by Ramona Gray
Claire followed me in and gave me a curious look when I led her past the people milling around the room and toward the stairs that led to the stage. The curtain was pulled across the stage, and she followed me up the small set of stairs. When we were behind the curtain, I pulled her close and nuzzled her neck.
“Jonah? Why are we backstage?” She was studying the bed in the dim light.
“I thought we’d do something different tonight, pet.”
She turned her gaze toward me. “We’re going to watch the show from backstage?”
I shook my head. “Not quite. Tonight, we are the show.”
“Wh-what?” She stared at me in surprise.
I put my arm around her waist and stroked her dark hair. “Last night, you realized what I like, didn’t you?”
She licked her lips. “Maybe.”
I smiled encouragingly at her. “I want to be with you tonight, Claire. I want to take you on that stage, strip you naked and fuck you in front of everyone. I want them to see how gorgeous you are when you’re cumming.”
She was staring silently at me, and I squeezed her waist. “I know the idea of being watched turns you on. I saw it that night with my neighbours, and last night here at the club.”
“So, you just went ahead and booked us to be on the stage without even asking me?”
“I’m asking you now.”
“No,” she stepped away from me, folding her arms across her torso, “you’re telling me we’re going to do the show. That’s a big difference, Jonah.”
“You like being watched,” I said, “and I like being watched. It’s what makes us perfect together.”
“So, the only reason you want to be with me is because I’m just as sick as you are?”
My stomach dropped. “Claire, neither of us are sick. And I want to be with you because I lo-”
“Aren’t we?” She said. “Normal people don’t do shit like this, Jonah.”
Fuck. I had made a very big goddamn mistake.
“I’m sorry. You’re right, I should have talked to you about this beforehand, but last night you were so into it that I thought -”
“Let me get this straight - I let some strange couple watch you finger me and you decided that meant I was more than willing to get on stage and let people watch me be fucked?”
“I made a mistake,” I said. “I’m pushing you too fast and I shouldn’t have -”
“I’m not this type of person,” Claire said with a quick glance to the left. “I-I don’t like the idea of people watching me have sex.”
“It’s okay that you do,” I said. “It isn’t something to be ashamed of. I’ve done this before and -”
“You’ve had sex on stage here at the club with women?”
I nodded, and Claire pressed her lips together before looking away. “Take me home, Jonah.”
“It was a long time ago, Claire. I haven’t been with anyone in over a year because -”
“I want to go home.” She was refusing to look at me and when I tried to touch her arm, she pulled away. “Don’t, Jonah. If you want to stay, that’s fine, I’ll take a cab home.”
“No,” I said. “I’ll take you home.”
* * *
“Don’t shut the truck off.” Claire unclicked her seatbelt. I reached out and grabbed her hand before she could open the door. We had spent the drive home in complete silence and my stomach was churning with dread and anxiety.
“Let me come in so we can talk.”
She laughed bitterly. “Talk? About how you want to fuck me in front of a bunch of strangers.”
I winced. “I’m sorry.”
“Why would you do that, Jonah? Why would you make that kind of decision for me, like what I wanted or needed didn’t even matter?”
“I shouldn’t have done that. Believe me when I say I regret it, I was just excited and thrilled that a woman I really care about -”
“If you cared about me, you wouldn’t have just sprung this on me. What were you thinking?”
“I wasn’t.”
She rubbed at her temples. “I can’t do this, Jonah. I was a fool to think I could.”
“Claire, we don’t ever have to go back to the club again. Okay? I don’t need -”
“It isn’t just about you wanting something from me that I can’t give you,” she interrupted. “It’s also about the fact that I had an amazing job, a job that I worked hard to get. Now, because I can’t control myself, it’s gone.”
“It’s not gone.”
“It is. I quit, Jonah.”
“What? No, you’re not quitting.”
She turned on me, suddenly furious. “If you try and tell me what I can or cannot do one more time, Jonah Peterson, I will punch you in the face.”
“I’m sorry, but you don’t need to quit. I’ll stay away from you, I won’t touch you or look at you in any way but -”
“It’s not you I’m worried about. If I keep working for you, I’ll keep fucking you, and that isn’t good for either of us. I’m not the person you need me to be, Jonah. You want me to fuck you in front of a bunch of strangers, and I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to do that. You’ll say it’s okay, you’ll pretend it doesn’t matter, but it will drive us apart eventually. It’s better if we end it now.”
“Claire -”
“I’ll email you my official letter of resignation.” Without looking at me, she climbed out of the truck, slammed the door and disappeared into the darkness.
* * *
“Buddy, you look like shit.”
“Good to see you too, Mattie.”
“Uh-huh, let me in.” Matt pushed past me and wandered into the kitchen.
Rubbing at the heavy growth of hair on my face, I shut the door and followed him in. He had grabbed a beer from the fridge and he opened it before taking a long drink. He sat down and eyed me thoughtfully as I scowled at him.
“What do you want?”
“Eh, it’s been a week. Figured I’d drop by and see if you were ready to win Claire back yet.”
