Do Penguins Have Knees?

by David Feldman

  In South Carolina, ranchers hang them to dry the leather in the sun after a big rain. After the leather has dried, they grease them down with mink oil. When old boots get hard, they leak water; after they are dried, the mink oil will stop the leaks. The smell of the boots will keep crows out of the fields.

  …I hope this answer will get this Imponderable out of the Frustables section.

  It’s way too late for that.

  Finally, we have always feared that Imponderables might be soporific. We never dared dream they could be used as aphrodisiacs. We received a letter from a woman from Burbank, California, whose name we’ll keep anonymous, which begins in the following way: “Every night, my lover reads to me from Why Do Clocks Run Clockwise?.” Now there is a basis for a wonderful relationship.

  Acknowledgments

  The best part of my job, even better than cashing my paychecks, is hearing from you. Not only do readers supply most of the Imponderables, but your encouragement and support have kept me going at times when I’ve wanted to pack it in. More than anyone, you deserve my gratitude.

  I’ve tried to express my thanks by responding personally to readers who enclose a self-addressed stamped envelope, and I will continue to do so. But I can’t promise I’ll be prompt in my response. Imponderables receives thousands of letters a year now, so if I’m on deadline or on the road promoting the books, I fall behind in my correspondence. I apologize for the delay but hope you agree that the alternative (form letters) just wouldn’t be as satisfying for you or me. Rest assured that I treasure and read every letter I receive.

  This is my fifth book at HarperCollins, and luckily for me, my fifth with Rick Kot as editor. Since the last book, Rick has been promoted once again—and he has no relatives in upper management to explain this inexorable rise, either. Rick’s assistant, Sheila Gillooly, has been a godsend, dispatching problems with unfailing intelligence and good humor. My publicist, Craig Herman, has been responsible for thrusting Imponderables onto the airwaves and his assistant, Andrew Malkin, has been an able and enthusiastic co-conspirator. And the production editing/copy editing team of Kim Lewis, Maureen Clark, and Janet Byrne helped make this book at least semicomprehensible.

  Thanks to the many movers and shakers at HarperCollins who have allowed me to concentrate on the writing while they worried about the flogging: publisher Bill Shinker; Roz Barrow; sales honchos Brenda Marsh, Pat Jonas, Zeb Burgess, and all the HC sales reps; marketing mavens Steve Magnuson and Robert Jones; special marketing titans Connie Levinson and Mark Landau (and all my other pals in special markets); and primo publicist Karen Mender. And thanks to all the folks at HarperCollins with less lofty titles, who have been so kind and supportive when they didn’t have to be.

  Jim Trupin, wise beyond his years, as he will be only too glad to inform you, is a terrific agent and friend, as is his wife and partner, Elizabeth.

  If Kassie Schwan wrote as well as I drew, she’d be unreadable. So you will understand why I so appreciate her cartoons; if you knew Kassie, you’d certainly understand why I prize her so much as a friend.

  Lest I be accused of Dorian Grayish tendencies, a team of thugs lugged me in front of a camera to finally change the photograph on the back cover. I wouldn’t have sat still in front of a camera for a minute without the gentle coaxing and sensitivity of photographer supreme, Joann Carney. Thanks to Fran Hackett and Peter Fenimore, of the New York Aquarium in Coney Island, for introducing me to Klousseau, the very special penguin featured on the cover. James Gorman, author of The Total Penguin, was kind enough to lead me to the folks who would allow me the privilege of spending an hour with Klousseau and his feathered colleagues.

  Several of my personal friends just happen to work in publishing, and have been invaluable sources of support and counsel and, more often than I would like to admit, passive and helpless recipients of my endless whining. Thank you Mark Kohut, Susie Russenberger, Barbara Rittenhouse, and James Gleick.

