Not yet anyway.
Deborah met me in the arrival’s lounge.
I got the thumbs up from her.
I can’t wait to see the kids.
I can’t wait to see the kids.
I just finish dilating and have my make-up in place when everyone arrives.
Charlotte, my youngest, hugs me first.
Then Ellen appears at the door.
We give each other a polite hug and a kiss on the cheek.
We both hold it together and everything is fine.
One time not too long after the operation, about three or four months in, I woke up with an erection and my hand around my penis and I thought, ‘oh my god, it grew back during the night.’
I was still dreaming, only I didn’t know I was dreaming. This felt so real and I could feel my penis throbbing and I was horrified thinking, ‘oh my god, I have to go through all that again,’ because there was no way I wanted it.
I was already trying to work out how would I hide it, who would I tell, and then I realized, ‘this is silly, penises don’t grow back, I must be dreaming,’ and as I began to wake up, I could literally feel the penis dissolve into thin air and my hand was where the penis might have been but wasn’t.
What word do you put on people like us? I prefer to solve the problem and ignore the working. Call me what you like. I’m a woman.
DEBORAH: Don’t call me what you like. I’m Deborah. That’s it…
SCENE 8
(Loud.)
Transvision Vamp: ‘Baby I Don’t Care’.
OEDIPUS LOVES YOU
BY
SIMON DOYLE AND GAVIN QUINN
All rights whatsoever in this play are strictly reserved and application for performance etc. should be made before commencement of rehearsal to the Authors c/o Oberon Books Ltd. No performance may be given unless a licence has been obtained, and no alterations may be made in the title or the text of the play without the authors’ prior written consent.
TIRESIAS – Ned Dennehy
JOCASTA – Gina Moxley
OEDIPUS – Karl Shiels
ANTIGONE – Ruth Negga
CREON – Dylan Tighe
Text: Simon Doyle and Gavin Quinn
Direction: Gavin Quinn
Set Design: Andrew Clancy
Lighting Design: Aedín Cosgrove
Music: Gordon Is A Mime
Performances:
Smock Alley, Dublin; 9–24 October, 2006
High Performance Rodeo, Calgary, Canada; 11–13 January, 2007
University of Lethbridge, Canada; 17–18 January, 2007
The Banff Centre for the Arts, Banff, Canada; 20 January, 2007
Timms Centre for the Arts, Edmonton, Canada; 24–26 January, 2007
Recto–Verso Festival, Quebec City, Canada; 9–10 February, 2007
FFT, Dusseldorf, Germany; 15–17 March, 2007
The Arches, Glasgow, Scotland; 16–17 April, 2007
Auawirleben Berne, Switzerland; 26–27 April, 2007
Kilkenny Arts Festival. Kilkenny, Ireland; 16 & 19 August, 2007
Carnuntum Festival. Austria; 26 August, 2007
Das Schauspielhaus, Hamburg, Germany; 2–3 September, 2007
Espoo City Theatre, Espoo, Finland; 30 October–2 November, 2007
Euro–Scene Leipzig. Germany; 9–10 November, 2007
Hebbel am Ufer (Hau Zwei), Berlin, Germany; 14–15 December, 2007
Riverside Studios, London, UK; 8–24 February, 2008
The Oriental Pioneer Theatre, Beijing, China; 3–6 April 2008
Shanghai Grand Theatre, Shanghai, China; 10–13 April, 2008
Wexner Center for the Arts, Columbus, Ohio, USA; 15–18 May, 2008
PS 122, New York, , USA; 21–25 May & 28 May–1 June, 2008
Project Arts Centre, Dublin; 26 November–6 December, 2008
Everest Theatre, Seymour Centre, Sydney, Australia; 21–25 January, 2010
Powerhouse, Brisbane, Australia; 3–7 February, 2010
Granary Theatre, Cork; 4–6 November, 2010
Town Hall Theatre, Galway; 15–16 November, 2010
ACT I
SCENE 1
Curtain opens. THE SPHINX is revealed.
SPHINX: (Sings ‘Crackerass’.)