“Win Claire back?” I barked harsh laughter before grabbing my own beer and drinking half of it. “I don’t have a fucking chance in hell of winning her back. We work in the same goddamn office, but I haven’t seen her once this week. She only comes into the office when she knows I’m at work sites. The rest of the time she works from home. She has one more week and then she won’t even be in the office anymore. She’ll be gone, and it’s all my fucking fault.”
“Well, you’re not wrong about that, but you need to buck the fuck up and make things right, ya asshole.”
“Go home, Mattie,” I said wearily. “I’m tired.”
“You can still fix this.”
“I can’t. I pushed too hard and I fucking wish I could go back and change that now, but I can’t. I was just so,” I stared at the table, “so excited that she shared my kink. I love her and she…”
Matt gave me a sympathetic look. “You can’t just sit here all weekend with your thumb up your ass, Jonah.”
I shook my head. “The worst part is, I can’t stop worrying about what she’s going to do for work. I know she loves being in HR, and I’ve ruined that for her.”
“Maybe not,” Matt said.
“What do you mean?”
“You remember Kayley?”
I shook my head and Matt rolled his eyes. “She works at the hospital in administration. We hooked up a few times last year.”
“I don’t remember.”
“Well, anyway, we’re still friendly and I saw her last night over at Ren’s Bar. We got to talking about work and shit like that, and she happened to mention that her boss was being a real bitch lately because they haven’t found anyone to fill the HR position at the hospital and it’s falling on her to do it.”
“Kayley’s in HR?”
“Jesus, man,” Matt snorted, “are you fucking drunk? It’s only noon. No, not Kayley. Her boss. Her boss is doing the HR shit because they haven’t found a suitable candidate f
or the HR position at the hospital.”
I blinked at him. “What does that have to do with me?”
“Oh sweet mother of…look, dude, I’m going to give you Kayley’s extension at the hospital. You’re going to call her on Monday morning, and she’s going to put you through to her boss. Then you’re going to tell her all about this amazing HR manager named Claire who used to work for you and you’re gonna get Claire a fucking interview.”
My jaw dropped open. “Fuck. That’s fucking brilliant.”
“I know, dickhead.” Matt took a drink of beer and smiled smugly at me. “Then, once you’ve gotten Claire a new job, you’re gonna get down on your goddamn knees and beg her to forgive you.”
I shook my head. “It won’t work. She’s pissed at me, and I don’t blame her for that. But, at least I can fix the work fuck-up. Thanks, Matt. I owe you one.”
He tipped his beer bottle at me. “Yeah, don’t mention it. But you still need to try and beg Claire for forgiveness. You’re miserable without her.”
“It’s too late.”
Chapter Ten
Claire
Girl, just get in your car and drive to the damn office.
I closed my laptop and drummed my fingers on the kitchen table. It was almost eleven on Monday morning and I was working from home because I knew Jonah was in the office this morning. But, I had access to his calendar and according to it, he was out of the office at eleven thirty. I needed to get to the office and start packing my stuff up, and start on my notes for the person Jonah would find to replace me.
My stomach roiled, and I rubbed at my forehead. Jonah would replace me at work and in his bed, and the thought of him sleeping with someone else made me sick to my stomach. He would find someone who shared his kink and they’d live happily ever goddamn after.
You share his kink, you idiot. You just won’t admit it because you’re stupid.
God, my inner voice could be a real bitch when she wanted to be. Not that she wasn’t right, but I had enough regrets over what I said and did last Saturday night. I didn’t need her chiming in to remind me that I’d made the biggest mistake of my life.
So, call Jonah and apologize. Tell him that he was right. Tell him that you are into being watched and that you’d be willing to give it a try.
I wanted to, but I wasn’t entirely certain I could go through with it. What if I got up on stage and then froze or lost my nerve? The thought of disappointing Jonah, of not being able to give him what he wanted, was almost as bad as the thought of never being with him again.
I stood and paced back and forth. I felt like I was going insane. I had barely slept all week, and my regret over what I had said to Jonah was so thick, I felt like I was constantly on the verge of a panic attack. I had purposely avoided him all week. If I saw him, I knew I’d either burst into tears or try and fuck him. At this point, I wasn’t sure which would be worse.
My cell phone rang, and I studied the unfamiliar number before hitting the answer button.
“Claire Hoyt speaking.”
“Hello, Ms. Hoyt, my name is Roberta Smith. I’m the head of administration at Riverside Hospital?”
“Hello,” I said politely.
“Hi. I’m calling because I understand that you’re looking for a position in Human Resources?”
“Um, yes, that’s right.”
“Excellent. We’re looking for an HR manager here at the hospital, and I’d love it if you could meet with me this afternoon. Do you have time in your schedule? Mr. Peterson mentioned that you weren’t quite finished up yet with his company, but that he was certain you would have time for an interview with me.”
“I, um…” I sat down with a heavy thump in the kitchen chair. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s happening here.”
Roberta laughed. “I’m sorry, I do tend to get ahead of myself sometimes. Your former boss, Jonah Peterson, phoned me this morning. He’d heard we were having trouble finding an HR manager, and he wanted to personally recommend you. He mentioned that you were looking for some new challenges, which is why you’re leaving his company?”