  And then there are my friends and family, who see me disappear for months at a time during deadline sieges or publicity tours. Thanks for putting up with me to: Tony Alessandrini; Michael Barson; Sherry Barson; Rajat Basu; Ruth Basu; Jeff Bayone; Jean Behrend; Brenda Berkman; Cathy Berkman; Sharyn Bishop; Carri Blees; Christopher Blees; Jon Blees; everyone at Bowling Green State University’s Popular Culture Department; Jerry Braithwaite; Annette Brown; Arvin Brown; Herman Brown; Joann Carney; Lizzie Carney; Susie Carney; Janice Carr; Lapt Chan; Mary Clifford; Don Cline; Alvin Cooperman;

  Marilyn Cooperman; Judith Dahlman; Paul Dahlman; Shelly de Satnick; Charlie Doherty; Laurel Doherty; Joyce Ebert; Pam Elam; Andrew Elliot; Steve Feinberg; Fred Feldman; Gilda Feldman; Michael Feldman; Phil Feldman; Ron Felton; Phyllis Fineman; Kris Fister; Mary Flannery; Linda Frank; Elizabeth Frenchman; Susan Friedland; Michele Gallery; Chris Geist; Jean Geist; Bonnie Gellas; Richard Gertner; Amy Glass; Bea Gordon; Dan Gordon; Ken Gordon; Judy Goulding; Chris Graves; Adam Henner; Christal Henner; Lorin Henner; Marilu Henner; Melodie Henner; David Hennes; Paula Hennes; Sheila Hennes; Sophie Hennes; Larry Harold; Carl Hess; Mitchell Hofing; Steve Hofman; Bill Hohauser; Uday Ivatury; Terry Johnson; Sarah Jones; Allen Kahn; Mitch Kahn; Joel Kaplan; Dimi Karras; Maria Katinos; Stewart Kellerman; Harvey Kleinman; Claire Labine; Randy Ladenheim-Gil; Debbie Leitner; Marilyn Levin; Vicky Levy; Jared Lilienstein; Pattie Magee; Jack Mahoney; everyone at the Manhattan Bridge Club; Phil Martin; Chris McCann; Jeff McQuain; Julie Mears; Phil Mears; Carol Miller; Barbara Morrow; Honor Mosher; Phil Neel; Steve Nellisen; Craig Nelson; Millie North; Milt North; Charlie Nurse; Debbie Nye; Tom O’Brien; Pat O’Conner; Joanna Parker; Jeannie Perkins; Merrill Perlman; Joan Pirkle; Larry Prussin; Joe Rowley; Rose Reiter; Brian Rose; Lorraine Rose; Paul Rosenbaum; Carol Rostad; Tim Rostad; Leslie Rugg; Tom Rugg; Gary Saunders; Joan Saunders; Mike Saunders; Norm Saunders; Laura Schisgal; Cindy Shaha; Patricia Sheinwold; Kathy Smith; Kurtwood Smith; Susan Sherman Smith; Chris Soule; Kitty Srednicki; Karen Stoddard; Bill Stranger; Kat Stranger; Anne Swanson; Ed Swanson; Mike Szala; Jim Teuscher; Josephine Teuscher; Laura Tolkow; Carol Vellucci; Dan Vellucci; Hattie Washington; Ron Weinstock; Roy Welland; Dennis Whelan; Devin Whelan; Heide Whelan; Lara Whelan; Jon White; Ann Whitney; Carol Williams; Maggie Wittenburg; Karen Wooldridge; Maureen Wylie; Charlotte Zdrok; Vladimir Zdrok; and Debbie Zuckerberg.

  The Imponderables books wouldn’t be possible without the cooperation of experts in every subject from acting to zoology. For this book, we contacted nearly 1,500 corporations, educational institutions, foundations, trade associations, and miscellaneous experts to find answers to our readers’ Imponderables. Usually, there is nothing to gain for these sources other than the psychic benefit of sharing their knowledge. The following generous people, although not the only ones to supply help, gave us information that led directly to the solution of the Imponderables in this book:

  Dr. Robert D. Altman, A & A Veterinary Hospital; American Academy of Dermatology; Dr. Duane Anderson, Central States Anthropological Society; Scott Anderson, Anheuser-Busch; Dan Arcy, Pennzoil Products; Dr. Harry Arnold; Sandi Atkinson.

