by Holly Martin
I’m giving her a week, then I’m catching her up.
Chapter Thirteen
Old Quebec City was like walking through a small French town, with the cobbled streets and seventeenth century buildings and so many outdoor cafés. People walking past and talking fluent French cemented the European feel. The city had winding roads that led down towards the river, lined with little houses, restaurants, shops and great gothic churches. I felt like my eyes were constantly swivelling in my head trying to take it all in. The sun was just starting to set, leaving scarlet ribbons in the cloudy purple sky. There had been a recent snowfall and so, in the fading light, the city was bathed in a beautiful lilac glow. Lights twinkled in bars, hotels and restaurants invitingly.
Although it was dark now and getting late, the streets were still buzzing with people laughing, chatting and calling to each other. It felt safe here, where in many cities of the world I would never walk the streets alone after dark. The snow on the ground added a magical glow to the city – the warm yellow lights, tumbling out of the café and shop windows, reflected off the snow making it sparkle. As I crunched over the ice, I couldn’t help but smile at the magical beauty of the place.
I felt alive. Although I missed Harry with a huge ache in my heart, I wanted to be able to get over him so much – and being here alone, I finally felt like it was an actual possibility. There was another good reason to try and get over him now. It didn’t seem he was capable of loving me like I loved him. Even if he ever fell in love with me and we actually got together, he would always hold himself back and I didn’t know whether I could live with him only ever giving me part of his heart. I was an all or nothing type of girl and if he couldn’t love me with a ferocity and passion then it was a love I didn’t really want.
I could function on my own, I didn’t need to turn to him for every little thing. I had got to my hotel safely from the airport and found somewhere to eat. Although I had got lost three times since leaving the hotel, I had found my way again. Over the last year I had turned to him time and time again. Maybe this time alone would finally give me some perspective. I could make it without him. I swallowed the pain in my heart at this thought. Yes it would hurt, it hurt like hell, but I wasn’t just going to collapse into a sobbing heap and refuse to leave my house ever again.
‘Miss, Miss.’
A hand tugged on my coat and I looked down to see a small boy of about nine or ten staring up at me. ‘Miss, you come with me,’ he said, in stilted English. He tugged my coat, pulling me towards a darkened alley and I dug my feet in and refused to move. The boy looked sweet and friendly but still, I wasn’t a complete idiot. ‘Miss please, you come with me. Monsieur Forbes, he sent me for you.’
‘Harry?’
‘Oui, yes. Monsieur Harry, he tell me to take you to the river.’ He pulled on my coat again. ‘This way is quickest, we must hurry.’
‘You spoke to Harry?’
‘Oui.’
Nobody here knew me or why I was here. Harry had no way of knowing where I was in the city, I hadn’t spoken to him since the night before. He hadn’t even come to say goodbye that morning, how could this boy know who I was?
‘Please Miss, you come with me.’
I stood my ground and I saw the look of desperation on his face.
‘Please Miss,’ said the little boy, still tugging at my coat. ‘Your proposal.’
I looked down at him. He couldn’t possibly know about the proposal without talking to Harry. Harry had organised many wonderful proposals over the last few weeks, it wouldn’t be completely implausible that he had help in this city whilst he wasn’t here. I had naively assumed the proposals would stop now we were apart, but it seemed that Harry wished to continue torturing me by proxy. Maybe this was one that was already organised and Harry didn’t want to waste it. I couldn’t forget that although we were on holiday, it was a working holiday and Sunlounger and Silver Linings were paying for this. Regardless that our relationship was in tatters, they would still want to see the daily proposals.
I nodded, reluctantly, and the boy, clearly relieved, ran off down the lanes, checking over his shoulder to make sure I was following.
‘Miss, this way,’ the boy called, catching my attention as he ran down a side alley. I followed him and caught sight of the city lights sparkling and dancing on the St. Lawrence River below me. I pulled my coat tighter around me, feeling the cool wind blowing from the river. The boy was running flat out now but I could see his shadow illuminated against the moonlight as he ran straight out onto a pier. I hurried along in his wake.
