“Sam, we’ve already said goodbye to each other,” she reminded him. “Why make this harder than it has to be?”
He laid his hands on her shoulders and the heat of her body rose up to slide into his. “Hello isn’t hard, Mia. Unless you’re doing it right.”
“Sam...”
He bent his head to hers and stopped when his mouth was just a breath away from her lips. Waiting for acceptance. For her to let him know that she shared what he was thinking, feeling.
“This could be a big mistake,” she said, with a slow shake of her head.
“Probably,” he agreed, knowing it wouldn’t change anything.
Seconds passed and still he waited. Damned if he’d take what he wanted if she wasn’t willing. Finally though, she dropped her purse to the floor, reached up to cup his face between her palms and said, “What’s one more mistake?”
“That’s the spirit.”
He kissed her, pulling her up against him, wrapping his arms around her and holding her tightly.
Three
Sam’s mouth covered hers, his tongue parted her lips and she opened for him eagerly, willingly. Then he was lost in the heat of her. Her taste, her scent, filled him and he wondered vaguely how he’d managed to breathe without her these last months.
Their tongues met in a tangle of desire that pulsed between them like a shared heartbeat. Her breath brushed against his cheek, her sigh sounded in the stillness and Sam lost himself in her. For this one moment, he was going to simply revel in having her back in his arms.
However briefly.
When he dropped his hand to that sweet butt of hers though, she gasped and pulled back. Breathing deeply, she held up one hand and shook her head.
“Oh no you don’t,” she said. “A kiss hello is one thing, but we’re not going to do what you think we’re going to do.”
“And what do I think?” he asked, grinning at her.
“The same thing I’m thinking,” she said and when he took a step toward her again, she skipped backward. “Seriously, Sam, I’m not going to bed with you.”
“Why not? We’re married.”
“For now,” she said.
“I’m only talking about now.” Sam moved in another step or two.
“That’s the problem,” she snapped. “Right there. You never thought about anything beyond the now.”
Okay, that stopped him. “What the hell is that supposed to mean? I married you, didn’t I?”
“Please.” Shaking her head firmly, she bent to snatch her purse off the floor. Her fingers curled into the leather until her knuckles went white. “You know exactly what I mean. Yes, you married me, but then...nothing. You never wanted to talk about a future. About making a family. Buying a house instead of that condo.”
“What the hell was wrong with the condo?”
“Kids need a yard to play in.”
“We don’t have kids.”
“Exactly!” And she’d wanted children. Her own family was so close. Her sisters both had families of their own and Mia’s heart had ached to be a mother. But Sam wasn’t interested in being a father. He never said so outright, but whenever she’d brought the subject up he’d closed down. She couldn’t understand why, either. They’d have made beautiful children together and an amazing life—if only he’d cared enough to fight for their marriage.
“You’re talking in circles, Mia.” He couldn’t look away from the fire in her eyes. Mia Harper was the only woman he’d ever known who could turn from desire to fury to ice and back again in thirty seconds. He’d always loved that about her. She was passionate and proud and so damn bullheaded that even their arguments had been sexy as hell. “Just say whatever it is that’s clawing at you.”
Shaking her head, she said, “You didn’t want children, Sam. And you didn’t bother to tell me that until after we were married.”
True. Sam could admit that silently. Every time Mia had talked about raising a family, he had changed the subject. He’d wanted Mia more than his next breath, but he’d never wanted to be a father. How the hell could he? His own father had sucked at the job, so why would Sam think he would be any better at it? He had hoped that she would change her mind about children. Hoped that he and the life they could have together might be enough for her.
He was wrong.
“What’s the point in talking about a future that might not happen?” He took a step closer to her again and he could have sworn he felt heat pumping off her body and this time it was anger, not desire, leading the charge.
“If you don’t have a future all you ever have is a past and the present.”
“The present can be enough if you’re doing it right,” he countered.
“Why settle for ‘enough’ when you can have more?” She stared at him and he saw disappointment in her eyes. He didn’t like that but there was little he could do about it.
“How much is more, Mia?” His voice was low, tight. “When do you stop looking for the more and enjoy what you have? Why do you have to walk away from something great because it’s missing something else?”
Her posture relaxed a bit and she took a long, deep breath before saying, “I’m tired of being the favorite aunt to Maya’s and Merry’s kids, Sam. I want children. That’s the more I need.”
He closed off at that because his brain drew up images of Mia, surrounded by nieces and nephews who adored her. Guilt poked at his insides. Sam knew he should have told her that he wasn’t interested in having kids before they were married. But he’d wanted her too much to tell her the truth. He’d convinced himself that his lies wouldn’t matter once it all ended.
Maybe he had been a bastard. And that was on him. He’d made a choice to have Mia for as long as he could, even knowing that they wouldn’t be growing old together. Because he’d wanted her that much, despite knowing in his gut that he wasn’t husband material. And how the hell could he be a good father when his father had been so damned bad at the job? Sam’s only role model for fatherhood had convinced him to never try it.
“I should have told you,” he admitted, though it cost his pride. He wasn’t used to being wrong, so he hadn’t had to become accustomed to apologies.