  Jim Ball, Dr Pepper/Seven-Up Companies; Michele Ball, National Audubon Society; Dr. Margaret Downie Banks, American Musical Instrument Society; Dr. Joseph Bark; J. P. Barnett, South Bend Replicas; Bausch & Lomb, Inc.; Ralph Beatty, Western/English Retailers of America; Barbara Begany, Dellwood Milk; Prof. George Bergman, University of California; Brian Bigley; Biff Bilstein, Neodata Services; Michelle Bing, United Fresh Fruit & Vegetable Association; Peter Black, American Water Resources Association; Harold Blake; Prof. Dee Boersma, University of Washington; Stephen Bomer, Automotive Battery Charger Manufacturers; G. Bruce Boyer; Frank Brennan, United States Postal Service; Dr. Donald Bruning, New York Zoological Park; Lloyd Brunkhorst, Brown Shoe Company; Robert Burnham; Trish Butler, Social Security Administration.

  Jim Cannon; Roger W. Cappello, Clear Shield National; Thomas J. Carr, Motor Vehicle Manufacturers Association; Louis T. Cerny, American Railway Engineers Association; C. R. Chen
ey, Chrysler Motors; John Chuhran, Mercedes-Benz of North America; John Clark, Social Security Administration; Catherine Clay, Florida Department of Citrus; Prof. Richard Colwell, Council for Research in Music Education; Charlotte Connelly, Whitman’s Chocolates; John Corbett, Clairol, Inc.; Capt. Kenneth L. Coskey, Navy Historical Foundation; Dr. Regis Courtemanche, C. W. Post; Brian Cudahy, Urban Mass Transportation Administration; Todd Culver, Cornell University Laboratory of Ornithology; Fred A. Curry.

  Dr. Frank Davidoff, American College of Physicians; Bill Deane, Hall of Fame Museum; William Debuvitz; Roger DeCamp, National Food Processors Association; Richard Decker, International Conference of Symphony and Opera Musicians; Thomas H. Dent, Cat Fanciers Association; Robin Diamond, American Bus Association; Dr. Liberato DiDio, International Federation of Associations; of Anatomists; Claire O’Neill Dillie; David DiPasquale, DiPasquale & Associates; Donna Ditmars, M&M/Mars; Sara Dornacker, United Airlines; Richard H. Dowhan, GTE Products Corporation; Ed Dunn, Cramer-Krasselt; Steven Duquette, National Cartoonists Society.

  Mark Earley, Neodata Services; Charley Eckhardt; Morris Eckhouse, SABR; Prof. Gary Elmstrom, University of Florida; Dale Elrod, Jack K. Elrod Co.; Kathleen Etchpare, Bird Talk.

  Raymond Falconer, SUNY at Albany; Michael Falkowitz, Nabisco Brands; Rob Farson, Neodata Services; Peter Fenimore, New York Aquarium; Stanley Fenvessy, Fenvessy Consulting; Karen Finkel, National School Transportation Association; Tim Fitzgerald; George Flower; Carol Frasier, Montana Historical Society; Eileen Frech, Thomas English Muffins; Don French, Radio Shack; Francis Frere, United States Mint.

  Stan S. Garber, Selmer Co.; R. Bruce Gebhardt, North American Native Fishes Association; David A. Gibson, Eastman Kodak Company; Mark Gill, Columbia Pictures Entertainment; Mary Gillespie, Association of Home Appliances; Martin Gitten, Consolidated Edison; Dr. Paul Godfrey, Water Resources Research Center; William Goffi, Maxell Corporation of America; Tamara Goldman, Food & Beverage Marketing; Stanley Gordon, Federal Highway Administration; Robert Grayson, Grayson Associates; Dr. E. Wilson Griffin III, Jonesville Family Medical Center; David Guidry, Ushio America.