A small covered boat was waiting, its engine idling in the still waters.
My feet thudded onto the wooden pier as I slowed down.
‘Miss, Miss.’ The boy gestured for me to get on board. There wasn’t a single person in sight. This wasn’t a public vessel, this was a privately hired boat.
‘Miss McKenzie?’ an American man shouted from the boat. ‘Please, we need to hurry, your proposal is starting in five minutes.’
Comforted slightly that the man at least knew about the proposal too, I hurried down the pier and stepped aboard.
‘Here.’ The man passed me a cup of something hot and steamy. ‘I’m Eddie, I’m afraid we don’t have much time. You’re very late. I was supposed to show you the sights before the proposal but the proposal is about to start and I’m afraid we’ll miss it. Please take a seat. We may have to move quite quickly.’
I sat down, feeling thoroughly reprimanded. ‘I didn’t know I was supposed to be here.’
‘No, apparently Harry has been trying to ring you, but your phone was off.’
Eddie moved the boat into gear and I was pushed back in my seat as the boat took off. Hot coffee sloshed over my hands and legs and I quickly dabbed at it with my coat to take the pain away.
Harry had tried to phone me? But my phone wasn’t off.
I rummaged in my bag and grabbed my phone. Sure enough, the phone was powerless. The battery had either died or I had inadvertently turned it off when going through my bag. I quickly turned it back on but as the phone loaded up, suddenly there was a huge boom in the sky. I leapt back in shock, sloshing myself with more coffee. I looked up, and saw ribbons of silver and gold fizzing through the night sky. Fireworks. Down the river, another rocket took off – this time, as it exploded, arcs of blue lit up the river and the city beyond. I gasped and stood up. The city looked amazing, glowing lilac in the snow and now the fireworks, probably for some party or other, had just put the magical cherry on the cake.
My phone beeped several times in quick succession and I looked down momentarily at the text and answerphone messages that were filling my screen. Another bang distracted me from the phone, as patterns of scarlet and gold cascaded through the sky, reflecting off the inky waters. I felt incredibly privileged to get so close to this display when I blatantly hadn’t paid to go and see it.
Rocket after rocket launched itself into the night sky, leaving trails of emerald, ruby, sapphire, silver and gold above us and as we moved quickly along the river, we came closer and closer. I could see the fireworks were being launched from a boat, about a hundred yards ahead of us now – we were slowing down and I could tell Eddie didn’t want to get too close to them.
Suddenly we seemed to enter into the finale as lasers lit up the sky to accompany the quick succession of rainbow explosions.
The fireworks finally stopped and our boat inched closer to the one giving the display.
‘They were for you, Miss McKenzie,’ Eddie said.
‘What?’ My heart leapt as I gave him my full attention.
‘Harry organised all this for you.’
‘The fireworks?’ My voice was very small.
Eddie nodded. ‘And this.’
He gestured to the display boat behind him and suddenly there appeared to be a white fire on board the ship. I let out a little scream of fear – something had gone wrong – but as the flames spread, I could see letters forming in the flames and within se
conds the words ‘Marry Me’ were scored in white fire, silhouetted dramatically against the night sky.
I don’t know why this proposal affected me more than any of the others, maybe because Harry wasn’t here so I was free to react however my body saw fit, or maybe after three weeks of successive empty proposals I had reached my limit, or maybe it was because after all this effort, Harry was still hundreds of miles away with no idea how I felt for him and no desire to reciprocate these feelings. Maybe it was a combination of all those things. But as the flames dwindled, I sat down and burst into tears.
