by E. M. Foner
Word Night on Union Station
Book Nine of EarthCent Ambassador
Copyright 2016 by E. M. Foner
In response to reader requests, a character synopsis to bring readers up to date for Book Nine is now available free on the author’s website:
www.ifitbreaks.com/cast.htm
One
“In conclusion, it is the view of Union Station Embassy that humans have little chance of catching up with alien manufacturing technologies as long as the majority of our technical universities are staffed by former students, and this paradigm is unlikely to—Libby!”
“Yes, Ambassador?”
“It’s ‘paradigm,’ isn’t it?”
“Are you referring to fourteen down in last Friday’s Galactic Free Press crossword puzzle?”
“Don’t play coy with me. Dring is coming for dinner and I’ve never finished a crossword puzzle before him. Sometimes I think he’s making them up for Walter on the sly. What was the clue again?”
“A set of linguistic items that form mutually exclusive choices.”
“Paradigm! I’m sure that’s the alternative meaning. Argh, I hate working these puzzles on my heads-up display. Can you shift it to my display desk, please?”
“Very well, Ambassador, but at this rate, you’re going to be late for dinner and miss your self-imposed deadline for your weekly report.”
“I’ll just look at it for a minute,” Kelly promised. “There’s something about the hints to this crossword that I can’t quite put my finger on. They’re much more specific than usual and at least four times as long, but with ‘Clive’s Clues,’ as the title, I was sure that the words were all going to be espionage-related.” The ambassador spent a full minute staring at the hologram of the partially solved crossword puzzle that materialized over her display desk before shaking her head in disgust. “I still can’t spot the pattern.”
“You mean the paradigm.”
“What? Oh, now you’re just making fun of me. Can you play back that last paragraph before I interrupted myself so I can finish my report?” Kelly waved the hologram out of existence and rose to begin pacing back and forth behind her desk as the Stryx librarian provided her cue.
“On the bright side, humans who live on Verlock academy worlds have proven that our best brains are capable of beginning to understand much of the alien sciences, though our relatively short life spans are a serious handicap to achieving the mastery that comes with centuries of study. But the core problem, as explained to me by several technology experts, is that engineering is based on practice rather than theories. Theories may be useful in explaining why engineering works, but in and of itself, basic research does little to advance commercially useful technologies.”
Kelly nodded her head in agreement with her own words, and then took a deep breath to fuel her final run-on sentence.
“In conclusion, it is the view of Union Station Embassy that humans have little chance of catching up with alien manufacturing technologies as long as the majority of our technical universities are staffed by former students, and this pa—, uh, pattern is unlikely to be broken until humans who trained in alien work environments or studied in the Stryx Open University are recruited as faculty for Earth’s education industry.”
“Report encrypted and sent,” Libby said. “I’m glad to hear you’ve come to that conclusion. Some of us were beginning to wonder if you were hoping that Earth’s education system would fix itself, but Jeeves assured me that we could expect a paradigm shift at any time.”
“I get it already. I’m sorry I interrupted my report and then made you repeat part of it back, but I do worry about what the schools are teaching on Earth. I only finished a year of university before EarthCent hired me, but even though some of my professors had been born after the Stryx came, they were still teaching what their professors had taught them. The EarthCent Intelligence assessment shows that technical education back on Earth is hopelessly outdated. According to one survey, two out of three physics professors still believe that faster-than-light travel is impossible!”
“Theory of relativity,” Libby confirmed. “It has a certain beauty to it, but it’s a bit constraining if you actually want to go places.”
“I’ll say. Paul was telling me that one of the girls he studied with at your Open University, Lin somebody, actually understands the theoretical underpinnings of early Drazen jump drives. But when she wanted to get a job teaching at an Earth university, they wouldn’t even hire her as an assistant because they don’t recognize your accreditation.”
“The librarian on Far Station who handles administration for our Open University network did entertain an accreditation delegation from Earth some years ago. Unfortunately, talks bogged down over the delegation’s insistence that we replace proficiency testing with a numbered system of prerequisites.” Libby broke off her explanation and said, “You asked me to tell you when Clive arrived.”
“He’s here? Great! Maybe he can help me figure out the point of the crossword puzzle title.”
Kelly went to her office door and swiped open the lock that she only engaged during important meetings or when filing her weekly report. She stuck her head out and scanned the reception area, but Donna had already headed home for the weekend and Clive was nowhere to be seen. Then she heard voices coming from Daniel’s office and went to investigate.
“Ambassador, come in,” Daniel said, beckoning her into the small room. “Clive was on his way to see you, but I hijacked him to show off my new name-plate.”
“You’ve changed your name?”
“My title,” he said proudly. Kelly looked at the holographic nameplate on her junior consul’s display desk and realized that the ‘Junior’ was missing.
“They promoted you without telling me?” she asked in surprise.
“Well, not exactly,” Daniel admitted. “I’m trying to be more proactive about my career.”