Second
Fill any second,
Take off take too much and the room
Silly now, Exhausted
Oh oh, it’s so open
Oh god, So hot, Sticky
Oh I’m gonna puke
So sick
Oh take too many
So warm
Slowing down and sicken
I love you baby and if it’s quite all right
I need you baby, if it’s really right
I really love you baby
Really love you, Really Love you
Really Love you, Really Love you
Really Love you, Really Love you
Really Love you, Really Love you
Don’t dance in front of me, come here and make me
Agree with the song, the loneliest drug
Back to your bed, holding yourself
There’s no one to hold you
Bring you back down
Wake up on bad days, desert and lies
Nothing too sick
Drown in your own eyes
Wanted to throw your arms around something
Anything that’s warm or possibly breathing
Don’t dance in front of me, come here and fuck me
Don’t dance in front of me, come here and make me
The loneliest drug here
The loneliest drug here
The loneliest drug here
All the little faces
Pretty and gorgeous
Still all women with sweat so obvious
No one to hold you
There’s no love here, There’s no love here
There’s no love here, There’s no love here
There’s no love here
Don’t dance in front of me, come here and fuck me
Don’t dance in front of me, come here and fuck me
Don’t dance in front of me, come here and fuck me
Darling, darling, darling
Da da ba ba ba ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba
Da ba ba ba ba
I love you baby and if it’s quite alright I need you baby
I love you baby and if it’s quite alright I need you baby
I love you baby
Ha bee ba, ha bee ba, ha bee ba, ha
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
The SPHINX finishes singing, OEDIPUS enters.
SPHINX: I have a riddle for you. What has four legs in spring, two legs in summer and three legs in winter?
OEDIPUS: Man.
SPHINX: Yes. You’re right.
(Pause.) Oedipus, you mother fucker.
SCENE 2
OEDIPUS and JOCASTA are in bed together.
OEDIPUS: Touch me.
JOCASTA: I don’t want to.
OEDIPUS: Why?
JOCASTA: I’m not into it.
OEDIPUS: What’s wrong with you? Lately you’re so dulled.
JOCASTA: There’s a plague.
OEDIPUS: What kind of a plague?
JOCASTA: A plague. I don’t know what kind of a plague. I have no expertise in plagues. Ask Tiresias. It was his diagnosis.
OEDIPUS: Why haven’t you told me about this before?
JOCASTA: It’s not really of much consequence.
OEDIPUS: What do you mean it’s not really of much consequence? It’s a plague. We need to find a cure.
JOCASTA: I don’t know that we do. I kind of like it. It suits me. It suits my lifestyle. It makes sense of my inertia.
OEDIPUS: How long has this been going on?
JOCASTA: For a while. Since my first husband Laius died.
OEDIPUS: And what have you done about it?
JOCASTA: Nothing.
OEDIPUS: But you have to do
something.
JOCASTA: I’m not sure. It’s kind of reassuring. Like being half asleep and knowing that you don’t have to wake up. I think it suits us here this plague.
OEDIPUS: Who do you mean by ‘us’?
JOCASTA: Everyone’s got it here. Everyone except Tiresias. And you. So maybe it’s you who have the plague? Maybe we’re the un-afflicted ones. Anyway, I don’t see what business it is of yours how we live our lives. You barged in here like you owned the place. You thrust your dirty feet into my husband’s shoes. You took his place in my bed without a passing thought for the consequences.
OEDIPUS: It was my right.
JOCASTA: Who gave you the right?
OEDIPUS: I vanquished the Sphinx.
JOCASTA: You vanquished the Sphinx. Did she need vanquishing? She had some good songs, that Sphinx. Maybe we enjoyed her routine. What made you think we needed rescuing?
OEDIPUS: But she was a Sphinx. She had to be vanquished.
JOCASTA: Who told you that? Tiresias? He’s living in his own fantasy world. We stopped listening to him ages ago. He’s insane.
OEDIPUS: He’s a psychoanalyst.
JOCASTA: What’s the difference?
OEDIPUS: I think we need to call a family meeting.
JOCASTA: I think you should take your medicine. You’re demented.
OEDIPUS: This isn’t right. We need to address this problem.
