by Carrie Elks
She was asleep, and maybe that was for the best. Van would get her to bed, make some popcorn, and hope Zoe would never feel the humiliation that Van just did.
Right now, that was the best she could do.
“Can you believe that?” Chrissie asked when Tanner brought over a new tray of drinks. “This is my favorite dress.” He passed her a cocktail and she took a large mouthful. “That family needs an intervention. Now both of them have assaulted me.”
Tanner said nothing, passing the drinks around. He hadn’t bothered buying himself one. He wasn’t planning on staying.
“They always were low key trash,” Natalie said, shaking her dark, shiny bob. “Remember the time Savannah stole my lunch?”
“She was eight years old and hungry,” Tanner said tightly. He glanced at Nate, who hadn’t said a word since he’d arrived back at the table. Maybe there was nothing to say. This whole evening had been a mistake. His stomach was churning like crazy. He wanted to get out of this poisonous atmosphere and breathe again.
“Yeah, well she wasn’t eight when she hit Chrissie. Like mother, like daughter.” Natalie smiled smugly. “I have no idea why she’s back in town. She should have stayed away.”
“And taken her mom with her.” Chrissie laughed. “You were right, though, Tanner. We should forget about it. Sit down, let’s talk about something good instead.” She patted the cushioned stool beside her.
“I’m going to head home. It’s been a long day.” He rubbed the back of his neck with his palm. “I’ll catch you all later.”
“But what about your drink?” Chrissie’s smile dissolved.
“I didn’t buy one for me.”
Her brows knitted together. “Why not?”
Because all he wanted to do was see Van. “I’m not thirsty,” he said, giving them a tight smile.
“Is it because of her?” Chrissie’s nose wrinkled. “I know you were friends at school, but I thought you’d grown out of that.”
His jaw tightened. “I haven’t grown out of anything. She’s always been a friend. And now we’re working together.” He hadn’t meant it to slip out, but Chrissie and her friends were so damn smug. He wanted to shake them up and let them see reality. “She’s the best person I know.”
Chrissie’s mouth opened and closed, as though she couldn’t think of how to respond. “Well…,” she said finally. “I guess you see her differently.”
“I guess I do. Good night, everybody.” He didn’t wait for them to reply. Grabbing his wallet and phone, he stuffed them into his pockets and walked with long strides out of the bar.
It had been a mistake to come here. He was a fool to think this town had changed. Everybody still saw Van the way they always did, making her pay for her mom’s mistakes.
Yeah, well this town could go fuck itself. He was sick and tired of the injustice of it all.
Leaving her mom in the car for a moment, Van ran to the front door, unlocking it and pushing it open. “Zoe?” she said softly. “Everything okay?”
For a moment, when she didn’t reply, Van felt her heart hammer against her ribcage. But then she stepped into the hallway and looked through the door at the end and saw her sister curled up on the sofa, her chest rising and falling as she slept.
Thankful for small mercies, Van half-carried their mom to bed, taking her high-heeled shoes off before pulling the blanket over her, not bothering to change her clothes.
Kim could do that herself in the morning.
Then she walked back into the living room and gently shook Zoe. “Hey, sweets. You okay?” she asked, when Zoe blinked her eyes open.
“What time is it?” Zoe asked, stretching her arms. “Is Mom home?”
“She’s fine. She’s asleep in her room.” Van checked her watch. “It’s almost nine-thirty. You want to take a raincheck on the movie? Maybe we should both make it an early night.”
“I’m not that tired.” Zoe yawned, and Van bit down a smile.
“I know, but I am,” Van lied. “Let’s watch a movie tomorrow night instead.”
“Maybe Mom can watch it, too.” Zoe’s eyes lit up. Van’s heart almost broke seeing her excitement.
“Maybe.” Van smiled tightly. “Good night, kiddo.”
“Good night.” Zoe hugged her tight, and for a moment Van felt her heart rate slow down. Zoe’s hair smelled the same as Van’s – she’d begged to use her shampoo that morning. But there was a sweetness there, too. Probably the soda and candy she’d indulged on earlier. Whatever it was, it smelled like peace.
