YOUNG MAN: Right.
OLDER MAN: And I know they fucked it up a bit with building shit everywhere but the port is still the port. It’s hidden there behind all the blah. Still looking out on the world.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: It’s like we’re all being put back in our box or something isn’t it?
Small beat.
OLDER MAN: And now I don’t know what I’ll do now.
YOUNG MAN: Oh?
OLDER MAN: Yeah. I’m done.
Long beat.
OLDER MAN: Here’s me giving you all this now.
YOUNG MAN: That’s alright.
OLDER MAN: I’m an awful mouth.
YOUNG MAN: No.
OLDER MAN: I am. I’m sorry. I should shut up or something.
Beat. The OLDER MAN looks at the YOUNG MAN.
OLDER MAN: I was worried about you, you know.
YOUNG MAN: Oh?
OLDER MAN: No reason now. I been thinking about you. I couldn’t stop.
YOUNG MAN: Why?
OLDER MAN: No why. Not bad now. Since the last time. Since then. Since we met even. I like you. I was worried about you. Thinking if you’re safe.
YOUNG MAN: I’m grand.
OLDER MAN: I see.
Beat.
I dreamed about you.
Beat. The OLDER MAN feels awkward again.
OLDER MAN: You’re looking at me now.
YOUNG MAN: No.
OLDER MAN: He’s a fucken nut job you’re saying.
YOUNG MAN: I’m not.
OLDER MAN: Go on.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: Can I tell you this?
YOUNG MAN: What?
Beat.
OLDER MAN: I dreamed about you.
YOUNG MAN: Right.
OLDER MAN: I did. I do.
YOUNG MAN: What?
OLDER MAN: Fucken stupid.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: I dreamed and this might sound crazy now so you can call the fucken funny farm yeah and I’m never one to dream either so you can write this one down too. Maybe boring dreams about work maybe. Shipping orders or packing containers and really boring shit with lists. Like that. But this dream was different. This dream I was talking to you, yeah.
YOUNG MAN: Right.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: Yeah. I dreamt I was holding you. Holding on to you. The both of us easy. Only next thing it changes and I don’t know how it starts. Maybe you rock forward or maybe you want it but we’re falling in a lurch like down a set of steps. A big steps a stairs and we’re falling into the dark and I let you go then cause I can’t hold on. I can’t hold on and I let you go then and you disappear down this down. And I’m hardly falling now at all I’m stopped and standing but you just keep falling farther. And I want to help you I do but I can’t. I can’t reach out. I can’t reach down. And then I wake then. And I’m crying. I’m crying cause you’re gone cause you’re dead maybe. I’m crying. There. Then. Like that. That’s it. That’s all.
Beat. The OLDER MAN tries to recover himself. The YOUNG MAN is perhaps disturbed.
OLDER MAN: Mad.
YOUNG MAN: Yeah.
OLDER MAN: And it wasn’t once this.
YOUNG MAN: No?
OLDER MAN: This was loads of times this. Five or six times. More. And nearly always the same and it upsets me no end. It’s stuck in my head now and I feel responsible. I find it hard to sleep then sometimes.
YOUNG MAN: Sorry.
OLDER MAN: No it’s nothing. It’s just me. It’s my head and I’m the one.
The OLDER MAN is deeply moved. He stops speaking. The moment hangs.
OLDER MAN: So I haven’t been myself just and my wife now doesn’t know what’s going on. She thinks I need help or counselling or something and I think she thinks I’m losing my mind. Which is a worry.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: Yeah. So that’s why I called you then just. I thought I’d like to see you.
YOUNG MAN: Right.
OLDER MAN: I thought I’d like to see that you were well, you were alright. And then that’s done then. I’d leave you alone then I think.
A very long pause. Eventually the YOUNG MAN puts down his can.
YOUNG MAN: (Meaning sex.) We going to do this?
OLDER MAN: Not yet I think.
YOUNG MAN: You want to?
OLDER MAN: Wait.
An long awkward pause. The OLDER MAN is in deep silence. The YOUNG MAN is perhaps anxious to leave.
YOUNG MAN: I better go then.
OLDER MAN: What?
YOUNG MAN: If we’re not doing nothing.
OLDER MAN: Where are you going?
YOUNG MAN: (Making up an excuse.) I’m meeting someone.
