by Ashley Meira
The shock of so many memories soon bled into white noise. I was trying to process everything, trying to focus on the words my father had said, but all I heard was static.
I sighed again, feeling invisible weights on my eyelids. My body still wanted sleep, but my brain wasn’t having it. The clashing desires mixed together until I couldn’t bring myself to care about any of it. I was numb. I didn’t want to deal with any of this. All I wanted to do was lay down and sleep until the world ended.
My back slid down the headboard until my head hit the pillow. Heat emanated from the fabric, pulling a frown from my lips. At this rate, I’d be tossing and turning all night. Which is exactly what I needed the night before climbing up a mountain to confront an uber powerful sea witch.
My frown turned into a scowl as I realized that wouldn’t be all I had to deal with. Diana and Damien hadn’t run into each other yet, but there’d be no preventing it tomorrow. Damn it. Fiona had been hostile enough. I wasn’t in any shape to handle that on my best day, but Damien? His behavior would probably crack the last feeble wall protecting my sanity.
Even the thought seemed to do it. Heat spread across my cheeks and a pressure built against my nose as I thought of everything that would happen tomorrow — of everything that had already happened and all that I’d learned. My eyes burned, and I tried to convince myself that the stream of liquid sliding down my face was sweat.
It became hard to breath, but I refused to start gasping for air. That would just wake Adam. I didn’t want to face him. I couldn’t even face myself.
A warm arm wrapped around my waist. “Sophia?”
Damn it. I didn’t trust my voice, so I turned away from him as best I could and let out a grunt.
Adam pulled me closer until I felt his chin graze my shoulder. “Please, talk to me.”
His words almost pulled a cry from my lips. I was hurting him. I could feel his pain, unmasked even through the gruffness of his sleep-addled voice.
But what was I supposed to say? My mind was a tempest, emotions blurring together in a violent storm that made me want to scream. Why was this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this?
“I hate feeling like this,” I finally whimpered. My body remained turned away from him, stock still as every part of me stayed tense.
“Like what?” he asked softly, his hot breath against my neck.
“Like this,” I said in a breathy whine. A gasp escaped me as my need for air grew too great. Sniffles followed afterwards as my body tried to gather as much oxygen as possible.
“I…. I don’t understand.” Even without looking at him, I could picture the look on his face: calm, neutral as he calculated everything over in his mind. I don’t know why, but it pissed me off and made me sad. It seemed everything was doing that lately.
“Neither do I. I don’t know, Adam. I. Don’t. Know. What do you want from me?”
The words tasted like ashes before they left my mouth. He hadn’t done anything but care. He’d never done anything but care. That’s all Adam did: worry about me. Pathetic, useless me.
“That’s not true,” he said, barely loud enough for me to hear.
“God-fucking-damn it,” I hissed. “For fuck’s sake, can I not spit out every fucking thought that goes through my head—”
“It’s okay—”
“No, it’s not! I’m so sick of thinking out loud and being this way and—”
His body shifted and large hands cupped my cheeks. He turned me toward him and covered my lips with his. I frowned into the kiss as he took away my only source of oxygen. Not to mention how gross it was to have my snot mushed against my face.
He shared the sentiment, it seemed, because he pulled away with a frown and wiped his face. “I did not think that through.”
I had a variety of replies to that. None of them were nice — all of them requiring more energy than I was willing to spend — so I stayed silent and wallowed in my self-pity.
“Sophia—”
I turned away again. “I don’t want to talk any more.”
He tensed against me. “Then, listen.”
“I—”
“No. Enough. I don’t know what you’re going through, and I probably wouldn’t be able to understand if you could find a way to explain it. But I know this isn’t you. Whatever you think you’ve become after losing your magic is crap. You’re you. And I’ve never seen you give up on anything, no matter how bad things are.”
I scoffed, but it came out as a sniffle.