She locked all the doors as Zoe brushed her teeth, and turned out the living room light. Compared to the rest of the house, Van’s bedroom felt warm and inviting. She’d bought a new bedspread and pillow shams, and their pale gray and white flowers looked welcoming.
She glanced at her reflection in her bedroom mirror. How many times had she looked in this glass as a kid? She’d lean forward and scrutinize the freckles that dappled the bridge of her nose, wishing her skin was as pristine as Chrissie Fairfax’s. She’d scowl at the way her hair always curled into soft waves, wishing it was as straight as her friends’. No matter how many times Tanner told her she was beautiful, she hadn’t believed it.
At the age of twenty-eight she’d thought she was beyond those emotions.
And yet… her heart didn’t seem to agree. It felt so small right now. Like she was still little Van Butler, Kim’s kid. The one who had to go to school and scavenge food from wherever she could because her mom had forgotten to go to the grocery store. Pride had been her shield in those days. She’d always made sure she had the last laugh by pretending not to care.
But the truth was she did care. Too much. And now everybody would be talking about her again. How her mom was drunk in the Moonlight Bar and argued with Johnny Fairfax’s girl. That she had to slur out an apology to avoid the cops being called.
Van’s eyes prickled at the thought of having to walk through the town tomorrow, knowing she was at the center of the gossip. And yet she would, because that’s what she did. Pretended she didn’t care. Not about Chrissy or Natalie or anybody else that looked down on her mom.
Or about the way Tanner smiled at Chrissie tonight, his eyes soft and warm. Van’s stomach churned at the memory.
The tears were rolling down her cheeks. Angrily, she wiped them away and turned from her reflection, grabbing her shorts and tank top from beneath her pillow to take to the bathroom. She had enough of feeling sorry for herself. She wasn’t that kid anymore. It was okay, it really was.
Tap tap.
At first she thought it was Zoe or her mom knocking on her bedroom door. But then she realized the sound was coming from her window. Her breath caught in her throat as she turned, half expecting to see the police standing on the other side of the glass.
But instead it was a man. A tall one, with dark hair and thick muscles that molded the lines of his black top. Their eyes met, and for a moment she stared at him, her body flooding with emotions at the sight.
Walking over to the window, her hand shook as she unlatched the lever, pushing the pane out until the evening air rushed in.
“Hey. I saw the light in your window. I wanted to check that you’re okay.”
“I’m good.” Maybe it was even true, because he was here and not with Chrissie Fairfax. God, it was good to see him.
“I’m sorry about what happened.” He curled his fingers around the windowsill, leaning in through the open pane. “I tried to get your mom to come home… before you arrived.”
Her lips curled into the hint of a smile. “Thank you for trying. I hope she didn’t say anything too embarrassing to you.”
“She might have mentioned all those times she found me in your bed.”
Van let out a mouthful of air. “We were kids. There was nothing to it.” Her skin warmed at the memory of the way they’d curled up together.
“She thought I was hitting on her, too.” Tanner’s lip quirked up. “In case she says anything to you.”
Of course she did. A wave of mortification washed over Van again. “I’m sorry. I can’t imagine what she said.”
“It’s not your fault.” His voice was soft. But it did nothing to take away the embarrassment suffusing her. She closed her eyes in attempt to stem the tears, again. Damn, she hated crying. She didn’t want him to see her like this.
“Van, it’s not.” There was a certainty to his voice that she wanted to believe.
She nodded, her eyes still squeezed shut. Drawing in a ragged breath, she willed the tears to dry up, but she still felt them hot against her lids.
There was a scuffle, then Tanner was inside her room. His hand raked through his hair as he walked toward her, coming to a stop inches from where she was standing. His hot gaze caught hers, and she felt breathless, frozen to the spot as she waited for his next move.
“Come here.” He wrapped his strong arms around her shoulders, his hand cupping the back of her head as he pulled her to him.
