I shuffle back to my room, not waiting to hear anymore confessions. I should never have listened. I should never have danced with my stepbrothers like a harlot. I should have kept myself to myself and dated some perfectly boring but perfectly suitable college dude like any normal girl my age.
All thoughts of Mr. Tatum and his magic mike have been blasted from my head. I slip into bed with a heavy heart and eventually fall into a drink induced sleep.
4
TWO SHADOWS
For months, I have been trying to spend as much time with my stepbrothers as I possibly can. Now it’s the opposite. I’m out of the house at 7:30am, deciding that a walk to collect my car from the bar serves the dual purpose of a reason to escape and a well-needed opportunity to exercise. All those nights on the sofa watching movies and eating way too much popcorn have given my curves some curves.
The streets start off quiet but quickly get busier as rush hour hits. I’m at my car by 8.15am and I head towards the campus, figuring I’ll go to the library and kill some time before class. I’m just about to walk in the door when my phone vibrates with a message. I usually check my messages right away but today I’m filled with trepidation. It could be Katelin making arrangements to study later. It could be Mom, checking in. I pull my phone out, peering at it like it might explode. It’s Ethan. I might have known he would be the one to message first. He’s always the cockier of the two.
ETHAN – Where did you go this morning, Peanut? I was going to offer to drive you to your car.
I stand gazing at my phone like I’ve just read the most cryptic message in the world. I mean, it sounds fine, and innocent, like a message a caring stepbrother would send to his sister. But now I’ve heard his confession and know his intentions it somehow seems like so much more. He was looking for me, early in the morning. And the car thing is nice. Considerate.
Or is it just an excuse to get me alone in his car so he can ravish me? The very thought has me burning up. I’m only wearing an American Eagle retro T and cut-off shorts and it’s certainly not hot at this time of the morning. I fan my face, still staring at the phone, but the screen has gone black to match the dark place my mind has drifted to. A place where Ethan drives us to the deserted football field and parks. There is no dialogue in my fantasy. No confessions of feelings, love or intentions. No questions about whether what he does is okay. Instead, he reaches across and pulls me into his lap until my pussy is pressed against his huge cock. His tongue is in my mouth before I can protest and his lips, oh god. In my dreams, they are always so soft yet so demanding. Eth keeps one hand on my hip, pressing me down against his erection in the rhythm of the most frenzied sex I can imagine. And his hand. It slips up my T, unsnapping my bra and cupping my breast before I can even think about pulling away.
I’m so zoned out in my sex thoughts that I don’t see anyone approaching me until it’s too late.
“Hey Carrie,” Royce says so loudly that I jump like a startled rabbit.
“Fuck,” I say, dropping my phone as I clutch at my heart in shock. “You scared me.”
“Sorry,” he laughs, bending to pick up my phone and handing it back to me with a grin. “You were in another world.” He peers at me with amusement. “You know you’re blushing. Whatever was in that message you were reading must have been hot.”
I feel my rosy cheeks turn into a raging inferno.
“If only!” I say, fumbling around in my bag as though I’m putting my phone away. “I’ve got a headache from last night. I should have slept in but I’ve got an assignment to finish.”
“Me too. Not the headache. I was on juice all night.”
“You heading to the library?”
“Yeah.” He glances towards the entrance. “Should we do this?”
“The thought of studying is about appealing as eating my own feet but it’s gotta be done.”
Royce laughs and starts toward the library and I follow, thinking that I have the worst luck in the world. Of all the people to run into while I’m trying to hide out from the twins but one of their BF’s. I’ve got to go in now, but maybe I can make my excuses about needing coffee or something and find somewhere else to lay low.
The library is quiet. I mean, there aren’t many students out and about yet. Royce and I find an empty table in a tucked away corner and spread out our books and laptops. He’s studying math, from what I can tell. I’ve got a history paper that I can work on. It isn’t due until next week but no harm in getting ahead.
