by Mary Calmes
"Jory... honey."
And Sam was an even worse prospect, because as much as I wanted him, he was no good for me. It was funny—the guy I didn't want would stay forever, and the guy I did want would end up leaving me again, if I allowed him the chance. I needed a drink.
"That's your answer for everything."
I hadn't realized I'd said it out loud.
"What you need is to come home with me and spend the weekend. We need to talk."
I was overwhelmed suddenly with sadness. This was really good-bye, and I was ending forever yet another failed relationship. My track record was total shit.
"Jory." He whispered my name, trying to step in close to me, reaching for my shoulder.
I stepped back, turned around, and ran. He yelled my name more than once.
I wasn't ready to go home. I really needed to just sit somewhere, have a drink, and clear my head. Someplace quiet where no one would bother me. And I knew exactly where.
* * * *
It turned out that I was reaping some serious karma for God knew what. Or maybe it was someone else's karma and I was just caught in the cross fire. There was a drug raid at my favorite piano bar, due to the fact that the owner of the club had apparently been moving quite a bit of cocaine in and out of his place for some time. And vice detectives had picked tonight, Wednesday night, to bust him. So I was sitting on the ground in a long row with everyone else that had been inside when the police came swarming through the front door.
There was a barricade of black and white cars blocking us from the other side of the street, where a crowd had formed.
It was the cherry on the cake of my day. When someone gently kicked my foot, I let my head roll back so I could look up. Turned out I had been wrong: here was the cake topper.
"Hi." Sam Kage smirked down at me. "What brings you to this den of iniquity, J?"
I groaned and his smirk changed into a full-blown evil grin.
He was enjoying this to no end.
"Since when do you do drugs?"
"I don't and you know it." I shot him a look. "Don't be an ass."
"Better watch how you talk to me," he said, crouching down in front of me. "You could be in a lot of trouble here."
I stared into his eyes. "What are you even doing here? You don't work vice anymore, you're a homicide detective now."
He didn't answer me.
"Sam?"
"Get up."
As soon as I was on my feet he grabbed me hard, fingers digging into my shoulder, before he walked me away from the others, down the street and around the corner to his car. I pulled free of his grasp and turned to face him, but before I could say a word, he shoved me up against the side door and pinned me there. He held me still with just one hand on my chest.
"Jesus, Sam," I barked at him. "What the hell are you—"
"Shut up," he cut me off, stepping forward so we were only inches apart.
The heat radiating off the man was amazing. I caught my breath, I couldn't help it.
He made a noise in the back of his throat. "Some things never change, huh, J?"
I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of speaking to him.
"Look at me."
I lifted my head to look up into his eyes and found that he had bent toward me at the same time. When he spoke, I felt his warm breath on my face.
"What are you doing here?"
"I just wanted to sit and relax a little before I went home."
He nodded, dipping his head lower, inhaling me. "You're shaking, you know."
I knew. Nothing I could do about it.
"Maybe I should search you for illegal substances."
I swallowed hard, trying to get my body to calm down.
"Or maybe I'll just put you in the back of my car and fuck you 'til you pass out."
Just the thought of him holding me down had me desperate for it. When I caught my breath, his knee wedged between my legs and then his thigh as he leaned into me.
"Listen, I want you to meet me around the corner at the River Road Bar." His voice was deep and sexy, sending ripples of heat through me. "You go there and wait, and as soon as I'm done here, I'll meet you."
But my brain kicked in and my head cleared.
"Did you hear me?"
I had no intention of meeting him anywhere. The illustration of his power over me was terrifying. No other guy could get me panting and writhing in seconds. No one else had such dominion over me. I wanted to run away as fast as I could.
He grabbed a fistful of my hair and yanked my head back hard, uncaring about whether or not it hurt. "Do not even think about ditching me."
"No."
He kissed the base of my neck. "Your heart is beating so fast, baby."
I shivered hard.
"Fuck it, get in the car."
"You're on duty," I reminded him.
"No, I'm not," he told me. "I was just driving home and heard the call. I figured I was close to where you were, so I could check in on you after."
"How did you know where—"
"I can track your phone, I told you."
Police Detective. I forgot sometimes. "Lemme go," I ordered. "You're hurting me."
"I am not," he said, his hand moving from my hair to my throat. "I could never hurt you."
"Get off me," I snapped, wriggling in his arms, trying to lever myself off the car.
He stepped back and I moved quickly away from him.
"Walk to the bar, J. I'll be there in fifteen minutes."
I turned to go, but before I was out of his reach he grabbed hold of my shoulder and spun me back around to face him.
"God, what?"
His expression was dark, brows furrowed, jaw clenched.
"Be there."
I just stared at him a long minute before I started walking backward.
"You're not gonna meet me there, are you?"
I shook my head.
"Why?" he yelled down the street, the space between us significant enough that even if he bolted he wouldn't reach me.
"'Cause of what you just did."
"That's bullshit and you know it."
I shrugged.
"You loved every second of that."
