by Sarah Noffke
“German passport,” he said firmly.
“Again, I don’t have one,” Liv replied.
“Do you have anything to declare? Fruit, vegetables, or livestock?”
Liv held up Scientist. “Yeah, I have a chicken.”
“Custom forms,” Foggerbottom stated.
“Again, I don’t have them. What I do have is a decree from King Rudolfus Sweetwater stating that you must do what I request of you.” Liv set the parchment down on the desk.
Slowly, irritation overflowing in the movement, Foggerbottom lowered the report, staring up at Liv for the first time. “What did you say?”
“I’m a magician, and I’m aware you’re a fae,” Liv began. “What I can’t figure out is why you work in Customs here.”
“I wanted a change of pace,” Foggerbottom said coolly. “Something normal.”
“How is this normal?” Liv asked, staring at the long line of angry travelers.
Slamming the report down, Foggerbottom scowled. “What is it that you want from me?”
Liv held up Scientist. “Remember when I said I had a chicken?”
“No,” he answered.
“Okay, well, I have this chicken, which actually isn’t one at all.”
He nodded. “Clearly. It’s an Italian woman by the name of Alicia.”
“Alicia!” Liv exclaimed. However, to her disappointment, the bird didn’t rouse. The whiskey had really knocked her out. Many of the tourists in the other line glared at Liv. “Anyway, I need you to change Alicia into her real form.”
“And this decree you say was issued by my king?” Foggerbottom asked.
Liv pointed at the paper on the desk.
Like he had all the time in the world, Foggerbottom picked it up, unrolling it slowly. “Thing is, I’m sort in a hurry.”
“Shush, I’m reading,” the fae said tersely.
“I get that,” Liv began. “But remember what I said about trying to save the space-time continuum?”
“I don’t, actually.”
“Anyway, if you could just zap this bird, returning her to normal, I’ll be out of here, and you can go back to doing…” Staring around at the empty line, Liv shrugged. “Well, whatever it is you do here.”
“I can’t just turn Alicia here,” Foggerbottom said, offense in his voice. “Does she even have her passport?”
“Well, since she’s in chicken form, I’m going to guess no,” Liv stated.
“Ms…”
“Beaufont,” Liv supplied.
“Ms. Beaufont, this is a secure border for the German government,” Foggerbottom said, an air of entitlement in his voice. “I can’t allow you over this border without the proper paperwork, not to mention that you’re in the wrong line entirely.”
“Right,” Liv said, drawing out the word. “I actually don’t need to cross through Customs. I’ll just portal to wherever I need to go.”
He huffed. “Which was always the problem with portaling. Anyone can go anywhere. There are no checks.”
“Again, I’m trying to stop an issue regarding holes in the fabric of time. So if you’re looking for a cause to be up in arms about, how about that one?”
Foggerbottom spread the decree on the desk. “I try not to get involved in magicians’ business. It always comes back to haunt me.”
“Which is why you’re working in the mortal world in a place no magical creature would venture,” Liv guessed.
“Not until today,” Foggerbottom growled.
Liv held up the chicken. “So, Alicia. Will you please change her as your king requested?”
“Of course,” Foggerbottom replied. “As soon as my lunch break comes around.”
“What?” Liv nearly yelled. “But Rudolf said you had to do it.”
“That’s correct,” the fae stated proudly. “However, he didn’t specify when I needed to do it. And I’m not to attend to non-Customs business when I’m on the clock.”
“Seriously?” Liv threw her arm wide. “There’s no one else in line!”
“That could change at any moment,” he fired back.
For effect, Liv stared off, tilting her head to the side. After a long minute, she looked back at the fae. “There still isn’t anyone here.”
“Are you not going to leave until I transform Alicia?” Foggerbottom asked.
“Are you just getting that impression?”
He let out a long breath. “Fine, but you can’t do it here. It will draw too much attention. You must do it somewhere else.” Holding out his hand, he tapped his palm with his fingertip. A loud boom sounded when a small pill appeared in his hand, followed by a plume of smoke.
