by Carrow Brown
A sound of something scraping against stone pulled my eyes upward, and I balked. Outer Ones and love had one thing in common. People can never know it—never comprehend it—until they experience it firsthand. A creature referred to as a thing that shouldn’t be, the physical form of primordial fear, turned its head to inspect the room.
Dark gray skin spread tight over a structure that looked wrong. Haphazard growth covered the skin, like the most rampant melanoma. The only predictable feature of the Outer Ones was that they were unpredictable. The creature was moving too easily on five long limbs attached to a too-slender body. What would be considered a stomach swayed side to side like some fleshy pouch. Its hands had far too many fingers, each ending in sharp uneven talons meant for ripping and shredding. Its single head had not one, but three, wide, voraciously designed mouths. The lower jaws were oddly absent, instead replaced by a bundle of writhing, glowing tendrils. They slithered about, each as long as I was tall, some reaching out to the air and others to the floor. So much asymmetry covered and defined an Outer One as if it were grown to mock any concept of order.
“What have you done?” I snapped, aiming my shotgun at the arch but I couldn’t fit my finger along the trigger without firing the gun. “Shit.” I tossed it to the side and pulled Silence free. He adjusted himself to better fit my grip, shifting from simple knife to a long-serrated sword.
“You will see,” the chanter said, his head bobbing, with restless eyes moving around the room. “We need them. They need us. It will be beautiful. You will see. This is how it’s meant to be. How it was always meant to be.”
The creature pulled itself free of the archway, leveling its golden gaze at us. Our eyes met and—
I was so hungry. A soul-deep feeling that consumed my every thought. I longed to chase and rip apart my prey. To hunt with others. I’d been alone for so long and the alpha sensed it. He let out a deep rumbling growl, and I knew he’d let me join him. He’d need me to get into small places he couldn’t fit through, to flush out the prey. I looked like prey, so it would be easy. And there was lots of prey here. Too much, but that was fine. We’d start close and keep one alive to find the rest. We would eat. We would gorge.
Something sounded in my mind, but it was soft compared to the alpha’s voice. I focused on it and heard No-no-no! Fight it!
The creature before me took a step closer, his nose flaring while tendrils reached out to me.
I hissed to show I wasn’t weak, and he pulled back.
His head tilted. Prey here.
Yes, I said, but to my ears it came out as a long guttural-rumble.
Together we turned to look at the closest prey at my side. It had a good glow. Healthy. Strong. We would start with it.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Memory Lane
Itook a step toward the prey. So easy to see, my sight felt sharp and clear, as if all I’d done was look through dirty water before. The prey didn’t move, but the scent of fear and urine reached my nose as we drew closer to it. Its pounding heart sounded delicious to my ears, and I pictured the taste of its blood on my tongue while I ate it alive.
I would take my time and savor.
No!
I hissed at the voice, shaking my head to rid myself of it and the sting it brought to my mind. It opened my mind and searched through to show me pictures and images, but they didn’t mean anything. It only hurt my head.
Behind me, the alpha let out a noise, urging me onward to the prey. It looked fast, but I was faster. My hearts hammered in my chest as I thought about the chase. The kill. I would—
Sit!
My hind legs buckled, and my rear slapped into the ground.
You’re making me do this, the voice growled. You owe me!
My hand scrabbled at my back. It was a thing on me. If I grabbed it, I could stop the voice and continue the hunt. My talon scraped across something at my back just as my vision blurred.
* * *
Mother-fucking-dammit! I snapped, struggling to keep Ghost from biting off David’s head. I was all for her going feral and eating a city full of people, but not David. He was on the no stab list. No stab!
The Outer One at our back continued to urge her forward through the connection. I could feel its will brush against me. It was nothing more than primal need. No art. No fun. No haiku! A simple beast. If Walker had been there, we could have kicked its insolent ass into obedience. But not with Ghost. Not like she was. It was stronger than Ghost was, which was the only reason he was able to flip her monster switch. Through it, I felt the rest. The entire horde of monsters ready to devour everyone and everything. They called to Ghost. They accepted her as a beast.
