She nodded and then ducked her head into his neck, hiding her face. The sight of him holding her so gently while Neve clung to him like he was her lifeline, created warmth in her, even though her heart hurt for the little girl.
“Let’s keep moving.” Cam’s voice was grim, as though he wasn’t sure this was the best idea, but recognized they had no other choice.
They moved to the side of the road so that when they passed the contingent of marching soldiers they’d already be completely out of the way.
Her stomach began churning as they got closer, because they were beyond outnumbered, and if this brazen ploy didn’t work, the consequences would be devastating, not only for themselves, but for Neve.
The soldiers were maybe fifty yards away when Cam took her hand. She glanced over at him unable to hide her surprise as he laced his fingers with hers and their palms pressed together.
He leaned in closer to her. “Stop looking so shocked that I’m touching you and try to act more natural. Oh, and quit marching.”
“I am not marching,” she snapped automatically in return.
Except all that earned her was a grin, as if he’d been trying to get a rise out of her and it had totally worked.
“You also need to stop looking pissed off at me.” From the slight crinkle at the edges of his eyes, she could tell he was laughing at her and clearly enjoying his teasing of her a little too much.
“You’re a piece of work, McAllister.”
Okay, fine, she could admit his teasing was amusing. She forced herself to settle into a more relaxed pose and be less military-like. It was hard, though—she’d been a soldier for so long, she didn’t know how to act any other way.
The contingent of soldiers got closer, so she ducked her head slightly to avoid making direct eye contact with any of them and hoped it made her seem a little more retiring. Which was hilarious in itself, because that was one word no one would ever use to describe her.
Cam’s hand tightened on hers as they passed the first few soldiers. He nodded to a few here and there, offering murmured pleasantries. None of the soldiers paid them too much attention, and none stopped to question them, not even the officers in command bringing up the rear.
In another few moments, they’d passed one another, and she let out a long exhale of relief. Wherever those CS soldiers were going, they were obviously on a mission.
And though it was completely mercenary, having Neve along, with the way Cam was carrying her, they couldn’t have asked for better cover. Up in her jet, the squad all relied on each other and always backed every member without question or hesitation, but it was still a somewhat solitary endeavor. Always alone in the cockpit.
But here on the ground, everything was so much more up close and personal. Their duty to protect each other was more immediate. Yet, it didn’t start and end with duty. At least not for her. She’d come to care deeply about Cam. Way beyond any sentiment she usually had for her fellow team members.
Cam glanced over his shoulder. “We’re clear.”
Thank God. She’d been sure that even though they’d gotten by the soldiers, one of them was going to turn around and demand that they stop after all.
“That was intense.”
And he was still holding her hand. While the logical side of her brain said she should tug her fingers free, the completely foolish side of her that had gained control at some point without her notice—the same side that had practically thrown herself into Cam’s arms from the relief she’d felt when he’d returned—that side was enjoying the heat of his palm against hers.
There was definitely a sense of comfort, and companionship. A connection, like in that moment, they were both totally in sync.
Cam paused to adjust his hold on Neve, letting go of her hand in the process. Once they were no longer touching, it was like a spell had been broken, and she was brought out of the daze.
Had she really been stupid enough to enjoy holding hands with the man who pretty much amounted to her CO while they were on this mission?
What the hell was wrong with her?
Besides, it had been part of a ploy to fool the CS soldiers. Reading anything into it was just idiotic. Which was definitely a good way to describe her state of mind.
It was like, overnight, while she’d waited for him to return, as the dark hours had stretched and he hadn’t appeared, something in her brain had flipped. Without her noticing, she’d stopped worrying about the mission, duty, and the grand-scheme consequences if they failed. All of her concern had become for Cam. For what he was doing, or what was happening to him, and how she would feel if he got captured or killed.
She’d definitely let emotion get the better of her, for the first time in a long time. Years. Probably since Jordie. After her brother had died, it’d been easier to retreat behind her rank and simply be a soldier.
Those emotions that she’d long held such tight control over were breaking free, like a ship snapping one mooring at a time. The relief that she’d felt upon seeing him coming over the fence toward her had eclipsed everything.
It hadn’t been relief that the mission could stay on track, or anything so professional. No. It had all been about Cam. Seeing him whole and healthy after nearly convincing herself something terrible had happened, had made the air catch in her chest. Had sent the apprehension within her crashing down in a furious collapse.
She didn’t know what had sent her running into his arms, but she’d gone with it.
Except now, she had a problem. Because though she’d gotten a handle on her emotions and put her mind back on track with the mission, there was an awareness of him vibrating within her. One she couldn’t cut off or shut down. But they were deep into enemy territory and had more important things to worry about. Like staying alive.
Neve was withdrawn for almost the next hour, until Cam managed to coax a smile out of her. If Bren had any last reserves holding out against him, they completely failed in the face of his concern for Neve. In his role as colonel, he was formidable and tough. Except it was clear that underneath the cool, hardened exterior, he had a rather large heart. One that obviously had a surprising amount of compassion and openness to care deeply. She couldn’t pretend anymore that it didn’t affect her. That he didn’t affect her.