“You’re worried about me drawing too much attention?” Liv asked, but to her surprise, none of the mortals in line seemed to have noticed. They all were busy on their phones or regarding the ceiling with great attentiveness as they continued to wait.
“Take Alicia to a private place and have her swallow this,” Foggerbottom ordered. “And you might want to cover her since she’ll probably not be wearing clothes when she transforms.”
Liv grabbed the pill, but just before she had it, Foggerbottom closed his fingers over it. “One more thing. Don’t portal with this, or it will negate its effects.”
Liv glanced around. “Where exactly do you propose I go to transform her, then?”
The fae opened his fingers, dropping the pill on his desk. “That’s not my problem.”
Chapter Twenty-One
“I think Mr. Foggerbottom should seriously work on his customer service skills,” Liv said to Alicia, who was still fast asleep. She’d returned to the bathroom, which now had a working soap dispenser and dryer. The women in line gave her a strange expression, as if speaking to a sleeping chicken was weird.
Liv held up the bird. “She’s my service chicken. I can’t find my way through the airport without her.”
Some of the women seemed to buy this excuse. The others continued to eye Liv like she was deranged.
“Hey, Alicia, I need you to wake up,” Liv said, noticing that this sharpened the attention of those in line.
“Because I need to make it to my gate,” Liv stated, talking to the eavesdropping women.
Shaking the bird slightly, Liv tried to rouse her. That didn’t work. She stuck her hand under the faucet, getting it wet before running it over the chicken’s feathers. Nothing worked. It occurred to Liv that she’d recently learned a spell that could do the trick.
She pointed at the chicken and muttered an incantation. Like a rooster waking at dawn, Alicia let out a loud squawk, making everyone in the bathroom cover their ears as the noise echoed off the tiled walls.
“There you are!” Liv exclaimed. “I know that your name is Alicia, and I have what you need to…”
She noticed the queue of ladies snooping on her and backed into a corner, covering her mouth. “I have what you need to transform into a person.”
The chicken still appeared disoriented but perked up at this news. However, Liv noticed that the line for the stalls had gotten longer since she’d entered.
“Oh, crud,” Liv stated, turning her attention to the women. “I’m sorry to ask this, but my chicken really needs to use the restroom. She’s not good at holding it because her bladder is even smaller than her brain.”
Alicia squawked in protest.
Liv whispered, “Hey, just go with it.”
Returning her attention to the women, Liv asked, “Can she please cut in line? I promise she won’t be long.”
The woman at the front smiled sensitively at Liv. “Yes, go on, dear. I think it’s sweet that you chose a chicken as your companion.”
“Thanks,” Liv said, taking off for the first open stall. She set Alicia down on the floor and put the pill on a clean tissue in front of her. “See, I care. I’m not having you eat off the bathroom floor. You need to swallow that pill, and then you’ll transform. Got it?”
The bird nodded.
Liv was about to close the stall do
or to give Alicia privacy when she remembered what Foggerbottom had said. She slipped off her cloak and hung it up on the stall, giving the chicken one last look. “Here, this is for when you’re back to normal. We’ll get you shoes and whatever else once I know what size you are.”
The chicken blinked appreciatively at her as she closed the stall door.
“I’ll just be out here waiting until you’re done,” Liv said, noticing that the ladies in the line were still watching with curiosity.
She smiled meekly at them. “My chicken likes privacy when doing her business.”
“As she should,” the woman who had allowed her to cut in line said.
A moment later there was a loud popping noise, making everyone in the bathroom but Liv jump. She was way too used to strange, loud noises as of late.
There was a brush of fabric, and the stall door attempted to open into Liv. She backed up as an attractive woman with long, silky brown hair and full lips stepped out of the stall.
Every woman in line gaped in disbelief at Alicia as she marched barefoot to the sink to wash her hands.