*
Eddie hadn’t said a word to me on the way back. He was probably unsure of what to make of this less than enthusiastic response to an incredible proposal. We passed beautiful bridges and wonderful buildings and churches but I barely saw any of it. The tears finally stopped and I picked up my phone to read the messages that Harry had sent me. They didn’t say a lot, asking where I was, telling me where to be. Not one of them showed any sign that he had forgiven me. Except… I checked back through the messages again. Every one ended with a kiss. Was that normal for Harry? Was I now clinging to any glimmer of hope no matter how desperate? I scrolled through some of his older messages. Not one of them had a kiss.
I cursed myself for reading too much into something as meaningless as a text kiss. I sent kisses in all my texts and that never meant anything either. Harry was messing me up spectacularly.
I gave my thanks to Eddie as he tied the boat up against the pier and he helped me off.
As I walked back to the hotel I started composing a text:
‘Harry, thank you for the proposal tonight, it was an incredible, beautiful gesture. You have gone to so much effort so far and I am so touched that you would go to all that trouble just for me…’
I stared at the words, wondering what I could say to make things right between us.
Suddenly the phone burst to life in my hand. Harry’s name flashed on the screen. I quickly answered.
‘Are you ok?’ Harry’s voice was urgent and filled with concern, something which very nearly brought me to tears again.
‘Yes, I’m fine.’
‘Eddie said the proposal upset you.’
‘No... Just feeling a bit emotional.’
‘Because I’m an ass.’
I stifled a giggle. ‘Partly.’
There was silence for a moment.
‘I’m sorry about last night,’ he said.
‘I’m sorry too, I would never do anything to hurt you, you mean too much to me for that.’
There was another long silence and I feared I had said too much but at some point during these painful proposals my true feelings were going to come out. It really wasn’t a case of if but when.
‘Maybe I should come out.’
‘Maybe you should.’
I heard a whispered ‘no’ on the other end of the phone. A female voice.
‘Maybe I’ll come out in a few days,’ Harry said.
Chloe was obviously standing next to him, telling him what he should do, preventing him from flying out to join me. I understood that she cared about him and she worried that I was bad for him, but we were meant to be together. Maybe we were always just going to be friends but we were supposed to be in each other’s lives and I wasn’t going to let her put a stop to that.
‘Maybe you should get the last plane out of New York tonight,’ I said, stubbornly.
He laughed but I got the sense that Chloe was shaking her head vehemently.
‘I’ll see you in a few days.’
I wasn’t going to beg. I had enough pride left in me for that.
‘Thank you for my proposal, it was beautiful.’
I heard Harry sigh softly. ‘Goodnight Suzie.’
‘Night.’
Then he was gone.
*
SECRET BLOG
So after a sort of reconciliation last night, I caught the last plane out of New York to go and join Suzie. My friend Chloe didn’t agree with this, apparently leaving Suzie on her own for one day is not enough time to let her miss me. Although it was plenty enough time for me to miss her.
So I justified my sudden dash across the state line. Being here means it’s a darn sight easier organising these proposals when I’m able to co-ordinate the logistics rather than trying to find people to rely on. And in addition to the tangled web I’ve woven for myself, Sunlounger and Silver Linings have no idea that me and Suzie have separated so the Proposer’s Blog posts will continue to be written like I’m actually there, so I sort of actually need to be. Chloe reluctantly agreed to this and we flew out together.
In truth I just want to be closer to Suzie. I have to tell her I love her. To prove it to her with these proposals is not enough. I just need to tell her now.
Though apparently I need to pick the right moment. I would be lost without Chloe – I think I would barge into Suzie’s hotel room and just blurt out that I love her if Chloe wasn’t here to stop me.
So Chloe and I came up with a compromise. I could organise and watch the proposals from a distance and Chloe would provide the disguises so Suzie wouldn’t recognise me. That’s Chloe’s thing you see, stage make-up. If anybody can make me look not like me, it’s my dear friend Chloe.
To be honest it all feels a bit creepy to me, like I’m stalking her. Me and Suzie were better off when we were two friends travelling together, but I guess Chloe knows best. Let’s face it, my track record with women or falling in love has been a disaster so far, so I trust her to point me in the right direction.
