Rthur. A fresco painter in DJELIBEYBI. His small claim to fame is that the dead kings and queens in his paintings all look identical, and beautiful. Perhaps this is why he has survived to paint so many. [P]
Ruby. A troll. She looks slightly like the statues cavemen used to carve of fertility goddesses thousands of years ago, but mostly she looks like a foothill. She is nearly 140 (not a great age for a troll, considering that in some respects they never actually die, but it is around the time a male troll decides to settle down and a female troll tends to think about the biological, or possibly geological, clock).
She and DETRITUS are romantically linked, and it is thought that it is her influence which caused him to apply to become the Ankh-Morpork City WATCH’S first troll guard. Ruby is, at least intellectually, a modern troll and felt it would be demeaning to be married to someone who hits people all the time without wearing some kind of uniform. [MP, MAA]
Rust, Lord. Ronald (Ronnie) is a tall, blue-eyed, ridiculously curly-moustached, apparently languid, definitely stupid nobleman of Ankh. In years gone by, he replaced Captain TILDEN as head of the Night Watch for a brief period, and did his very best to turn a small public protest into a full bloody revolution. His ancestor was created a baron after single-handedly killing thirty-seven Klatchians while armed with nothing more than a pin, and since then the Rusts have always been to the fore whenever pig-headed military incompetence (which may, by sheer luck, turn out to be bravery) is required.
Sal. Daughter of LIFTON, an innkeeper in SHEEPRIDGE. A small child, with a small child’s way of speaking loudly whatever thought is occupying its mind at the time, such as ‘You have a big nose.’ Rescued from a fire by Bill DOOR (DEATH). [RM]
Salamanders. Magical creatures. They have no mouths, since they subsist entirely on the nourishing quality of the OCTARINE wavelength in the Discworld’s sunlight, which they absorb through their skins. They absorb the rest of the sunlight as well, storing it in a special sac until it is excreted in the normal way. This allows them to be used as torches or, if surprised, as flashbulbs. A desert inhabited by salamanders is a veritable lighthouse at night. [COM]
Salami. The Ankh-Morpork composer of ‘Prelude to a Nocturne on a Theme by Bubbla’. [SM]
Sally. Salacia Deloresista Amanita Trigestatra Zeldana Malifee (this goes on for quite some time) von Humpeding. A lance constable in the City Watch, and a vampire. She is fifty-one years old – no age at all for a vampire, of course. She could easily pass for sixteen. She has short hair – and looks, if not like a boy, then like a girl who wouldn’t mind passing for one. Unusually, she plays the cello. [T!]
Salzella. Musical Director at the Ankh-Morpork OPERA HOUSE. An imposing figure, with flowing black hair, carefully brushed to give it a carefree alfresco look. His face was the face of an organiser and he was certainly the eminence grise at the Opera House. [M!!!!!]
Sandman. A fairly recent anthropomorphic personification in the Ankh-Morpork area, where he travels nightly from house to house sending children to sleep by means of his magic sand. Unlike sandmen on other worlds, he doesn’t bother to take it out of the sack first. [SM]
Sapient pearwood. A plant so magical that it has nearly died out on the Disc and survives in only one or two places outside the AGATEAN EMPIRE, where it is still quite common; it is a magical equivalent of Rosebay Willowherb, a plant that traditionally colonises bomb sites and areas devastated by fire. Sapient pearwood, in a similar way, sprouts in areas that have seen vast expenditures of magic. It owes its origins to the MAGE WARS; this has left it ingrained with a bad temper. It is totally impervious to all forms of magic.
It is traditionally used to make wizards’ staffs, and many of these still survive. But since no trees are now found within 500 miles of Unseen University, most modern staffs are made of oak or ash.
The LUGGAGE is made of it. Be warned.
Sardines. Plump little white rat who was one of of MAURICE’S associates (he saw the name on a rusty tin and thought it sounded stylish). He wears a battered home-made straw hat and carries a small walking stick. He is one of the older rats in Maurice’s group but he dances and jokes and never gets into fights; in short, he wisely makes himself too harmless and useful to be a threat to the ambitions of any other male rat. He used to live in a theatre and once ate a whole box of greasepaint. This seems to have got the theatre into his blood. His feet move all the time, nervously – tippity-tap. [TAMAHER]
Sator Square. The famous square in Ankh-Morpork’s rather upmarket mercantile district is the traditional home of the Sator market, held weekly at considerable inconvenience to the traffic of the city. The market charter dates right back to the days when what is now the Square was a mere patch of ground outside Unseen University; traders were encouraged to set up stalls there for the convenience of the wizards, since the alternative was shopping in what is now the SHADES, where the merchandise even then included assault and grievous bodily harm.