Liv was tense, wondering how she’d cover this. Alicia gave Liv an appreciative look as she dried her hands. “Thanks for…well, you know,” she said in a thick Italian accent.
The ladies all swiveled their heads to Liv, waiting for her response. “You’re welcome. I’m glad you’re feeling better after all that.”
“Yes, and now I could use some food,” Alicia said with a wink. “I’m feeling a bit peckish.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Liv and Alicia giggled for a solid minute over the bathroom scene as they picked out clothes for her at a nearby outlet store.
The women in the bathroom had probably forgotten about what had happened as soon as the two magicians exited. That was the great thing about mortals. They forgot that which they couldn’t explain, which wasn’t fair to them, Liv knew. Soon she’d return to her mission of freeing them from the curse that kept them from seeing magic.
“Peckish,” Liv said with a laugh. “That was a good one.”
Alicia held up a pair of jeans, eyeing them. “Yes, your bad puns have rubbed off on me.”
“I guessed they would. We spent a lot of time together.” Liv held up a pair of flats.
Alicia nodded, taking them along with the other clothes she’d picked out. She disappeared behind a changing wall. “Yes, we did. You live a very interesting life, Warrior Beaufont.”
“It’s far more chaotic than it used to be,” Liv stated. “I used to work in a repair shop full-time, tinkering with devices.”
The black cape Liv had given Alicia draped over the top of the wall. “Oh, well, then you’ll love my shop.”
“You have a repair shop?”
“No, it’s more of a magical-tech place. Well, at least it used to be.”
“Before Shitface turned you into a chicken?” Liv asked.
“Yes. At first, he posed as a normal customer who needed custom stuff made,” Alicia explained. “But before I knew it, I was being held hostage by these gremlins. I didn’t want to make the devices he asked of me. They all messed with time. Rewound events or paused them or sped them up.”
“Giving Papa Creola a huge headache,” Liv related.
“I didn’t have a choice, though,” Alicia went on. “He told me he was going to kill me, so I did what he wanted, thinking that he’d go away. However, just when I thought I was done with him, he turned me into a chicken. One minute I’m in my shop trying to figure out what’s going on, and then he teleports me to that barbeque place. That wasn’t enough for Shitkphace, though. He hadn’t figured out how to replicate my work.”
“Which was why time kept getting messed up at Liam’s restaurant,” Liv guessed.
“Exactly,” Alicia affirmed. “So Shitkphace came and got me and promised to turn me back and leave me alone if I created blueprints for him.”
Liv lowered her chin. “And you believed the scoundrel?”
“Believe me, I feel like an idiot,” Alicia stated, angst in her voice. “But I didn’t really have a choice. I made the blueprints for him so he could replicate my work, and just when I thought he was going to turn me back, he sent me to you. All of a sudden, I was on a beach with a magician from the House of Seven and a giant. It was insane.”
“Yes, I think he wanted his gremlin back,” Liv related, remembering the events in Seattle.
“But it’s all worked out in the end,” Alicia said, coming out from behind the wall wearing a paisley top and jeans. Her beauty was breathtaking.
Liv held up a feathered headband. “For your hair?”
Alicia scowled back at her.
“What? Is it too soon?” Liv jested.
“Can we get something to eat? I’m starving.”
“Yeah, what do you want? Chicken tenders? Chicken pot pie? Chicken salad?”
The frown on Alicia’s face deepened.
Liv slapped her hand to her forehead. “I’m sorry. I forgot you’re Italian. How about chicken marsala? Or chicken piccata?”
Alicia stormed off, her long brown hair jerking back and forth.
“Oh, or chicken cacciatore?”
“You’re not funny, Liv,” Alicia said when she caught up with her after paying for the clothes.
“Then why are you smiling?” Liv asked, spying the grin the former chicken was trying to hide.
