by Holly Martin
‘Please tell me that Badger isn’t lying naked in your bed too.’
He blinked at me in confusion. ‘He better bloody not be.’
‘Samantha?
‘We broke up.’
I stalled over this.
‘Any other hot beautiful ladies?’
He shook his head, trying to rub the sleep from his eyes. ‘Nice pyjamas.’
I looked down at the pyjamas he had bought me. Maybe I should have changed before I came over. I shivered against the cold chill of the night. ‘Look. I just wanted to say...’
To my surprise, he leaned forward and took my hand, pulling me into his house and shutting the door behind me.
‘Are you going to shout at me again, because I’m really not awake enough for that? I’ll most likely say something I’ll regret.’
‘I came to say I’m sorry.’
‘Ah. You’re sorry, I’m sorry…’ he waved his hand in the air as if it all meant nothing. ‘Come on.’ Without another word he started walking back down the hall and up the stairs, pulling me along in his wake.
‘Why are you not making a bigger deal out of this? Do you not want to hear my big apology?’
‘No. I don’t need to hear it. I’m going back to bed. Five minutes ago I was in the middle of the best dream I’ve ever had. If I hurry I can go back there.’
He climbed into bed and, as he was still holding my hand, I had to get into bed with him.
‘But you were right. I’m a bitch.’
‘I never said that.’ He folded the duvet over me and closed his eyes as he sank back into his pillow.
‘But everything you said. You were right. I should be happy that Jules has found love again. Jack would want that too. And tomorrow I’m going to go round and apologise to Jules and Badger. Do you not want to do some smug victory dance or at the very least say, ‘I told you so’?’
Harry reached out blindly and pulled me into his arms, so my head was lying on his chest.
‘My best friend has just accepted her sister-in-law moving on with another man. I don’t think there is anything to celebrate there. I can’t even imagine the kind of strength it takes to find this out and then accept it a few hours later, I can’t imagine how much it must hurt. So go to sleep, tomorrow I’ll make you breakfast in bed and then we can go and apologise together.’
My heart swelled with love for him.
Within moments his breathing had turned heavy.
‘Harry,’ I whispered.
There was no answer.
‘Harry, I’m trying really hard to fall out of love with you and this is not helping.’
There was still no answer.
His skin was like velvet, soft and warm to the touch. I closed my eyes and snuggled against him as I finally fell asleep.
Chapter Seven
Proposer’s Blog
Day 6: The Alphabetti Proposal. Location: My kitchen.
Suzie ended up staying at mine last night, in my guest room of course. After a hard day for her yesterday and a hard one facing her today, I wanted to give her something to cheer her up. What better way to wake up than with a proposal breakfast in bed.
I luckily had a tin of Heinz Alphabetti Spaghetti in my cupboard. My nephew loves the stuff, so I always have some in for when he comes to stay. I figured I would do spaghetti on toast and spell out the proposal around the rim of the plate. I cooked the Alphabetti carefully, ensuring that I didn’t break up any of the letters whilst stirring, then tipped the contents onto the plate whilst I was cooking the toast. Finding all the letters needed for the proposal was a lot harder than I thought. There was no Y – there were six Zs, six, but no Y. So I used a V and part of an L. There was only one R, so I had to use a P and the other part of the L. By the time the haphazard proposal was in place, the Alphabetti was cold and the toast was black, and the smoke had set off the smoke alarm, which roused Suzie from her sleep. I quickly cooked eggs instead, and fresh toast, and positioned the eggs like eyes on the plate. I gave the plate a squirt of ketchup for the smiley mouth, perfected the arrangement of the proposal, and added the remains of the Alphabetti – which I warned Suzie not to eat as I had messed with it so much – as hair. The breakfast in bed part was ruined as Suzie came down to make sure I was still alive as the house was filled with smoke, so we ended up having breakfast in the kitchen instead.
The reaction. I haven’t seen Suzie smile like that for a long time. It seems everyone has an inner child and Suzie’s likes Alphabetti.