“I know you, Sophia. I know you’re better than this, stronger. You’ve never let yourself be a victim before, so don’t start now. None of us are against you. Even Damien, for all his dickishness, isn’t out to get you. Yes, he could have phrased it better, but deep down, you know he’s right. You can’t hide Diana from the rest of the world forever. If she’s really on our side, I promise to help her as best I can, but until then, snap out of it and get over yourself. There are bigger problems right now than your ego.”
My eyes shot open. If I’d had any strength left after my crying fit, I’d have pushed myself up and socked him. But I didn’t, and I knew opening my mouth would only lead to regret. So, I laid there and waited until I could get up and knock him out. Unfortunately, I didn’t get my strength back in time to stop my mind from working.
He was right.
He’d taken the Damien way of phrasing it, but he was right. I’d been so obsessed over my lack of magic. I made myself believe it meant I had no power, no agency. Seraphine was about to ruin millions of lives, and since I thought I couldn’t do anything, I’d made it all about poor me. I made myself the victim and took every comment as a personal attack when there was nothing there.
Fuck. Of course, the one time my brain decided to work, and it took his side.
“You’re right.” The words came out like nails against my throat, but they needed to be said. “But it’s not that simple.”
Feeling that he’d gotten through to me, Adam’s voice softened. “I know. And I know you’re going through a lot right now. What happened to you…. I have no idea what I would do if I lost my magic. It would devastate me, and I hate the thought of you going through this.” His hands threaded through my hair, and I had to fight the urge to cry again. “I’m here. I’ll always be here. No matter how grumpy you get.”
I laughed — or tried to, anyway — and rolled over to face him. I cupped his face, running my thumb across his cheekbone. “Thank you. I….”
The words stuck in my throat, and no amount of pressure could force them out. The claws that had wrapped around my chest when I’d been crying tightened their grip. This wasn’t the right time. I couldn’t—
Something soft covered my face. I blushed as I realized Adam had grabbed a tissue and was wiping my nose. I slapped his hand away and did it myself, trying to force a glare as I did so.
The warm smile on his face told me I’d failed, but I couldn’t bring myself to care as he leaned forward to kiss me again. His lips were warm against mine, and if I tried really hard, I could almost taste the vanilla on his tongue.
“We’re going to figure this out,” he said against my lips. “Together. That’s a promise.”
I nodded as sleep began pulling my eyes closed. “But first we have to kill that bitch.”
Adam nodded and gave me the most beautiful smile I’d ever seen. “Oh, and Sophia?”
“Mph,” I grunted, my eyes sliding shut. As much as I wanted to stare at that smile all night, my body turned against me.
“I love you, too.”
Chapter Seventeen
It was an appropriately dark and stormy morning when we gathered in the lobby.
I wanted to blame it on Seraphine. The howling winds and violent rain had her name written all over it. But given Damien’s affinity for lightning spells, I wouldn’t be surprised if the deafening thunder that crashed down was at least partly his doing.
He was certainly glaring daggers at Diana while we waited for F
iona to come down. She’d yelled out something about needing five minutes when I knocked on her door, but based on the slur in her words, she’d be at least fifteen minutes late. I’d be mad if I wasn’t jealous; fifteen more minutes of sleep sounded great right now.
Of course, anything sounded better than holding my tongue as Damien mentally strangled my sister. Diana was doing a better job of ignoring him than I was. She wasn’t even looking at him, her eyes fixed firmly on the magazine in her lap. I considered grabbing one of my own, but I was too restless to sit, much less read.
Adam was chatting with the man at the front desk in perfect Japanese. I’d have given him a jealous glare if I wasn’t too embarrassed to look him in the eye.
“I love you, too.”
Urgh. Maybe I should grab a magazine, if only to cover my reddening cheeks. I’d been too afraid to say the words, and the jerk just had to show me up. He’d done it to reassure me, too. He knew I hadn’t been able to say them, so he did for us, the ass.
That was all conjecture on my part, but I’d be damned if I was marching up to him and asking. Saying the words was already beyond my ability, never mind discussing them.
