“I should hope so,” Faith said meeting her husband’s warm gaze.
Aurora loved a lively conversation and reveled in the banter.
Garrett sat next to Mother. “What do you think of a new kind of education for young ladies, countess?”
Aurora held her breath.
Jemima dabbed the corner of her mouth with her napkin. “A good education is always an asset. I still think these girls,” She pointed to Mina and Petra, “will have to marry. They will need to know how to run a house and it never hurts to know how to paint, sew, and play an instrument. However, I think a better understanding of the world and all it has to offer can only enhance a life and a good marriage.”
Meeting her mother’s gaze, Aurora couldn’t help the flood of joy that filled her. She’d never thought she’d see the day when Mother would evolve beyond what was expected. Though, she held no hope that Jemima would stop trying to marry her off.
It was a perfect evening.
After dinner, the twins were sent to their room. Helen and Esther both excused themselves, claiming to be tired.
The other ladies went through to the parlor for cake and wine while the men went to a gaming room on the other side of the house. As soon as Garrett was out of her sight, Aurora felt his loss deeply. Telling herself she was acting the fool did no good.
“Mother, you seemed very content at dinner this evening. I suppose you’re not missing Hexon’s company.” Aurora handed her mother a delicately painted blue and white plate with a piece of cake.
A rare smile pulled at Jemima’s lips. “You were right about the duke, Aurora. I’ll not pretend he could have been redeemed. I would not wish you to be married to a man who cannot control his drinking habits or his temper.”
With an effort, Aurora said nothing about Radcliff’s bad habits. It was her father who had chosen her husband and not her mother. When Father was alive, Mother had little to say in defense against him. Perhaps she might consider that her mother’s marriage was not much happier than her own. “I’m relieved you see that.”
Mother swallowed a bite of cake. “That does not mean I have given up on you marrying again. You are far too young and beautiful to never marry. Besides, I know you want children of your own and you would be a wonderful mother.”
There, she had played the final card. Aurora couldn’t deny her desire to have children and she would always morn her inability to get with child while married. Nothing good had come of the union with Bertram Sherbourn, the Earl of Radcliff. Swallowing the bitterness of regret, she shrugged. “I appreciate your confidence in my mothering abilities. However, those talents will have to be spent on the children of my closest friends.”
Poppy blushed, which was a rare sight.
Faith narrowed her eyes. “Poppy?”
“I wasn’t going to tell you until we were back in London.” Poppy’s grin spread wide.
Mother jumped up nearly toppling her plate before she steadied herself and placed it on the table. “I’m going to be a grandmother?”
Nodding, Poppy’s eyes went wide when her mother-in-law grabbed her up in a tight hug. Poppy patted Jemima’s back awkwardly. “I’m glad you’re pleased.”
Recovering herself, Mother backed away and cleared her throat. “Well, of course I’m pleased you shall finally do your duty to both my son and his title.”
Aurora stifled her amusement and pulled Poppy into a hug. She whispered, “High praise from Mother.” Then in full voice, she added, “I’m so happy for you and Rhys.”
“Thank you.”
The five of them spoke of redecorating of the nursery both in the country and the one in London. Poppy had many plans and for the first time Mother didn’t gainsay any of her ideas. Perhaps a small step for the better had been taken between Rhys’s wife and his mother.
Aurora hoped for Poppy’s sake that was true.
Long past the time everyone took to their beds, Aurora stared up at the ceiling. The warm night left the grate cold, and she had opened the window, but little breeze helped to cool her. But it wasn’t the heat that kept her up and she wouldn’t pretend otherwise. It was unhealthy to lie to oneself.
It did no good to deny that she wanted more time with Garrett. She liked having him near, liked the steady tone of his voice and the way he always knew how to help without charging in and taking over.
Unfair as it was, she couldn’t give him her heart. At eighteen she’d dived into her marriage fully expecting to love her husband and by the morning after her wedding night, she knew it could never be. Her heart had died that night and nothing could revive something so stale and dark.
