by Fleur Smith
“You could have died,” I admonished.
He rolled his eyes and pushed away from the bed. “You were dead.” He raked his hands through his hair. “I had no choice. If I had to, I would do it again. After you were free of the flames, Mackenzie stepped in and brought you back. It was touch and go for a while.” He settled on the bed beside me and grabbed my hands in his.
I shifted nearer to him, hoping to wrap my arms around his waist and reassure him I was okay, but he yanked away at the last minute. He did offer me his hand again, but it seemed entirely inadequate.
Glancing down at our joined hands, I wondered why he wasn’t making a move to get closer to me or sweep me into his arms. I understood that my injuries were likely to cause him to move more carefully around me, but it seemed there was more to it than that. Something deeper appeared to be stopping him from getting too close.
“There’s something else I need to tell you,” he said, an unknown emotion evident in his quavering voice. His hesitancy and doubt made my heart feel like it was three sizes too big for my chest.
What could be so bad that he wouldn’t hold me?
“We’ve been monitoring your stats while you slept,” he scrubbed the back of his neck nervously with one of his bandaged hands, “and your temperature is in the normal range.”
“So?” I didn’t understand how that was in any way important. Certainly it wasn’t important enough for him to be holding himself so aloof.
“Not the ‘normal for a descendant of the sunbird’ range,” he clarified. “Normal for a human.”
What? “What does that mean?”
“I’m not sure, but I have a theory,” he said. “How do you feel?”
Ignoring the most obvious feeling—the general fatigue and aches and the painful tugging sensation on my front and back each time I moved—I took a moment to assess my body. At first, I couldn’t find anything out of the ordinary. It was only when I tried to force the energy into my fingertips in the way that was second nature to me after so long that I discovered it. The usual experience of pinpricks and heat rushing across my skin was conspicuously absent.
“I feel . . . cold.” It was the best word that I could find for the lack of the heat that had raced through my limbs for so many years now. There was only one reason I could think of for the chill.
“That’s what I thought,” he murmured.
I wondered whether his suspicion was the same as mine—that the lack of heat I was experiencing meant the sunbird had returned to rest, or maybe she’d even burned up entirely. Maybe he’d broken the cycle somehow by rescuing me.
“And how do you feel . . . about me?” he asked.
My head whirled from the rapid change in conversation topic, and I raised my eyebrow at him. “Is now really the most appropriate time to discuss our relationship?”
“I need to know how you feel,” he said. “If anything’s changed, I’d rather you just rip off the bandage now and tell me. I won’t hold you to any promises you made while under the influence.”
“Why would anything have . . .?” I trailed off as a half-forgotten memory echoed through my mind. “What happens when the sunbird sleeps?” As the words ran through me, I understood the source of Clay’s anxiety. “You think this changes how I feel about you?” I guessed.
He shrugged and offered a coy smile. “I hope it hasn’t, but based on what I’ve read, I can’t make any assumptions. I don’t want to make an ass of myself thinking something that’s not true.”
“How can you even ask that?” A grin spread across my mouth to show him that I wasn’t angry for his question and that I even understood his doubt.
“I don’t want you to feel obligated if things aren’t the same for you anymore.”
Placing my hands on either side of his face, I tugged him closer to me. During the time I’d been unconscious, the unknown facts regarding the sunbird descendants and his concern for my well-being had obviously caused him concern and stress. The worry had left dark patches beneath tired-looking, blood-shot eyes. “Clay, absolutely nothing about us has changed for me.”
He gazed up at me from beneath his lashes, the hint of a smile playing on his lips. “You’re sure?”
“Of course I am,” I said quietly as I traced the circles under his eyes with my thumbs. “I still love you with every bit of my body and soul. Besides,” I said as I kissed the right-hand corner of his mouth.
He closed his eyes as my lips grazed his.
“You saved my life.”
He went to speak, so I pressed my finger softly against his lips.
“You pulled me from the fire,” I whispered with a voice filled with awe before kissing the left-hand corner of his mouth.
His lips parted slightly, and his breath hitched.
“I can guarantee you that there is absolutely no one in this world I could ever love more than you.” I pressed my lips fully against his.
When he kissed me in return, the tension in his muscles released in a rush. His fingers twined into my hair, and he held me securely against him. In that moment, he poured his emotions into me. Through his kiss, I experienced everything he’d held in and turned over while he waited for me to wake. It was heartbreaking and wonderful all at once.
“Despite your stubbornness and need to save everyone—even at the cost of your own life—you make me so happy, Evie,” he said.
I nodded because it was same for me.
After a beat, he started to murmur, as though he was just remembering something himself. “Hearts remote, yet not asunder; distance and no space was seen. ‘Twixt this turtle and his queen. But in them it were a wonder.”
I tilted my head in question as realization dawned in his eyes and a slow grin overtook his features. Whatever he said had clearly made sense to him.
“So between them love did shine that the Turtle saw his right, flaming in the phoenix’ sight: Either was the other’s mine.” He touched his lips against mine.
“What’s that?” I asked.