My phone buzzes again and this time, it is Katelin. I message her back, arranging to meet in the coffee shop in an hour. There’s my excuse to get away from Royce. I’m back in my assignment, typing away when the table vibrates again. It’s Royce’s phone this time. He grins at the message and then taps away a reply. I’m not close enough to see who it is and that makes me nervous. It could be Bryan or Doug. It could be a girl or Royce’s mom even. But somehow I know it’s one of the twins. And I know he’ll tell them he’s with me. We’ve never studied together before so this is unusual enough to mention.
I carry on typing but I know I’m not making sense. Anything I’ve written is going to need to be redone. Royce is messaging on his phone again. When he’s done he looks up at me and smiles. I know I blush at being caught watching him. I’m sure I’ve looked like a beetroot all morning.
I reach into my purse for a bottle of water. My head is starting to pound from all the stress, and maybe a little from my double’s binge. Why is it that everything these days seems better doubled up?
“You still feeling bad?” Royce whispers.
“Yeah.” I press at my temple for effect. “I think I’m going to have to head off. I can’t seem to concentrate.”
He nods and I start packing up my stuff, taking another gulp of water. I whisper my goodbyes and dash outside, almost running down the stone steps that lead from the entrance to the library. I’m clutching my bag on my shoulder when I see them.
Oh lord, they look so good.
How can they look so good with so much alcohol and so little sleep? It isn’t fair. Those t-shirts; the same shade of gray but with different slogans. Those jeans; just the right side of slim so they hug their legs. For a moment I wish I was walking behind them so I could check out the back view. Ethan has his hair messy, with some wax in, no doubt. Nathan has his neater and swiped to the side. Apart from their hair and clothes, and the slight difference in the way they move, they are almost perfectly identical and both sporting matching grins.
“Look who it is,” Ethan calls out when we are close enough to converse.
“Peanut, fancy seeing you here,” Nathan says, and as usual, they both laugh at my scowl.
“What are you guys doing here?”
“We both felt like an early morning stroll and thought where better to go than around campus?
I must grimace because they laugh again. “Royce told you I was here,” I say, in the grumbliest voice I’ve ever managed.
“Royce?” Nathan questions, but I don’t believe his attempt at innocence. I know his intentions after all. And damn, now that I’ve thought about those intentions I get that hot achy feeling between my thighs that I always get when I think about the Stanmore Twins.
“You know what I’m talking about,” I say.
“Why so angry and suspicious, Carrie? Ethan almost croons.
I pull my bag onto my shoulder more securely and glance at my watch. “I’m in a hurry,” I say. “I’m meeting Katelin at the coffee shop in ten minutes.”
“We’ll walk with you,” Ethan says, throwing his arm around my shoulders and starting to walk in the direction of the coffee shop. His size and strength propel me forward, my short legs almost scrabbling to keep up. Nathan keeps pace with his brother with no problem. They have the same long legs after all.
“That’s not really necessary,” I say, looking around for any witnesses to my predicament.
“What isn’t? The fact that we want coffee too?” Nathan says. He glances a
t me with that soft look in his eyes that always manages to wrap around my heart and turn my insides to goo. I’m like one of those chocolates with a caramel center that oozes out when you first bite into it. Maybe Nathan would like to bite me. Maybe he’d get my nipple between his teeth and pinch it in a way that would have my hips rising off the bed and a gasp slipping from my lips.
“Fine,” I sulk. “Let’s all go and get coffee.”
It takes us five minutes to get to the Time Out coffee shop. I’m way too early for Katelin but I pretend to look for her anyway. “What can I get for you?” Nathan asks, starting towards the counter.
“Skinny latte, please. And a chocolate muffin.” I need caffeine and sugar to get me through whatever is coming next.
Ethan orders a double espresso – his head must be hurting as much as I suspected – and a cheese breakfast sandwich. Then he slumps into the corner of a couch by the window and indicates that I should take a seat next to him. The area he’s chosen is pretty quiet. The nearest other patron is, at least, five feet away. I sit down nervously, tugging at the frayed edges of my shorts hopefully as through there might be ten inches of spare material that I can use to cover my very bare thighs. His eyes watch my hands in a lazy way and he makes no effort to conceal the fact that he’s looking at me.