Still, I felt them weigh heavily on my tongue, pressing against my teeth. He’d said it. So, why the hell was I still so scared to say I lo—
“Argh,” I growled. “Damn it.”
“What?” Damien asked, shooting me a quick look before going back to his glaring.
Nothing. I’m just, you know, being a total dumbass as usual. “Just waiting for Fiona.”
“We all are.”
“Be nice, Damien,” Adam said as he approached us.
His arm came around my shoulder, and I instantly leaned into his touch. At least this time I could blame my blush on being stared at by the double Ds over here.
Boy, was I dead if they ever heard me call them that out loud.
“Sorry about that,” Fiona called as she rushed out of the elevator. Her pace slowed to a slight jog as she approached us, looking like she’d just stepped out of Witch Mode. “Took longer getting ready than I expected.”
My brows rose but I didn’t call her out on her lie. Fiona didn’t wear makeup and other beauty products — magical or otherwise. She just woke up, showered, and cast her glamour, easy-peasy. Her lateness was because she wanted to sleep in a little longer.
Maybe I should call her out — just in petty jealousy.
A loud crack of thunder stopped my idea in its tracks. We all turned toward the large glass doors that made up the hotel’s entrance. From what I could see, there was more rain than sky. Would we even be able to climb up to Seraphine?
“It will be clearer where she is,” Diana said. “Eye of the storm.”
I turned my skeptical look toward her. “Am I just easy to read or do you have secret twin mind reading powers?”
She pursed her lips, making it clear she wouldn’t dignify that with a response. “Based on the weather map, it appears Seraphine has chosen Mount Ashitaka. The storm is weakest there, but a lot of the data in the area is scrambled for unknown reasons.”
“Unknown,” Damien repeated with a sneer.
“Unknown to those who record such data, yes,” she said cooly. “The weather patterns around Mount Fuji match the ones around us now, so I’m confident Mount Ashitaka is our destination.”
“It is closer to the ocean,” Adam said. “Any idea what to expect?”
“Charybdis bodyguards. A lot of them. Seraphine plans on wiping out Japan with this next storm, so she’ll be amassing an enormous amount of power; expect her to be extremely dangerous.”
“Great,” Fiona sighed. “A supercharged sea witch. She swatted us like flies last time. How are we going to stop her now?”
“The more magic she uses, the less she has,” Diana said. “If she finishes casting the calamity, she’ll be severely weakened. Easy prey.”
“Gee,” Damien said with mock innocence, “the terrorist wants us to let Japan be destroyed. Big surprise.”
I pursed my lips, trying to think of a rebuttal to put him in his place. None came, so I settled for, “Is there an idea we could use where that doesn’t happen?”
“You’re trying to stop Seraphine,” she said dryly.
“We aren’t going to let her destroy Japan,” Adam said, holding a hand up to interrupt Diana. “Even if doing so allows us to kill her and spare other countries the same fate. I’m aware of your counterargument.”
“One might call it practicality.”
Adam held her gaze. “One might, and they’d be right. But I’m not letting that spell go off if I can help it.”
“Can’t Wondergirl technically handle this on her own?” Damien asked, crossing his arms. “She can absorb all the witch’s magic.”
“You don’t want a Fireborn absorbing that much magic,” Diana and I said at once.
“Of course not,” he said. “She’d probably kill us instead. Who’s to say she isn’t a double agent?”
“That’s more complaining than I expected,” Diana drawled. “Dragons are supposed to be steadfast and resolute. One could probably handle Seraphine on his own. Or are you putting all of this on me because your powers are greatly exaggerated?”
Damien’s jaw locked. “Excuse me?”
“Toy dragons have no bite.”
“That reminds me.” Adam rushed forward to stand between them. “You’ll be needing a new Rangda’s Favor soon.”
Diana took the charm from his hand without taking her eyes of Damien. I was amazed Adam could stand being between them. Even Seraphine would crack under the looks they were giving each other.