He tilted his head and clasped my hands. “Marry me.”
I chuckled in response.
“Not really the reaction I was hoping for,” he said as his eyes met mine. A quiver of anxiety ran through his voice, warning me his request had been in earnest.
I frowned. “You’re serious?”
“I wouldn’t joke about this sort of thing. I’ve lost you more times than I can count—I want to make you officially mine, because I can’t lose you again.”
“But what was that verse about?”
“It’s about us, Evie. The turtle and his queen.”
“Turtle?”
“Turtledove. Dove. Me.”
“Okay,” I said slowly.
“It’s from Shakespeare.”
“William Shakespeare?”
He laughed. “How many other Shakespeares do you know?”
I stared at him, feeling three steps behind the conversation.
“It’s a prophecy handed down from Titania. The fairy queen. I get it now.”
I was still lost, but I wasn’t sure if that was just because my head was still swimming and my thoughts groggy. “So you’re saying what? Fate has been pushing us together?”
“And it’s been fighting the things pulling us apart,” he said. “Just look.”
He placed his palm on mine and the muted tones of my own aura, one that showed that somewhere inside the sunbird still lived, danced with the bright blue light around his body. “Entwined auras,” I murmured as my heart raced. Even now, with the sunbird at rest, we were linked. “We never stood a chance, did we?” I laughed. Not that I minded in the least. I’d choose him again and again if I could.
“So is that a ‘yes’?”
Joy washed over me as his words registered in my mind and my heart. I nodded as a wide grin split my features. “Yes, it’s a yes!”
“Mom is going to be thrilled.” He grinned.
“Mom?” I teased with a raised eyebrow. He hadn’t used the M word befor
e when referring to Fiona, his estranged mother who’d shown up on our doorstep less than two weeks earlier. Two weeks that had changed everything and sent the world off its axis.
He shrugged and lifted his hand to palm the back of his neck. “I guess I’ve had some things put into perspective lately. After nearly losing you and seeing how close the whole court is here, I can see that maybe it’s not such a terrible place to come from. In fact, if the worst thing that happens in my life is a phoenix fiancé and fae mother, I’ve got it pretty good.”
It was clear that he was choosing to ignore his father—or maybe he knew something that I’d missed while I was asleep. Regardless, it was a problem for another day, and I was happy to treat it that way. We were both safe as long as we were in the court. “You do have it pretty good,” I said. “And you know what?”
He hummed, waiting for me to elaborate.
“So do I.”
He kissed me again before pulling me gently onto his lap. I could feel his need for me through his jeans.
“Tell me if it’s too much,” he whispered as he trailed his hands along my sides and into my hair, pulling my lips back against his.
Humming in pleasure, I kissed him back. The aches in my body melted away almost entirely as my need to connect with him again grew in intensity. I shook my head as I broke off the kiss to say, “I can guarantee that this will never be too much.”
Our kisses were languid and slow. Even though I desperately wanted to claim all of him again, I didn’t want to push myself and cause any damage to the repairs that Mackenzie had skillfully administered.
“I have one question,” I said as I drew away after he’d kissed me almost breathless. “Why in the hell didn’t you tell anyone that you were still under fae enchantment when we were launching our attack?”
He scrubbed the back of his neck. “I didn’t want to worry anyone. I kept thinking it would wear off at any moment.”
“You could have gotten us all killed,” I admonished.
“I know, and I never would have forgiven myself if you hadn’t pulled through.” His gaze fell to the bandage on my chest.
“It still hasn’t worn off has it?” I asked. Ever since he’d collapsed in the hall, I’d suspected that he was more fae than Ethan was—more fae than any of us had considered. After Caelan’s revelation about binding Louise, I even considered that Clay’s fae natures might have been somehow linked to hers in some twin-connection way. I wondered whether the pendant given to Clay as a child—which he’d subsequently given to me—had been used to suppress what little fae ability Clay had. It would certainly explain Caelan’s touch on it.
If that was the case, the pain Clay had experienced with his first taste of enchanted food was likely the beginning of the unbinding of his abilities.
He seemed to understand what I was asking. “I don’t think it will,” he admitted. “I honestly don’t even know what I am anymore. I’m human, but not quite, but neither am I fully fae.”
“Yeah, no wings,” I laughed.
“No wings,” he agreed—sounding almost disappointed.
“Look at us,” I said. “Just a couple of misfits.”
He held me tighter. “Suits me fine.”
I nodded before resting my head on his shoulder. “Me too.”
CHAPTER THREE
FOR THE NEXT week, I remained in my room to recover but had no shortage of guests. Mackenzie, Ethan, and Aiden all made regular appearances. Clay practically never left my side. After the first conversation with my now fiancé, nothing more had been mentioned about Bayview, the Rain, Troy, or what had happened after I was shot.
“Doctor’s orders” and the occasional universal sign for zipped lips were the only answers I received every time I tried to ask a question about it.
Almost the moment I received the okay to be up and walking around, I headed straight for the one person I knew would have the answers.