However, she couldn’t take the luxury of figuring out what that meant for her until they were no longer in enemy territory and not at risk of getting captured any second.
“How far from the village do you think we are?” she asked when they stopped next, this time near a shallow offshoot of the river, where Neve had removed her shoes and was splashing in the shallows. She judged they had maybe three hours of daylight left.
Cam glanced up at the sky. “Five or six miles. A bit more, probably.”
“You think we’ll make it before dark?”
He crossed his arms, attention on where Neve was playing. “If we push her, yeah. But will it be worth it? She’s held up pretty well so far, but she’s going to hit the wall. What are we losing by arriving after dark? It’ll put our timeline a little behind, but it shouldn’t compromise the overall mission.”
Cam’s willingness to put Neve first—or at least equal to the mission—continued to surprise her. She didn’t think many soldiers, particularly some of the higher-ranking officers like him, would have been so willing. Heck, they probably wouldn’t have suggested bringing her along in the first place. They would have washed their hands of helping her and put her down as one more victim of a war that wasn’t their direct responsibility. That they could do more to help her by freeing the entire planet, as opposed to focusing on a single orphaned kid.
“So, we’ll arrive a little late, then,” she agreed.
“How’s your ankle?”
The sudden change in subject threw her. With everything going on, she’d nearly forgotten about it. Apart from a minor, niggling ache she could mostly ignore, it wasn’t bothering her at all.
“It’s fine.”
He turned
his attention from Neve to look at her. “You’d tell me if it was a problem, right?”
She couldn’t help a grin, though she tried to dampen it. They both knew she’d probably walk on it broken if she had to. “Yes, sir.”
His expression took on an exasperated edge. “I can see right through you, Brenner.”
“Whatever you say, Colonel.”
Amusement sparked in his gaze, but he did a better job of keeping a lid on his grin than she had. “And what about that info you needed from the black box? Did you get it?”
Right. After their hasty exit from the farmhouse, she’d forgotten to fill him in.
“I got exactly what I needed. I managed to calculate a likely LZ.” She glanced at him, ready to explain LZ meant landing zone, but he was nodding, apparently up with the fighter pilot lingo. “I was hoping once we got to the village and rendezvoused with Seb and the rest of your men, we could work out a new timeline that would let us make contact with the rebels and see if we can find where Shen came down.”
“You think she’ll still be in the spot where she landed?”
“It’s protocol,” she replied with a shrug. “Find somewhere to lay low and avoid the enemy, but keep within a one-mile radius of the landing position. There’s a beacon in the jet’s chair. It only emits a very low signal, so you have to be within a mile to track it. That way we can find our pilots, but it’s less likely the CSS can by doing a general, wide-sweeping scan.”
“Okay. We’ll work something out.”
Neve came up the bank toward them, carrying her shoes and looking wilted.
“How much more do we have to walk?” she asked. It was the first hint of complaint they’d heard out of her all day.
Cam crouched down and took her shoes, helping to put them back on. “Still a little while yet. I know you’re tired, but you’re doing a great job. And when we get to the village, I’ll find you anything you want to eat.”
That was a big promise. One they might not be able to follow through on. Most villages could only afford the most basic foods. If she asked for something extravagant, they’d end up disappointing her.
But of course, she should have realized the deprived child wouldn’t be thinking of anything excessive.
“Warm bread from the oven!” Neve came out with some. “And butter. With honey. But just butter would be okay. My mom could only get us honey sometimes.”
“I’ll personally pick the warmest, softest bread from the bakery for you.” Cam set a hand on her hair, sending her a reassuring smile.
Once her shoes were fastened, Neve jumped up with renewed vigor. “Let’s go, then!”
She scampered past them, heading back for the road they’d been following.
As they caught up with her, she studied Cam, took in the smile he had on his face and look in his eyes as he watched Neve.
“You’re really good with her. You always know the right thing to say.”
He glanced over at her. “I’m far from an expert. If I was, I wouldn’t be second-guessing everything I do, say, or every choice I’ve made for her since we found her.”
“It doesn’t show. You seem completely confident. Way more assured than me. I don’t have the first clue about kids. I think I’d maybe talked to one other kid in the last decade.”
“They’re not that different from adults. In fact, they’re like small adults, just with less inhibitions. They understand a lot more than you think.”
“See? How do you even know that?”
“My sister has a couple of kids. I’ve only seen them a few times in person, but she’s always sending me pictures, videos, and messages with what they’re up to.”
“Olivia has kids?” How did she not know that, and where the heck did she have them stashed?
He grinned. “Not Olivia. My other sister, Angie. She still lives on our home planet in the same city as my parents.”
“Oh. I didn’t know you had another sister.”
Actually, she pretty much knew nothing about him. But suddenly, she wanted to. She was curious to find out everything she could.