But she wasn’t a beast.
She was mine. I wouldn’t let them. She. Was. Mine.
But she fought against me, and I couldn’t keep her in place. Needed to snap her out of monster-brain. Words wouldn’t work, but a memory might. I dug around in her head to pull up our memories. and shoved one from a time she’d been “happy” to the front of her stubborn brain.
* * *
She looked in the mirror with a frown. Her lady-in-waiting had curled her hair and arranged it so ringlets of locks framed either side of her face before applying the face stuff. Dark brows drew closer together as she studied the deep blue velvet fabric encasing her body. They’d wanted to add in small things like gold trim, but she’d refused it and demanded a simple gown. Around her ribs, I felt the constriction of the new thing called a corset. Something humans created to squeeze their middles. Seemed dumb to me. If they wanted their sides gone, I could cut them off. Part of the corset poked her in the hips and squeezed her middle until it cut off her breath.
I hate it, I told her, voicing her unspoken thought. It was okay if I said things I really felt because it was only between the two of us. You can’t fight in that. And you’ll never make it down the stairs in those shoes without falling.
She tried to sigh, but the motion halted halfway because of fashion constraint. “I hate it too, but it’s only for tonight.”
I made to say something else to make her smile, but the man—Sebastian—entered the hall dressed in court fineries with the tails of his embroidered tunic reaching down to his knees. He’d pulled his black hair back to a low ponytail and—judging by the obnoxious shine—oiled it. I still didn’t understand what made one person beautiful and another ugly, but she was always pleased to see him and his brother, which was why I tolerated them.
Sebastian’s fixation on her continued to leave me uneasy. The other kept his distance, but this one practically rubbed up on her like a cat in mating season.
The combination of his dark clothes and hair gave his flesh a snow-white look, but I suspected he did that on purpose. The gold pattern stood out on the dark fabric of his clothing. She said the shape of the embroidery was of a dragon. I couldn’t see it. It looked more like a worm with a mane of hair.
He was dramatic. Not like Goodfellow with his magic and winks. Sebastian was more—what was the word? I had just learned it. Unable to remember it, I dug into her mind and found it: subtle. Yes, his dramatics were subtle. He didn’t demand attention, it was given when he walked into a room. Maybe because he stuck heads on pikes when he was ignored.
What I really liked was the faint scent of blood and death about him. It was the main reason I put up with the way he looked at her or touched her. She was mine, after all. My wielder. My dealer of death. My friend. Mine, mine, mine!
His eyes went soft when he saw her, and I made a crude comment against her own rising pleasure at that look. It was only a look, so she didn’t need to get silly over it. I liked his eyes better when he murdered. They went all wide and matched his grin as he slaughtered others. Sometimes, he got creative with the blood splatters. I sent her that mental image of him doing such and only a cut-off sigh was given in return.
The man—no, they called them vampires. I needed to remember this word. So many words for the same thing. Prey was prey, why name ev
ery different kind? Why were names important again? I was an Edge, but she always called me Silence. Was it because I was never silent?
Sebastian lifted his hand out to her. “I will never miss sunsets, looking at you.”
A wave of her irritation filled the two of us and I enjoyed it. Her irritation often resulted in death if it festered enough. I’d been encouraging this, though the leech managed to talk her into doing more violence than I could.
I hated him.
Just because he was flesh, she listened to him more than me? Thinking too much about it made me irritable. I was her Edge and knew her better than anyone else. If she should listen to anyone, it should always be me. He needed to go away soon. All he did was corrupt her.
She placed her gloved hand in his and watched as he kissed the knuckles. “This thing is atrocious. If I try to breathe, I’ll end up ripping it,” she growled. “The only reason these things are so popular with your kind is because you don’t need air.”