“Wait,” Fiona said. “How does that remind you to give her the charm?”
“It doesn’t. I just wanted to stop them from killing each other. Thanks for that,” he added, shooting her a dirty look.
“Hey, I didn’t set them loose on each other.” She held up her hands. “Control your people, Pierce.”
“I’m not ‘his people,’” Diana said as her frowned deepened. With a final glare at Damien, she turned to Adam. “… Thank you. This can’t have been easy to get.”
“It wasn’t,” Damien said. “And if it wasn’t to keep your terrorist boss temporarily at bay, I wouldn’t have bothered.”
“He’s your black market contact?” I asked. “What happened to Symeon?”
Damien scoffed. “Can you imagine the favor he’d owe Symeon for a charm like that?”
I shuddered as scarring images flashed through my brain. “Ew.”
Adam raised a brow. “Should I ask?”
I shook my head. “Please no.”
Fiona patted my shoulder. “Never ask her about Symeon. Ever.”
“We should get going,” Diana said, giving me a strange look. Guess she hadn’t seen that side of Symeon when she was impersonating me, the lucky girl.
“Everyone armed and ready?” Adam asked. At our nods, he turned toward the door. “Let’s go.”
I slipped on my parka and checked my bag to make sure my spare clothes were in place. If the eye of the storm really was calmer, then I could remove my soon to be drenched parka at the summit and put on a dry one. See? I was already adapting to life as a normal, temperature-challenged person.
As we made our way to the entrance, Diana stopped. We followed suit, looking at her expectantly. What was she waiting for? Did she forget to tell us something? A darker part of me thought she might be about to betray us, but I shoved it in the corner.
She brushed her eyes across all of us before letting out a heavy sigh and giving Damien a hard look. “Thank you. For the charm. As I said, it must’ve been hard to acquire, especially on such short notice.”
My eyes shot over to him, curious to see his reaction. Was he going to get snippy again? I might punch him if he did. She was trying to be nice.
“Pretty sure I said that already,” Damien sneered, though the usual cocky glint in was serious and calculating. “But fine. You’re welcome. Can we go now? Befor
e the damn streets are flooded.”
The trip to the base of Mount Ashitaka was a hell all its own. Adam had rented a car to avoid any questions about the weapons we were carrying — not that any driver would have agreed to take us anywhere in this weather. My ineptitude with cars meant I had no idea what kind of truck we had rushed into with the wind and rain pounding at our back, but it looked big and sturdy.
Looking sturdy didn’t mean actually being sturdy, however. It wasn’t the car’s fault that it was being buffeted by the weather, but knowing that did nothing to calm my blood pressure every time it felt like the wind had lifted us into the air.
Fiona looked as sick as I did, and we clung to each other tighter with each bump in the road. Damien didn’t look happy, either. Then again, he never looked happy. Smug or satisfied — or smugly satisfied — sure, but never happy. There was no smugness on his face as our vehicle was batted around by Seraphine’s storm, though, and if he clung to the arm rest any tighter, it was bound to snap off.
Dianna and Adam were the only ones who seemed unbothered. Pure concentration was etched across Adam’s face while he navigated us through this hell as safely as possible. The look put me at ease, if only marginally. I knew he’d do his best to keep us in one piece.
Diana just looked bored as she stared out the window. Or rather, at the thick drops of water swarming the window. She was one cool customer, but I had the feeling she was more at ease because she’d gotten the front seat. Damien had thrown a fit when Adam gave the spot to her, but couldn’t argue with the fact that it was better for her to be close to Adam at all times “just in case.”
That didn’t stop Damien from glaring at her as he suffered in the back with us.
Mount Ashitaka loomed over us like a gargantuan guardian. From this side, its snowy peaks blocked out most of the sky, casting us in an eclipse-like darkness.
Perhaps due to my extended isolation, my eyes adjusted quickly to the darkness, and I was able to begin our trek sooner than the others. It wasn’t a huge victory — placing myself at the front of the group felt like the blind leading the capable.