Do Penguins Have Knees?

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Do Penguins Have Knees? Page 25

by David Feldman


  Clef, treble, dots on

  Clicking noise of turn signals, in automobiles

  Climate, West Coast versus East coast

  Clocks

  clockwise movement of

  grandfather

  number 4 on

  Roman numerals

  school, backward clicking of minute hands in

  versus watches, distinctions between

  Clockwise, draining, south of the Equator

  “Cloud nine”

  Clouds

  disappearance of

  location of

  rain and darkness of

  Clouds in tap water

  “Cob/cobweb”

  Coca-Cola

  2-liter bottles

  taste of different size containers

  Cockroaches

  automobiles and

  death position of

  reaction to light

  Coffee

  bags in lavatories of airplanes

  bags versus cans

  electric drip versus electric perk in

  restaurant versus home-brewed

  Coffee, decaffeinated

  leftover caffeine usage

  orange pots in restaurants

  Coffeemakers, automatic drip, cold water and

  Coins

  lettering on U.S. pennies

  red paint on

  serrated edges of

  smooth edges of

  Cola bottles, one- and two-liter, black bottom of

  Colas, carbonation in

  Cold water and automatic drip coffeemakers

  Colds

  body aches and

  clogged nostrils and

  liquids as treatment for

  symptoms at night of

  “Coleslaw”

  “Collins, Tom [drink]”

  Color

  blood

  cash register receipts

  wet things

  Comic strips and capital letters

  Commercials, television, loudness of

  Commonwealths, versus states

  Computers

  erased files on

  monitors, shape of

  Concrete, versus cement

  Conserves, contents of

  Construction cranes, assembling of

  Construction sites

  bill posting at

  pine trees and

  soaping of retail windows

  Consumer Price Index, changes in base year of

  Containers, for rain measurement

  Contemporary greeting cards, shape of

  Coolers, Styrofoam, blue specks on

  “Cooties”

  “Cop”

  Copper bowls and egg whites

  Copyright pages, strange numbers on

  Coriolis effect

  Corn chips, black specks on

  Corn flakes, calorie count of

  Corn silk, purpose of

  Corn tortillas, size of, versus flour

  Corn, baby, supermarkets and

  Cornish game hens, identity of

  “Corny”

  Corvette

  Cottage cheese, origins of

  Cotton

  in medicine bottles

  shrinkage of, versus wool

  Cough medicine, alcohol in

  Countdown Leader, film and

  Counterclockwise, draining, north of the Equator

  Counters on VCRs and audio recorders

  Coupons

  cash value

  expiration date

  versus mail-in refunds

  Courtooms, bibles in

  “Couth”

  Covered bridges, purpose of

  Cow Palace, naming of

  Cowboy hats, dents on

  Cows

  calves and

  milking positions

  nose rings and

  sticking of tongues up nostrils of

  CPR training in schools

  Crabs, hermit, “bathroom habits” of

  Crackling sound of fire

  Cracks on sidewalks

  Cranes, construction, assembling of

  “Craps”

  Cravings, food, pregnant women and

  Credit card receipts, printing of, at gas stations

  Credit card slips, and phone numbers

  Credit cards

  and waiter tips

  dipping versus swiping and

  major versus minor

  quick swiping of

  Crickets

  chapped legs and chirping

  chirping at night of

  “Crisscross”

  “Crocodile” shirts

  Crowd estimates, police and

  Crowing of roosters

  Cruise controls, minimum speeds of

  Crying at happy endings

  Cue balls, dots on, in pool

  Cups

  drinking, width of

  shape of paper and plastic

  Curad bandages, wrappers of

  Curly tails of pigs

  Currency, color of

  Cursive handwriting versus printing, teaching of

  Curves on highways

  “Cut and dried”

  “Cut the mustard”

  Cuts, paper, pain and

  Daily Doubles in Jeopardy, difficulty of

  Dalmatians in firehouses

  Dams, beavers and

  Dance studios, floor location of

  Dancing, men versus women

  “Dandelion”