He smiled and leaned down to press a kiss to her cheek, hands wrapping around her waist to pull her close. I suggested she bite his ear off to show her displeasure for the dress—he would grow it back, right?—but she didn’t. Instead, a fluttering sensation danced in her chest, and she smiled at the modest show of affection. I didn’t care for her growing feelings for the undead leech. Slaughtering together was fun, but this holding-kissing nonsense needed to stop. I didn’t want to feel these things. All soft and warm. Disgusting. If anything needed to be soft and warm, it should be the flesh I parted or blood running along my side.
His breath tickled her ear as he spoke. “Freeing you from your torment will only give me greater satisfaction when I rip it from your body this evening, my love.”
Her lips pulled back into a grin. “Sebastian…”
* * *
Our feet came to a stop and we felt my entire body tremble. Conflicting thoughts and emotions tore through me. Hunger gnawed at us, but we didn’t want to eat David.
The Hunter’s voice dimmed in our mind, replaced instead by our own thought. We shook our head, trying to clear our thoughts. What was happening?
The alpha at my back urged us to grab the prey—David—and bring him closer.
Did we want to do that? We liked David, didn’t we?
We became I as Silence continued to scream my name and pushed images into my mind. I screeched and struggled against the painful grip he had on my mind. His voice chanted my name while memories, old and painful, danced in my mind’s eye. Things I didn’t want to see. Memories that hurt to look back on, but Silence wouldn’t stop. Images of people’s faces flashed through my mind. I needed to do something to stop it.
The lulling voice of the alpha returned, calming my nerves and reminding me of the hunt. I wanted to hunt to bad.
Fine, Silence snapped. You want to be a stubborn bitch? I got your number, you sentimental sap.
* * *
The small bundle wrapped in blankets had finally stopped moving in her arms. Its little chest rose and fell rhythmically and its face relaxed. One hand and foot were wrapped, but she worried he’d lose a finger or two because of the frostbite. He had ten, so losing one or two wouldn’t be that bad.
“What do you plan to do with him?” Vainya asked.
I was never sure what to think of Vainya, the strange chimera who drew the short straw of having to watch over us. Most of the time he was okay, but I didn’t trust him. It was those unblinking red eyes. He was always watching us like we were one of those books he had to decode. Vainya distrusted me and allowed my presence only because the alternative was allowing me out into the world. They had tried to lock me up before, but I always escaped. I was in favor of being allowed to take over stupid prey and causing them to murder each other. It was a lot of fun, though I couldn’t get my wielder to do it as often as I liked. She never wanted to murder like I did. Always needed to be in the mood for it—whatever that meant. I thought that meant a word called angry? She was not shy to eat but was picky about which prey she should. Never wanted to grab the one with young or the young themselves. Maybe so they could make more?
My wielder ran her finger along the soft baby cheek. We both marveled at the smallness of the tiny human. So little and vulnerable. How did they live without someone to take care of them? If we hadn’t picked it up, it would’ve died in the snow. Why would this world create young so dependent on others?
“I thought we could keep him,” she said, never looking away from the baby. I felt what she did at that moment, and it gave me pause. She wanted to protect and nurture the thing discarded by others. It was a primal urge. Like my desire to cut and slice. It was not just a bit of squirming flesh to her. It was... I didn’t know the word. Only that looking at it made her heart beat fast and her chest tight.
“Children are a great responsibility,” Vainya said. “You’ll have to care for them, teach them how to be, and even teach them how to leave you.”
The baby shifted in his blankets, a chubby arm reached out. She placed her finger in his, and he grasped it before returning back to a peaceful sleep.
“I can do that,” she said, looking down at him. “I can give him what his people didn’t want to.”
Vainya didn’t say anything, though I wanted him to. Not because I agreed with him, but because I wanted to say something spiteful at him. She’d been in a rut for years and only livened up when we heard the wailing. The creature responsible for her should do more than watch her spiral into self-destruction.
