“Where’s Sadie? Is she okay?”
“She’s at home.” Bella said calmly. “Sleeping.”
“Alone?” There was a hint of panic in my voice. “Is she old enough to stay by herself?!”
Bella’s lips curled up into a wide smile that took up her whole face. It was a real smile. Seeing that smile gave me hope that things would be okay. “Yes. She’s old enough to stay home alone. I was babysitting when I was her age, remember?”
“Oh, right.” I used to sneak over to wherever she was and we’d watch movies and make out when the kids went to bed.
Holy shit! Was there someone kissing my daughter?!
“But,” Bella went on. “She’s not alone. Jade is with her. She was excited to meet her namesake.”
“Oh that’s right, Sadie Jade.” So much had happened this morning that it was hard to keep it all straight.
Bella’s left shoulder shrugged. “I wanted to name her after Cara, but with everything…I just…”
My heart broke again. “I’m sorry, Bella. I’m so sorry. I’ll do anything to make this better, whatever you need. Whatever Sadie needs. I’ll do anything.”
She nodded and I could see that there was hope in her eyes, but there were still walls up. She was still guarded and I didn’t blame her. “Just tell me what I can do.”
“Umm,” she tilted her head so she was looking around me. “You could let me in to start with.”
“Oh shit.” I opened the door further. When I shut it, I ran my hands through my hair. “I’m sorry. I’m just…I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“Yeah, there’s a lot of that going around.” She sat on the couch facing the large picture window.
“Can I get you anything? Water? A stiff drink?”
She laughed and my world righted itself. Just hearing that sweet sound anchored me and I knew I could handle whatever else came my way. “No. I’m good.”
I wanted to pull her onto my lap, but I knew that wasn’t what she wanted or needed right now. So I took the chair across from her so I could give her my full attention and not be tempted to reach out and touch her.
Inhaling through her nose, she took a deep breath before saying, “I think we should talk.”
She looked like the weight of the world was sitting on her shoulders and I wanted more than anything else to take her burdens off of her. And I would start with being there for her and listening to her. I had questions and I wanted answers.
When could I see Sadie?
Was she going to tell her that I was her father or was I?
Were they going to live in Wishing Well?
If not, then where would we be moving?
There was no way I wasn’t going to live in the same town as them. I’d missed twelve years, I wasn’t going to miss another day. But first, I would listen and make sure that she felt heard and supported…unless she wanted me to take the lead.
“Do you want to start, or do you want me to?” I asked.
That put another smile on her lips and I breathed a little easier. “I’ll start.” She gulped and then said, “I think it’s best if I tell Sadie alone. I feel like she’s had so many things changing in her life and I don’t think it’s fair to her to put the added pressure of hearing that news with an audience.” She flinched. “Not that you’re an audience, you’re not, I just meant—”
“I know what you meant, and if that’s what you think is best then that’s what we’ll do.”
“Good,” she nodded, looking marginally relieved. “My plan is to tell her tomorrow morning. She’s out like a light and probably won’t resurface until then and it’ll give me some time to figure out exactly what to say.”
“Okay,” I agreed.
She straightened and lifted her chin. “After I talk to her, I’ll call you and let you know what the plan is. I’m not sure how she’s going to take it and I don’t want to force her into meeting you, officially, as her father, until she’s ready. I wish I could tell you when that will be, but I can’t. I have no idea how she’s going to react to this.” Tears coated her glossy eyes. “But, I will not push her before she’s ready. As unfair as this situation is for us, she really didn’t ask for any of this. She’s been through so much, and I will not let anyone hurt her, even you. I’m sorry if you don’t think that’s fair to you, but I have to do what’s right.”
“Bella,” I cut in. “I don’t care about me. This isn’t about me. This is about Sadie. I would never force her to meet me.” My gut twisted in knots that she thought she had to protect our daughter from me. “I would never hurt her. You have to know that.”