Saturday, Baron. One-time ruler of GENUA. Now a zombie. When alive, he was a wicked man, albeit tall and handsome (as if that excuses it, but alas it often does). He was murdered by the DUC, and as a result of being dead seemed to develop a more reflective attitude to things. As a zombie, he had burning eyes, grey skin, a resonant voice and he smelled of river mud. He looked as though he had just walked through a room full of cobwebs.
The Baron, with the assistance of Mrs GOGOL and to some extent also of Granny Weatherwax, invaded the Samedi Nuit Mort Ball at Genua to wreak a long-awaited revenge on his murderer. [WA]
Saturday, Ella. Daughter of Baron SATURDAY and Mrs GOGOL. A very attractive girl, with skin as brown as a nut and hair so blond as to be almost white. Because she works as a skivvy she is known as Emberella, or Young Embers. [WA]
Saveloy, Ronald. An honorary member of the Silver Horde and, for the most part, all of its brains. A tall stick-like man with an amiably absent-minded expression and a fringe of white hair, so that, when viewed from above, he looked like a daisy. He wore a chain-mail vest slightly too big for him and a huge scabbard strapped across his back containing, instead of a sword, a variety of scrolls and brushes. The chain-mail shirt had a breast pocket with three different coloured pens in a leather pocket protector. This outfit was set off with a pair of orthopaedic sandals. Mr Saveloy used to teach geography and it is to this that he owes his soubriquet – Teach. On the whole, he found that membership of a gang of elderly cutthroats offered a quieter life than teaching. [IT]
Scalbie. A seabird; a member of the crow family. It seldom flies, walking everywhere in a sort of lurching hop. Its distinctive call is similar to that of a malfunctioning digestive system.
The scalbie has very greasy feathers and looks like other birds do after an oil slick. Nothing eats scalbies, except other scalbies. Scalbies eat things that would make a vulture sick. Scalbies would eat vulture sick. [SG]
Scallot, Corporal. ‘Threeparts’. Quartermaster in the Borogravian army. A small, leathery old man, one of his arms ends in a hook, he has a patch over one eye and two peg legs. Hence the nickname. [MR]
Scant, William. Official Hereditary Keeper of the Monuments in Ankh-Morpork. An old man, and one of a number of people in Ankh-Morpork still doing jobs no longer appropriate to its modern civic life. According to ancient tradition, his pay is one dollar a year and a new vest every Hogswatchday. (For details of the monuments, see JOHNSON, BLOODY STUPID.) [MAA]
Scharron, Red. A Discworld adventuress. [E]
Schleppel. A bogeyman, and a member of the FRESH START CLUB. A large, hairy creature with hands the size of wheelbarrows. He is also very, very shy, which is why he tends to be found under beds and behind doors. [RM]
Scorbic, Mrs. The cook at LANCRE CASTLE. Huge pink arms, three chins and a whiskery face (the kind where the warts have whiskers, like a lot of little hills with woods on them). A power in her own kitchen. The kind of woman who thinks that cabbage isn’t cooked until it is yellow, and who can’t be having with this vitamin nonsense. She believes
that the proper colour of meat is grey. [LL]
Scrappy. A talking, and magical kangaroo which ‘befriends’ Rincewind in The Last Continent. [TLC]
Scraps. A dog, built – there is no other way of putting it – and owned by the de Magpyr IGOR. He has a spaniel’s brain and is nine thirty-eighths Rottweiler – two legs, one ear, lots of tubes and his lower jaw, in fact. Although his four legs are nearly all the same length, they’re not the same colour. He has just the one head, but his left ear is black and pointed and the right ear is brown and white and floppy. He does have two tails, though. Scraps is seventy-eight years old – some of him. He is a very enthusiastic animal in the department of slobber – he has a lot of lick to share. And he never dies, at least for long. [CJ]
Scree. Son of Mica the Bridge Troll and Beryl. [TB]
Scrofula. A rather worried demon. Has been known to stand in for Death when he is busy. However, since Death has on every other occasion shown a most commendable dedication to duty this must have been a unique occasion. [COM]
Scrope, Tuttle. Son of Tuskin Scrope and President of the Guild of Cobblers and Leatherworkers. Mr Scrope is a family man, with an old established leather-working shop in Wixon’s Alley. He does not sell shoes, but caters to a rather more exotic clientele. [TT]
Scrope, William. A deer hunter, killed by a unicorn. He was a tall man, with a beard and one leg longer than the other (a common feature in LANCRE, and possibly a genetic adaptation to its lack of flat ground; a slightly smaller number of people have one leg shorter than the other). One of three brothers from the village of Slice, in Lancre. [LL]
Scrote. Tiny agricultural town about a day’s slow ride from Ankh-Morpork. The usual shape – a crossroads around which is a seed merchant, a tavern, a livery stable. There are three old men sitting outside the tavern, and three young men lounging outside the livery stable saying what a hole this is and how they’re going to up and leave as soon as they’ve got the money from the cabbage harvest, and don’t you just know that in fifty years’ time there’ll be three old men outside the tavern . . .