And if we were being honest, I had, but we weren't being honest. He stood there watching me and I turned and walked away.
My body was flushed and hot now that Sam had ignited my libido, so I caught another cab and headed toward one of my usual haunts to pick somebody up. I needed a stranger with no strings attached to quench my desire.
At the lounge they were playing Billie Holiday standards, and the singer had a deep, sultry sound to her voice. I ordered a snifter of Hennessy and sat at the end of the bar, listening. When I drained my glass, another one was right there to take its place. Turning my head, I found a very handsome man smiling at me.
"Finally, you show up."
"I'm sorry?" I smiled at him.
"You don't remember me?"
I didn't.
"You picked me up here like a month ago."
I had no idea who he was. "Sure."
He smiled slowly. "You don't remember, but that's okay... I remember you."
I took a sip of my drink.
"But you haven't been around in a while, and you wouldn't give me your number."
I nodded. I hardly ever gave out my number.
"I kept thinking if I hung out here, I'd bump into you again."
"And now you have."
"Now I have."
"Is that a good thing?"
He nodded, leaning forward. "It's a very good thing."
"You live around here?"
He nodded. "Yep, real close."
"Thanks for the drink."
"You finish it, then you can have another at my place."
And I was ready to take him up on his offer. My body was basically throbbing with pent-up desire and he was as good as the next guy. At least we liked the same kind of music. It was something. So I smiled at him and would have
continued our flirty conversation, but the hand that slid up my left thigh turned my head in the opposite direction. Sam Kage was there, leaning on the bar, staring at me and just waiting.
I was stunned. "What are you—"
"Excuse me," the guy began, leaning in close to me. "I was talking to—"
"Fuck off," Sam said flatly before returning his eyes to mine. His smile was huge. "He's with me."
And because it was Sam Kage talking, the guy disappeared. I turned my head to say something nice to my admirer but he was gone. The detective was just too big and scary.
"Look at me."
I exhaled sharply and dragged my eyes to Sam.
"Can I sit?"
I shrugged.
"It's nice in here," he said softly, sitting down on the barstool beside me, pushing my drink out of my reach. "You like this kinda music, huh?"
"I don't come here for the music." Which I didn't. It was a meat market and that was why I was there. "I came to pick somebody up."
"I see."
"What are you doing here?" I asked quickly, my voice coming out sharper than I wanted.
"You're here."
"But we both know that this isn't—"
"Lemme drive you home."
"Absolutely not."
He leaned close to me, invading my personal space, his knee against mine. "Why not?"
"How did you even know I—"
"Did you know I'm a police detective? You know I find people all the time?"
"Shit."
He chuckled. "You can't ditch me, J. Come home with me."
"Sam, you shouldn't waste your time."
"I don't consider any time spent with you a waste."
"But Sam, you—"
"What, honey?" he said, looking at me, his eyes locked on my mouth.
"It's doomed to fail, Sam."
"I don't accept that," he said, his hand slowly reaching for me, giving me time to move away if I wanted.
"You don't really care, Sam... not really."
"I don't?" He touched my chin lightly, tipping it gently up so he could run the back of his fingers down my throat.
"'Cause... I think I do. Because, unlike all the rest of these guys, I wanna keep you."
I lifted my head away and he let me. "You just wanna fuck me."
"Oh I wanna do that too," he chuckled warmly. "But that's only part of it."
"How can it be? Sam, you don't even know me or—"
"You have no idea about anything," he said, searching my eyes. "I dream about you."
I looked down at the bar.
"It's killing me that you won't just give in."
I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead into my hand.
"And you'll let some stranger take you home and fuck you, but me... me you won't let near you. How does that make any fuckin' sense at all?"
"A stranger won't hurt me."
"I won't either."
I scoffed, smiling wide as I lifted my head up and looked him in the eye. "Fuck you, Sam."
He shrugged. "Go ahead, vent at me—I don't give a shit."
I drained the drink the guy had bought me in one gulp and slid off the barstool. I was halfway to the front door before my arm was grabbed, hard. I froze as he walked around in front of me.
"Let me drive you home."
I moved by him and took a deep breath as soon as I was back outside.
"Do you care that I missed you?" Sam said as he appeared at my side.
"No."
"Liar."
"Sam, I can't do this, I won't," I said, shoving my hands in my pockets. It was cold and late and I could see my breath when I spoke. "I'd have to be crazy." I walked faster, hoping he'd just let me go.
He grabbed me again, yanked me around so fast I almost fell. "You've always been crazy."
"Let go!" I tried to twist free but he had me. The harder I pulled, the harder he held. He was going to leave bruises on my skin.
"No."
I stopped fighting and stared up at him. "Just go away."
"Why?"
"Why?" I repeated, "Well, for starters, how about that bullshit in the street? You think it turns me on to be treated like some piece of ass that you—"
"Yeah," he cut me off, his eyes full of heat. "I think you get off on the idea of me making you do whatever I want. You're dying to submit to me."
