by Kim Karr
We lay here for a few minutes, both quiet, both clinging to each other with a desperation we haven’t had before and it scares me. Have recent events taken a deeper toll than either of us is willing to admit? Laying here in this dark room, hearing his ragged breathing, I can’t help but think back on our intense sexual encounters the past few days. Is this aggressive need for each other our way of trying to tear down the wall between us?
Chapter 15
Love Remains the Same
Ben’s Journal
I’ve been busy moving and trying to get my girl back. I moved the boxes from Mom’s attic to my and Dahl’s house. I started to unpack them yesterday, but when I found a bin full of broken pictures of Dahlia and me, I had to stop. I thought going for a run and then working out would completely exhaust me. But when I woke up in the middle of the night with a raging hard-on from a dream about her, I wasn’t sure working out was the best choice. The dream was so real, but unlike anything I had ever experienced with her. It took me taking my dick in my own hand right then and there and getting one in in the shower this morning to finish myself off from that dream.
Since I’ve gotten back I’ve done everything to get Dahl alone. When I saw her on the beach I didn’t go for it. I wanted to play it straight and tell her everything. I wanted for her to come back to me because she got it. Well that didn’t fucking work. Since then I’ve called her and left messages just asking her to meet me or telling her I love her. Not much, just simple short messages to get my point across. She hasn’t called me back. I’ve even gone as far as leaving another note on her car. How fucked up is that? I had to track her down to do it and it didn’t even work. So next time I see her, I need to get her alone and forget about all the words. I need to make her remember what we had—the love we shared, the sex—if I do, it will come back to her then, and she’ll come back to me. She just has to let her guard down and really let me touch her. I only want her back.
I talked Caleb into going out for a drink tomorrow night. Like a needy chick I had to ask him to pick me up, but I’ll be getting my car back tomorrow night so that shit will stop. Serena took the car from Trent indefinitely. I’ll give it to him when he’s ready and get a new one, but for now it’s best for all of us if he doesn’t have it. He’s in bad shape and doesn’t need to be driving. I’ve spent as much time with him as he’ll stick around for, but that’s not much. I tried to talk him into going surfing with me over the weekend, but he said no. He’s going to stay with his dad for a few nights.
I need to get out anyway. I’m going stir-crazy. I’ve thought about calling Kimberly, but I don’t want to hurt her. Soon I need to come clean to her and explain everything, but I can’t face that just yet.
Chapter 16
Never Say Never
As I stand here fastening the bow around my waist, I can’t help but think how similar the past few days appear to all the ones that preceded them—and yet there’s something fundamentally different. River has had to meet with Ellie every day and I’ve been trying to work, too, but I’ve passed most of the jobs that have come my way on to someone else. I’m just not up to styling and photographing upcoming album releases. When River comes home his stress level is always off the charts. We haven’t talked much about anything important. Instead we’ve spent our time playing board games or in bed.
I haven’t told him about what happened with Grace. She’s tried to contact me every day but I’ve avoided her calls as well as Serena’s. Ben has been calling, too. He keeps leaving short messages asking me to call him, to meet him, begging me to give him a chance. After the fifth one I stopped listening and now just delete them. Yesterday, when I met Aerie in Laguna to shop for River’s surprise party, he even left another note on my car. The stress of avoiding everyone and not telling River everything is really starting to get to me, so planning his birthday present with Bell’s help has been a welcome distraction.
I check out my reflection in the mirror, everything seems to be in place. I’m a little nervous about the present; I’ve never done anything like this before. Bell threw the idea out there and then actually helped me pick out the entire ensemble. She told me the key to doing a striptease was to select the last thing that comes off, first. So once I selected that, I chose a very sexy black bra, matching thong, and thigh-high stockings with garters. Bell wanted me to use the stay-up hose. But I remember how much River liked garters the last time I wore them, when we first reconnected in Vegas. My top layer was an easy choice: a very sheer short black dress with ankle-strap stilettos. God, I hope I don’t fall over in them.