Alicia allowed herself to laugh fully. “Okay, you are. I swear, I would have lost my mind if it wasn’t for you. The way you make fun of sweet Rory is really entertaining. He’s such a lovely man.”
“Yes, he is,” Liv said, then thought of something. “You don’t by chance know what he does for a living, do you?”
Alicia thought for a moment. “No, I never saw any clues. He was always so busy trying to feed me.”
Liv nodded. “Yes, he’s like a grandmother that way.”
“And then there was King Rudolf,” Alicia said. “He’s one of the most attractive men I’ve ever seen.”
“Which just proves that looks can take a person to big places.”
“Oh, but the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen was the one on the rooftop in Las Vegas,” Alicia said.
“Oh, Spincoster?” Liv asked. “Yeah, he was sort of hot for an elf, although I could never get over the pointy ears and hippie lifestyle.”
“No, I meant your friend Stefan,” Alicia said when they came to the food court in the airport.
“Is he?” Liv asked. “I hadn’t really noticed.”
“Of course, you have,” Alicia said, getting in line at a pizza restaurant.
“Seriously, you’re going to have pizza in Germany?” Liv asked.
“I’m starving,” Alicia said. “I don’t care if it’s not even that good. Pizza tastes like home for me.”
“Yes, I’m sure you miss it,” Liv related. “Where is home? Rome?”
Alicia shook her head. “Actually, my shop is in Venice. It doesn’t have the best pizza in Italy, but I like it just fine.”
“Why is that? I thought the Venetians were the best at everything?” Liv asked.
“We are,” Alicia said smugly. “But we don’t have pizza ovens.”
“Oh, because burning down the island would be a pretty bad deal,” Liv guessed.
“That’s right,” Alicia affirmed.
“So Shitface is in Venice still?”
A seething expression crossed Alicia’s face. “Yes, he’s probably still in my shop.”
“Which means he’ll be easy to find.”
“Yes, but you have to be careful,” Alicia stated. “He’s a very powerful magician, and he has a ton of magical tech devices, so his store of energy will outlast yours. Then there are his repugnant gremlins.”
Liv thought for a moment. “Sounds like we need to outsmart him.” She smiled at the scientist. “I think you and I will make a great team for this project.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Liv watched from the roof of the building acr
oss from Alicia’s shop. The store appeared to sell things like phone batteries and chargers to tourists. However, behind a faux wall, those who in the know could browse a large collection of magical-tech devices. Alicia made and sold phones with universal contact lists. All the user had to do was think of the person they wanted to message and the number automatically dialed whether they had it or not. There were also self-typing computers, which apparently a lot of writers used, according to Alicia. They simply thought out the story and the computer did the rest. And then there were instant hair dryers, unlimited storage jump drives, and iceless ice chests that were always cold without a source.
Liv couldn’t wait to explore the shop. She could learn a thing or two from Alicia. But first, she had to get rid of the infestation that had taken over the shop.
The streets of Venice were quiet as the sun rose over the canal. However, soon the many alleyways would be buzzing with tourists who would eye the fresh-made pasta in the display windows with delight. Liv had never been to a place so rich in history and culture. She had soon discovered from talking to Alicia that the Venetians were loving and open people who also held a great deal of pride. There were things only the Venetians could do, like blow glass or repair the gondolas.
Liv watched as Alicia laid down a piece of dark chocolate on the cobbled street. She was in disguise, wearing one of the intricately decorated masks Venice was known for.
“You’ve grown to like her,” Plato said, arriving by her side and peering over the edge of the building.
“Yes, and I’ll miss my little chicken, but you must never tell anyone that.”
“I think we both know I’m not telling anyone anything, but if you think it’s a secret that you have a heart, well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news.”
Liv frowned. “Do you think people suspect?”
“I think they might not buy your snarky, heartless act.”
“Well, what can I do?” Liv asked, a pleading in her voice.
“Kick a kitten,” Plato suggested.
Liv gave him one long, repulsed look.