by Julia Crane
Before he could change his mind, Lucas tossed off his lab coat and grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair, jerking it on as he exited the room.
He made his way across the courtyard towards the dormitory Kaitlyn shared with the groundspeople, cooks, and other workers that lived on the compound.
He hesitated as he turned down her hallway. In all the time he had known Kaitlyn, he had never entered her bedroom. There had never been a reason to. But now….
Maybe he should just turn around. It was none of his business. He was paid to make sure she was prepared for the assignment, not to check on her emotional state of mind. Not that she had an emotional state of mind. But it kind of seemed…. The keys jingled in his hands. Screw it. He had to know.
In a few long strides, he was in front of her door. He tapped the keys lightly against the metal, thinking to himself how it was more similar to a jail cell than a bedroom.
“Yes.” Kaitlyn’s sweet voice floated out the door.
“Umm, it’s Lucas. Is it okay if I come in for a moment?”
“Yes, you can come in.”
His hands shook as he turned the key and pushed the door open.
Kaitlyn lay on her bed with her long bare legs crossed, her eyes wide and serene. The sight of her smooth, silky skin distracted him, and Lucas had to will his eyes away from her legs and to her face. He no longer noticed the teal parts of her body with the code scrolling. When he looked at Kaitlyn he saw a young woman not a machine. He felt lightheaded and almost forgot why he was there.
To divert his attention, Lucas glanced around the room. It was small, not much bigger than a closet, and everything was white. Even the curtains. Other than a little television, she didn’t have anything else. She was only allowed to watch movies they deemed acceptable. Mostly spy flicks. It was mainly for her to watch humans interact outside of the locked down environment she lived in. The thought was she could pick up on mannerism and dialogue. Did she really spend all her time sitting in her room? She needed books or magazines, too. He should address the issue with the Professor. Not that it really mattered at this point. Soon she would be gone.
Kaitlyn stared blankly at him. “Can I help you?”
“Look,” Lucas said, his stomach suddenly aflutter with nerves. “I’m just going to come out and say it. Can you feel things?”
She tilted her head as if trying to process the question. “Such as pain? No, I cannot.”
“Not pain. Emotions. Feelings.”
Kaitlyn’s eyes darted to the ceiling. The red light of the camera blinked. “I don’t know what you mean. You have to be more specific.”
What in the world was he thinking barging into her bedroom like this? She had no clue what he was even saying.
I’m such an idiot.
Lucas sighed. “Forget it. I’m sorry, Kaitlyn. I shouldn’t have bothered you.”
As he turned to leave, her voice stopped him. “Lucas, I would like some fresh air. Professor Adams says it is good for me.”
The request startled him. He turned back around, meeting her blank gaze and scratched his head. “I guess I can take you outside.”
“I would like to be taken outside. The fresh air is good for me.” She untangled her legs and rose to her feet. Lucas watched, mesmerized, as she slid her slender feet into a pair of brown leather flats.
He held open the door, and she brushed past him. When her skin hit his, it nearly dropped him to his knees. A jolt of electricity surged through him with only the barest of touches, and he knew it wasn’t because she was half electronic. A girl had never had this effect on him—and he had known a few girls. He could never seem to relate to them.
Lucas took a deep breath and steadied himself. He asked himself again what he had been thinking coming here; it was bad enough he had to see her for hours in a clinical environment. Seeing her outside of work felt more intimate, and it scared the hell out of him.
“I will show you where I walk with Quess.”
“You walk with Professor Adams’s granddaughter?”
“Yes.”
How did he not know that? He should be talking to Quess instead of Kaitlyn. That would definitely be easier. Lucas shoved his hands deep in his pockets to stop from fidgeting as they walked the empty halls and out towards the courtyard.
It was a cool day. They didn’t pass anyone on the narrow sidewalk that led away from the dormitory towards the woods. Kaitlyn broke the awkward silence. “Did you know that dogwood trees used to be called dog-tree?”