Scrote is notable only for its mayor, Late Jim Cloop. Jim Cloop became Mayor of Scrote about 150 years ago, but died in office very soon after. There was no time or money for another election so soon after the first; after a year the townsfolk realised that Jim’s period in office had been marked by a time of general prosperity: he hadn’t raised taxes, embezzled the road-repair fund or taken any bribe. They voted him in again. They have voted him in ever since.
Scum. A friend to CRASH and the drummer in his musical band, first called Insanity. Considered to be without equal among drummers since he often entirely failed to make contact with the drums. [SM]
Scumble. A drink made, mainly, from apples and served in thimble-sized glasses. It tastes something like apples, something like autumn mornings, and quite a lot like the bottom of a log pile. You could clean spoons with it.
Many stories are told about scumble – how it is made out of the damp marshes according to ancient recipes handed down rather unsteadily from father to son, how the only apples that make good scumble are the Lancre Blackheart, the Golden Disagreeable and Green Billets . . .
It is not true about the rats, or the snake heads, or the lead shot. The one about the dead sheep is a complete fabrication as are all the variations of the one about the trouser button. The one about not letting it come into contact with metal is true. So is the one about the drowned soldier.
It is also dangerous to let water touch scumble. It is, all in all, safer not to let scumble touch lips.
Scurrick, Mrs. Widow of an Ankh-Morpork City Watchman, and the object of Captain Vimes’ surreptitious charity. [MAA]
Seamstresses’ Guild. Motto: NIL VOLVPTI SINE LVCRE (this is possibly a play on the similar motto of the ASSASSINS’ GUILD, whose members also work strictly for money). Coat of arms: aiguilles croisé over a lanterne, gules, on a field sable et etoilé.
One of the youngest Guilds in the city, despite the fact that its members practise the second-oldest profession in the world (the oldest profession is that of flint-knapper, a confusion which has caused many an embarrassed misunderstanding in quarries everywhere).
For it has to be said that the Guild is not there to support hard-working women who make what living they can through their skills with needle and thread. It is simply that ‘seamstress’ is considered a more polite term than otherwise might be used for young women whose affection is, not to put too fine a point on it, negotiable.
An Ankh-Morpork MERCHANTS’ GUILD survey of tradespeople in the dock areas of Morpork found 987 women who gave their profession as ‘seamstress’, and two needles. As one of the researchers put it: ‘They say they’re seamstresses . . . hem, hem!’
The Guild House in Sheer Street is, like the MUSICIANS’ GUILD, purely an administrative centre; there is no Guild school as such, most training being on the job. The Guild’s concerns are with professional standards, certain specialised areas of preventive medicine, and particularly with investment finance. (See also AGONY AUNTS).
The current Guild president is Mrs Rosemary PALM. ‘Mrs’, by the way, is an honorific acquired by all ladies of the Guild by the time they run their own establishment.
