by Sabyn Javeri
He tugged at it playfully. ‘It can’t mean that much to you. Not worth giving up your dream.’
My heart did a little jump and I stepped back. This little tug felt more brutal that all the shoves and kicks the lads had landed. I realized then that my hijab did mean something to me. It wasn’t just a cover to hide my scanty hairline. It defined me, it was part of me.
That night, I stood in front of the mirror without my hijab. I wore a baseball cap on my head. ‘Go Arsenal,’
I shouted. The person in the mirror mimicked me. I didn’t know who she was.
Last day of coaching, I had a surprise waiting for me. I had been offered a paid position that I could take up along with college.
I was sure the team would make a fuss, but the biggest shock was that I found out that the lads wanted me to stay on. Somehow, something had changed. I had been accepted. These big strong lads who struggled with reading and writing had understood something I could never have expressed in words. Gathering around me in a circle, they told me to ‘go on and take it’.
And I did. To this day, I’m not sure if it was my coaching that made them change their minds or my stubbornness. But, just like that, everything changed.
Something healed inside me that day. It was as if all the broken bones had joined together and the scrapes and cuts had healed. As if someone had placed a cold press on a bruise. Later that week, six new lads went on to join the team and I braced myself for a repeat. But the first day the mocking came, it was none other than Sacha and Gio who stood up for me and said, ‘Leave her alone. She’s alright, our Coach Annie is.’
Needless to say, it set the tone.
I found myself looking in the mirror again that night. My skull-tight black hijab almost blending into my dark skin scarred with small cuts and scarlet-hued bruises. This time, I recognized the girl in the mirror for who she really was. And it was a relief. I felt easy. My joints felt loose. I was no longer the spotty Muslim girl in a headscarf.
Instead, I was Coach Annie.
Notes
1 Surah 86. The Morning Star, The Nightcomer
Acknowledgements
A Series of Untimely Thank-yous:
Thank you to Kanishka Gupta for pushing me to write this book, and to the wonderful Udayan and Prema at HarperCollins for bringing it to the bookshelves with their constant support and help.
Heartfelt thanks to my lifelines – Naheed, Nimra, Najia, Sohema, Zeenia, Perviz and Eiman – friends who kept me afloat during the stormy tide that my life can be.
A shout-out to my brilliant students at Habib University who constantly fuel my imagination and provide food for thought.
But above all, a huge thanks to my husband Shahzeb and our lovely children Danyal and Selina Maya, without whom this book would have been written much sooner but would not have been half as interesting! Thank you for being in my life and for the drama, the tears and the hugs that make it so, so worth it.
Shukriya, also, to those who are no longer in our lives but continue to bless us: Ami, Abu, Mamoo and Mamma Shehnaz. Miss you.
And finally, thank you, reader. Without you, there would be no book.
Love, always.
About the Book
A young kleptomaniac infuses thrill into her suffocating life by using her abaya to steal lipsticks and flash men.
An office worker feels empowered through sex, shunning her inhibitions but not her hijab... until she realizes that the real veil is drawn across her desires and not her body
A British-Asian Muslim girl finds herself drawn to the jihad in Syria, only to realize the real fight is inside her.
A young Pakistani bride in the West asserts her identity through the hijab in her new and unfamiliar surroundings, leading to unexpected consequences.
The hijab constricts as it liberates. Not just a piece of garment, it is a worldview, an emblem of the assertion of a Muslim woman’s identity, and equally a symbol of oppression. Set in Pakistan and the UK, this unusual and provocative collection of short stories explores the lives of women crushed under the weight of the all-encompassing veil and those who feel sheltered by it.
PRAISE FOR NOBODY KILLED HER
Tackles some uncomfortable truths around women, power and ambition.’
INDIAN EXPRESS
About the Author
Sabyn Javeri is an award-winning short-story writer and a novelist. She is a professor of literature and creative writing in Pakistan. Her first novel, Nobody Killed Her, was published by HarperCollins in 2017.
Praise for Nobody Killed Her
‘Sabyn shuns the idea of playing victim … Her narrative breaks the tradition of the rich lyrical accounts that emerge from the continent that largely recounted women’s stories from the victim’s perspective.’
– Firstpost
‘Sabyn Javeri’s debut novel tackles some uncomfortable truths around women, power and ambition.’
– The Indian Express
‘It connected me with … how difficult political journeys are for women in our subcontinent, how sham our democracies are, how deeply entrenched patriarchy is, how fanaticism is unleashed in its many shades.’
– Hindustan Times
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First published in India by
HarperCollins Publishers in 2019
A-75, Sector 57, Noida, Uttar Pradesh 201301, India
www.harpercollins.co.in
2 4 6 8 10 9 7 5 3 1
Copyright © Sabyn Javeri 2019
P-ISBN: 978-93-5302-902-9
Epub Edition © February 2018 ISBN: 978-93-5302-688-2
This is a work of fiction and all characters and incidents described in this book are the product of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Sabyn Javeri asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publishers.
Cover design: Amit Malhotra
Cover illustration: Samya Arif
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