OLDER MAN: (Standing.) Who?
YOUNG MAN: (Standing too.) It’s late.
OLDER MAN: It’s not late.
YOUNG MAN: Just.
OLDER MAN: I’m paying.
YOUNG MAN: I know.
OLDER MAN: So sit fucking down.
YOUNG MAN: What?
OLDER MAN: Please.
Small tense beat.
OLDER MAN: Please. We’ll start in a minute in a while… Sit.
There is a stand-off. The YOUNG MAN may leave. He stares at the OLDER MAN.
OLDER MAN: I’ll pay you more.
YOUNG MAN: How much?
OLDER MAN: A hundred.
YOUNG MAN: Yeah?
OLDER MAN: Yeah. A hundred. Sit down.
The YOUNG MAN does not know what to do.
OLDER MAN: You can buy something nice for Chloe then.
Beat. The YOUNG MAN eventually sits.
OLDER MAN: Thanks.
The OLDER MAN remains standing.
OLDER MAN: Am I creeping you out here is that it?
YOUNG MAN: No.
OLDER MAN: I’d say I am.
YOUNG MAN: You’re not.
OLDER MAN: I can’t believe I am talking all this shit like this here even. That I’m here like this even. I don’t usually talk. I mean I talk but I don’t usually say nothing ever.
Beat.
YOUNG MAN: What do you want to do?
OLDER MAN: Wait. For a while wait just… Alright?
YOUNG MAN: Alright.
OLDER MAN: We relax.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: Are you finished your drink?
YOUNG MAN: Yeah.
OLDER MAN: Here.
The OLDER MAN hands the YOUNG MAN another can. They sit. The OLDER MAN looks at the YOUNG MAN.
OLDER MAN: I want to look at you.
YOUNG MAN: Oh.
OLDER MAN: I want you to take off some more of your clothes?
YOUNG MAN: What?
OLDER MAN: Your top just if you want. Is that OK?
YOUNG MAN: It’s grand.
OLDER MAN: Open your can there.
YOUNG MAN: No.
The YOUNG MAN stands and takes off his top. There is a type of vulnerability to this action. A masking bravado.
He stands for a moment bare. His body is attractive. Eventually he sits.
OLDER MAN: Oh.
The OLDER MAN stares at him for a long moment. The YOUNG MAN becomes a little unnerved by this.
YOUNG MAN: What?
OLDER MAN: Nothing. Lovely you’re lovely.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: When I first seen you first. You remember?
YOUNG MAN: What?
OLDER MAN: In them toilets there.
YOUNG MAN: Yeah.
OLDER MAN: I was afraid of you.
YOUNG MAN: Yeah?
OLDER MAN: Yeah. I was afraid of you but I wanted to touch you. My heart was fucken thumping. I like looking at you.
Beat. The YOUNG MAN looks hard at the OLDER MAN.
OLDER MAN: (Almost chuckling.) If people saw me here now this they wouldn’t believe me.
YOUNG MAN: No?
OLDER MAN: No not at all. Yeah. Fuck.
He laughs short. Beat.
OLDER MAN: Do people know you do this
? Does anyone?
YOUNG MAN: Not many.
OLDER MAN: Exactly. Your girlfriend?
YOUNG MAN: No.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: (Meaning homosexuals.) I’m not one of those you know.
YOUNG MAN: I know.
OLDER MAN: You’re not one of them either.
YOUNG MAN: No.
OLDER MAN: Yeah exactly. I mean I see them all the time everywhere I do. On the telly permanently. With their clothes. With their clothes and their fucken…
YOUNG MAN: Yeah.
OLDER MAN: With all that.
YOUNG MAN: I know.
OLDER MAN: And they have no idea.
YOUNG MAN: I know.
OLDER MAN: They don’t have families.
YOUNG MAN: No.
OLDER MAN: They don’t have children.
YOUNG MAN: I know.
OLDER MAN: They don’t know what it’s like.
YOUNG MAN: Yeah.
OLDER MAN: Not for us what it’s like. I’m not them.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: So what am I do you think?
YOUNG MAN: I don’t know.
OLDER MAN: You can say.
YOUNG MAN: I don’t know.
OLDER MAN: Do you hate me?
YOUNG MAN: No.
