by Kaylea Cross
And why. Ty knew all about Heath’s past and why he was the way he was. “It makes me fucking insane that I can’t protect her,” he admitted finally.
“That she won’t let you protect her, you mean.”
“Yes.” That was exactly it. “Jesus.”
Ty nodded. “I know. It was the same for Megan and me.”
“Was? Meaning it doesn’t bother you now, what they do and that she’s still in danger?”
Ty’s expression was wry. “Let’s just say it’s a work in progress.”
Heath shook his head at himself, bewildered about what he was feeling, how it had happened in such a short time. After seeing what his mother had gone through, he’d made the conscious decision long ago to protect himself, and that meant probably never letting a woman into his heart. And yet after yesterday Chloe was deep in there, whether he liked it or not. What the hell did he do about that?
“I didn’t even know her a few days ago. Now I want to either lock her up to keep her safe, or stand between her and anything or anyone that poses a potential threat to her,” Heath said.
“Feels awesome, doesn’t it?”
He glared at Ty for the dry attempt at lightening the mood.
Ty sobered. “Sorry. No, I know it sucks.”
“I barely know her.” Didn’t seem to matter, though. She’d blown past all his walls without even trying. Watching her dive off that dock yesterday to get to Fleur had irrevocably changed him. It was like being halfway up a rock face, but with no harness and ropes. Foreign. Terrifying. Yet he couldn’t stop it.
“So?”
“So this…doesn’t make any sense.”
“It never does.” Ty stretched his legs out and crossed his ankles. “These women…” He shook his head. “They’re incredible and impossible to resist. If that makes you feel any better.”
That was supposed to make him feel better?
“Just remember that she’s not like anyone else you’ve ever been with.”
He snorted. “Like I didn’t notice?”
“No, I mean she’s got a screwed-up history and tons of baggage she probably hasn’t ever dealt with. She probably feels as lost as you do in all of this.”
Heath frowned. “What do you mean, a screwed-up history? Aside from being an assassin,” he added.
“They’re all orphans.” When Heath just stared at him, he continued. “All of them lost their parents young, were put into foster care and then fed into the Valkyrie Program if they showed the right scores on their aptitude tests.”
Wait. “You’re saying it was an involuntary program?”
“Yeah.”
“Jesus Christ,” he muttered, sickened and horrified. He imagined Chloe as a frightened young orphan, being subjected to that kind of treatment, and a giant wave of protectiveness rose inside him.
“They were taken in when they were alone, young and impressionable, then essentially brainwashed. They’re trained to kill their targets no matter what gets in the way, to never get attached to anyone. Look at Megan and Amber, they were split up as kids and led to believe the other one was dead or a figment of their imagination. And the training is fucking brutal. In some ways, tougher than what you and I went through. And if they manage to make it through all that, the prize was being sent out alone to hunt dangerous targets for the government.”
It was hard to accept that the government would do that to innocent girls. But it also explained why Chloe was as strong as she was. And why Fleur’s death was hitting her so hard. Chloe had let Fleur in. She’d let him in as well, though in a different way.
“Have you seen her mark yet?” Ty asked.
“What mark?”
“I’ll take that as a no.” His buddy regarded him somberly. “She’ll have a brand on her left hip.”
“A brand?” A growl built in his throat. “Who fucking branded her?” And how had he missed it?
“Her head trainer. They did it on graduation. It’s a Valkyrie design.”
Jesus Christ. The thought of someone putting a branding iron to her skin made him want to put his fist through something. “That’s goddamn barbaric.”
“Yup, but to them it’s a rite of passage and a mark of pride. I just want you to know what you’re up against,” Ty said. “I got lucky with Megan, but these women have emotional shields like you wouldn’t believe. They have to, to survive.”
Heath nodded, processing all of that. But if his friend was trying to warn him off getting emotionally attached, it was way too late for that. “I’ll be leaving soon anyway, so it doesn’t matter.” Not that it would stop him from constantly wondering about Chloe and whether she was okay.