Selachii, Lady. A noblewoman of Ankh; the family are traditionally associated with the ASSASSINS’ GUILD. [MAA]
Selachii, Lord Robert. A senior assassin. A Lord Albert Selachii is also mentioned during the events of Night Watch. [SM, NW]
Sendivoge. Secretary of the ASSASSINS’ GUILD. [MP]
Sestina, Sister. Sister Sestina of Quirm. She defied the wrath of the local king and walked unharmed across a bed of coals, and propounded a philosophy of sensible ethics on behalf of a goddess whose only real interest was in hairstyles. [SG]
Seven-league boots. A classic component of fairy stories that was the subject of a brief experiment at Unseen University. It soon became clear, however, that an unacceptable amount of groinal strain was involved in wearing boots that periodically caused your feet to be twenty-one miles apart.
Shades, The. The original and ancient part of the city of Ankh-Morpork whose inhabitants are largely nocturnal and never enquire about one another’s business, because curiosity crept up on the cat in a dark alley and gave it a quick burst of skull percussion with a length of lead pipe. It is an abode of discredited gods and unlicensed thieves, ladies of the night and pedlars in exotic goods, alchemists of the mind and strolling mummers; in short, the grease on civilisation’s axle and the unidentified sticky stuff on the sole of its boots.
It is an inner city area sorely in need of either government help or, for preference, a flame thrower. It can’t be called squalid, because that would be stretching the word to breaking point. It is beyond squalor and out the other side, where by a sort of Einsteinian reversal it achieves a magnificent horribleness that it wears like an architectural award. It is noisy and sultry and smells like a cowshed floor.
The Shades is about ten minutes’ slow stroll from Unseen University. If you drew a relief map of immorality, then even in Ankh-Morpork the Shades would be represented by a deep shaft. The Shades is as thronged as a rookery and as fragrant as a cesspit, and vice versa.
In the MERCHANTS’ GUILD publication, Wellcome to Ankh-Morporke, Citie of One Thousand Surprises, the Shades is described as: ‘a folklorique network of old alleys and picturesque streets, wherre excitement and romans lurke arounde everry corner and much may be heard the traditional street cries of old time also the laughing visages of the denuizens as they goe about their business private.’ (In other words, you have been warned.)
The Shades is also a pub in Skegness, England, which is probably very nice.
Shady, Mr, the Eighteenth. The hereditary foreman at the Ankh-Morpork Mint. [MM]
Shambles. A shamble can be used as a simple magic detector and amplifier. It’s actually very crude, but it’s always useful to make one in times of distress and confusion. They are something a witch makes from items she find
s on her person and which she can use to be magical through. Rather in the same way that spectacles help you see but don’t see for you. A telescope is not magical, it’s just glass in a tube, but with one you could count the dragons on the moon. And a shamble can act like a bow, too. A bow stores up muscle power as the archer draws it, and sends a heavy arrow much further than the archer could actually throw it. In fact a witch can make one out of anything, so long as it . . . looks right.
With a shamble, for example, you can tell if magic is happening, if that’s what you’re looking for. When you’re good at it you can use it to help you do magic yourself, to really focus on what you have to do. You can use it for protection, like a curse-net, or to send a spell. All young witches should learn how to make a shamble.
Shank, Andy. Son of the Captain of Dimwell Football Club, Ankh-Morpork, and a stone-cold psychopath. He could be quite charming when the frantically oscillating mood swing took him. Often carries a short sword in his calloused hands as he leads his gang, the Massive Posse – Maxie, Jumbo and Carter the Farter (the Fartmeister). [UA]
Sharn, Madame. A dwarf couturier and proprietor of Shatta, in the Maul, Ankh-Morpork. Shatta means ‘a wonderful surprise’. She is extremely expansive around the waist, and she wears a breastplate so beautifully hammered and ornamented that taking it into battle would be an act of artistic vandalism. She has a voice that sounds like the darkest and most expensive type of dark chocolate, possibly smoked. She has so many rings on each finger you need to look with care to realise he/she is not wearing a gauntlet. [UA]
Sheepridge. A town in the RAMTOPS, and scene of the annual hiring fair on Hogswatch Eve. Very small – not much more than four sides to a cobbled square, including an ornamental clock tower, lined with shops that provide the service industry of the farming community. [M]
Shine, Mr. Troll king – a creature with an analytical mind, made entirely from diamond. He has to wear a black cloak and hood in normal light for fear of blinding people with the reflection from his crystalline body. [T!]
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