Feeling more confident, I put my robe on, push away all thoughts except those of him, and take a deep breath. I can do this. I wanted to give him a present he’d never forget and I’m sure he won’t forget this, whether I’m able to complete the dance or not.
When he enters our bedroom, I turn and smile. He’s dressed and ready for dinner. Game on. He looks incredibly hot in his gray button-up shirt and black jeans.
Trying not to laugh I ask, “You’re not wearing that, are you?”
He looks down. “What’s wrong with what I’m wearing? It should be fine for the restaurant.”
“Oh, it’s okay for Swoonworthy’s,” I say as I untie my robe to give him a sneak peak, and then promptly tie it back up. “But we aren’t going there just yet,” I tease.
His mouth drops open. I point to the chair in the corner of our bedroom, the one near the window, and motion for him to sit down. Once he sits, I light the candles I scattered around the room earlier.
As I walk around the room getting things ready, I drop my robe when I’m standing in front of him. Moving behind him, I purposely get extremely close, but don’t touch him; I shut the blackout curtains instead. He tries to pull me to him, but I swat his hand. When he protests I turn to him and say, “Shh . . . no talking,” and then I wave my finger, saying, “And no touching. My rules.” I stuck with the no-touching rule, even though I wanted to throw that rule away the minute I opened my robe and saw the look on his face.
He grins and folds his arms while outstretching his legs.
Turning on my preselected music, “For Your Entertainment” starts to play and I know I picked the right song because by the look on his face he’s truly entertained.
The sensual rhythm of the song helps guide me through my dance. When I feel comfortable enough to move to its beat, I strut over to him and walk around the chair. From behind I run my hands up his chest and then drag my fingers through his hair. Unfolding his arms, he tries to take my hand, but I motion with a no-no wave of my finger. I watch him as I dance across the room. His eyes never leave mine—he’s transfixed on my every move and I feel like he wants to devour me whole. His grin has disappeared and his face is now a picture of pure lust. I notice his every movement when he shifts in his seat and pulls his legs in.
Striding to the center of the room, I turn my back to him. Staring over my shoulder, I meet his eyes. Unzipping my dress, I make a show out of bending forward to step out of it. I’m actually doing this. A striptease. By the time the second song, “Little Bad Girl,” starts playing, I’ve lost all my inhibitions and just let go.
Never dropping my gaze, I prance over to him and place one foot on his knee. His legs widen, he slouches down in the chair a bit, his mouth drops open, and his breath hitches. I motion for him to unbuckle my straps, and he takes full advantage of being allowed to touch me. He reaches behind my knee and glides his fingers slowly down my calf until he reaches my foot. As he undoes my strap, he bends down and kisses my ankle, letting the shoe fall to the ground. When I put my other foot on his knee, he slides it up his leg to pull me closer. Biting his lip, he stares into my eyes. Without looking he unbuckles the strap and tosses my shoe over his shoulder.
Once he has removed my shoes all the rules are back on. Wanting to tease him, I leave my toes between his legs and slowly roll my stockings down. When I wrap the hose around his neck, he grabs my leg. I take a step backward, shaki
ng my head and waving my finger back and forth. He groans and I smile.
“Right, your rules. I have a bit of a problem with them,” he says in a lower voice before he leans back in the chair. I shush him and can’t help but smile again. I made the right choice with this gift.
To further tease, I walk over to my hope chest and place one foot on top of it. I keep my foot pointed as I slowly caress my hose down my leg. When he curses under his breath, my smile widens.
I’m almost done and his reaction is better than I ever imagined. His green eyes are mesmerizing; they’re really the most beautiful shade of green I have ever seen. I unbuckle my bra and slowly slide first one, and then the other bra strap down my shoulder. Pulling the bra off, I hold it by the straps with my arms above my head and then drop it to the floor. I cross my arms and hands over my breasts then slowly turn around. His lips part and his head falls back. When I slide my hands across my body to reveal myself he curses even louder.