She made him want things he’d never considered himself ready for. Could see himself trying a real relationship, even if it had to be a long-distance one for a while, and wasn’t that a kick in the ass for a guy who’d sworn never to go there? Not that he was even sure she would be up for that.
Bottom line, he didn’t want to lose her. He also didn’t want to spook her, and he’d seen enough friends’ long-distance relationships implode after a few months apart.
“Just so you know, the offer I made still stands. Once you’ve finished your contract, I’d love to make you a permanent member of the team,” Ty said.
Heath gave him a tight smile. He couldn’t do that if Chloe was still in the picture and they weren’t together. Seeing her and not being able to have her would be like a dull knife being repeatedly plunged between his ribs. “Thanks, I’ll think about it.”
“I hope you do. There’s no one else I’d rather have on board.”
Heath sat up straighter and changed the subject. “So. If you get a lead on Dubois, you’ll be going after him?” The mission had been to free the captive women, but that had all changed now.
“Yes.”
Heath appreciated that his buddy didn’t bullshit him.
“You gonna stick around for that?” Ty asked him.
He didn’t want to be part of a hit squad, but he also didn’t want to leave them without backup against such a dangerous enemy, and couldn’t stand the thought of not being here to watch Chloe’s back. “I’ll stay until the last minute before I have to leave for Syria.”
He’d already contacted his boss there, saying he was dealing with a personal situation. But he didn’t feel right pulling out of his upcoming contract this late, and the guys there were depending on him. He’d made a commitment to them. He couldn’t leave them hanging and shorthanded when they were in harm’s way every time they left their secure compound.
Ty nodded once. “That’s all I needed to hear.” He stood. “Text me when Chloe’s up and we’ll grab something to eat. If there’s any update on Dubois, I’ll let you know.”
Heath let Ty out, torn about whether he wanted the team to get a lead on Dubois or not. He didn’t want Chloe and the others in danger any more. But while Dubois was alive, Chloe would always be a target.
Silently cracking the connecting door open, he checked on her. She was asleep in the bed, curled on her side facing him, her chest rising and falling in an even rhythm.
The sight of her like that, so vulnerable despite her formidable internal strength, turned his heart over.
His feet carried him across the room before he even realized he was moving. He eased onto the bed and tucked his body around hers, carefully wrapping an arm around her to hold her close as she slept, unsure if he’d ever get the chance again.
****
Chloe was warm and cozy as she began to climb through the heavy layers of sleep toward consciousness. Normally she snapped awake in an instant, but this time her body was heavy and lethargic. Something was lying across her middle.
An arm. And there was an equally hard body against her back.
Her eyes opened. Heath.
He was wrapped around her, his breathing deep and even in sleep. Gray daylight filtered through the window on the other side of the room, the steady patter of rain against the glass soothing.
<
br /> Then everything rushed back and the pain hit. Fleur lying dead in a refrigerated morgue drawer right now. Fleur being shot in the back because she’d taken Chloe’s place on that boat. Having Dubois in her sights, and letting him get away.
She closed her eyes, pulled in a steadying breath as she fought the onrush of grief and guilt.
Don’t feel. Don’t feel.
It was so much easier when she could keep everything compartmentalized. She’d been trained to do it automatically, to never get attached or let emotions rule her.
She’d failed on every one of those counts on this mission, including when it came to the man holding her right now.
Heath’s breathing changed and his arm tightened around her. “You awake?”
His deep murmur against the back of her head helped ground her. She focused on the feel of him, so solid and warm around her. It wasn’t weak to allow herself to soak up this bit of comfort, was it? As long as she was aware that this was only temporary and she didn’t show how much her heart was breaking? “Yes. What time is it?”
He shifted to look at his watch. “Not even noon yet. You hungry?”
“No.”
“You only slept a couple hours. Go back to sleep.” He cuddled her closer.