“I know.” The tears were pouring down her face now. “I do know that. I’m just…this is all so much. And for so many years it’s just been me and Sadie. I mean and Owen, but he worked seventy plus hours a week and was always gone at conferences and medical conventions. It’s really been just the two of us. And she was so sick for so long.”
“You said she was in the NICU,” I said to myself more than her as the memory came back to me. “You said you got the papers when she was in the NICU.”
She nodded, wiping her face. I grabbed her a tissue from the side table and handed it to her. “Thanks. Yes, she was in the NICU for the first two months of her life and then in the hospital for three more after that.”
My chest felt like it was in a vice. It tightened to the point where I could barely breathe.
“She was premature and was born with a lot of health issues. The doctors only gave her a forty percent chance of survival. Which, of course I heard as a…”
“Sixty percent chance of death,” we said in unison.
Just like Cara.
Bella continued crying. “At first it looked really bad. Her lungs weren’t developed and she had several heart conditions. But she was, she is, a fighter. Every day she got a little better. I remember the nurses would say “today was a good day” more and more. I started counting them. When she was finally released from the hospital she’d gotten thirty-two today was a good days in a row.”
“God, Bella. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there for you. For Sadie. I don’t know how you did it. You’re so strong.”
“No,” she shook her head. “Sadie is the strong one. She did all the hard work. I was just there. She was the one that fought.” Tears poured down her cheeks like waterfalls as she took in a shaky breath. “She was so small. So fragile. Even her skin was translucent. She was the one that didn’t give up. She was the one that proved all of the doctors wrong. I just showed up every day and held her.”
Thinking of her at sixteen, alone, in a city where she didn’t know anyone, with a new baby in the hospital, and no support was unthinkable to me. I had to know that someone was there with her. “And your aunt, Ruby, did she come with you?”
Her face dropped, and she wiped her cheeks with the tissue. “She would’ve, but she was sick. When I got to Seattle I realized that she was having the same symptoms as Papa Duke. She was confused a lot. Forgot who I was. Thankfully, she had two neighbors that looked out for her so I didn’t have to worry about her when I was in the hospital with Sadie.”
“Oh my god,” I exhaled. She’d been through hell, through a living nightmare, and she was still here, still standing, still fiercely protecting her, our daughter. How could she not see how strong she was? How could she not see that she was a fighter?
It was everything I could do not to reach out and hug her. “You have to know that I would’ve been there if I’d known. I can’t believe I wasn’t there.”
“I do know that…now. At the time, I don’t know, I was scared. And you told me that you wanted to see other people and then the one time you answered the phone when I called you hung up on me, so when I got the papers, I just thought…I didn’t know what to think.”
Not being able to keep my distance I moved in front of her, kneeling as I took her face in my hands. “I said all that at the bus because I wanted you to go and have a chance to be happy. I didn’
t want you waiting for me. I wanted you to live your life and not put it on hold for me.”
“Wait…What?!” Bella stood and I stood with her. “You didn’t mean…you didn’t mean all those things you said to me?!”
“No.” I shook my head, trying to make her understand. “I loved you. I never stopped loving you. I still love you. I just…I thought it was the right thing to do. I thought that if you were thinking about me, about home, that you would never be happy.”
“Do you think that made it better?!” She yelled. “Do you think that I wasn’t more miserable because I thought you didn’t love me anymore? Do you think breaking my heart makes me happy?!”
“No. I know it didn’t. I know that it was wrong. I was so wrong and I’m so sorry.”
“You’re sorry?” She let out a forced laugh. “You’re sorry. Do you think that makes everything better?” She pressed her hand to her chest. “I was fifteen. I was pregnant. I lost my dad. My mom was on drugs. I was in a city with an aunt who didn’t know who I was anymore, you were the only good thing I could’ve had in my life.” Her face was soaked with tears still flowing as she put her hands on my chest and pushed, but I didn’t budge. “You were the only love I could’ve had in my life and you told me you wanted to see other people.” She pushed again and her legs started to collapse as she began to crumble into sobs. “You told me—”
“I’m sorry.” I grabbed her upper arms and lifted her up, pulling her to me as she cried against my chest. I ran my hands through her hair, held her and told her again and again that I was so sorry and that I loved her. It might be too late, but she had to know. I loved her, I always had and I always would.