Lucas cracked a smile. “No, I wasn’t aware of that fact.”
“The name switched over in 1614.”
“That’s interesting.” He slid a sideways glance to her. “Do you like dogwood trees?”
Kaitlyn looked at him blankly. “It’s a tree.”
His shoulders slumped an inch, disappointed.
“Do you like trees?”
Lucas blinked at her in surprise. “They are needed for clean air, so yes. I like trees.”
She didn’t ask anything more. They continued walking, Lucas so aware of her presence beside him that he couldn’t think of anything else.
They came to a large birch tree. Kaitlyn reached out and pressed her hand to the peeling bark. “This is my favorite tree.”
Lucas stared up at the massive tree. She wasn’t built to have preferences for something like that. He kept a straight face, trying to squash the hope that built within him. Maybe he hadn’t imagined it. Maybe he really had seen emotion in her back at the lab.
“Why did you come to my room, Lucas?”
“I-I don’t know. It was foolish. I’m sorry I bothered you.”
“It’s not a bother. I like to get out of the room.”
That word again. Was she trying to tell him something?
“You do?”
Kaitlyn nodded once, a horribly robotic gesture, and kept walking. He hurried to catch up.
Lucas tried another tactic. “Kaitlyn, if I told you that you didn’t have to leave, would that make you happy?”
She tried to hide it, but he saw it: a flash of hope in her wide blue eyes. “Can you do that?”
“It depends. Do you want to stay here?” He didn’t have the authority to make such an offer, but he wanted to see her reaction. Maybe he could plead his case to Harrington.
Yeah, right.
She looked down at the ground and then back at Lucas. “I don’t want to leave. I don’t like it here, but I feel safe.”
His heart rate accelerated. Holy shit. This was huge. Lucas wanted to run back and tell Professor Adams, but something in her face told him not to. How could he have missed the signs that she still had feelings and emotions, hopes and fears?
Lucas thought of the ramifications. Maybe he should keep this to himself. Professor Adams would want to remove any emotions, any humanity that Kaitlyn had left. He found himself wondering what her laugh sounded like. What a strange thing to think of at a time like this.
Kaitlyn’s clear voice startled him out of his thoughts. “Do you know where they plan on sending me?”
“No. I just know it will be for a government contract.”
“Will I see you again?”
Taking a deep breath, Lucas’s shoulders slumped. “I hope so. Since we created you and all, I think they’ll need us to stay involved.” He really didn’t believe that to be true, but he wished it were. The thought of never seeing her again…
“I’m going to miss you.” He stiffened, surprised. Had he said that out loud?
“You are?” Kaitlyn asked, staring at him curiously. “As in feeling of loss?”
He laughed. He knew her brain analyzed words and phrases at lightning speed. “Yes, that is exactly what I meant. We’ve spent a lot of time together.”
“Can you really help me to stay here?”
“I can try.”
Chapter Ten
They continued down the path into the woods. Kaitlyn couldn’t believe she was alone with Lucas. How many nights had
she lain awake thinking about this moment?
He looked so handsome in the fading sunlight. His coarse dark hair was sticking up in odd directions because he kept running his hand through it. Her sensors told her it was a nervous gesture, and Kaitlyn tried to dig deeper to find out if he was nervous because of her. Her sensors just flashed No further report.
She fought the urge to trace her fingers around the stubble on his usually clean-shaven face and press her body to his. He looked like he hadn’t been sleeping well; today, he had dark circles under his beautiful eyes. She wanted to ask him if something was bothering him, but that was not something a robot would ask. So she continued on in silence.
It was so hard to hold up the facade, being so close and so completely alone with him.
Something inside of her wanted Lucas to know she was more than just a shell of what she used to be. Their time together was quickly coming to an end. Soon she would be sent off to who knew where. The thought of never seeing his face again left a dull ache in her chest.
Maybe she should get a check-up to see if something was wrong with her. Her body felt so different whenever he was around.