Can’t. Her mind was too busy jabbing at her with sharp knives.
Fleur’s dead because of you. It should be you in that morgue. You’re a failure and an embarrassment, not worthy to call yourself a Valkyrie.
Her heart surged faster, a spurt of something close to panic bursting inside her. She didn’t want to humiliate herself further by losing it in front of Heath, but if she didn’t do something to take her mind off everything, she would.
Frantic to escape her thoughts, she rolled to face him. He was still dressed, lying on top of the covers. She stared into his eyes, that bright, piercing blue gaze that saw things inside her she wanted to hide, grabbed the back of his head and kissed him.
He stiffened, caught off guard for a second, but a heartbeat later one big hand slid into the back of her hair and his mouth slanted across hers.
Relief slammed into her. Yes. Make me stop hurting.
Chloe grabbed his shoulder with her free hand, threw the covers off and started to roll on top of him. Heath caught her by the hip and turned her to her back, his big body coming down on hers. She gasped at the heat and weight of him, staring into his eyes.
“You sure?” he murmured.
God, don’t be a Boy Scout right now. She needed the opposite. She needed hot, fast and furious, the chance to be transported away from reality for a little while.
Lifting her head, she nipped his lower lip. “Yes.”
Heath’s eyes darkened, his pupils expanding. Then his mouth came down on hers, the pressure and weight of his body increasing. She undulated beneath him, her hands wandering over his broad back to grab his shirt and wrench it upward. He peeled it over his head, flinging it aside as his mouth covered hers once more.
She sank into it, letting herself drown in him. He took over, that talented mouth moving down her body, making her quake and shudder as it moved from her breasts to her belly and between her thighs. So soft. His tongue was so soft as it flicked and teased, shooting pleasure through her veins, his strong hands gripping her hips to hold her still.
She whispered his name, getting close, needing him to fill her, for him to chase away this horrible emptiness and make her burn.
He kissed her inner thigh. “Turn over.” He turned her onto her stomach, seized her hips to bring her up on her hands and knees.
Chloe tossed her braid over her shoulder to look back at him, her whole body pulsing with unrelieved need as he rolled a condom down the length of his cock and positioned himself behind her. But then he stopped, his gaze riveted to her Valkyrie mark.
He bent, smoothing his lips over the brand on her left hip. The branding process had killed the nerve endings there, but she felt the caress deep in her heart.
Then he straightened, his eyes so intent the breath backed up in her lungs. Her heart thundered in her ears, that first slow thrust inside her dragging a cry from her throat.
She gripped the sheet beneath her, forgot how to breathe when he reached around to cup her mound, two big fingers gliding over her clit while he pushed deeper. Stretching her, filling her completely.
“I need you.” Her voice cracked. She bit down on the inside of her cheek to keep from blurting out anything else, her emotions raw and volatile.
“I’m right here. Feel me,” he urged in that delicious, deep voice. “Feel me inside you.”
She didn’t have a choice. He was hard and thick and hot, stroking her in time with his fingers. Release hovered at the edge of her consciousness, explosive and terrifying. But there was no going back now, her body had taken over, rocking with him as ragged moans poured from her throat.
“Let me make you come,” he whispered, his mouth at the side of her neck, his tongue caressing another sensitive spot. “I want to feel you clench around my cock.”
The pleasure intensified, rising and rising with his smooth, controlled rhythm. Chloe writhed in his hold, helpless as the rush took her. She bucked when it hit, her cries loud in the room.
“Ahh, Chloe.” Heath’s voice dropped to a ragged groan at her ear. He went rigid against her back and shuddered, buried deep inside her as he came. His forehead dropped to her shoulder, their ragged breaths mingling in the silence.
She lowered herself to her stomach, trying to catch her breath. But as soon as the physical release faded, the emotions she’d locked inside began to bubble up. They beat at the lid of the box she’d shoved them into with increasing force, threatening to burst free. And it only got worse when Heath curved his heavy arms under her and turned them so she was tucked into the cradle of his body.