Chapter 22
Bella
“A faint heart never filled a flush.”
~ Papa Duke
As Colton wrapped me up in his arms, the raging emotion, all the swirling turmoil, began to still at his touch. He had always had that power over me and I loved and hated it at the same time. I hated the loss of control. But, I did love the way it made me feel to be taken care of, and surrender that control to someone that I knew was so capable, and so trustworthy.
I let myself absorb his strength as I cried all the tears that’d been waiting to be cried. I cried for me. I cried for Sadie. I cried for Colton. I cried and cried and cried.
He held me, whispering that he was sorry and that he loved me.
When the last tear had fallen and my eyes fluttered open, I started to become aware of my surroundings. I was cradled in Colton’s arms, sitting in his lap, my head nuzzled in my favorite place. The crook of his neck.
I inhaled and without thinking, I pressed my lips to it and felt the moan vibrate beneath my lips. I liked the feeling, I wanted more of it, so I kissed him again, this time letting my tongue taste his flesh.
His hand that had been rubbing my back moved lower and gripped my hip. I tightened my arms around him as I trailed kisses up the side of his neck. Up and down. Losing myself in the salty taste that was either my own tears or just Colton, I didn’t know. Letting myself forget about everything but how I felt.
“Bella.” Colton rasped.
I stilled, then lifted my head. “I need you, Colton. I don’t want to think, I just want to fee—”
Colton crushed his lips to mine before I finished my thought.
I surrendered completely to the sensations that his kiss sent through me. It might be crazy, what we were doing after everything that had happened. But crazy was what I was around him. I had to face it. And what I had to face even more than that was that I liked the brand of crazy I became when he touched me. I craved it.
I tilted my head back. My mind was racing. I could feel myself starting to slip down into that place I loved—that place where I lost all consciousness of anything in my life except the moment I was in, and the way that Colton was touching me.
I might just have to face the possibility that, when it came to me, Colton was an addiction, one that I might never kick. No matter how hard I tried.
I let out a small gasp. The feeling of Colton’s lips pressing against the tender, sensitive flesh of my neck caused my heart to beat faster. I felt my runaway pulse throbbing hard in my neck, and an instant later, I felt Colton’s lips pressed firmly against it.
Knowing that he was feeling the blood pumping through my veins under his lips caused it to speed up even faster. Now it seemed my heart was beating right out of my chest, and I was filled with a raging hunger. I needed to go farther, and faster. My heartbeat sounded like a drumbeat in my ears and I had to move to the rhythm it dictated.
I reached down and slipped my shirt over my head. I needed to get naked as quickly as possible. I wanted his hands on me, his mouth. I wanted his fingers running up and down my hot skin, electrifying it to the boiling point.
Colton’s lips burned against my skin as he moved them against me. He kissed his way down my neck and over my chest. He pushed my bra up and off of my breasts, never even bothering to unhook it, just sliding it off right over my head. Then he cupped my full mounds in his hands, holding them up like prizes, and flicked my nipples with his tongue, swirling them and teasing them until I thought I’d die.
I put my hands on his chest and shoved, forcefully, so his back was flat against the couch cushions. His eyes widened at the sudden change in energy, at my take-charge attitude. I shifted so that I straddled him, placing one knee on each side of his thighs. I needed to feel empowered, and this was the way I was going to do it. I was done letting other people determine what was going to happen, in this or anything else. I was taking back my power.
I pushed Colton’s shoulders back and attacked his mouth with mine. I pushed my tongue into his mouth hungrily, sweeping it back and forth, exploring all the territory it had to offer. He pushed back with his own tongue. We kissed like that for what seemed like an exquisite eternity.