OLDER MAN: Thank you.
Beat. The YOUNG MAN looks at the OLDER MAN and eventually decides to speak.
YOUNG MAN: There was a lad in school with me. Ahead of me he was. Jason Connolly. A big bastard and mad as well and we used to go mitching together and it was just gas just and no one gave a fuck about us really. Jason and me.
Beat.
YOUNG MAN: And one day we was up around Ballybough and then down by Fairview park then messing, hanging around like. And I must have said something cause me and Jason had a few words then. We was locked and he hit me a few slaps and he fucked off then so I was left there alone. Crying I think drunk. And this man stops. In the park just. This man. An auld fella. Starts talking all funny. Sort of weird shit about women and that. Had a car he had. So I went with him just. That was all. He gave me money and I was just laughing my hole off I was. I didn’t care. I was 14. It was easy.
Beat. The OLDER MAN is disturbed by this.
OLDER MAN: And do you never be afraid now?
YOUNG MAN: I can look after myself I can.
OLDER MAN: I know.
Beat.
YOUNG MAN: Some people is just dirty bastards just.
OLDER MAN: Yeah.
YOUNG MAN: I know them. I can spot them.
Beat.
YOUNG MAN: There was this one fucker once. This lad. He went about shouting a bit. Tried holding me down by the neck. Saying things.
OLDER MAN: And what did you do?
YOUNG MAN: Gave him a few digs. Told him I was going to stab him. Told him I was going to shame him.
OLDER MAN: Yeah?
YOUNG MAN: Yeah. He stopped then. Let me up. Started crying he did.
OLDER MAN: Right.
YOUNG MAN: The fucken asshole.
Small beat. The YOUNG MAN opens his beer.
YOUNG MAN: I’d like to make loads of money.
OLDER MAN: I know.
YOUNG MAN: For Chloe. For when she’s older.
Long pause.
OLDER MAN: My son it was who slapped me.
YOUNG MAN: Oh?
OLDER MAN: Oh yeah.
YOUNG MAN: Why?
The OLDER MAN sits.
OLDER MAN: We’re not close. Obviously. We never been. Don’t know whose fault that is. My fault. His mother’s fault maybe. I was always the giving out one you see. Shut up you and that. That was my part. Old-fashioned but that’s us.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: And I’m good with my daughter now. She’s different. She loves me I think. But not him, I don’t know him. He’s rough.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: (With difficulty.) If he wasn’t my son now and he is. I’m only saying. He looks the head of me the poor fuck. But if he wasn’t and I met him in life… I don’t know that I’d like him you know. I wouldn’t. I know that.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: I wouldn’t like him as a person you know. He’s hard. And I’m only saying this now just.
YOUNG MAN: You’re alright.
OLDER MAN: Same age as yourself maybe. Older. Is that an awful thing to say that?
YOUNG MAN: I don’t know.
Beat
OLDER MAN: Yeah. And that pains me now that does. Looking at him. I love him I do, I have to. But I don’t know him. I don’t like him. He doesn’t know me. No.
Long pause.
OLDER MAN: Is your dad with us?
YOUNG MAN: What?
OLDER MAN: Is he dead or?
YOUNG MAN: No no. He’s alive he’s grand.
OLDER MAN: And you like him?
YOUNG MAN: He’s me Da.
OLDER MAN: You love him?
YOUNG MAN: Why?
OLDER MAN: No why. Just.
Beat. The YOUNG MAN decides to speak.
YOUNG MAN: I do. He’s a fucken tart sometimes though. He’s funny.
OLDER MAN: Oh?
YOUNG MAN: Always sniffing around after women. He loves them he does. Says he wants to come back as a lesbian next time round.
OLDER MAN: Yeah?
YOUNG MAN: He’s always saying shit like that. He’s funny.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: And does he help you?
YOUNG MAN: What do you mean?
OLDER MAN: He helps you?
YOUNG MAN: I don’t know.
OLDER MAN: He should.
Beat. The YOUNG MAN thinks.
YOUNG MAN: He has another family now like. He left me Ma a long time ago. When me and my sister Nadine was small. He left me and Nadine there with her, my mother, and she’s a mad fucken… I don’t think he should have done that. And that annoyed me for a while about him but he’s a good laugh he is sometimes.
OLDER MAN: OK.