I sat in the car outside Jules’s place with Harry sitting next to me.
‘Are you ready for this?’
I nodded.
‘I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do. I feel like I’ve pushed you into this.’
‘No, I want to do this. I’m not delighted, of course I’m not. But you can’t control who you fall in love with.’ If it was that easy, I wouldn’t have spent the last two years in love with my best friend. I sighed. ‘I want her to be happy again and if Badger can help with that then I’m ok with it.’
I got out the car before I could change my mind and strode up the path.
When Jules opened the door, I tried to find some words to apologise, to make things good between us but I had nothing. I was still hurting over this.
Tears welled in her eyes and I found myself stepping forward to hug her. I held her tight as she sobbed against me, and I soaked her jumper with my own tears.
I felt Harry shuffle us forward so we were no longer standing on the front door step, then he closed the door behind us.
‘Badger!’ Harry called. ‘Put the kettle on, I think we’ll all need a cup of tea in a minute.’
*
I tucked into a slice of Jules’s delicious banana cake as I watched Badger lying on the floor, playing with Bella. It was clear for everyone to see how much he adored this little girl that wasn’t his.
Harry was outside in the garden, taking some of our calls.
Jules and I had cried and apologised and cried some more whilst Harry and Badger had loudly and diplomatically talked about football. It would be a while before things were back to normal between us, but we were getting there.
‘So you spent the night with Harry last night,’ Jules said as she wiped the table.
I swallowed a big lump of cake. ‘How do you know that?’
‘We’re following the blog too. It sounds like a lot of fun. But my point being that Harry doesn’t have a guest room. Badger told me he doesn’t.’
‘He does. Just not one with a bed in it.’
‘So…’ she smiled as she sat down opposite me with her tea in her hand.
‘So I slept in his bed. It doesn’t mean anything. We’ve done it before.’
‘Of course it means something, you’re in love with him.’
‘In love with who?’ Harry asked as he came through the back door.
Jules paled.
‘Tiny Tim,’ I blurted out in panic at the same time Jules said, ‘Ryan Gosling,’ and slapped her hand down on Ryan’s photo in the magazine she had been reading.
Harry looked between us. ‘Which is it?’
‘Well, we were talking about Tiny Tim before and Jules said he reminded her of Ryan Gosling and I said I loved him and Jules thought I was talking about Tiny Tim, but I wasn’t.’
Jules stared at me, open mouthed, as I prattled on with my excuse. Way to play it cool.
Harry seemed to buy this, or in the least was willing to humour me. He joined me at the table, stealing a large crumb from my plate, as he slid the magazine towards him.
‘So Ryan Gosling eh? What is it about him?’
I stared at Harry and dragged my eyes down to look at Ryan’s photo. As beautiful as Ryan was, he was no match for Harry. Now I had to find something I liked about a man that had barely even registered on my radar. No man had, not since Harry had walked into my life.
‘The white shirt,’ I said, triumphantly, glad I had found something. ‘There’s something ve
ry sexy about a man that wears a white shirt. Ryan wears it particularly well.’
Jules’ incredulous look deepened. Then she quickly recovered herself as Harry looked up. ‘Have you ever been in love, Harry?’
I stared at Jules behind Harry’s back. Why was she asking when she knew all about his past and his determination to protect himself?
He looked away as he cut himself a slice of the cake, though I suspected it was so he had something to do with his hands, rather than actually wanting any cake. ‘Once. A year or so ago. It didn’t work out.’
I stared at him. He’d fallen in love. After everything he’d said about not believing in it, he’d let himself fall in love anyway and whoever she was had let him down. There had been so many women for Harry, moving from one to the next before any emotional attachments could be made on either side. But somehow, amongst the many was one he had fallen for. A year or so ago? So someone he was seeing when I knew him. I racked my brain for faces and names of conquests past.