She squeezed her eyes shut and swallowed hard. No. Not like this.
It hurt. Hurt to know what her failure had cost, and hurt worse to be emotionally attached to a man she couldn’t have.
The pain ripped through her with sharp talons. Guilt. Grief. Impending loss. Of knowing she would wind up alone again soon.
A bubble of panic rose in her chest. She shoved upward, trying to twist away, a split second away from the dam bursting and not wanting him to witness that final humiliation.
“Don’t,” he said softly, pulling her to his chest this time. “You don’t need to hide it.”
She shook her head, shoving at his shoulders, frantic to prevent him from seeing her fall apart. “Let me go,” she managed between gritted teeth. Tears were already burning her eyes, scalding the back of her throat and filling her chest with fire.
He didn’t. His arms tightened and he cupped the back of her head in one hand, pulling her firmly into him.
Nooo…
Chloe’s shoulders jerked on a dry sob she struggled to contain. Damn him, he wouldn’t let go, and she didn’t have the heart to hurt him to get free. So she did the only thing she could, shoving her face into his chest as she crumpled beneath the pain.
She couldn’t remember the last time she’d cried, but this level of agony was what she remembered feeling when her mom died. There was no controlling it. No compartmentalizing it.
Hard, painful sobs ripped through her. She choked on them, her throat and chest on fire.
Through it all Heath said nothing, just held her tight. So tight, his whole body curving around her, his arms surrounding her with fierce pressure. As though he wanted to absorb her pain, take it himself to lessen her suffering. Offering her shelter and comfort. Understanding.
It broke her heart, shattering the shields she’d spent a lifetime reinforcing. And when the storm finally passed, she sagged in his arms, lying limp as her upper body jerked with the aftershocks of her tears.
She lay there, wrecked as a new clarity took hold, sweeping away the fog in her mind. Fleur was gone, and soon she would lose Heath forever as well.
Chapter Twenty
Hell.
&nbs
p; Heath lay wide awake, his arms around Chloe. She was quiet, her little sniffles pulling on his aching heartstrings.
He’d never seen anyone cry like that. As if she’d been waging an epic battle between pain and pride, using all her strength to hold it in—until she couldn’t and she just…broke. It wrenched something deep in his chest to see someone so strong suffering like that.
What a shit-show this whole thing had been. The only good part was meeting Chloe. He hadn’t thought so at first. Now…
It was like he’d been sleepwalking, and she’d snapped him wide awake. She wasn’t his usual type, definitely not the kind of woman he had ever envisioned bringing home to meet his family one day, yet now he couldn’t imagine letting her go, because any woman after her would seem bland and lifeless by comparison.
But how the hell could it ever work between them? She wasn’t the settling down type, and he was due at his next job in nine days. He’d be gone for months, and she’d disappear long before he was done, off on another deadly hunt.
She gave a shuddering sigh and tried to roll away again, wiping at her eyes.
“No, it’s okay,” he protested, urging her to lie down again. “You stay put.” He went to the bathroom and brought her a warm washcloth.
She wiped her face, her shoulders still shuddering, and avoided his gaze. Her face was blotchy, her nose and eyes red. He wanted to kiss every mark away, make the pain stop. But this wasn’t a bullet or shrapnel wound he could treat. All he could do was be here for her.
He set the cloth on the nightstand next to him and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear while she pulled the sheet up to cover herself. “You can talk to me.”
She shook her head. “You know everything already.”
He could tell it bothered her to have him watch her right now. It made her feel too vulnerable, and embarrassed. She had nothing to be embarrassed about, but he understood so he gathered her close and tucked her head beneath his chin. “Can I do anything?”
“No, but…this is nice.”
Yeah, it was. He stroked a hand over her hair, down the length of her spine. “Want to go back to sleep now?”