“Um, yes, that’s right,” I said.
“Well, I can assure you that the hospital will have a lot of unique challenges for you.” Roberta made another tinkling laugh. “We’ve been without an HR person for some time, and I’m afraid I’m not very good at filling the position. What do you say? Could you meet with me this afternoon? Mr. Peterson said to mention to you that he was fine with you taking the afternoon off to meet with me.”
“Okay, sure.” I sounded exactly like I felt – like I’d been run over by a truck.
“Oh thank goodness. Shall we say around one?”
“Okay.”
“Good. Just park in the visitors parking on the south side of the hospital. Let the receptionist know you’re here for a meeting with me, and she’ll make sure your car doesn’t get towed. See you at one, Claire.”
“See you then.” I clicked end on my cell phone and stared blankly at the screen.
Jonah had gotten me a job interview. He’d gone out of his way to try and help me find a new job. I blinked back the hot tears and leaned my forehead against Pumpkin when he jumped up on the table.
“I’m an idiot, Pumpkin,” I whispered. “I love him, and I miss him so much, and I’m a damn idiot.”
* * *
Jonah
I studied myself in the reflection of the kitchen window. It was Monday night, and I was trying to decide between cooking myself something to eat or drinking a six pack of beer.
“Beer,” I said to my reflection. “Definitely beer.”
Instead of reaching into the fridge, I continued to stare at my reflection. I rubbed my beard and ran my hand through my hair, making it stick up in thick waves. “Maybe I’ll get a cat. An orange one with a stupid name like Cinnamon or some shit like that. Yeah, a cat would be nice.”
I pulled my phone from my pocket and Googled the animal shelter. They were open for another half hour, and I grabbed my keys from the counter and headed for the front door. I grabbed my jacket and opened the door, staggering back when I saw Claire standing on my front porch with her hand raised to knock.
“Claire?”
“Hi, Jonah.”
“What are you doing here?”
“I came to talk, but, um, if you’re busy, I can come back another time.”
“No! No, I was just uh…”
“Just what?”
“Going to the animal shelter to get a cat.”
She blinked at me. “You were what?”
“I was thinking maybe I’d get a cat.”
“Okay. That’s weird.”
“Yeah. Come in, please.”
She followed me into the house, and I had to squash my immediate urge to pull her into my arms and kiss her hard. God, she looked so good and smelled even better. I took her jacket and hung it in the closet, trying to discreetly adjust my growing erection.
“Um, do you want something to drink?” I led Claire into the kitchen and she sat down at the table as I opened the fridge. “I have beer and water.”
“I’ll take a beer.”
I twisted the top off the beer bottle and handed it to her. She took a long swallow before smiling at me. “You look different with a beard.”
I rubbed it self-consciously before taking a drink of my own beer. “Claire, I owe you an apology.”
She shook her head. “Jonah, stop. You’ve already apologized to me. I came here because I owe you one.”
“No, you don’t.”
She smiled again. “Yeah, I do. But first, I got a call from Roberta Smith today.”
“Oh yeah?” I tried to look nonchalant.
Claire’s smile widened. “I know you called her, Jonah. She told me you did.”
“I was just trying to help,” I said. “I wasn’t trying to control you or -”
“I know.” She traced her fingers along the label of the beer bottle. “She offered me the job at the end of t
he interview. I accepted it.”
“Congratulations.”
“You don’t look surprised.”
“I’m not. You’re amazing and they’re lucky to have you.” I held my beer bottle up. “To you and your new job.”
She clinked her beer bottle against mine and we both drank. She chewed at her bottom lip. “Thank you, Jonah. I got the job partly because of you.”
“No, you got it because you’re damn good at what you do.”
“I am,” she said with a grin, “but your glowing recommendation made a difference.”
“It was the least I could do.”
We sat in silence for a moment before Claire took a deep breath. “I lied to you. I told you that I didn’t share your kink and that isn’t true.”
I didn’t reply, but my pulse sped up when Claire took my hand. “I shouldn’t have lied, and I feel awful that I tried to make you feel bad about what you like. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” I said.
“It isn’t. Even if I didn’t share your kink, it would have been a shitty thing to do, and the fact that I’m into it just as much as you, makes it even worse.”
“I pushed you too hard,” I said.
“Yeah, maybe,” she replied. “But we’ve both done things we regret. What I’m wondering is if you’ll accept my apology and give us another chance to -”
“Yes,” I said. “Hell, yes.”
Her smile made me stand and pull her into my arms. I kissed her hard on the mouth, not even ashamed that she could feel the desperation in it. She returned my kiss, and I cupped the back of her neck, pressing kisses all over her face.
“I missed you,” I said. “I missed you so fucking much.”
“I missed you too.” She slid her arms around my waist and gave me a cheeky grin. “Now, take me to your bedroom. I want to know what that beard feels like on my pussy.”
I laughed and hugged her. “God, I love you.”
She stiffened and pulled back. “You love me?”