  Susan Habacivch, DuPont; Fran Hackett, New York Aquarium; Brian Hannan, Urban Mass Transportation; Charles E. Hanson, Museum Association of the American Frontier; Joseph Hanson, Hanson Publishing Group; Larry Hart, Talon Inc.; Sylvia Hauser, Dog World; Jeanette Hayhurst; Peter Heide, Association of Manufacturers of Confectionary and Chocolate; Prof. John Hertner, Kearney State College; Dr. James Riley Hill, Clemson University; Ruth Hill, Internal Revenue Service; Scott Hlavaty, Angelica Uniform Group; Dick Hofacker, AT&T Bell Laboratories; Beverly Holmes, Frito-Lay, Inc.; W. Ray Hyde.

  Pete James, National Association of Pupil Transportation; Dr. Ben H. Jenkins; Alvin H. Johnson, American Musicological Society; Lloyd Johnson, SABR; Mark Johnson, Matsushita Electric Corporation of America; Dr. William P. Jollie, American Association of Anatomists; Christ Jones, Pepsico; George E. Jones, National Highway Institute; Ed Judge, Radio Shack.

  Phil Katz, Beer Institute; Prof. George Kauffman, California State University, Fresno; William Kelly, Brockton Sole and Plastics; Rose Marie Kenny, Hammerhill Papers; Robert E. Kenyon, American Society of Magazine Editors; Dr. Wayne O. Kester, American Association of Equine Practitioners; Frank Kiley; Jula Kinnaird, National Pasta Association; Klousseau, New York Aquarium; Kevin Knopf, Department of the Treasury; Irving Smith Kogan, Champagne Association; Robert L. Krick, Federal Railroad Administration; Lucille Kubichek.

  Dr. Eugene LaFond, International Association for Physical Sciences of the Ocean; Christine Lamar, Rhode Island Secretary of State’s Office; Prof. Richard Landesman, University of Vermont; William L. Lang, Columbia-Wren; Fred Lanting; Michael Lauria; Carol Lawler, Land O’Lakes, Inc.; Thomas A. Lehmann, American Institute of Baking; Dr. Jay Lehr, Association of Ground Water Science and Engineering; Dr. Jerome Z. Litt; Richard Livingston, Airline Passengers Association.

  David MacKenzie, University of Northern Colorado; Alan MacRobert, Sky & Telescope; Tom Mancini, U. S. Polychemical Corporation; Nancy Martin, Association of Field Ornithologists; John Matter, National Ballroom and Entertainment Association; Doug Matyka, Georgia-Pacific Corporation; Mauna Loa Macadamia Nut Company; Karen E. McAliley, United States Postal System; John T. McCabe, Master Brewers Association of the Americas; Diane McCulloch, Mount de Chantal Academy; Larry McFather, International Brotherhood of Locomotive Engineers; Jil McIntosh; Dr. Jim McKean, Iowa State University; Art McNally, National Football League; Mary Medin, “How to with Pete”; Jim Meyer, United States Postal System; Jerry Miles, American Baseball Coaches Association; H. Dale Millay, Shell Development Company; F. Kent Mitchel, Marketing Science Institute, Thomas Mock, Electronic Industries Association; Nevin B. Montgomery, National Frozen Food Association; Dr. David Moore, Virginia Tech University; Jeffrey Mora, Urban Mass Transportation Office; John M. Morse, Merriam-Webster, Inc.; Claude Mouton, Montreal Canadiens.

  National Mapping Division, Department of Interior; Niagara Straw Company; Robert Nichter, Fulfillment Management Association; Robert Niddrie, Playtex Apparel.

  Richard T. O’Connell, Chocolate Manufacturers of the USA; Bill O’Connor, Topps Chewing Gum; Doug Olander, International Game Fish Association; Karen Orme, Footwear Forum.