  “Dangerous Curve” signs, placement of

  Dartboards, numbering schemes of

  DC, AC and

  De Paul University and “Blue Demons”

  “Dead End” signs, versus “No Outlet” signs

  “Deaf and dumb”

  Decaffeinated coffee

  leftover caffeine usage

  orange pots in restaurants

  “Deep-six”

  Deer, automobile headlights and

  Deer ornaments, plastic lawn

  Dehumidifiers, operation of

  Delaware, incorporations in

  Dentist offices, smell of

  Deodorant aerosols, shaking of

  Desert, rising cool air in

  Dessert, fast-food restaurants and

  Detergents, laundry

  bleach in

  package sizes of

  Detroit Red Wings and octopus throwing

  Diagonal measurement of TV sets

  Dictionaries

  pronunciation and

  thumb notches in

  Diet soft drinks

  calorie constituents in

  phenylalanine as ingredient in

  Dimples

  auto headlamps

  facial

  golf balls

  Dinner knives, rounded edges of

  Dinner plates

  repositioning of

  round shape of

  Dirt, refilling of, in holes

  Disc jockeys and lack of song identification

  “Discussing Uganda,” origins of term

  Dishwashers, two compartments of

  Disney cartoon characters

  Donald Duck

  Goofy

  Mickey Mouse

  Disposable lighters, fluid chambers of

  Distilleries, liquor, during Prohibition

  Ditto masters, color of

  “Dixie”

  Dixieland music at political rallies

  “Dixieland”

  DNA, identical twins and

  Doctors, back tapping of

  Doctors and bad penmanship

  “Dog days”

  Dogs

  barking, laryngitis in

  black lips of

  body odor of

  cavities and

  circling before lying down

  crooked back legs of

  Dalmatians and firefighting

  drooling in

  eating cat feces

  eating posture of

  head tilting of

 
lifting legs to urinate in

  miniature

  poodles, wild

  rear-leg wiggling, when scratched

  “sic” command

  sticking head out of car windows in

  wet noses

  Dollar sign, origins of

  Dolls, hair of

  Donald Duck, brother of

  Donkey Kong, origins of

  DONT WALK signs, lack of apostrophes in

  Doors

  double, in stores

  knobs versus handles on

  opening orientation of, in buildings

  shopping mall entrances

  THIS DOOR TO REMAIN UNLOCKED DURING BUSINESS HOURS signs, in stores

  “Doozy,”

  “Do-re-mi,”

  Dots on cue balls, in pool

  Double doors in stores

  “Doubleheader,”

  Double-jointedness

  Double-yolk eggs

  Doughnuts

  tissues and handling in stores

  origins of holes in

  Downhill ski poles, shape of

  Dr Pepper

  origins of name

  punctuation of

  Drains, location of bathtub

  “Draw a Bead,” origins of term

  Dreams, nap versus nighttime

  Drinking glasses, “sweating” of

  Dripless candles, whereabouts of wax in

  “Driveway,”

  Driveways, driving on, versus parkways

  Driving, left- versus right-hand side

  Drooling, dogs and

  Drowsiness after meals

  Drugstores, high platforms in

  “Dry,” as terms for wines

  Dry-cleaning

  French

  garment labels and

  One Hour Martinizing

  raincoats and

  Dryers, hand

  in bathrooms

  “off” switches

  Ducks

  lakes and ponds and

  on Cadillacs

  Duels, timing of

  Dugouts, height of

  “Dukes,”

  “Dumb [mute],”

  “Dumbbells,”

  Dust, ceiling fans and

  E

  as school grade

  on eye charts

  “Eagle [golf score],”

  Earlobes, function of

  “Earmark”

  Earrings, pirates and

  Ears

  hairy, in old men

  popping in airplanes

  ringing, causes of

  Earthworms as fish food

  Easter

  chocolate bunnies and

  dates of

  ham consumption at

  “Easy as pie,”

  Eating, effect of sleep on

  “Eavesdropper,”