“But you know that the Stryx actually control promotions for all of the higher level EarthCent positions, and I doubt they’re going to be influenced by your changing the title on your nameplate.”
“I had new business cards made too,” Daniel said, passing one to the ambassador.
Kelly took the card and read, “EarthCent Consul – Daniel Cohan.” The junior consul nodded happily. “Uh, do you think it’s smart to hand these out? I always give you excellent evaluations and I’m sure you’ll get a promotion eventually, but I worry something like this could backfire.”
“Jeeves is the one who told me that if I wanted to get ahead I should present EarthCent and the Stryx with a fait accompli. He’s been studying diplomacy, you know.”
Kelly blinked, and then a smile spread over her face. “Fait accompli. Something that has already happened that you cannot change. That’s seventeen across!”
“You’re going around with the Galactic Free Press crossword on your heads-up display again, aren’t you?” Clive accused the ambassador. “You’re going to trip over something or walk through an atmosphere retention field and wind up breathing vacuum one of these days.”
“I’m just trying to give Dring some real competition for a change. Besides, it’s practically your fault. How did your name end up in the puzzle’s title?”
Clive shrugged. “Walter knows that I don’t even look at the things. Blythe got annoyed when she saw it because she thinks he’s making fun of me. Her theory is that he’s implying that I’d start doing crossword puzzles if the hints were obvious enough.”
“I’m sure that’s not it,” Kelly said. “Crossword puzzle clues usually include misdirection and puns to make them
more difficult. Just like you’re the spy who doesn’t hide his identity, Walter is probably pointing out that the hints for this week’s crossword should be taken literally. The trick is that there isn’t any trick, but that’s exactly what it takes to confuse people like me who are expecting one.”
“Before you confuse me any further, let me tell you why I’m here. We just received word that another Galactic Free Press reporter on the Sharf/Horten frontier has been kidnapped by pirates, and you told me you wanted to know immediately if it happened again.”
“That’s the fourth one this year,” Kelly said in frustration. “Libby? Do you know anything about this?”
“The kidnapping on the Horten frontier is technically outside of the tunnel network, but I have to say that it’s the sort of behavior one would expect from pirates,” the Stryx librarian replied.
Clive nodded his agreement. “Blythe has invited Chastity and her senior staff to dinner for a talk about whether it’s really necessary to send reporters out there.”
“I can’t imagine that Walter will take any interference from EarthCent Intelligence lying down, but maybe Brinda will talk some sense into him,” Kelly said. “Any chance you could invite Daniel along to represent the diplomatic service?”
“I’ll go anywhere if I can pass out my new cards,” Daniel offered.
“Busy day,” Libby interjected brightly. “President Beyer just requested a secure channel to talk with you.”
“What time is it on Earth?”
“Nearly midnight, but he’s asking if you could spare him a few minutes. I told him you’re with Clive and Daniel and he said to bring them along.”
“No time like the present,” Kelly replied. “Let’s go, boys. Next door.”
Clive and Daniel followed Kelly into the reception area, where the junior consul grabbed an extra chair before entering the ambassador’s office. Kelly swiped the door lock after them and then took her seat, just as a hologram of a very rumpled President Beyer appeared over her display desk. He was holding a tumbler of a light amber liquid with a single ice cube floating in the glass.
“Glad I caught you,” the president said. “I happened to listen to your report as it came in, and putting aside the odd choice of words, I think you’re onto something important.”
“Thank you, Mr. President,” Kelly said formally. “Some of the human engineers on the station have complained to me that they want to help Earth move forward with new manufacturing techniques but they’re being shut out by credentialing issues.”
The president seemed distracted as Kelly replied and made a shooing away gesture at somebody who didn’t appear in the hologram. Then he took another sip from his drink and assumed a thoughtful expression, which Kelly took as an invitation to continue.
“I’ve also just learned that another Galactic Free Press reporter has been kidnapped by pirates, though I wouldn’t put it past the Grenouthians to be involved.”
“There’s not much we can do to protect humans who go off the tunnel network looking for trouble,” the president said. “Hell, there’s not much we can do to protect humans anywhere, if you’ll pardon my French.”
“So why did you call, Mr. President?”
The president took another sip of his Scotch, causing the ice cube to make a seductive tinkling sound, and Kelly could almost see him coming to a decision. He set down the tumbler and massaged his temples for a moment before sharing his thoughts.
“The reason I contacted you tonight is because I want to visit Union Station as soon as possible. I know it’s difficult to keep anything a secret these days, so if your embassy can manage a reception on short notice, it won’t look like I’m trying to sneak around. Maybe I’ll present an award to the newspaper for their investigative journalism while I’m there. Does EarthCent give out medals?” he asked his off-hologram companion. “No? Well, I don’t imagine they cost very much so it’s about time we started. I could give one to that children’s show host at the same time. It will be good for EarthCent’s brand recognition.”
“We’d be happy to have you, of course,” Kelly said, wondering how the subject had shifted from piracy to children’s programming.