I shook my head, tried to tug my arm free, but he wasn't letting me go.
"We both know you want me." His voice was calm but the muscle in his jaw was flexing. "And I want you, J, with me—
not just in my bed."
I stared up into his eyes. "If you wanted me so bad, if I was so important... why'd you never call me or write me or send me a damn e-mail? You left for three years, Sam, three goddamn years! You can't expect us to just pick up where we left off after all this time just because you're ready. That's total crap!"
"I was gone, I was out of the country for two years, J. I didn't talk to anyone. I—"
"Fine. You've been back a year then, you even said it's been a year. So... why am I only seeing you now? We meet accidentally at a hardware store and you're what, overcome with emotion, and now you've gotta see me again? It's bullshit."
He grabbed my other arm and shook me hard. "I didn't know what to do. I never know what to do about you. When I got back, I went to see you and you were with that guy Aaron."
I was stunned. "You saw me with Aaron?"
"Yeah," he said, letting me go, letting me take a few steps away from him. "You looked happy and you deserve to be happy, so.... But I had to check, and then I saw he wasn't around anymore and you... you give yourself away. Why do you do that? Why do you go home with anybody who asks, J?"
I looked away because I couldn't tell him.
"Do you have any idea what it's like to watch you go home with a different guy every night?"
"See?" I said, shrugging, still staring off down the street.
"I'm trash, Sam... why even bother with me?"
"Look at me."
But I didn't.
"Look at me," he growled, grabbing my arm, yanking me back to him.
I tried tugging free, but his grip was like iron, no way was I going anywhere.
"You're not trash, it's just that none of those guys are right for you."
I had no snappy comeback because what he thought was exactly how I felt. Silence seemed the best option, so I went with it.
"I think you wanna belong to me, and if it ain't gonna be me you don't want anybody."
I turned back to look at him. "That's crap and you're full of shit."
He shook his head, reached out and put a hand on my cheek. "Nope, I'm right."
"Sam—"
He closed the small distance between us. "Why are you trembling?"
"'Cause it's cold out here."
"But that's not why," he said, running his fingers over my jaw, smiling.
"Sam—"
"You need me bad."
How did he know? My skin felt prickly, itchy, my muscles tense, I could barely breathe. Everything in me was ready, waiting for him. I ached for him even as my flight reflex was choking me. I wanted to run away at the same time I wanted to stay.
"And I don't just mean in bed."
He knew me so well... even after so long, he still knew me.
"Your eyes are a mess, J."
I wanted to give in but I was drowning in fear. He could shred my heart so easily.
"I'm sorry I didn't come for you the minute I got back."
"You don't hafta—"
"But I'm here now."
"Sam, you—"
"Jory!" he yelled at me. "I'm right here."
I shook my head.
"I want you back."
Everything blurred as my eyes filled. "You can find another guy."
"I don't want another guy, I want you."
"You're no good for me."
"Yeah, I am, and I can't wait to show you."
"Sam," I sighed, "do you really th
ink that after all this—"
"I don't want anybody else to have you from this second on, I can't... I won't."
I opened my mouth to tell him it was too late, but I was off my feet and in his monster SUV before I even realized I was moving. The door was locked behind me and I sat there, waiting, while he got in. When he slid in behind the steering wheel he immediately turned and smiled at me. He looked very smug.
"Stop." I tried not to smile, so close to just giving in.
"Lemme out."
"You're drunk, you can't even walk."
"I'm so not drunk."
"I wanna take you home."
I groaned and he chuckled.
"C'mon, baby."
"I am not your baby."
"Yeah, ya are," he said, smiling lazily. "You know ya are."
"Sam—"
"You never stopped belonging to me."
"That's crazy."
"Nope. It's the truth."
"And so what?" I was exhausted already.
"So lemme take you home."
"Fine," I threw up my hands in defeat. "Drive me home."
"Okay." He smiled, starting the car.
"Wait, to my home," I clarified.
"I don't know where you live."
"Are you kidding me?" I muttered. "You're unbelievable."
He started laughing.
"You're lying. I know you know where I live. You're a detective, after all."
"It's outta my way." He shrugged, his laughter giving him away. He was so lying through his teeth. "You can come to my place instead."
"No."
His smile went from smug to wicked that fast. "Like you can do shit right now."
I groaned again, but I couldn't stop smiling. It was insane that I could still feel this way... still crazy about Sam Kage after all this time. He had ruined me for other men. It was ridiculous.
"Jory... baby," he sighed deeply, reaching for me to put a hand around the back of my neck and pull me forward. "Stop fighting with me. Just give in."
"Sam—"
"I see how you look at me... you want me."
"Of course I want you, Sam, but that doesn't mean I should."
"Baby—"
"This scene is so familiar. Me in your car, you promising things will be different this time, me believing you.... We've done this before and it never works out. We need to call it a day."
"You're fighting so hard 'cause you're so scared of getting hurt."
"No, I just—"
"Baby." His voice was so warm, so soothing and gentle.