Before I even had a chance to knock to let Fiona know I was there, the door to her private sitting room opened and she stood before me. She was the one visitor who’d been most noticeably absent during my recovery.
“I had hoped I would see you here before long,” she said. “How are you feeling?”
“Now that I’m actually allowed to move beyond one room?” I asked. “Really good.”
“I am pleased. I suspect you have some questions for me? That is why you came here, is it not?”
I smiled at her insight. “I’ve been going crazy with everyone telling me that they didn’t want me to stress about the past while I was recovering. It’s been stressing me out not knowing.”
Fiona laughed. “I understand. Seeing as though I was the one who set the ban, I owe you something. So I shall leave it up to you to decide which questions you would like answered first.”
“Caelan,” I said. “Who was he?”
“He was a member of the Unseelie court.”
I nodded, that much I knew—or at least had guessed. “Who was he to you?”
“He was my first partner,” she said quietly. “I told you about my youth, when I thought the Unseelies were harmless troublemakers.”
“I remember.”
“I had been so attracted to their little group because of him. Back then, he was so handsome and had a roguish charm; he was almost impossible to resist. I soon learned that he was also the most dangerous out of that whole group. He kept the others in line, but was the mastermind behind their worst stunts.”
“He was the one who pushed the guy too far?” I guessed, recalling the story she’d told about how she’d met Troy. “The one from your story about them laughing at the deaths caused by the fire.”
She gave a solemn nod. “That was his idea. The moment I discovered the truth behind the fire was when I realized I could no longer be with him. He was not there when the others had attacked me though, and he never discovered how disgusted I was by their behavior. Of course, by the time he found out what had happened, I was already deliriously happy with Troy. Caelan failed to understand how I could have chosen a human over him, and he never believed that I truly had.
“I understand Aiden has explained the fae view on monogamy to you, but Caelan took that to the extreme. When we were together, he had at least a handful of new girls every week. I just happened to be his favorite and the one kept in the constant rotation. Caelan assumed I was using Troy to make him jealous so he would be with me exclusively, but nothing could have been further from the truth. I was never concerned with his dalliances when we were together; I even had a few myself. With Troy however, I felt wanted and loved. I held no desire for anything or anyone else. Shortly after Troy and I were married, Caelan cornered me on the street to tell me he wanted to be with only me, but I was no longer interested in anything he had to offer and told him so.”
“When did you see him next?”
“After Troy left with the children. I was distraught with grief and had no information to locate them or any way to seek assistance. I ended up going home, and though my mother welcomed me back openly, I always felt like a piece of me was missing. Because it was the Rain who had taken my fledglings, no one in the court was willing to help me find them. So I sought help outside the court. During that search, almost three years after I had lost my family, I ran into Caelan again. He told me that he had changed, that he had put his troublesome ways behind him and wanted to give me everything that I desired. He promised me he would help find my family, and that he would keep them safe.
“One day, he brought home Louise’s favorite teddy bear. It gave me hope that he was getting close. I did not know then that he was helping Troy to bind her abilities. He did not want to raise someone else’s fledglings; he wanted his own. He convinced me that we should start our family, and that when he found my other fledglings they would add to our own.”
“You believed him?” I asked quietly, placing my hand on hers in a sign of support.
“I wanted so desperately to find everything that I had lost. A
few months later, I was pregnant. Soon, he began disappearing without explanation, not even pretending he was searching for my family anymore. When I asked him whether he had any luck, he told me that my other fledglings were lost and that I should have been happy with our new family. He had tricked me into being with him by promising me everything I wanted, and I used him to try to get back the life I desired. It was not a healthy start to any relationship.”
“You left him?”
“I had to. I did not love him, and I was beginning to realize that he had not stopped playing his dangerous tricks on humans. He thought it funny or clever when someone died because of a trick he played.”
“Have you told Clay this? Or Louise?”
She nodded. “Shortly after you woke, I sat down with my four beautiful fledglings and told them all the dark secrets of my life. I wanted to do it sooner, but Clay refused to listen until he knew that you were safe. I can only count my blessings that they are all still willing to talk to me. Especially Mackenzie. I think she is finally realizing just how dangerous the Unseelies can be. It is only a shame that Caelan never had to face punishment for the crimes he committed against our kind. Death almost seems too easy.”
“Punishment? You mean like prison?” I couldn’t recall seeing any cells during my previous stay with the fae, but I wondered whether the prisoners were in some section I hadn’t seen. Like Clay had pointed out, the fae had no need to show me the baser parts of their life while I was here last time.
“Prison?” She seemed confused by the word. “You mean like the Bayview used to be?”
I nodded.
“Not quite. Punishment for fae is a little different to that. We do not need cell rooms and bars; we release the mind into the Void.”
“The Void?”
“It’s the absence of all things—no sight, no sound, no time, nothing. It is the ultimate punishment for our kind. It is where the human soul resides when it’s on the cusp of unconsciousness and a dream.”
“That sounds horrid.”
“It is a punishment, dear, it is not intended to be pleasant.”