Rising, she grabbed her wrap from the end of the bed. What harm could it do to say goodbye in private? She trod with light steps down the hall, took a deep breath at his door and knocked lightly.
If he was sleeping, he’d likely not hear the rap.
The door swung open. Garrett stood bare-chested; legs exposed with just his breeches on. Startled, he took her hand and pulled her in before checking the hall as he’d done the first time she’d come to his room. He closed the door making hardly a snick as the latch caught, then he slid the bolt. “Rora, couldn’t you sleep?”
“No. Why are you half dressed?” It came out far more distressed than she intended.
He laughed. “I’m in my room and it’s quite hot. I couldn’t sleep and was attempting to read. Though with little success.”
A book sat on the cushion of the chair near the hearth with a lighted candelabra on the small table. A glass of something amber awaited him as well. “I didn’t mean to disturb you. It’s only that I wanted to say goodbye without the others present.”
“You came in the middle of the night to my bedroom to say goodbye?” He picked up the book and tossed it into his open trunk, which stood filled near the dressing room.
She sank into the other chair and put her head in her hands. “It sounds quite feeble even to my own ear. I just wanted to see you. To thank you.”
“Thank me?” There was surprise in those two words.
So much, Aurora looked up from her palms. “Yes. You gave me a great gift last night.”
He held up a hand and sliced the air to stop her.
Staring, she didn’t know what to do. She’d upset him, but she couldn’t fathom how. Still, she’d never witness such command from Garrett. It was clear he could take charge and overwhelm when he wished. A rumble of fear tightened her belly.
Chapter 17
She’d come to thank him. Good God could anything be more absurd? “I do not require your thanks, Rora. Last night was a gift for you, but also for me.”
Eyes as wide as a frightened doe, she stood and moved toward the door. “I shouldn’t have come. This was foolish.”
Wishing he had the right words and less temper, he stopped her by pressing his hand to the door. His body grazed hers. “I would never harm you, dearest. Not even when you are this offensive.”
Turning, she stomped her foot. “How have I offended? Before last night I thought relations between a man and me could only involve pain and mortification. You showed me something beautiful and asked nothing for yourself. Does that not deserve some kind of thanks?”
Wrapping his arms around her, he put his chin on the top of her head and let the soft scent of roses from her hair fill him and take away his rancor. “No, but I am glad to have given you something, considering what you shared with me.”
“Why can’t you speak plainly.” Frustration cried out in her voice even as she pressed her cheek to his chest.
Awkwardness aside, he took her hand. “Come and sit and I will be as plain as I can.”
She followed him and sat.
Garrett sat, then stood and paced. Finally, he knelt before her and kissed her fingers. “I want more from you, Rora. More than you’re willing to give.” He held up a hand to stop whatever apology she was planning to make. “It’s not your fault. I love you and you cannot return those feelings. You are attracted to me, and yo
u trust me, but while those are lovely things, they would not bind us in the long term. I’m going to Scotland and then London. I’m not going to renew my desires for you after tonight. I have bared my soul and cannot keep the wound opened indefinitely. I am honored and delighted that last night meant something to you. Seeing you in such a state of bliss will always be the finest moment of my life.”
Her lips parted and the sight of her sweet tongue forced him to close his eyes.
Blinking, she said, “Should I leave you?”
“Do you want to leave?” Despite his resolve, he longed to hold her, to give them one more night. It could only harm his heart. Yet the memories he’d take with him…
She shook her head. “I do not want to leave you tonight. I want... I don’t know how to ask for what I want.” Her cheeks turned the most charming shade of pink.
Resting his head in her lap, he closed his eyes. “I’m not strong enough to say no to you and honestly, I don’t want to. I long to hold you in my arms and show you delights. I wish you’d never married that monster, but I’m selfishly pleased that you’ve only known carnal pleasure with me.”