I glance around and see that Nathan is already at the front of the line. I need him here to diffuse the situation. Somehow, just having Nath near me always makes me feel more centered. He has that calm vibe about him.
“So,” Ethan says, interrupting my train of thought. “Last night was great wasn’t it?
“I guess.” I’m really starting to panic now. Where the hell is he going with this?
“I haven’t seen you dance like that before…all loose and…”
I snap my eyes up at him and I must be giving off negative signals because Ethan stops and looks at me questioningly. “I was drunk,” I say needing an excuse.
“Not the whole time,” Eth replies cautiously.
“Most of the time,” I say. “That’s why I feel like shit this morning.”
His eyes are on my face and he leans forward, reaching out to stroke his thumb across my cheek. “You look fine,” he whispers. He’s so close I can smell the fresh scent of his shower products and the mint of toothpaste on this breath. Our eyes are locked, my soft brown fixed with his sapphire blue. One small move and we’d be kissing. One tiny shift and I’d finally know what his lips felt like against mine. My heart is racing so fast I feel woozy. And time seems to have frozen into this strange moment where neither of us knows what to do next. I want him so badly it’s like real physical pain and I can see the pure longing in his eyes and the way he has parted his lips with intention. But we’re sitting in the campus coffee shop, and Katelin is supposed to be arriving soon and we can’t do this. We just can’t do this.
Then a shadow falls across Ethan’s face and we both pull away from each other like we’re kids caught with our hands in the cookie jar. Nathan’s standing there with a tray, looking at us with interest and an expression that almost looks like hope. What is he thinking? That Ethan might have told me, convinced me, and now we’re heading off somewhere for a day of hot, sweaty sex?
“They didn’t have any double chocolate muffins, so I got you this white chocolate and pecan,” he says to break the awkward silence that has descended upon us.
“That’s okay,” I say. “Chocolate is chocolate.”
I start to shift slightly away from Ethan but just as I do, Nathan takes a seat right next to me. Now I’m sandwiched on this couch between the Stanmore twins, in too-short shorts with a muffin and coffee to consume. How am I going to do that when my hands are trembling in my lap?
“Dig in everyone,” Nath says, reaching for his giant-sized coffee. Eth takes his sandwich and bites such a big chunk out of that I expect him to choke, but no, he’s fine. It must be a 6-foot-3-and-a-half-inch man thing! “So,” Nath says, dragging the word out. “Last night, eh.”
“We’ve had that conversation,” I snap.
“What conversation?” Nath asks, looking confused.
I blush, not wanting to repeat what Eth had said, but Eth does, looking very amused.
“The one where I mentioned her dancing.”
Nath raises his eyebrows and glances at me with interest.
“Mmmm, the dancing.”
“Can we stop talking about the dancing?” My face is on fire again and the only distraction available to me is a white chocolate muffin that’s the size of a small planet. If I put some in my mouth, I just know I am going to end up inhaling it by accident.
“We can stop talking about it. But that won’t mean I’ll stop thinking about it.” Ethan grins, Nathan laughs and I scowl.
Here we are, back in our usual teasing routine.
“You shouldn’t be thinking about me that way,” I blurt out. “We’re family.”
As I say it, my heart seems to drop down into my belly and both the twins seem to deflate. My heart aches, even though I know I’m saying what I’m supposed to say. I’m doing what I’m supposed to do.
No matter how many ‘supposed to’s’ I throw in, everything still feels wrong to me.
“We’re not family,” Nath replies quietly. “Our parents are married. That’s it.”
“We live in the same house,” I say, not knowing where to look. I fix my eyes on the muffin, clasping my hands in my lap.