A thought occurred to me. ‘There hasn’t been anyone for you for nearly a year. Apart from Samantha. Was it the girl you were seeing before the big gap? Amelia. Did she break your heart?’
‘No.’ He laughed. ‘Things were never that serious with Amelia.’
‘But why have you not been with anyone for so long?’
He shrugged. ‘Just haven’t found anyone that took my fancy.’
‘That didn’t stop you before, anything with a pulse took your fancy.’
‘It was just... I’ve been busy. A girlfriend would have just got in the way.’
I was confused. He was clearly embarrassed about this and I didn’t understand why.
‘So Harry.’ Jules interrupted, clearly trying to change the subject. ‘Did you catch that documentary on the pyramids?’
Harry was a big history buff, something he shared in common with Jules. But I was not to be put off.
‘But you’ve not been busy. You’ve been with me at work, and most nights you were round my house or I was round yours.’
He looked at me and the penny suddenly clunked into place. He literally had dropped everything for me, to be with me in my moment of need, including any potential girlfriends.
I was so confused. Was all of that really just down to pity? Or something more… But Samantha was right, if he wanted to be with me, he would be.
Badger walked into the kitchen carrying Bella, slicing through the silent tension like a knife through butter.
‘Want some juice, Bella?’ Badger said, plonking her on my lap, which was a welcome distraction.
‘Joows,’ said Bella, her hands reaching out for the cup that Badger was quickly filling.
Seeing that Badger was on the case, Bella relaxed into me, sucking her thumb as she played unconsciously with my hair.
Badger stopped to look at the paper on the table. As he leaned over he touched Jules’s shoulder which made her smile. It made me smile too, but I was distracted as Bella wriggled around impatiently on my lap.
‘Dada,’ she said to Badger, reaching out her hands for her juice.
My heart jolted like a punch to the chest and Badger paled.
‘I’ve been showing her photos of Jack and trying to get her to say it. Now she says it to me too. To be fair, everything is Dada at the moment – the ducks, the ice cream van, the butterflies – she just points and says Dada,’ Badger gabbled in a wild panic.
‘Its fine, Badger, don’t worry.’ I swallowed a huge lump in my throat.
‘I’ll tell her all about her Daddy, when she’s older, show her the photos, tell her about all the mischief we got up to. Jack won’t be forgotten.’ Badger was so serious. I looked down, brushing away imaginary crumbs from my lap. I looked at my watch, wanting to be out of there.
As always, Harry came to my rescue. ‘Well, we better go, I’ve got that meeting with the magazine shortly and I’ve got some emails I need to send.’
I got up quickly, planted a kiss on Bella’s soft cheeks and passed her back to Badger. I gave Jules a quick hug and hurriedly said my goodbyes and was out on the street a moment later. We rounded the trees at the end of their garden, sheltering us from the view of the house.
I put my hands to my knees and let out a gust of breath as if I’d been running or holding my breath for a really long time.
Harry stroked my back soothingly.
‘Did I do ok?’
‘You did brilliantly.’
I looked up at him to see if he was being honest or just being kind.
‘No seriously. It takes a shit load of courage to do what you did today.’
‘I want her to be happy again, I do, but it still bloody hurts.’
‘I know, there would be something wrong with you if it didn’t.’
I exhaled again. ‘The ‘Dada’ moment was a step too far.’
‘Yes, I gathered that.’
I smiled as I straightened. ‘You know me so well.’
‘I know you need ice cream right about now.’
‘Yes please.’
‘Fortunately for you I know the perfect place.’
*
There were lots of Italian ice cream places in town, with thick, delicious ice creams and an array of different toppings. I wondered which one Harry was going to take me to. The one on Leicester Square was wonderful. I fancied a sundae, maybe with chopped bananas and chocolate sauce over the top. Mmmm…
So I was surprised when we parked up and walked down towards Tower Bridge. The place was teeming with tourists, but sitting on the side of the road, with quite a long queue considering how cold it was, was a battered pink and white ice cream van.