“Lucas, do you think I’m pretty?” she blurted out. Where did that come from?
“Excuse me?” His eyes were wide and so blue it was like looking at a cloudless day.
“I asked if you think I am pretty.” The muscles in her stomach clenched. She cautiously maintained her blank expression. She had the sudden strange desire to clear her throat and look at her feet, but she didn’t.
“Kaitlyn, do you really care if I think you’re pretty?” He rubbed the back of his neck and stared intently at her. Curious and confused. The images in her scan told her.
Heat rose to her face. “Never mind. It was a stupid question. I know you think I’m just a machine in a human body.”
“That’s not true,” he said hoarsely.
“Forget I said anything.”
Kaitlyn couldn’t place the sensation that arose within her. Heat filled her face and neck, and she stepped away from Lucas, unable to even look at him. She activated her scanners, searching for what was wrong with her. Was she malfunctioning?
A split-second later, her symptoms came up with a definition: humiliation.
“Kaitlyn.” Lucas reached for her arm.
She took off at a run, her shoes silent on the soft grass. She wanted to get as far away from him as possible. Why would she ask such a ridiculous question? It was absurd.
“Kaitlyn! Wait up!”
She ran harder, faster, her feet pounding into the ground as she tried to put as much distance between them as possible. Trees zipped by her peripheral, and the chill wind whipped against her. The machine analyzed speed, wind direction, and counted the beat per minutes of her artificial heart, and she had no control over it whatsoever.
“Kate, please!” Lucas yelled.
She stopped in her tracks. She turned slowly, sensors working to stabilize her limbs. Lucas was running to catch up, his coat flapping behind him. His heart rate was accelerated and sweat gleamed on his forehead. Strands of his curly dark hair fell down in his left eye as he slowed his pace and thudded to a stop before her, leaning over to catch his breath. He obviously needed to work on his cardio.
“Why did you call me Kate?” she demanded.
Lucas straightened up. “I…I don’t know. I’ve always thought you should be called Kate. Kaitlyn sounds so formal.”
“I like Kate.” She paused, saying the word once more in her mind. “It makes me feel strange to hear you say it.”
“It does? It makes you feel?” Lucas said. He looked flustered, like he didn’t know what to say or do.
“I don’t know why.” Kaitlyn kicked at the ground and looked off at the tree line. The sun was beginning to set. The sky was a beautiful shade of violet swirled through with pink. It was amazing that such beauty existed and then there was such ugliness in the world. Such as herself—not human, but not fully robot.
Lucas studied her face. “Kaitlyn, do you feel more than you let on?”
She shifted her feet and shrugged, discomfited by his gaze. “I don’t know what I feel—if anything—most of the time.”
“I can relate to that.”
“You couldn’t possibly understand what I’m going through,” Kaitlyn said through gritted teeth and took a step backwards. Her vehemence surprised her; that reaction had come from somewhere deep inside.
“You’re right.” Lucas held up his hands. “That was insensitive and unfair. To answer your original question: You are hands down the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on.”
He thought she was beautiful? Kaitlyn frowned and shook her head. “You don’t have to say that. I know I’m a freak.”
A hurt look crossed his face. “Kate, you’re not a freak. You’re incredible. There is not a woman out there that could compare to you.” His troubled eyes met hers. “I’m sorry we did this to you.”
“You’re sorry?” What did he have to be sorry about? It wasn’t like it was his idea. He just worked there. If anyone was to blame, it was Harrington for coming up with the crazy notion of merging humans with machines.
“You should have had a chance to live your life without our interference.” Lucas laughed, but it wasn’t in humor. Kaitlyn’s sensors supplied a definition for ‘irony.’ “Kate, you’re amazing. You are beautiful, and the person you were… We took that from you.”