Then, the hunger overtaking me again, I grabbed his hands and moved them to my breasts. He rolled my nipples between his thumb and forefinger as we kissed, sending sparks shooting through me as he pinched and rolled them. He definitely knew what he was doing. He knew my body, in some ways, better than I did. And I enjoyed putting myself in his hands in the most literal sense.
I felt his hard length pressing against me and moved my hips slowly back and forth. I rolled my body in a seductive rhythm, creating a slow and sensual friction from the heat between my legs and his bulging dick. There were still clothes between us—but it was better that way because it couldn’t build too quickly. It was like a pot of water that could only heat up in slow, one-degree increments. It took a long time to get going, but when it did reach the boiling point, watching those bubbles rise to the top was all the more satisfying because of the long, steady journey it took to get there.
Colton groaned and his hands flew to my hips. He grasped me desperately, his fingers digging into my flesh, and pulled me down harder onto him. “Fuck, you feel so good,” he moaned. “I love the way you feel on me. I want you, Bella. I need you. I love you.”
I disentangled myself from him, pushing his thighs apart with my body as I dropped to my knees in front of him. I looked up at him, holding his gaze. My chest was heaving with my rapid breaths, and so was his. Our eyes stayed locked onto each other for a long moment. It seemed like time itself was suspended.
Never breaking contact with his gaze, I unbuckled his belt and unfastened his pants. I had to focus through my lust-haze, and it was a challenge. My fingers trembled and my mind wouldn’t stay still. I just kept envisioning the two of us together, flashes of what was to come, and it made it tough to drag my concentration back to the task at hand—undoing his jeans and pulling out his magnificent erection.
He lifted up off the couch to help me pull his jeans and boxers down when the time came.
When I finally had him completely free, I wrapped both hands around his impressive girth. I still held his eyes. I liked watching the fireworks go off behind them while I touched his dick. That wasn’t the only ind
ication. The way his steely shaft jumped and pulsed under my grip gave me a pretty good idea that I was on the right track.
I removed my hands from him for one moment, ignoring his groan of protest, and licked my palms thoroughly, coating them with slick saliva before wrapping them back around his dick. The lubrication caused my hand to slide easily up and down his smooth skin. Each time I reached both his base and then tip, I tightened my fingers, giving each area an extra squeeze. After a few firm and steady strokes I noticed a bead of cum appear on his throbbing head. I knew that if I continued at this speed and friction, we’d end up at the finale sooner rather than later, so I slowed my movements and loosened my grip enough to continue the show but allow his arousal to subside.
I watched as his breathing evened out, his upper body relaxed slightly and the throbbing of his steel-hard flesh slowed. When I was pretty sure that I’d gotten things back to a good baseline, I decided to move to act two. Leaning forward I flattened my tongue and licked around the crown of his sex as my hand continued moving up and down his shaft.
His thighs flexed and he hissed through clenched teeth.
After several passes of my tongue going round and round the broad head of his erection he threaded his fingers through my hair and growled, “Fuck.”
My own sex clenched at his illicit word, sending a feverish rush of desire whipping through me. I sealed my lips around the tip of his erection and applied just a little suction. When I did, I heard him suck in an audible breath. My instinct, my internal desire was to pull him into the wet, warmth of my mouth, to take him as deep down my throat as I could but another part of me didn’t want it to feel too good too soon. I wanted to tease him a little. I wanted to draw this out. I wanted this to be another “slow boil” situation.
Slowly, torturously, I slid my mouth down his shaft. His shaft pulsed and throbbed against my tongue and beneath my lips. When I took him as far as I could, I rose back up at the same unhurried pace.
His fingers tightened against my scalp, pulling my hair in the best, most erotic way. The stinging sensation shot straight between my legs.
Claiming Colton (Wishing Well, Texas Book 5) Page 15