“I’m not mad at you about that anymore,” she said softly. “We’re divorced, Sam. It’s over. We don’t have to keep tearing at each other over the past.”
He gave her a half smile. “But we’re not divorced, are we?”
Instantly, she wagged a finger at him. “Oh, no. Don’t do that. We may not be divorced, but we’re not exactly married, either.”
Sam smiled, one corner of his mouth lifting. “Until your new papers go through we are.”
“And now you like the idea of the two of us married? Why do you care, Sam?” she demanded, pushing her hair back behind one ear to show off a long twist of gold dangling from her lobe. Her eyes shone with a light that was either passion or fury—or maybe a combination of both. “You didn’t care when it actually would have mattered.”
That slapped at him. Of course he’d cared. It was the only reason he’d tried marriage in the first place. He’d wanted her. Cared for her. Didn’t want to lose her, so marriage had been his only option.
“I did care.” He said it simply because if she honestly believed what she was saying, he wanted to convince her she was wrong.
“Really?” She tipped her head to one side and her hair slid off her shoulders to follow the movement. Then she shrugged. “Okay, maybe you did and I just didn’t see you often enough to notice.”
She might have a point, but damned if he’d admit it. He hadn’t made a secret of the fact that he liked working. That his company was growing and needed close attention paid to it. “You knew when we got married that I run a big company and I work a lot.”
Anger drained away and she sighed. “I suppose I did. I just thought that—”
; “What?”
“Doesn’t matter. Not anymore.” Shaking her head, she set the papers down on the nearest tabletop and said, “I’ll leave these here. Just call me when you sign them—or even better, have one of your minions bring them to my suite.”
He might have smiled at the minion remark, but one look into her bruised eyes made that impossible. Whatever had erupted between them only moments before, was gone now. That kiss still burned inside him, but if Mia was feeling the same thing, she was better at hiding emotions than she used to be.
Hell, one of the first things he’d admired about her was her openness. The way her eyes lit up with pleasure over things most people wouldn’t notice at all.
On the cruise when they’d met, she’d tried paddle boarding for the first time when they were in port and immediately fell off into the ocean. Sam had helped her up, thinking she’d be scared or want to stop and go back to the beach. Instead, she’d come up from the water laughing, eyes dancing. She’d climbed back on that board and no matter how many times she’d fallen off—dozens—she hadn’t given up. Not until she’d found her balance and conquered that board.
Sam had never had patience for quitters. So watching this gorgeous woman’s stubborn refusal to give up had appealed to him. Not to mention her eyes, her laugh, her body, her interest in everything.
He’d had an awakening on that cruise a year ago. Meeting Mia had opened his eyes to a lot of things he’d stopped noticing years ago. Sunsets. Sunrises. Pods of whales sailing past the ship. How good it had felt to sit beside her on the deck and watch the world drift by.
That’s what had drawn him and what had eventually pulled him away. Sam had realized that he and Mia were too different. Too much opposites to last, and hanging around longer than he should was only making it harder on her. He wasn’t built for cozy. For intimate. Sam Buchanan had been raised to be a hit-and-run lover. Don’t stick around. Don’t get close and for God’s sake don’t let anyone in.
And nothing had changed, he reminded himself. So he looked into her eyes and nodded. “Fine.”
She almost looked disappointed at his response, but he thought he’d imagined that because a heartbeat later, her features were cool and still. Polite and distant. Not something he was accustomed to seeing from Mia. But she was right. The more distance between them the better.
When she left, he didn’t watch her go.
* * *
“What did he do?” Maya was waiting for Mia on the top deck at a table beneath a red-and-white umbrella.
Mia ignored the question and looked around for her nephews. There were a dozen other passengers gathered on the deck, talking and laughing, and from the deck below came spurts of laughter from excited children. No sign of Charlie and Chris, though. She looked back at her twin. “Where are the kids?”
“You’re stalling because you don’t want to talk about Sam.”
Mia tapped one finger to the end of her nose. “Bingo. So, where are the kids?”
Maya scowled at her. “Joe has them. I think they’re throwing snowballs already. And you know I won’t quit asking, so just answer already. What did your miserable, no-good ex do?”
Mia groaned. “God, Maya, just stop, okay? You’re not making this easier.”
“Sorry, sorry.” She waved one hand in the air as if she could erase her words. “Honestly, I’m not trying to make things harder for you. It’s just that Sam makes me so furious.”
“No. Really?”
Maya’s lips twitched and Mia grinned. One thing she never had to doubt was her twin’s loyalty. When her marriage had fallen apart, leaving Mia in a soggy, weepy, emotional heap, Maya had been there for her. She and their older sister Merry had plied her with bottles of wine and sympathy until Mia had found her feet again.
Her parents had offered support, but had tried to maintain neutrality and though that might seem like a betrayal of sorts to someone else, Mia had appreciated it. Sam wasn’t an evil person. Not the Darth Vader of Seal Beach. He just hadn’t wanted to be married.