“I don’t talk about her much or the rest of my family.” He gave a shrug.
“Not many soldiers do talk about their families.” She’d never spoken of Jordie to anyone. Not even Seb or Alpha. “I guess it’s easier to cope with war when you completely separate yourself from those kinds of ties.”
He looked down at her, but it wasn’t a quick glance. He seemed to be studying her, something intent in his gaze. “Yeah, you’re right. It is easier not to have those ties. The emotional ones that make things complicated. But it’s also lonely.”
Her heart skipped a beat. It was like there were words between his words. Something he wasn’t saying. A sentiment he’d never admit to, but one she recognized in herself. Something she wanted to share with him.
Why the hell had she been alone for so long? She didn’t want to be lonely anymore. More shocking, she wanted to be not-lonely with him. Wanted to work off the tension building inside her in a way that would leave both of them satisfied.
She broke her gaze from him, looking ahead to focus on Neve. Those feelings were starting to bubble up again. The same ones that had sent her running into his arms this morning. This wasn’t the time to start letting emotion get in the way. Maybe once she got back to the Knox, got some distance and perspective, she could consider it. And then, if she still thought there was something here, then she could see about getting to know Cam.
If he wanted the same thing.
But while they were on this mission, while she was so raw and having trouble seeing anything beyond the now, she had to keep herself in check, no matter what her emotions were trying to do to her.
For the rest of the day, she made sure they kept the little conversation they had focused on either Neve or the mission. No more sharing personal tidbits.
Darkness settled, and Neve hit the wall Cam had predicted. He’d offered to take her on his shoulder a while ago, and once the sun had gone down, she’d slumped against him and gone to sleep.
They only had two miles to go at the most when the strong scent of smoke carried on the slight breeze. At first, she didn’t think anything of it, guessing it was probably hearth fires or someone having a bonfire.
But as they walked on, the scent got stronger and was underlaid with a kind of bitter smell that usually didn’t come with simple wood fires.
Cam shared a concerned glance with her. “Smells like a house fire.”
“How do you know?” Smoke smelled like smoke to her, though she could tell this was different.
“Been on the ground long enough and been through enough burned or bombed towns that the scent kind of sticks.”
The contingent of soldiers they’d passed a few hours ago returned to the forefront of her thoughts.
“You think it’s coming from—”
“The village we’re heading for? I hope not, but it seems pretty damn likely.”
The notion settled uneasily onto her shoulders. “So what, the CSS are ransacking their own villages now?”
“Would you really be surprised? The Pontifex has built his legacy on making the innocent suffer. Let’s not jump to any conclusions until we see what we’re dealing with.”
She nodded and they picked up the pace.
The closer they got to the village, the thicker the smoke got, until she could actually see wisps of it in the moonlight. They should have seen the outskirts of the village by now, but through the smoke and shadows, she couldn’t make anything out. And what shadows she saw looked wrong.
They weren’t being cast by the moonlight, but by some kind of glow emanating from… She couldn’t tell where.
“Oh my God.” She came to a stop, not able to take another step after pushing so hard for so many hours.
The village was nothing but burning embers and rubble. Every building had been methodically, mercilessly torched. That bitter underscore to the scent of the smoke? Peoples’ entire lives burning,
and no doubt many of the people along with it. This had been done hours ago, probably first thing in the morning. Though it was hard to see anything in the darkness, there didn’t seem to be a single soul moving around the destruction. She prayed it was because they’d evacuated somewhere else, and not because they were all dead.
Neve woke up coughing, the drift of smoke getting thicker as the wind changed.
Cam backed up a few steps, casting her a hard glance. “Let’s backtrack.”
Bren didn’t answer, taking one more moment to search the shadows before following him as they retraced their steps.
Though she didn’t want to let the thought enter her mind, it came anyway, creeping in like the smoke drifting through tiny indefensible gaps.
Seb and the rest of Cam’s men would have made the village yesterday evening. They would have been here this morning when this happened. They were trained soldiers, resourceful, tough, and smart. There was no reason to think they got caught up with the villagers in this debacle.
However, a terrible feeling took hold in her stomach.
She didn’t want to think she and Cam were the only survivors of their team, but the notion had taken root and refused to budge.
Chapter Fourteen
Cam’s thoughts churned as he started making his way back down the road. He couldn’t let the worries spinning through his mind like a tornado become fully formed, because the fury and disbelief would get the better of him, and he wouldn’t effectively be able to do what needed to be done.
They’d passed a structure that had been little more than a flat roof on four posts that had broken down farm machinery parked underneath it. Though he knew he’d already been pushing Bren to her limits in the past few days—and today especially—he couldn’t help the fast pace as he spied the structure and hurried toward the low wooden fence running the perimeter of the field.
Neve coughed, fully awake but not saying anything, maybe able to sense the sudden change in Bren’s mood and his.
He circled the rusty machinery, then picked a sheltered spot, and crouched to let Neve down from his shoulders.
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