Alternating between clutching the sides of the chair and tapping his fingers, it’s obvious my rules are killing him—his body language and his piercing eyes tell me so. Prancing back over to him, I use my hands to push his knees further apart then prepare to strip off my final layer. Tucking my thumbs inside the string circling my hips, I begin to lower them, inch by inch, and once they pass my hips, I sit on his knee and slide them the rest of the way down. When they reach my ankles, he grabs them and brings them to his nose. Standing up I take a step back to finish my dance, but he stands up and grabs me. With his mouth over mine he growls, “Fuck, that was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. You have no idea the things I want to do to you right now. I’m done following your rules.” Then he crushes his lips to mine and thoroughly kisses me.
I pull back and smile at him, pointing to the one thing remaining on my body—the red ribbon around my waist, and say, “Happy Birthday, River, you can unwrap your present now.”
***
As River zips his pants back up, he jokes that he would’ve been fine with me wearing the sheer black dress to dinner. But I’m already slipping into the new outfit Aerie helped me pick out—a short strapless silver beaded dress with matching strappy sandals. He also suggests we stay in for dinner, but I tell him I want to take him out to celebrate his birthday. I have to get him out of the house so Bell and Charlotte can set up for the party.
Our quiet dinner is a welcome distraction from all the chaos at home. It’s nice to be able to just sit and talk. I finally tell him about my argument with Grace. He listens but refrains from judging her. We talk in detail about his reservations concerning the upcoming tour, mainly his lack of interest in being out on the road—but we know there is no real solution for that. Discussing it further is fruitless because it always comes back to the fact that he can’t let his brother and the other band members down.
We also talk a little bit about Tyler Records. Jack has recently acquired some small production companies and is looking for someone to run them. River tells me Jack asked him if he knew of anyone and River had suggested me. Jack has been trying to get River to take one over for a while.
I’m shocked. “I can’t run a production company! Besides, I haven’t even managed to get the business I’m working on now off the ground.”
He grabs my hand. “I’ll help you. We can find unknown talent and help them kick-start their dreams.”
I shake my head. “This isn’t the time to start a new business, River. You have to get through this tour and then we can talk about next steps.”
River nods and with his eyes fixed on mine he says, “Yeah, I know you’re right, it’s just something I wouldn’t mind doing some day.”
Once our food arrives we push the heavy conversations aside and just enjoy each other’s company. He runs his hand up my thigh and I kick off a shoe, sliding a toe down the inside of his leg. By the time we leave the restaurant we are both ready to get home—too bad we aren’t going to be alone for a long while.
Pulling into the driveway after our romantic dinner, he parks in the garage and we head up the stairs toward the kitchen door. I have to fend off his wandering hands. I don’t want him to get too carried away when I know we are going to be opening the door to a house full of people who have parked their cars in River’s mother’s driveway. Charlotte helped Bell with all the details for the party, but she didn’t want to hang around and invade her children’s space. I laughed at this because all three of her children love having her around, and to be honest, so do I.
Opening the door first, I walk into the kitchen. He’s behind me and his hands are on my hips. He’s kissing my neck when everyone yells, “Surprise!” Judging by the look of shock on his face, he really is surprised, and that thrills me.
I grab my camera and start snapping pictures. As we greet everyone in the kitchen, Bell brings us both a drink. She looks amazing and sexy as hell in her red lace dress with nude underlay. The deep V-neck and red leather waistband make it unlike any dress I’ve ever seen before and her heels must be at least five inches. With stick-straight hair now more red than copper she looks like a movie star. I snap a photo of her with River and can’t help but think that she really outdid herself. The house is packed. Party decorations stream across every room, and there is a fully stocked bar in the kitchen. She even had a stage set up down on the pool patio and the band we heard at the bar the other night is supposed to be playing.