  Ebert, Roger, versus Gene Siskel billing of

  Egg, versus chicken

  Egg whites and copper bowls

  Eggs

  color of

  double-yolk

  hard-boiled, discoloration of

  meaning of grading of

  sizes of

  “Eggs Benedict,”

  “Eighty-six,” origins of term

  Elbow macaroni, shape of

  Elderly men

  pants height and

  shortness of

  Elections, U.S.

  timing of

  Tuesdays and

  Electric can openers, sharpness of blades on

  Electric drip versus electric perk, in coffee

  Electric perk versus electric drip, in coffee

  Electric plug prongs

  holes at end of

  three prongs versus two prongs

  Electricity, AC versus DC

  Electricity, static, variability in amounts of

  Elephants

  disposal of remains of

  jumping ability of

  Oakland A’s uniforms

  rocking in zoos

  Elevator doors

  changing directions

  holes

  Elevators

  overloading of

  passenger capacity in

  “Eleventh hour,”

  Emergency Broadcasting System length of test

  “Emergency feed” on paper towel dispensers

  Emmy awards, origins of name

  English, driving habits of

  English horn, naming of

  English muffins

  in England

  white particles on

  Envelopes

  Christmas cards, paper bands on

  colored stickers on

  computer scrawls on

  red letters on back of

  return windows on

  size of, in bills

  Escalator knobs, purpose of

  Escalators

  green lights on

  rail speed of

  Evaporated milk

  refrigeration of

  soldered cans and

  Evolution, loss of body hair and

  Exclamation marks in telegrams

  Executions

  autopsies after

  hours of

  EXEMPT signs at railroad crossings

  Expiration dates

  on bottled waters

  on fire extinguishers

  on toothpaste

  Exposures, number of, in film

  Exterminators, hard hats and

  Extremities, wrinkles on

  Eye chart, E on

  Eye closure during kissing

  Eyeglasses and nerdiness

  Eyes

  bags under

  floaters and

  pain, when tired

  position, during sleep

  rubbing of, when tired

  sneezing and

  Fading, causes of

  Fahrenheit scale

  increments in

  zero degrees, meaning of

  Fainting and women, lessening of

  FALLING ROCK signs, purpose of

  Falsetto voices

  techniques for men producing

  women’s inability to produce

  “Fan [loyal partisan],”

  Fan speeds, order of

  Farm plots, circular shape of

  Fast-food restaurants, dessert and

  Fat people and alleged jolliness

  Fathers, new, passing out of cigars and

  Fats, on nutrition labels

  Faucets, water

  “FD&C,” meaning of, on food and shampoo labels

  Federal Express, hours of employees of

  Feet, swelling in airplanes of

  Fences, height restrictions of

  Field goals, measurement of

  Fifty-five mph

  reasons for speed limit of

  speedometers and

  Fighting Irish, Notre Dame and

  Figure skating and dizziness

  “Filibuster,”

  “Filipino,” spelling of

  Film

  countdown leader on

  measurement of, in millimeters

  number of exposures in

  prints, after theatrical runs

  wagon wheels in, movement of

  width of

  X- and XXX-ratings

  Filters, cigarette, brown spots on

  “Filthy lucre,”

  “Fin [five-dollar bill],”

  Fingernails

  biting of

  growth of, versus toenails

  growth of, after death

  lunula on

  yellowing of, and nail polish

  Fingers, length of

  “Fink,”

  Fire, crackling sound of

  Fire extinguishers, expiration date on

  Fire helmets, shape of

  Fire hydrants

  freezing of water in

  shape of valve stems of

  Fire trucks, roofs of

  Firearms, confiscated, after arrests

  Fireplaces, rain in


  First basemen, ball custody of, in baseball

  First class mail, priority mail versus

  Fish

  biting in rain

  eating preferences

  fear of, in aquariums

  floating upon death

  pebble spitting

  return to dried-up lakes and ponds

  saltwater coloration

  sleep patterns

  urination

  See also specific types

  Fish tanks, oxygen in

  Flagpoles, balls atop

  Flags, Japanese, red beams and

  Flags, U.S.

  half-mast

  on airplanes

 

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