JOCASTA: You’re worse than Tiresias.
OEDIPUS: What about Tiresias? Antigone is making such progress with him. Maybe he can take us through some family therapy?
JOCASTA: He’s gotten to you, hasn’t he? That crazy blind old bat. He used to be in a band, you know. You can tell. You can always tell. He always needs to be the front man. He was the bass player. Till he deadened all the nerves in his fingers. He never changed the strings. He’d heard somewhere that it would give him a proper dub reggae sound. Eventually they fired him. They replaced him with a special amp that put the bass in the mix automatically.
OEDIPUS: I think he might be able to help. I think you just don’t want to get better. It’s a plague. It can’t be good for you. Why don’t you want to be cured of it? You’re addicted to sickness.
JOCASTA: Just let me put it to you this way. I used to have to take pills every day, and now I don’t. That’s something, isn’t it? I mean, that’s something, at least.
SCENE 3
In the garden, ANTIGONE is in therapy with TIRESIAS.
TIRESIAS: Your father’s very stubborn.
ANTIGONE: Yeah. He’s very proud, I guess.
TIRESIAS: He always has to have his own way.
ANTIGONE: Big deal. Lots of people are like that.
TIRESIAS: Are you like that?
ANTIGONE: I don’t care. I take what comes my way.
TIRESIAS: Amazing, just like Jocasta.
ANTIGONE: Whatever. If that’s what you believe?
TIRESIAS: Yes. I think so.
(Pause.) How are you feeling these days? Anything on your mind, you’d like to talk to me about?
ANTIGONE: No, not really.
(Pause.) I feel normal.
TIRESIAS: What are you interested in?
ANTIGONE: Everything.
TIRESIAS: Everything.
ANTIGONE: I’m interested in everything. Everything that’s going on around me.
TIRESIAS: I suppose that’s an okay way to be.
(Pause.) Are you listening?
ANTIGONE: I am listening avidly.
TIRESIAS: Your life is like a scene in a film except it really could happen. Think about that.
ANTIGONE: Yes.
TIRESIAS: Do you have many pals? Your own age, I mean?
ANTIGONE: No.
TIRESIAS: I suppose it can be difficult to meet people with like interests. I mean you’re quite unique. You’re not the same as everyone else. You’re very different. You come from a very special family.
ANTIGONE: If you say so.
TIRESIAS: Your mother asked me to talk to you about your recent behavior with your father.
ANTIGONE: What do you mean?
TIRESIAS: She thinks you’re being a bit too friendly, you know, you’re a grown woman now. It’s just a little unnatural, she thinks, the way you sit in his lap and kiss him on the lips good night.
ANTIGONE: What the fuck are you talking about, you slimy creep?
ANTIGONE storms out, goes to her bedroom and throws pillows about her room. And sheets…
SCENE 4
OEDIPUS and ANTIGONE are in the kitchen.
OEDIPUS: Do you think I look sexy?
ANTIGONE: I don’t know, you’re my dad.
OEDIPUS: It’s only a bit of fun, relax. It makes me feel better.
How come you don’t have a boyfriend?
ANTIGONE: I don’t want one.
OEDIPUS: You’re not gay are you?
ANTIGONE: No! Dad!
OEDIPUS: Sorry. I didn’t mean to.
ANTIGONE: It’s okay.
OEDIPUS: You seem to hang around with your uncle Creon a lot. It’s just I don’t think it’s healthy. You should hang around boys your own age – ones that aren’t related to you would be even better.
ANTIGONE: I do hang out with other boys, I just never bring them home, that’s all. What does it matter to you anyway? Why the sudden interest?
OEDIPUS: Just making conversation, that’s all. I’ll drop the subject if you like. Are you still a virgin?
ANTIGONE: I’m leaving.
OEDIPUS: Please don’t. I’m sorry. I promise I’ll stop.
SCENE 5
CREON tries to drown himself in the pool. ANTIGONE tries to save him.
CREON: Don’t worry. I’m just trying to find out who I am.
ANTIGONE: Very funny. Asshole.
CREON takes his clothes off.