  Dennis Patterson, Murray Bicycle Company; Bill Paul, School Bus Fleet; Roger Payne, Department of Interior; Roger S. Pinkham, Stevens Institute of Technology; John A. Pitcher, Hardwood Research Council; Joseph Pocius, National Turkey Federation; Prof. Anthony Potter, University of Hawaii at Manoa.

  Dr. T. E. Reed, American Rabbit Breeders Association; Prof. Billy Rhodes, Poole Agricultural Center; Al Richard, Snack Food Association; Robert S. Robe Jr., Scipio Society of Naval and Military History; Ronnie Robertson; Dr. Robert R. Rofen, Aquatic Research Institute; Barbara Rose, Continental Baking; Prof. Neal Rowell, University of South Alabama; Thomas Ruble; Tom and Leslie Rugg; Oscar Mayer Foods; Max Rumbaugh, SAE.

  Dr. John Saidla, Cornell Feline Health Center; Kim Sakamoto, California Melon Research Board; Norman Savig, University of Northern Colorado; Dr. Charles Schaefer, University of California at Berkeley; Robert Schmidt, North American Native Fishes Association; Kassie Schwan; Dr. Samuel Selden; Vickie Sheer, Dance Educators of America; Bill Shoenleber, Edmund Scientific Company; Carole Shulman, Professional Skaters’ Guild of America; F. G. Walton Smith, International Oceanographic Foundation; Prof. Stephen Smulski, University of Massachusetts; Bruce V. Snow; Charles Spiegel; Cherie Spies, Continental Baking; Amy Steiner, American Association of State Highway and Traffic Officials; Bob Stewart, Association of American Railroads; David Stivers, Nabisco Brands; Lisa Stormer; Amurol Products Company; Peggy Sullivan, Music Educators National Conference; John J. Surrette, Rolls Battery Engineering; Barbara Sweeney, AT&T Library Network Archives.

  Farook Taufiq, Prince Company; Dr. Kristin Thelander, University of Iowa; Susan Tildesley, Headwear Institute of America; Fran Toth, Cadillac Motor Car Division; Constance Townsend, U. S. Amateur Ballroom Dancers Association; Jim Trdinich, National League; Ray Tricarico, Playtex International.

  Mary Ann Usrey, R. J. Reynolds Tobacco Company.

  John Veltman; Carolyn Verweyst, Whirlpool Corporation.

  A. R. Ward, Railroadians of America; Pat Weissman, American Association of Railroad Superintendents; Richard Williams; Bruce Wittmaier; Peter Wulff, Home Lighting & Accessories.

  YKK Inc.

  Caden Zollo, The Specialty Bulb Company, Inc.

  Searchable Terms

  Actors, speed of speech of

  Address labels on magazines

  Airlines, inflation of oxygen masks on

  Appendix, function of

  April 15, as due date for taxes

  Area codes, middle digits of

  Audiotape recorders, play and records switches on

  Automobiles

  holes in ceiling of

  key release button on

  “new car smell,”

  rear windows of

  weight of batteri
es

  Baby shrimp, peeling and cleaning of

  Badges, marshals’ and sheriffs’

  Balsa wood, classification as hardwood

  Banana peels as slipping agents

  Baseball

  dugout heights

  home plate, shape of

  “K” as symbol for strikeout

  pitcher’s mound, location of

  Baseball cards

  wax on wrappers

  white stuff on gum

  Batteries, automobile, weight of

  Bazooka Joe, and eye patch

  Beer in Old West

  Belly dancers, amplitude of

  Bicycles, clicking noises of

  Bingo, origins of term

  Binoculars, adjustments for

  Birds

  coloring of

  migration patterns of

  sleeping habits of

  Blacktop roads, lightening of

  Blue plate specials, origins of

  Blushing and feelings of warmth

  Boeing model numbers

  Boots on fenceposts

  Brain, percentage of use of

  Bridges vs. roads, in freezing characteristics

  Bubble gum

  baseball card gum

  Bazooka Joe’s eye patch

  bubble-making ingredients