COMMENTS
Victoria Stone says: What’s wrong with just grabbing her and telling her you love her? If that’s what you want to do, then do it. Ignore what everyone else says. Follow your heart.
Kirsty MacLennan says: If I was Suzie and you burst into my hotel room to tell me you loved me, I’d be jumping into your arms before you’d even finished speaking and then taking you to bed.
Megan Wood says: You and Suzie are too cute, I love you guys sooo much. I just want you to get together and have lots of babies. Tell her you love her. Any time is the right time to hear those words.
Laura Lovelock says: Why is Chloe trying to stop you from telling her? I don’t know her but it seems to me that she likes you too.
*
Proposer’s Blog
Day 22: The Dog Sledding Proposal. Location: Valley of Jacques-Cartier (Vallée de la Jacques-Cartier)
We spent the day wandering around the Ice Hotel today. It is the most incredible place in the world. Any words that I write to describe it won’t do it justice, but I will do my best. From the little rooms to the great big chambers, the seats, the walls, the furniture, even the drinking glasses – everything is made from ice. Great columns populate each room, each with its own unique carving or pattern. The walls are carved with pictures as well. A multi-coloured array of lights set the rooms aglow something akin to the Northern Lights. The wedding chapel is beautiful, with the lights flickering off the crystal walls. I think I’d like to get married there one day, with my bride wrapped up in a long white fur cloak. I wonder where Suzie would like to get married. I think she fell in love with the place as much as I did. It is truly a breath-taking work of art. Suzie, naughtily, even tried to break a leaf off one of the sculptures so she could take it home with her, which obviously would have melted if she had succeeded. I love the ice slide and as Suzie had several goes on it, I’m guessing she loved it too.
But my proposal didn’t take place here – tonight I had arranged for Suzie to go dog sledding. A short trip out of Quebec City and we were in the wilderness of the Valley of Jacques-Cartier, a stunning glacial national park. With imposing mountains, towering fir trees and the river that curls through it, it is a spectacular taste of Canada and it looks even more incredible under a blanket of snow.
The people at the dog sledding place were very friendly and welcoming and after a brief introduction of how to steer and stop we were off. The night time rides were
beautiful, as the dogs, barking and yapping, pulled us along torch lined paths. Suzie picked up the skills needed straight away, she was a complete natural, and with the biggest grin on her face she steered our team of dogs with ease. It was an exhilarating journey. It was as we were nearing our destination that she saw the proposal. Hanging from each tree along the path were the letters formed in fairy lights. As the path straightened up in front of her, the three foot high words of ‘Marry Me’ stood proud against the snowy trees.
She was grinning hugely when the dogs finally stopped. A big improvement on the reaction from the night before.
Tonight we slept in a yurt – with our own fire filling the room with heat, and a bed of animal furs to keep us warm, there was nothing sexier than snuggling up in the warmth and going to sleep with my best friend.
I stared at the blog in confusion. I’d read it through twice and was still confused. I had just got back to the hotel in Quebec City after spending a delicious night in the yurt. I’d fired up my laptop and spent over an hour replying to all the emails that Harry hadn’t had a chance to reply to. Then I had turned to the blog, having not looked at it for a few days, but this was very confusing. It read like he had been with me at these places instead of me being alone.
He clearly hadn’t told Silver Linings that he wasn’t coming with me to Canada. It probably wouldn’t go down well, given how much money they were throwing at this project.
But how did he know so much about what I had done? Yes, I’d had multiple goes on the ice slide, laughing and screaming like one of the kids. And I’d tried to break a piece off one of the pieces of wall art, but the only person who had spotted me had been some huge Hells Angel biker bloke. Yes, I’d watched a wedding with a bride wrapped in a long white fur cloak and wished with all my heart that it had been me. I’d loved the dog sledding, it had been so much fun – and then to be proposed to along the fairy light trail was very romantic. But how had he seen my reaction?