“Okay.” Maya picked up her virgin mimosa and signaled to a nearby waiter to bring another for Mia. “Let’s rephrase. How did your most wonderful ex take the news?”
Mia gave her a wry smile, then thanked the waiter who handed her a beautiful crystal flute. “Let’s not go too far the other way.” She paused, thought about it, then said, “He was...surprised.”
“Well, yeah. Who wasn’t?” Shaking her head, Maya sat back in her chair. “I still can’t believe people weren’t complaining about not getting their packages delivered. How does a delivery driver become a hoarder with other people’s stuff?”
“I don’t know. And it doesn’t matter now anyway,” Mia said. “All I need is for Sam to sign the papers so I can get the divorce filed before January 15th.”
“So he didn’t sign them.” Maya nodded sagely.
“Not yet,” Mia agreed. “But he will.”
“And you know this how?”
“Because he didn’t fight the divorce, remember?” That still stung whether Mia wanted to admit it or not. When she’d first broached the subject of divorce it had taken everything she’d had. She’d prepared herself for his arguments. For his request for a second chance. But she needn’t have bothered. He didn’t argue. Didn’t really say much at all.
She could still see his face in her memory. Standing opposite her in the living room of the condo they shared, he’d simply stared at her, his features blank and hard—as if he’d been carved out of stone. When he finally spoke, all he’d said was, “If that’s what you want, I won’t stop you.”
Well, she’d wanted him to stop her. Wanted him to admit that he hadn’t given their marriage a real shot. That he’d been wrong to shut himself off from her.
Instead, she’d gotten an uncontested divorce.
“Damn it,” Maya blurted, snapping Mia out of her depressing thoughts. “I hate this. I hate seeing shadows back in your eyes. You were finally okay. Moving on without him. Planning a life and a future and now you’re right back where you started a few months ago.”
“Stop being so dramatic,” Mia said and took a sip of her drink. “I’m not going to throw myself off the ship. This is just a bump in my formerly tidy world.”
Maya narrowed her eyes on Mia and studied her until Mia shifted uncomfortably beneath that knowing stare.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Because you’re right. You are fine. And I want to know why.” Leaning forward, she kept their gazes locked. “You weren’t there long enough to have sex with him.”
“Maya!” Mia glanced around to make sure no one else had overheard her sister.
“Well, come on. Even distracted by kids, a house payment and his job, Joe can last longer than twenty minutes.”
“Too much information, thanks. Now I’ll have that in my head when I see Joe next.”
“I know envy when I hear it,” Maya said with a grin.
Mia snorted a laugh and took another sip.
“But there’s something different about you. Something...” Suddenly Maya’s eyes snapped. “You kissed him. Didn’t you?”
No point in denying it. Maya had always had X-ray vision when it came to things like this. For a moment, Mia pitied her nephews when they became teenagers. They’d never put one over on their mother.
“He kissed me,” Mia finally said. “There’s a difference.”
“And you fought him off, of course,” Maya supplied wryly.
“Desperately,” Mia assured her, then set her glass down with a click on the glass table. “Fine. I kissed him back.”
Maya huffed a breath in disgust. “I knew this would happen.”
The sun shone out of a sky so blue it hurt to look at it. A sharp, cold wind brushed past them, setting the fringe on the red-and-white umbrellas snapping and dancing.
&nb
sp; “Wow, you’re wasting time working at the family bakery. You should be on the Psychic Network or something.”
Maya smirked at her. “Please. Like I have to be a fortune teller to know that you’d fall back into his arms.”
“Okay,” Mia said, defending herself, “I didn’t do that. It was a kiss. And I ended it.”
“Before or after he got your shirt off?”
“Maya!” Mia goggled at her sister. As twins, they were close. As best friends, they knew each other way too well, so she wasn’t surprised at Maya, so much as disappointed in herself. She had pretty much given in to the urge to kiss Sam again. But why wouldn’t she? Just because they were divorced didn’t mean she’d stopped loving him.
Just because Mia knew she could gain ten pounds just by looking at chocolate cake didn’t mean she’d stop eating it.
“I managed to keep my clothes on, thanks for your support.”
“Oh, you have my support, honey. But trust me, I know what’s going on between you two.” She patted her baby bump. “Remember. I’m on number three child. Every time Joe walks into the room, I want to jump him. Heck, at this rate, I’m going to have ten kids. So believe me when I say I understand.”
Mia sighed a little and quashed that twinge of envy she felt for her sister’s life. Maya’s husband was a firefighter and their two boys, Charlie and Chris, were funny, ferocious and all around adorable. Now Maya was pregnant with another boy and Mia knew that in a year or two, her twin would be trying for a girl again.
Maya had everything that Mia most wanted. She had love. Family. Children of her own. It’s what Mia had hoped for when she’d married Sam. Building a life together. Raising some kids together.
But Sam hadn’t really wanted children. Naturally, she hadn’t believed him when he told her on their honeymoon. She’d wrongly assumed that he had simply never been around kids, so didn’t know how much fun—okay yes, and trouble—they could be. And maybe he would have changed his mind at some point—if their marriage had lasted. But now she’d never know.
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