CREON: I have a hopeless tenderness for you. I understand the anxiety, the fear, the disgust.
CREON dances to Turkish folk music and changes into his Speedos. He looks at ANTIGONE first to silently ask for permission. She nods approval. When he is finished he gestures to her to do the same.
ANTIGONE: No way.
She rubs lotion into his body at his request. Especially around his breasts.
CREON: Ooh. That’s nice.
They look at each other in the eyes. They practice kissing for a while. They then go swimming in the pool. He plays music on his ghetto blaster and jumps on top of her.
ANTIGONE: Why are you behaving like this?
CREON: I’m sorry.
ANTIGONE: Maybe you should go.
CREON: Why don’t we rehearse for a while?
ANTIGONE: Did you know Tiresias used to be in a band?
CREON: He said something about that all right.
ANTIGONE: He was talking to me. He wants to join the band.
CREON: Join the band?
ANTIGONE: Join our band, yeah.
CREON: But he’s fucking ancient.
ANTIGONE: You’re no spring chicken yourself.
CREON: What does he play?
ANTIGONE: He used to play bass.
CREON: Bass.
ANTIGONE: But he says he doesn’t play bass any more. Something wrong with his fingers. He wants to play drums.
CREON: But we don’t need drums. Oedipus plays a bit. And besides, we’ve got a machine.
ANTIGONE: Yeah, I know. I told him.
CREON: What did he say?
ANTIGONE: He said that humans sounded better.
CREON: But they don’t keep time as well as a machine.
ANTIGONE: No. No they don’t.
CREON: So he’s not much use to us, then.
ANTIGONE: No. No he’s not.
CREON: So what did you tell him?
ANTIGONE: I told him he could join.
CREON: You’re crap. You get embarrassed too easily. You need to learn how to turn people down. Just tell him to fuck off.
ANTIGONE: I can’t.
CREON: Why not?
ANTIGONE
: Cause he’s old. I feel guilty. Old people make me feel guilty somehow.
CREON: You’re a fucking spa.
ANTIGONE: Shut up and play.
CREON: I’m bored of your songs.
ANTIGONE: Then write some of your own.
CREON: I couldn’t be bothered. What’s the point? They all sound the same in the end.
ANTIGONE: Maybe Tiresias can write us some new songs.
CREON: Is he your ‘special friend’ now?
ANTIGONE: No he’s not. Shut up ye tit. It’s just about the band. It’s all about the band. He just wants to join the band. He’s really enthusiastic.
CREON: I’ll bet he is.
ANTIGONE: We’ve been practising secretly.
CREON: I’ll bet you have.
ANTIGONE: I’ll play you one of our songs.
CREON: Go on then.
ANTIGONE: (Sings.)
Sex, Sex with real women
I can tell you it’s over-rated
I tried it myself and I can tell you I hate it
Oh but I love them all when they’re sedated
TIRESIAS enters.
TIRESIAS: So. What’s all this about a band then?
CREON: It’s just me and Antigone. It’s experimental. We jam. I process her. She processes me. We listen back to the tapes and splice together the songs in real time. We write each other’s lyrics and sing on the spot. One take. Purity. Never rehearse. Never play a song twice. Never think. Just act out the moment.
TIRESIAS: That sounds… Interesting.
CREON: And what do you have to offer us?
TIRESIAS: I’m a seasoned musician. I used to be in a glam rock band. I had very intricate make-up. Hair right down to my ass. These days I’m a percussionist. I bang stuff. It’s quite a unique form. Very ancient. Full of possibilities. You are, of course, aware that I study the ancient Greeks. Well, I try to reconstruct their epic poetry in percussion and song. With a contemporary angle.
CREON: You’re completely outmoded.
TIRESIAS: You haven’t heard my songs.
TIRESIAS: (Sings ‘I’m A Ladies Man’.)
Sex, Sex with real women
I can tell you it’s over-rated
I tried it myself and I can tell you I hate it
Oh but I love them all when they’re sedated
I’m a ladies man
I’m a ladies man
I’m a ladies man
And there’s nothing queer about that
The Oberon Anthology of Contemporary Irish Plays Page 20