A little project would do her some good. Humans didn’t live long, right? Like sixty years if lucky. I could put up with it for that long. What were sixty years to eternity?
Vainya asked, “What will you call him?”
A tickling sensation of her relief flooded through me. The question meant she could keep him there, and I felt glad for it. “I picked him up in Ceredigion, so I guess a name from there would be appropriate. How about Terrwyn?”
* * *
She screamed and thrashed her head around, pushing my control away. The memory didn’t work! It was supposed to work. Why didn’t work?
Come on, I said, lacing my control into her mind and taking root once more. You can’t let them take you.
She snarled and shook her head and leveled her gaze on David. Images of her ripping him apart and devouring him alive dominated her brain.
I tided myself into the nerves that inflicted pain and twisted it. No! Bad Ghost!
Her body trembled from her efforts to fight me and my struggle to keep her in place. The will of the horde flowed into her and I felt their urge for death and hunger fuel her against me. If they kept pushing, I would lose her. She’d be gone. Just another drop in the bucket of madness beyond the veil.
Fuckie-fuck-fuck-fuck! I snapped as she managed to dislodge part of my hold and took a step toward a pale and shaking David. Stop doing that!
I wasn’t going to win and knew it. Not with her fighting me and masses of madness encouraging her. What could I do? I couldn’t lose her. There would be no more haikus. No more snark. No fun. It would be like before. Dark and nothing. I didn’t want that, but nothing worked. An idea came, a stupid idea, I didn’t think it would work. But it was try or oblivion.
I stopped trying to control her and instead forced myself into every nook of her mind. Listen to me. Listen! I get it. Everyone hates you and treats you like shit. It’s easy to just let go, isn’t it? It’s the suicide you want.
Her entire body froze and I felt something stir inside her feral mind. She was listening.
I get it. It sucks. But you can’t go. I’m only as good as the person who holds me and you’re the best. You make me think a lot and ask questions. And haikus! I never did that before. I like it.
She continued to remain still. Her entire body quivered with small vibrations.
I don’t know what this is called, but when you’re upset, I just want to cut the shit out of everything. When you’re happy, I still want to cut the shit out of stu
ff, but for fun. You can’t leave me. Don’t let them take you from me. I hesitated before adding, I need you. Does that matter for anything?
A cool sensation flowed through her body and her mind quieted. It matters, Silence, she said. It matters a lot.
* * *
I turned away from David and faced the Outer One with a challenging roar. It returned my challenge with its own before something slammed into me, and I went flying. I grunted as my back thudded against the wall. Stars danced in my vision.
Obey me! the Outer One screamed in my mind. Obey!
Inside my brain, Silence’s voice sounded—killitkillitkillit—in a primal, instinctive chant. Aggravation flowed off him and into me, followed by boiling rage. Rather than fight off Silence’s desire, I embraced it and merged my will with his. Together we rose to our feet, bared our teeth and snarled out a Fuck. You. We adjusted our feet and snapped our elongated fangs at the air between us while shifting side to side. Our tendrils danced along the edge of our vision and enhanced our senses to the feel of the room.
The creature emitted waves of rage at our defiance as it dashed at us. We could never win with strength alone, so we used our speed. Just as the Outer One made to swipe at us, we darted to the side and around the pillar. In its rage, it followed us, wedging itself between the pillar and the wall. It flailed at the ground and wall as it became trapped, talons leaving deep blackened grooves in the stone floor.
Before it could claw its way free, we turned and leaped onto the creature, claws and fangs tearing out huge chunks of flesh and slashing at eyes. The Outer One let out a scream that rattled our bones and made the human part of our brain start to babble incoherently. Silence’s presence surrounded my mind once more, pushing away the terror and enhancing my instinct to challenge and fight. Our hands tore at its face, spilling a dark substance and filling my nose with a sickly-sweet odor. We pulled back to slash more, but the Outer One lifted its head and whipped side to side. Losing our balance, we fell, rolling back onto our feet and ready to engage once more.