely caught my heart as he reached his hand up to my cheek, turned my head towards his and kissed me. Every time he did this now it took every ounce of strength I had to keep from crying. It thrilled me and broke my heart at the same time. This was so much more than I could ever ask for… and so much more than I deserved.
He scooted his chair back and pulled me onto his lap. “Ummm, honey?” I mumbled into his lips.
“What?” he said as he moved his kisses to my neck.
“I thought you were here to work,” I said. “Maybe I changed my mind,” he mumbled as his hand moved up under my shirt.
“Mmmmm, you might want to think about taking this to our room, unless you want Derek to hear us… I mean me,” I said.
“No,” he said.
“No?” I gasped as his fingers found my nipple and squeezed: God, but he knew how to get me worked up, fast.
“You’ve kept quiet before, Sarah. Remember? On the boat? In Africa? When we were searching for Carlos? Do it again, for me?” he said as he lifted my shirt and brought his mouth down to my nipple. I clamped my hands tight to my mouth, trying desperately to not cry out. I finally felt like I’d gotten myself under control, when his hand moved to the button on my pants. Oh shit, I thought. This is gonna be too much. Way too much. There’s no way I can keep quiet now. Both of us jumped as his cell phone rang. He ignored the first ring and I thought I might still have to worry about how I was going to keep quiet. But he moved his head and glanced at it after the second ring. “It’s your sister,” he said as he picked it up. “Hi Cindy,” he said. “Yeah, I’m doing okay. Uh huh. Sure. I do know where she is, she’s sitting right here. Okay. I’ll talk to you soon,” he said then he held the phone out to me. “She’s been trying to reach you for a while now. Left your cell phone in the room?” he said. I nodded as I took the phone.
“Hi Cindy,” I said, then I tried not to gasp as Matt brought his mouth down to my nipple again, picking up right where he had left off.
“Well, if you’re standing in the same room together, that’s a good sign,” she said.
“Yeah. It’s a very good sign,” I said as I tried to push him away. He smiled at me and kept right on going.
“So? Does it seem like he’s working through it?” she said.
I held back a groan as I looked down at him. “Yeah. I think maybe he is,” I said.
“Good. Be patient with him Sarah. Don’t push him to do anything he’s not ready for, okay?” she said.
I had to bite back a laugh. It sure didn’t feel like I was pushing him right now. This was all him. “I won’t, Cindy.”
“Now, let me talk to him for a second,” she said.
“Okay, I’ll talk to you soon,” I said then I tapped him on the head. “She wants to talk to you again.”
“Oh. Hey, Cindy. What’s up?” he said. This was my chance now – my chance to turn this whole ‘gotta be quiet’ thing around on him. I spun around out of his arms and dropped to my knees in front of him. I saw the panicked gleam in his eye as I undid his pants. I slightly listened with one ear to his conversation as I brought my mouth onto him. I heard him inhale sharply. “Uh-huh. Yeah, I know. I will. Okay, okay, I promise,” he said then he grunted. “What? No, I’m moving some furniture around in my office. Okay. Talk to you soon. Bye.” He quickly hit end and dropped the phone on the desk. “Shit, Sarah. Not fair. Oh my God, so not fair,” he said as his hands moved to my head. He rested them gently on both sides of my head for a few moments. Then he gripped the arms of the chair, arched his back, and shoved the heel of his hand into his mouth to keep from crying out.
“So, is that what you call it now? Moving some furniture? That’s a new one,” I grinned as I stood up after he had finished. He grabbed my hips and held tight. “Do not think for one second that you got away with anything here, Sarah Pearl. It’s your turn now,” he said then he unbuttoned my jeans and shoved them and my underwear down to my feet. He picked me up and laid me across the desk. Oh shit, I thought, as he dropped down to his knees and moved his head between my legs. The moment his tongue flicked across my already engorged nub, I knew without a doubt – I’m in deep, deep trouble.
“Matt, please,” I begged. “Not another one. I bit my arm on that last one.”
“You bit your arm?” he said as he stood up.
“I had to,” I said as I showed him the puncture marks. I moved to sit up, but he pushed me back down. He kissed my arm and licked the trickle of blood. “You are not going anywhere,” he moaned as his mouth moved to find mine and I felt him enter me. Yep, deep, deep trouble.
“I’m so sorry, Sarah,” he whispered as his head rested on my chest. We both had trouble keeping quiet this last time, but, God, it was so worth it.
I lifted his head up so he had to look at me. “What the hell, Matt. What could you possibly have to be sorry for?” I said.
“I’m sorry I didn’t handle this better. I thought I was ready for it. I even told your sister that I wished you would get it over with, that I wanted it to happen. I was wrong. I wasn’t ready for it and I did a lousy job handling it. I’m sorry for that.” he said.
I stared at him for a moment. “Are you frickin’ kidding me?” I said. “You’re in my arms, making love to me and doing some wicked, awesome things to me, twenty-four hours after
it happened and you think you’re doing a lousy job of handling it? Are you insane? You are handling this better than I could have ever hoped for and definitely better than I deserved.”
He grinned at me “Wicked, awesome? That’s the first time I’ve reached that level,” he said.
“Yeah, well, don’t let it go to your head. Now, could you move a little? I think I have a paperclip stuck to my left butt cheek.”
Suddenly there was a knock at his door. We both jumped up and started pulling our clothes on. I smiled as he reached over and plucked the paperclip off of my butt. I tried to smooth my hair down, but my finger got stuck. Matt reached over and pulled a staple out of my hair. I spun in a circle. “Am I wearing any more of your desk accessories?”
He pulled me into his arms. “You are beautiful. God, I love you so much, Sarah,” he said as he kissed me.
“I love you too, sweetheart,” I said. “Come in, Derek.”
Derek opened the door and blushed slightly. “Oh, sorry,” he mumbled.
“It’s okay, Derek. What is it?” Matt said.
“Your eleven o’clock is here,” he said.
“It’s eleven? Already? Okay, give me a minute to put away all this data,” he said as he began straightening up the mess of papers on his desk, winking at me as he did. I blushed. I walked behind him, took one more look at the map and then slid the bookcase in front of it. Something about it bothered me, but I wasn’t sure what yet. “I’ll be done in about thirty minutes. I’ll come find you?” Matt said.
“I’d like that, sweetheart. I’ll either be in the kitchen or the clinic,” I said.
“Okay,” he said as he kissed my forehead. I kissed the scar on his hand, smiled at him, then walked out. I meandered down the hall. I really wasn’t in a hurry to get anywhere. But as I made the turn to step into the kitchen, I froze. Carlos was sitting, alone, at the table, with his back to me and his chin resting on his hands. I knew he hadn’t seen me. I wanted to turn and run, but I couldn’t.