“It’s okay,” he said softly, as she let her face press against his chest. She could smell the warm scent of his cologne, and the clean aroma of soap. His shirt was thin enough for her to feel the hardness of his muscles against her cheek.
“It’s not okay,” she whispered. “It’s not.”
She felt him press his lips against her head. His fingers tangled in her hair, brushing the nape of her neck, and he tipped her head back until her gaze caught his.
“Don’t cry. I fucking hate it when you cry.”
“Me too.” She gave him a watery smile. “So much.”
He wiped the tears away with the pad of his thumb, his touch leaving a trail of fire across her cheek. “Did you know your eyes change color when you have tears in them?” he whispered. “They look more green than blue.”
No, she didn’t. But the fact he noticed made her chest feel tight.
She was so aware of the way his body felt against hers. She could feel the denim of his jeans against her legs, the hardness of his thighs against her hips. Taking a deep breath, she blinked the last of her tears away, and he followed their trail with his eyes.
“I’ve stopped now.”
A half smile pulled at his lips. “Good.”
“Do you think she’ll call the cops?”
He lifted an eyebrow. “Chrissie? Can you imagine? Officer, I’d like to report a stained dress.”
For the first time since she’d gotten that phone call, Van felt like laughing. “I don’t get why she hates me so much. I know I hit her when we were in school, but that was years ago. What the hell did I do to deserve all that anger?”
“She hates you because you’re real,” Tanner told her, his jaw tight as he stared down at her. “Because you’re stronger, cleverer, and more beautiful than she is.” He lowered his head until his brow touched hers. He was close, so close, and he took her breath away. “You’re worth ten of her. You always were.”
His words felt like a beautiful pointed knife. Cutting her in two, but in such a pleasurable way. “Tanner…” she breathed, feeling the old familiar need engulfing her.
“Shh. Don’t say another word.” She could feel the warm air of his breath.
“But…”
He put his finger on her lips, and she tried to swallow down a smile. She used to drive him crazy with her talking. But that’s how she always thought. Out loud.
“Let me have this moment. I just want to look at you.” He slid his nose against hers until his lips were a sigh away from her mouth. She waited, swallowing down all the words she wanted to say.
Why was he looking at her that way? What did it mean?
And why did it feel so right after all this time of hating him?
“It was always you,” he whispered. “Always.” He slid his hands down the curve of her spine, pressing her against him until she wasn’t sure where she ended and he began. But still he didn’t kiss her. She could see his eyelashes fluttering as his gaze took her in.
It was always you. Her body hummed with the truth of those words. No matter how much she tried to fight it, he’d always been there. In her failed relationships, in her career triumphs, behind her eyelids when she tried to sleep at night.
It was always Tanner she saw, with his crooked smile and warm eyes, and his total belief in her.
“The way you look at me,” he whispered. “God, Van.”
All her words were gone. Caught in her chest that was squeezed so tight it was a surprise she could even breathe.
It was always him. Yes it was. And no matter how much she fought that, she would always lose.
His hands tightened around her, his fingers digging into her back. “You make my heart race like nothing and no one else,” he told her, closing his eyes and breathing her in.
Softly, slowly, he brushed his lips against hers, making her body sing in delight. Sliding his hand to cup the back of her head, he deepened the kiss, his lips needy and demanding, his tongue sliding against hers until they were both aching and breathless.
She looped her hands around his neck, rolling onto the balls of her feet to get closer. He walked forward, maneuvering her until the backs of her knees hit the soft surface of her mattress. Without conscious thought, they bent, until she was laying on the bed, Tanner’s strong, long body hovering over hers.
Not once did they break the kiss.
She wasn’t sure it was possible. Having his lips on hers felt as essential as breathing. He filled her up, emotions shooting through her chest, her stomach, her thighs.
When he finally pulled back, he looked as dazed as she felt. His eyes were bright, almost manic, his lips reddened by the friction they’d created. His hair was a glorious mess thanks to her demanding fingers, pointing this way and that. The same way it had when they were kids and he hadn’t learned to tame it.