When we finally make our way into the living room, Garrett is busy serving drinks, Xander is sitting on the couch with some girl I’ve never seen before, and Nix is out back with the band. Aerie couldn’t make it. At the last minute she got called to Las Vegas to conduct an interview because the employee who was scheduled to do it quit. Ellie, on the other hand, is here and lighting up the room in her wrap dress that’s more unwrapped than wrapped. Hers is one picture I purposely don’t take. She’s talking to someone from the label I’ve met, but can’t recall his name. She sees us, deposits her gift on the coffee table, and heads our way. I can just barely see the gift through the designer wrapping paper—it’s a baseball of some sort in a case. Hmmm . . . she doesn’t even know River prefers basketball. In fact, for the rest of his gift, I got us courtside season tickets for the Lakers and I plan to put on my jersey and give them to him tonight.
Smiling as she approaches with her cleavage on full display she says, “Happy Birthday, River,” and reaches up to kiss him. I’m not sure if she was aiming for his lips, but I notice him turn his head and she kisses him on the cheek. We chat with her for a bit until River excuses us to go greet the other guests.
As we mingle, I sip another glass of champagne and River is handed a birthday shot every time he starts a new conversation. I leave him chatting with Xander and join Bell in the kitchen where she looks insanely mad as she chews on her bottom lip. “What’s wrong?”
“Tom was supposed to be here thirty minutes ago!”
“Tom who?”
“Doesn’t River tell you anything? Tom is the bassist for the Mighty Storm.”
“He’s coming here? Why?”
She puts her hands on her hips and says, “Because he’s my boyfriend!”
“I thought the drummer from the band that played at Smitten’s the other night was your boyfriend.”
“Reston and I broke up ages ago, I met Tom last night,” she says, completely exasperated.
“Isn’t he here now?”
“Tom?”
“No, Reston, isn’t he down there playing?”
“Yeah, why wouldn’t he be?”
“Never mind. By the way, thank you so much for getting this all together on such short notice. You did a great job.”
“No problem. Now enough with the compliments and the boyfriend talk. I’m dying to know if my pole-dancing classes paid off . . . was I a good teacher? Were you able to pull off the dance?”
I look at her and raise my eyebrow. “Of course I was, I’m not completely incompetent when it comes to seduction.”
She puts he
r hands over her ears as she says, “La la la! Can’t hear you!”
I start laughing. “You asked.”
“All I wanted to know was if my teaching skills paid off, I didn’t mean I wanted to hear about the seduction of my brother.”
“Definitely paid off!” I wink. “I’m going to go find him now,” I tell her as I leave the kitchen.
Looking for River, I run into a few people along the way. Spotting him, I head his way as Scandalicious plays “Some Nights.” He’s downing another shot at the pool table. He sees me and motions for me to dance with him just as the band moves into “TiK ToK.” The female lead singer sounds similar to Ke$ha, but when Reston chimes in he sounds exactly like P. Diddy. As soon as Reston starts the song with “Hey, what up, girl?” River starts to rock his head from one shoulder to the other in an almost robotic movement and I laugh, knowing we’re going to have a good time. I raise my hands above my head and move my hips to the beat. As they hit the chorus River presses his body flush against mine and grinds his hips into me while dropping a kiss on my neck.
“What the fuck? Don’t tell me you’re just as pussy-whipped as this asshole over here!” yells a guy about ten feet away. Twisting around to see who it is, I can only assume it’s Tom since he has his arm slung over Bell’s shoulder. He’s good-looking and Bell certainly seems to be attracted to him. He’s about my height, his hair is the same light-brown color as River’s but his face is rounder.
My head snaps to the right when I see a taller figure standing beside him. I can’t believe it—and I have what I can only describe as a fan-girl moment. As my mouth drops, so do my hands. I take a step back and just stand in shock. River sees Jake and grins from ear to ear. It’s Jake, Jake Wethers in the flesh! The ultimate bad boy of rock is at my house wearing his trademark black jeans and black T-shirt.
Looking at me suspiciously, River grabs my hand and leads me over to them. I can see Jake’s famous tattoos on his arms and his blue eyes really do look like the ocean in contrast to his black hair. As we approach them, River sticks his hand out to Jake. “Hey man, how are you? Long time no see.”