“I’m glad it was you.” Aurora ran her fingers through his hair. Taking his hand from where it clung to her thigh, she lifted it and kissed each finger.
The sweetness of the gesture was too much. Garrett wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her to the edge of the chair. Then standing, he lifted her in his arms and padded to the bed.
Placing her on the mattress, he followed her down, laid beside her and wrapped his arms around her. “I wonder if I might just hold you for a while?”
“You only wish to hold me?” she asked in a stilted voice.
Smiling against her neck, he kissed her pulse. “I want more, but for a time, I would delight in having you in my arms.”
She relaxed, toed off her slippers and ran her foot along his bare calf. Intimate and sensual, her body fitted to his and she gave a sigh of satisfaction as she caressed his arm at her waist. “This is lovely, Garrett. Another first for me.”
Part of Garrett reveled in the firsts he could give to her and share with her, but a larger part grieved for all she’d endured and suffered. His ability to share these firsts stemmed from a miserable three years with an animal not worthy to lick her boots.
“What’s wrong, Garrett. I can feel your tension.”
He propped up on his elbow so he could look at her. “I’m sorry. I let my mind wander to thoughts of Radcliff.”
Something haunted flitted through her gaze and then she settled her attention on him “It might be best if we left him out of the bedroom. I know the information is new to you and thus very fresh and discomforting, but he has been dead nearly two years and the death sentence that was my marriage is communed. I should have told you sooner and for that I am truly sorry.”
Hair braided for bed, the plait lay on her shoulder. He toyed with the end pulling the soft tresses free. He would never have the pleasure of brushing her hair or watching her grow with his child inside her. He wouldn’t have lazy mornings spent in bed or long nights by the fire talking. “I will do my best to keep my thoughts on you and nothing else.”
“I shall endeavor to help you focus your attention.” Her smile was sweet and wicked at once.
The braid freed, he ran his fingers through her soft hair and let the silky strands fall through. Memorizing every inch of her that he hoped to carry with him after he left her. “You are so lovely.”
“I wonder if I might touch you?” She met his gaze. Hope and fear in her voice, she didn’t shy away.
With all she’d endured, she was the bravest person he knew. “I am yours, do with me as you will.” He rolled onto his back and put his hands behind his head.
Aurora faced him and pressed a hand to his chest then put her ear to his heart. Her hair fanned out across him.
A touch of a breeze spilled through the open window. The coolness was a welcome relief.
She toyed with the fall of his breeches.
“Do you want me to undress?” His voice strained with even the notion that she wanted to touch him intimately.
Clearing her throat, she turned her head to look at him. “I think I would.”
He closed his eyes and drew a long breath then eased out from under her and out of the bed.
Never taking her eyes from him, she watched as he loosened the fall and stepped out of his breeches. Aurora’s cheeks pinkened.
When she stepped from the bed, he thought she’d been frightened away and would leave him standing naked and aroused. To his surprise, she let her wrapper fall to the floor and pulled her shift over her head.
He’d never imagined she could be more beautiful than the woman in his dreams, but she was perfection. Every inch of her like something out of a dream. He placed a hand over a pink, puckered scar at the front of her right hip.
When his eyes fell to the spot, she traced a finger over the mark. “Remnants from my marriage. I landed on a sharp stone on the fireplace in the parlor at West Lane. There was a tremendous amount of blood. When he saw it, he ran from the house. Tipton called a surgeon. The wound had to be stitched. Radcliff didn’t come home for a fortnight. I considered the injury a reasonable price for sending him from the house.”
Perhaps Radcliff couldn’t be banished from their privacy as yet. Garrett knelt and kissed the scar. “Where else?”
Her fingers brushed through his hair. Turning, she lifted her hair and revealed a jagged white scar at the edge of her hairline from her ear to her nape. “This nearly ended me. It happened a few months before his death. I can’t remember exactly what happened. When I woke, I was in bed. Mercy, Poppy and Faith were with me and Radcliff had fled. Tipton told me he came looking for me when he saw the master pale and rushing out the door. He found me in my bath, I think I might have drowned if not for him. I can’t imagine his shock, but he’s never given me anything but loyalty.”