“Lucas, look at me!” Kaitlyn said, lifting the hem of her shirt to her bra line. “I have so many chips implanted in me that I don’t know where I start and where the machine begins. Scars cover my body, and not to mention this.” Kaitlyn pointed at the translucent part of her arm. The patches of see-through plastic were spread over various parts of her body. “How could you possibly think I’m beautiful? I’m repulsive—a freak of nature.”
A strange sensation on her face gave her pause. She reached up and touched her cheek, then drew wet fingertips away.
What…was that a tear?
Her artificial heart pounded in her ears as she stared at her hand, captivated. After all the time she had spent at the facility, all she had been through, she’d never cried. She didn’t think she could.
Across from her, Lucas stared. “Oh my God. Kate.”
She didn’t know what to say, so she just lifted her hand and murmured, “I’m…crying.”
Lucas grabbed her hand, the wetness of her tears smeared on her skin as he closed the space between them. He pressed his forehead to hers. Her mind screamed at her to run, but her body was rooted in place. She was so confused by the way he made her feel. His closeness was exhilarating and terrifying at the same time.
“Kate, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.” His thumb gently rubbed another tear away, making her shiver.
“Didn’t know what?” She sniffled, and then berated herself for showing weakness. Now that he knew her secret…
“That you could feel.”
“Why does it matter? Are you going to bring me back to the lab and erase what is left of me?”
“No, Kate. We’ve done all the programming we know how as far as emotions go. In truth, it’s amazing. Goes to show how incredible the human mind is.”
“It’s only you that makes me feel things. Well, I guess Quess too. I like her.”
Lucas stared at her for a moment. “No one else?”
She shook her head and looked away.
“Do you feel the same for me as you do for Quess?”
“Definitely not. I like Quess as a friend.”
“And me?”
“You make my body feel like it’s revving up when I am standing still. I don’t know how to describe it. I wake up looking forward to seeing you and I go to bed thinking of you.” Kate quietly.
Lucas took a step forward, and he leaned down and pressed his lips gently to hers.
Kaitlyn froze, unsure how to react. She had pictured this many times, but now that it was happening her body felt like it was going
into overdrive. His firm lips pressed harder to hers, and she parted her own. She wanted to taste him. She wanted to crawl into his body and never leave. Just one kiss, and she felt like the world had dropped from beneath her.
She could feel his heart beating in his chest. Heart rate: one hundred and twenty. Much too high for a non-physical activity.
Kaitlyn pulled away, his mint and cinnamon taste on her lips. “Lucas, are you sick? Your heart rate is so high.”
He smiled faintly. “That’s what you do to me.”
Alarmed, Kaitlyn touched his chest. “I did this to you?”
“It’s okay, Kate.” Lucas pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear. The touch of his hand made her tremble inside. “You drive me crazy. Being this close to you. I can’t explain it. I’ve dreamed about this moment. No one has ever had this effect on me. Ever.”
Kaitlyn stiffened at the word ‘dreamed.’ The blond haired guy flashed in her mind. Who was he? Who cares? All she wanted was Lucas.
Her body melted to his. The warmth of his skin against hers was almost too much to bear. Could he really want her the way she wanted him? Her hands ached to explore every part of his body. She wanted to know him from the inside out.
His mouth made its way down her neck, causing her to go into sensory overload. She couldn’t concentrate or think; all she could do was feel. It was amazing. He calmed all the random thoughts, the analysis, definitions and patterns that intruded on her thoughts. There was no analyzing, no patterns, and no past; there was only now.
“Lucas.” His name escaped from her lips on a gasp.
He made his way back up, and his lips met hers. His kiss was filled with urgency, and she felt like she was going to spin out of control. Her breath caught in her throat. How could a kiss take her breath away? The effect he had on her wasn’t rational, but she gave in to it anyway. He made her feel alive.
When he pulled away, his eyes searched hers. “What are we going to do?” Lucas asked.
Instantly, her mind ran through the scenarios. None of them looked positive. She shook her head, unable to answer. She wasn’t even sure what he meant. Was he talking about the kiss, her feelings or her leaving soon?