I finished another call, the fifth since we had left Jules’s house. I didn’t know why we were so busy all of a sudden, but I certainly wasn’t complaining.
I stared at the van in confusion as we joined the back of the queue.
‘Don’t look like that, you ice cream snob.’ Harry nudged me as he saw my face.
‘There was no look.’
‘Oh there was. It looked like this.’
Harry sucked in his cheeks and scowled like he was sucking on a bitter lemon.
I laughed. ‘I like a ninety-nine as much as the next person.’
‘Well you’re going to be disappointed, Roberto doesn’t do ninety-nines. But he does do the best ice creams for miles around.’
We shuffled up the queue, but I remained unconvinced.
I took another call whilst we waited, this one wanted candy floss and fairground rides in his back garden. Now that was sweet. I promised to email him back as soon as I could check the prices of the things he wanted.
Then we were next in the queue.
‘Banana ok?’ Harry asked. ‘Or the chocolate orange is to die for.’
‘Banana’s fine.’
Roberto was not the Italian looking man I was expecting. There was no curly Mario moustache or dark eyes. I sort of expected him to be wearing a red and white stripy apron and have a big chef’s hat, I’m not sure why. I was even more disappointed when instead of greeting Harry in Italian, he grunted to us in a thick Yorkshire accent as he swapped money for two pots of ice cream. Harry’s was so dark it looked almost black.
We went and sat on benches overlooking the Thames to watch the boats that always seemed to go up and down it, no matter what time of day it was.
I dug into my ice cream and took a big mouthful.
‘Oh my God.’ I closed my eyes as the tastes exploded on my tongue. ‘This is amazing.’
Harry grinned. ‘I told you so.’
‘It tastes so bananery.’
‘Well it is banana ice cream.’
‘Yes but banana flavoured things taste like powdered banana. Most banana things have never even seen a banana in their whole lives. This actually has banana bits in it.’
‘Here, try mine.’
Harry scooped up a large lump of the black ice cream and fed it to me. The dark chocolate was complemented perfectly by the coffee and wa
lnut.
‘We need to come back here again and try the other flavours.’
‘He only does ten with the occasional special, no toppings, no sauce, but he makes an absolute fortune.’
‘I bet he does. And what a pitch too, with the tourists visiting the Tower and the bridge.’
I curled my legs up to my chest as I carried on eating.
I wanted to talk to him about what he had said before, that he had taken a year off from women so he could be there for me when I needed him most.
As I licked the last of the ice cream from my spoon, I reached down and held his hand, entwining my fingers with his. Although he gently squeezed my hand, he barely seemed to notice as he busily typed an email on his phone.
Suddenly he leapt up as if he had been burnt. My hand fell from his and back onto the bench.
‘Crap, I better go, I have that meeting with Silver Linings, the magazine that wants to feature my blog. You ok to get back on your own?’
I nodded.
Harry passed me his half eaten pot of ice cream, kissed me fleetingly on the cheek and took off at a run, smashing into a tall, beautiful redhead as he went. She toppled and nearly hit the floor but Harry’s reflexes were fast and he caught her, pulling her back to her feet with ease and gentleness.
I couldn’t hear what was said as they stood there talking, Harry’s hands still on her arms, but as she twirled her hair round her finger and threw her head back laughing, it was obvious he was working his charm again. Sure enough, within thirty seconds of them meeting, the redhead was handing over her number.
Samantha’s words rung in my head. If he wanted to be with me, he would be. Watching him so effortlessly charm this woman without any reticence cemented that in my brain. He just didn’t see me that way, never had, never would.
Harry threw me two big inane thumbs up as the girl fumbled in her bag and I threw two sarcastic ones back. As the swap was made, Harry kissed her on the cheek, just as he’d done to me seconds before, and ran off again.
The redhead and I watched him go and then we locked eyes as he disappeared from view. Her face was a picture of smug happiness. I’m not sure what mine was, but obviously not anything good as she recoiled slightly from me as she walked away.