Garrett rose and kissed that mark as well. He longed to destroy Radcliff and regretted the man was already in the ground. “Are there more?”
She pointed to a slim scar that ran across her thigh in the back and ended at the front. “This was a knife. It was a dinner where he’d gone into a rage. I tried to run, but he stabbed me from behind. When I turned in shock, the cut went around. He dropped the knife, but didn’t run. He beat me until I lost consciousness then went to his club.”
Tracing his fingers along the raised mark, Garrett let one tear slip. “I don’t know what to say.”
“I’ve been terribly disfigured. You must be horrified.” She stepped away and reached for her shift.
Garrett stayed her hand by taking it and kissing his way up her arm. “You are perfect, Rora. These are nothing but bad memories.”
“I am damaged beyond the scars one can point to, Garrett.” Her tight voice pained him more than any revenge he’d been denied.
Wrapping his arms around her, he pressed kisses on her forehead, her cheek, her jaw. “Those can heal just as the other’s did.”
“But the scars.” She choked back emotion.
“Scars are strong, dearest. They leave a mark but make the damaged places stronger on the outside and within.” He ran his hands up and down her back. He memorized the curve of her spine and the swell of her hips. The arch of her neck where it met her shoulder revealed another smaller scar and he pressed a long kiss there.
“Garrett, I would not stop you if you wished to bed me. I should like very much to give you pleasure.” Her palms cupped his back at the shoulder blades but she didn’t move them to caress him. She touched him as if afraid of what she might unleash.
Turning so that he could sit on the bed, he pulled her to stand between his knees. “I would treasure making love with you. However, the bedding must be mutual and if you wish you may take charge.”
“Me?” Her eyes were wide and the large dark pupils reflected the candlelight.
He took her hands and placed the palms on his chest. “Yo
u’re afraid and understandably. You trust me, but still think the act will bring you shame and pain. I wish for you to be empowered not afraid in this and in all things.”
“I don’t know what you want.” She ran her knuckles along his stubble-covered chin.
Joy filled him. He couldn’t explain it. With all she had suffered and all he had lost with that suffering, she was his for this night and he was hers. He let his hands rest at the swell of her hips. “I have already had more than I ever dreamed. However, if you’d like to kiss me, that would be wonderful.”
She cupped his cheek, and her smile lit her eyes as she lowered her lips to his. Timid, a feathery brush of her bottom lip to his top then her top to his bottom.
Holding still was a kind of wonderful torture. Garrett’s fingers tightened of their own accord, but he resisted pulling her in.
Agonizingly slow, she sank into the kiss and opened her mouth on his. Their tongues danced and swirled leaving him breathless and achingly hard. She broke the kiss panting and pressed a string of kisses down his neck, ran her thumb over his nipple and nipped the lobe of his ear.
Garrett slid his hands over her soft round bottom.
Gulping air, she tossed her hair over her shoulder. “Will you lie on the bed.”
He rushed to comply, part of him still expecting her to run from the room and leave him to pleasure himself and dream of a golden-haired goddess.
Instead, she climbed on the mattress and straddled his hips. “Will you touch me?”
Pulling her forward he took one nipple in his mouth and caressed from her neck, down her spine to her bottom.
Aurora cried out and arched her back.
“Rora, your other guests are in this hall and likely have their windows open as well. While I love to hear your pleasure, you may want to muffle those cries. I wouldn’t want your brother calling me out at sunrise.”
A warm giggle filled the heated room. “I will try.” The words hardly out, she pressed her center along his shaft and moaned. Pressing both hands to his chest, she pushed herself up and eased along his shaft again, but this time bit her lip to silence her cry.
Not Even For a Duke Page 17