YOUNG MAN: Lives in Cherry Orchard now. I never hardly see him never. Sometimes in town sometimes or when I was living in my Nan’s. We’d go drinking.
Beat. The YOUNG MAN thinks.
YOUNG MAN: Your Da?
OLDER MAN: What?
YOUNG MAN: Where’s he?
OLDER MAN: My old man is dead.
YOUNG MAN: Right.
OLDER MAN: He’s dead a year.
YOUNG MAN: Oh.
OLDER MAN: That time I first met you he was just gone.
YOUNG MAN: I’m sorry.
OLDER MAN: No. He was an old bastard. I don’t miss him.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: I think about him but I don’t miss him. I wonder am I turning into him sometimes you know.
YOUNG MAN: Yeah?
OLDER MAN: Apparently we all do.
YOUNG MAN: Fuck.
OLDER MAN: Exactly.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: Will you take off some more clothes?
YOUNG MAN: What?
OLDER MAN: You can take off your shoes, your sweats if you want.
YOUNG MAN: Do you want me to?
OLDER MAN: I want you to.
YOUNG MAN: OK.
OLDER MAN: Leave on your smalls just, your boxers. Let me look at you. I don’t want a show or anything.
The YOUNG MAN takes off his runners and his tracksuit bottoms. He stands in his underpants and socks only. He fixes himself. He is beautiful to look at. The OLDER MAN watches him as if in a trance.
OLDER MAN: You’re young.
YOUNG MAN: Yeah.
OLDER MAN: You can be here easy. Sitting here yourself just.
YOUNG MAN: What?
OLDER MAN: I can’t be like that. I sit here now and I’m old. I wish I wasn’t. I wish I could be different. I wish I could be young again. You’re beautiful.
Long beat.
OLDER MAN: When my father died yeah?
YOUNG MAN: Yeah?
OLDER MAN: My father was all straight lines. This and th
is and this. You know?
YOUNG MAN: Yeah.
OLDER MAN: And he was permanently fucken church and morals and he terrorised everyone in our house then. And I took more than my fair share. I was the oldest. I was his greatest disappointment it seemed in life like.
YOUNG MAN: Right.
OLDER MAN: Yeah. And he was probably right.
Beat. The OLDER MAN steadies himself.
OLDER MAN: So when we had his funeral then. And he went sudden now like. I mean one minute talking shite and the next thing he’s down and bang he’s gone.
YOUNG MAN: Right.
OLDER MAN: Yeah. In front of me this was. At my Mam’s place when I went over to visit him, cause I went over twice a week when no one else did and he was still a cranky old cunt.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: And he dropped then and I couldn’t save him. I couldn’t bring him back and I tried, I don’t know why. In the galley kitchen there. He was just gone and there was a broken plate on the floor there beside him small. Ridiculous.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: And all that’s took its toll then. This year and after. Before I met you.
YOUNG MAN: Right.
OLDER MAN: And then I met you. When I met you. You were like a shining thing.
Beat. The YOUNG MAN is confused or disturbed by this statement.
OLDER MAN: Is that a stupid thing to say?
YOUNG MAN: I don’t fucken know.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: But at my Dad’s funeral then anyway. After his funeral. I found out this thing. I heard this thing. I was told.
YOUNG MAN: What?
OLDER MAN: I guessed. There was a woman in the church there at his funeral. And I’d known her from around our area. From the local pub and that. And she wasn’t married. About that much away from being a slapper really but holds her own she does and she drinks. But there was something in the way I seen her there. The way she looked and the way she was crying in the church there. And a few weeks later I seen her again in our local and I’m a bit pissed so I goes over and I sits down at her table and she looks at me, ‘oh,’ like you know. Valerie her name is Val. So I asks her straight out simple sitting there and she tells me. Like that. Yeah.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: He’d been banging her for years it seems. Twenty years, more. That far back. And she loved him the fucken edjit she said and that was all. He used promise he’d leave me Mam when the kids was done and that and she believed him then and she settled for it and that was her life. And I felt sorry for her there I did. Yeah. Another one of his fuck-ups. That was all. Fuck him.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: Left me complicated he did. Like this. Confused.
Beat.
YOUNG MAN: You alright?
The Oberon Anthology of Contemporary Irish Plays Page 5