“Why not let your junior consul take care of the reception?” the president suggested. “I’m told he’s done a great job with the sovereign human communities conferences. The delegations from open worlds who have visited Earth looking for money in the last couple years always speak highly of him.”
“Thank you, Mr. President,” Daniel said, sensing his opportunity. “It’s Consul Cohan now.”
“Oh, you’ve been promoted? I don’t remember seeing the paperwork.”
“Must have gotten lost, Mr. President,” Daniel asserted. “Could you put it in again for me?”
“Take a note,” the president said to his off-hologram companion. “Then I look forward to seeing all three of you in a few weeks. Was there anything else?” The president turned to his invisible assistant again and squinted as though he were trying to read something that was printed too small. “Okay, I need to wrap this up and get going. And tell that Walter fellow to stop making up such impossible crossword puzzles or I’m cancelling my subscription.”
The hologram dissolved before anybody could respond.
“Do you think he went for it?” Daniel asked. “He did tell her to take a note.”
“Your fait accompli?” Kelly shook her head. “It’s midnight there and he had a drink in his hand so he may see things differently in the morning. Besides, how do you know that it was a woman and not a man in the room with him?”
“He’s married. He wouldn’t have hidden a man.”
“You’re going to be late for dinner,” Libby reminded the ambassador.
“That’s right,” Kelly declared, rising from her chair. “Will you lock up, Daniel? I’ve got to get home.”
As the ambassador headed for the lift tube, it occurred to her that this was the first time she could remember leaving the embassy before Daniel on a Friday afternoon. Maybe his “promotion” had brought with it a new sense of responsibility.
The smells of Aisha’s cooking greeted her when she entered the ice harvester, but the table hadn’t been set, and it looked like the rest of the family was running late as well. A chubby little dinosaur browsing through her book shelves looked over when she entered.
“Dring,” Kelly said warmly. “Do you have any idea where everybody is?”
“Aisha is in the kitchen with Fenna, but Paul got hung up at Libbyland and he’s going to be late. Joe is working on a small cabin cruiser just on the other side of the training grounds. He said he’d be along any minute, and he asked me to tell you that Dorothy volunteered to cover a shift at the lost-and-found for a Fillinduck girl who suddenly molted out of season. Your son is playing in his room with Banger, and Beowulf is keeping an eye on them.”
“Thank you, Dring. You’re saving us a fortune in ping charges.”
“Did you enjoy this week’s puzzle?” the Maker asked.
Kelly grimaced and flopped down in her Love-U recliner. “I was sure I was going to finish this one but I got hung up in the section with all the words derived from Greek and French. I did figure out the meaning of the title, though, so you should give me partial credit. It’s an allusion to Clive’s job as the head of EarthCent Intelligence being the worst-kept secret in the galaxy.”
“Hmm. I interpreted it differently but perhaps Walter fooled me this time.”
The shape-shifter began unrolling a large sheet of parchment on which he had drawn the previous Friday’s crossword puzzle and then filled in all of the blanks with ink calligraphy. He always presented his solution to Kelly before the solved puzzle was released with the new challenge on Friday night. After a few days, the ink Dring employed would turn into a fine dust and release from the scroll, allowing Kelly to return the parchment to him for reuse.
“What did you make of the title?” Kelly asked, suddenly unsure of her own solution.
“
I’m sure you recognized that the verbose hints this week were all partial definitions from the Oxford English Dictionary. I memorized it back when I was learning your delightful language.”
“Of course,” Kelly groaned, resisting the urge to slap herself on the forehead. “Clive Oxford. Clive’s Clues. How could I miss that, especially after Blythe explained how he took the name from an English clothing boutique.” Kelly shook her head sadly. “So it turns out that the title was just as straightforward as the hints. I was looking for a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma, but it turned out to be a reference work I have on my shelf.”
Kelly got up and went to retrieve her recently acquired two-volume boxed edition of the dictionary to show it off to Dring. Despite the fact that she could instantly look up any word in any language on her heads-up display, she’d always coveted the condensed Oxford English Dictionary with its tiny print and the large magnifying glass in the cardboard drawer above the books. Her mother had located a century-old set at an estate sale on Earth and sent it in the diplomatic pouch for Kelly’s fifty-third birthday.
“Is something wrong?” Dring asked.
Kelly stood stock still in front of a largish gap on the bookshelf, a tragic expression on her face. “I forgot I loaned it to somebody two weeks ago,” she muttered.
“Walter?”
“Brinda. He must have put her up to it. Do you think this is fair grounds to ask them to return the wedding present I gave them?”
“What was it?”
“A big dog bowl and some industrial-strength chew toys. I’m sure Beowulf wouldn’t mind that they’ve been used by that pretty Cayl hound Brinda brought back from her imperial hostage experience.”
“Interesting choice for a wedding present.”
“Don’t you remember? They insisted that people only give them things from the bridal registry that she set up at the Shuk. I think she was afraid that people would buy them decorative items that she didn’t want to display. She studied art history, you know.”