She reached up to press the craziest of his locks down. His eyes scanned her face, as though he was looking for the answer to a question he hadn’t asked. She felt a jolt of electricity, along with the strangest emotion he’d brought out in her today.
Humor. God, this felt funny. Kissing Tanner Hartson after all these years. She tried to bite down the laughter, but it kept rising up, curling her lips and making her eyes crinkle.
“Are you laughing at me?” He pretended to frown.
She bit her lips together. “No.”
He grinned and slid his nose against hers again. She didn’t know what it was about that move, but it did something to her. Made every muscle in her body contract with the need for him.
“I think you are,” he whispered, tracing a line with his finger across the bottom of her throat. “I think you find me funny.”
“Not you, the situation.” Another cough of laughter excaped. “One minute I’m arguing with Chrissie Fairfax, the next I’m making out with you on my childhood bed. It’s like I fell asleep and woke up in 2010.”
“Coming home will do that to you. Make you feel like a kid.”
“Or a teenager.”
His grin widened. “Touché.” He kissed the corner of her lip. “Wanna make out like teenagers all night?”
She slid her hands up his back, pulling him closer. “I thought you’d never ask.”
“I’m asking.” He slid his hands over the swell of her behind, then pulled her against him, leaving her with no doubt of how excited he was.
“And I’m saying yes.” She circled her legs around his waist, anchoring herself against him.
“Okay,” he murmured, pressing his lips to hers. “Shut up and let me kiss you again.”
Chapter Seventeen
Tanner drank Van in with his eyes as she lay on her bed. Her golden hair was fanned out around her like a halo, framing her heated eyes and swollen lips. Lifting himself on the mattress, he caged her in with his arms, kissing his way up her neck, her jaw, until his lips were on hers again.
She tasted so good. Even better than he’d remembered. Her tongue was soft against his, delicately teasing him, making him harder than he’d ever
felt before. Sliding her hands beneath his t-shirt, Van feathered her fingers up his skin, making him gasp against her lips.
Much more of this and he’d be in so deep he wasn’t sure he’d make it to the surface again.
He needed to see her. All of her. Curling his fingers around her t-shirt, he tugged until her stomach was exposed, soft and smooth as he caressed it with his palms. He dipped his head down to press his lips against her skin, smiling when he heard her sigh.
Pushing her t-shirt up further, he kissed his way up her torso, until he reached the edge of her lacy bra. He glanced up, his eyes meeting hers, and she gave the smallest of nods. Her eyelids were hooded as he pulled her t-shirt off, leaving her exposed to him.
“You’re beautiful.” His voice was rough. Full of desire. He brushed his lips against the swell of her breast, then sucked at her nipple through the black lace of her bra. She arched her back, her breath catching in her throat, and the sound made him throb harder.
The air surrounding them changed. Hissed and fizzed like it was full of electricity. He reached up to smooth her hair back from her face, and pulled her in for another kiss.
She was as needy as him, tugging at his t-shirt until he was lifting it over his shoulders, then pressing his ridged chest to hers. She had the body of a runner. Lithe and firm, with all the right curves. Her ass was smooth and plump, and as his palms traced its contours he groaned into her mouth.
He could feel her nipples pebbling against him through the thin fabric of her bra. With tense fingers he pushed the straps down, then the cups until her breasts were exposed to him. Soft swells with hard peaks, the perfect size for his hands. He captured a nipple in his mouth and sucked hard, causing her to cry out. Damn, he loved the way she responded to him.
Their jeans were the next to go, landing in a heap beside the bed. She was naked now, apart from her panties. With his eyes on hers he slid his fingers beneath the elastic, waiting a moment until she gave an almost imperceptible nod.
“So damn sweet,” he murmured against her lips.
He felt the warmth of her against his palms as he slid his hands beneath the cotton. Pressing his fingers into her smooth flesh, he felt her grind against him. Damn, he was hard. Couldn’t remember the last time he felt this on edge.