“We do,” Eth says carefully, leaning in a bit closer. “Carrie.” He puts his hand on my knee and I stare at it like it’s a giant spider. “I just…we just…we feel things…” He hesitates, his voice so low it’s like velvet licking against my skin. “We feel things that brothers don’t feel for their sisters.”
Nathan places his hand over mine, gently prying my fingers from their claw-like position as I was gripping the couch fabric for dear life. I turn to look at him and his eyes are telling me the same thing as Ethan’s are. They are hungry and soft at the same time. Possessive I suppose. He nod’s just a fraction which is enough for me to know that he agrees with everything his brother is saying. I turn back to Ethan who seems to be waiting to continue. “I know you feel it too,” he says and for a moment I’m confused.
“Feel what?” I whisper back.
“This,” Ethan says, using his thumb to stroke the inside of my knee. My nerve endings spring to life at such a light touch and I’m practically quivering with desire. Nathan’s finger moves on the tender inside of my wrist and it’s all too much. Too much sensation. Too much intention. I feel pulled in so many directions and none feel right.
“Oh god,” I whisper. “We can’t. I don’t. You’re wrong.”
“We can,” Nathan whisper in my ear. “If you want to, we can.”
“We shouldn’t,” I say but my own resistance sounds pathetic.
“We could,” Ethan says and his hand moves up my leg just slightly. “I know you feel it, Carrie. I know you want….” He trails off as if saying ‘us’ would be excessive.
My mind is working double time, and I can’t seem to bring myself to look at either of them. When I glance up, I notice Katelin outside as she makes her way around the side of the coffee shop towards the entrance. I stand up with a start, knowing what a guilty picture we make. Ethan’s hand drops to the couch and Nathan shifts to the side guiltily, putting some space between us.
I clamber around the table, using the excuse of going to meet Katelin to put some distance between me and the twins. I practically throw myself at her, pulling her into a hug and squeezing way too hard.
“Carrie,” she gasps, drawing away with surprise and looking me over. “Are you okay? Not that I’m not loving all the love in here but, damn! I think I need abdominal surgery to fix the rupture”
“What?” I blurt out quickly, feeling so guilty for using her as a means of escape. “Can’t I show my BFF some appreciation?”
“Course,” Katelin says, smiling but with a quizzical look in her eyes. She surveys the c
offee shop and notices the twins by the window, watching the whole exchange.
“Hey, boys,” she calls and waves. “This is nice. I’ll go grab my coffee and come and join you.”
“No, it’s okay. I’ll bring mine over there so we can talk assignments some more.” I point to the table on the other side of the coffee shop.
“Oh, okay.” Katelin looks disappointed but I’m desperate to get away from my stepbrothers before I’m sucked down into the flaming pit to sit on Satan’s knee.
I turn and make my way back to the table to take my coffee and muffin. It’s so hard to look at the boys but I do. They are both smiling identically small smiles, their identical cerulean eyes sparkling. I get a sudden urge to smooth Ethan’s hair and mess up Nathan’s, to make them even more alike. It’s easier to pretend they are one person when they look like one person. And when I pretend they are one person I feel less like a degenerate freak.
“Thanks for the coffee,” I mumble. “I guess I’ll see you at home.”
“Yeah,” they both say in unison. “We’ll see you later,” Nathan adds.
I scurry across the coffee shop to the safety of the tiny table for two. Katelin joins me minutes later and we spend a while discussing our assignment. About half way through the twins leave, calling goodbyes as they do. Katelin looks after them longingly and whispers ‘damn’ under her breath but I ignore her and carry on with our conversation. When we’re finally done, I bring up Bryan. If I’m honest it’s because I hate it when she looks at the twins like she wants to lick them. If I’m truly honest, it makes me want to spit fire.
Katelin laughs. “Yeah, Bryan’s cute. I might even be interested if I thought he was ever going to get his ass in gear and make a move. He’s been making a bee-line for me pretty much every time we see each other, but nothing. Maybe he’s not interested?”
HUGE X2: A Twin Stepbrother Romance (With Bonus Book 'ESCAPE') Page 3