by Rin Grey
Sean paused outside a neat, unassuming house and opened the gate and as she stepped through, Elizabeth felt the tingle of magic. She paused briefly to glance up at Sean, who answered her unspoken question. “I like to know if anyone is on the grounds.” He reached into his pocket for the key and opened the door.
Following him inside, Elizabeth glanced around curiously. The place was neatly, if sparsely, furnished. Like the other houses of his she’d visited, and there had been a few, there were no personal touches, nothing to show the character of the person who lived her. Perhaps because no one actually lived here, just stopped by on their way through.
Was his palace in Linarra like this, or did it actually reflect something of his personality? Would she ever find out?
That thought was too negative, too destructive to the mood she was in, and the five mugs of ale were enough for her to flick it away before it could catch hold.
Then any thoughts that might have followed it fled as Sean turned to her and said in a low voice, “I didn’t realise how much I’ve missed you until today.” He stepped close to her, and leaned toward her until she could feel his breath on her cheek, warm and soft.
Her heart thudded in her chest and she felt a warmth between her thighs, and he hadn’t even touched her yet. She looked up at him, catching her breath.
He pulled her body close, his hands resting in the small of her back.
She’d waited so long to feel him close that every touch set her body on fire.
“Sean,” she whispered his name softly, no intent other than to hear the sound.
He took it as an invitation though and leant down to kiss her, soft, warm lips brushing hers.
She parted her lips in a sigh, and he fitted his closely to hers, deepening the kiss.
Then he pulled back suddenly, releasing her and taking a step away.
She felt such a loss, she almost cried out and she opened her eyes to look at him.
He was breathing heavily, but he made no move towards her again, and his expression was anything but lover like.
“Sean?” she asked, confused.
“I will not do this when you are drunk, you know that, Elizabeth.”
She felt heat flush her cheeks, and said a little too quickly, “I’m not drunk.”
“How many?”
“I beg your pardon?”
“How many drinks had you had before I arrived?”
There was no use lying to him. “Five,” she admitted.
“Close enough to drunk as to be no difference,” Sean said flatly.
Elizabeth was silent, not sure how to respond. Her denial had been automatic, pointless. This was Sean. He knew her too well.
He’d seen her at her worst. Without his help, she never would have pulled herself out of that whirlpool.
He was silent for a moment, then let out a heavy sigh. “I wasn’t particularly surprised at you turning to alcohol immediately after…” he trailed off.
He didn’t need to complete the sentence, Elizabeth knew what he meant, after Jon’s birth. She’d completely lost the plot for a while there, and even now, she wasn’t really sure what it was that had pulled her out of it that time.
“Not surprised, but I was disappointed. As I am now. I thought you’d beaten this, Elizabeth,” Sean said in disapproval.
Now Elizabeth was bitterly regretting her visit to the bar, though there was no way she was going to admit that to him. It hadn’t even occurred to her that he’d find her there. He hadn’t seen her drink since the early days for just this reason.
She unconsciously bit her lower lip, a habit she thought she had long since discarded, and stopped herself. She took a deep breath and looked up at him, knowing what was coming next.
At least, she hoped she did.
He raised an eyebrow inquiringly, his face still fierce, and she nodded, once.
It was all the permission he needed.
She gritted her teeth as he laid a hand on her shoulder and she felt his magic course through her, returning her to instant sobriety. For a few seconds, she had a blinding flash of the hangover headache she rarely experienced anymore, and she winced.
Then the world just felt flat and hard, the usual slow wearing off of the alcohol hitting her all at once. Even the taste was gone from her mouth.
He could do this without the after effects of course, she’d experienced it once, but since that first time, he never had.
She swayed a little on her feet and Sean caught her, sweet and tender now. “I’m sorry, Beth, but I want to be sure I’m with you, not a shadow of you.”
She nodded. “I would never have… if I had known… but I didn’t think…”
Her words were broken, and her sentences jumbled, but he seemed to understand what she was saying.
He pulled her against him with one arm around her waist and gently brushed the hair out of her eyes. “You shouldn’t be stopping for me, you should be doing it for yourself,” his words were stern, but his voice had lost its bite, and she knew she was forgiven, this time at least.
She rested her head on his shoulder and breathed in his familiar scent that she’d missed so much. The feel of his body against hers, his arms around her, his lips in her hair, were all so familiar, so dear, so right, that she wished this moment never had to end.
“Beth?”
“Mhmm?” Words seemed superfluous, and she realised that she had no need of alcohol, the feeling of him next to her was more heady than any drink.
“Since you apparently lack the willpower to abstain for yourself, will you do it for me?”
She froze, the heady feeling gone.
Sean hadn’t mentioned her drinking since he’d helped her beat her addiction fifty years ago. Probably because it didn’t even occur to her to drink when he was around. Or it could have been because he’d never intruded in her life or choices.
What did it mean that he was asking now?
Her silence must have stretched out longer than she realised, for he asked again, “Beth?”
“I… I don’t know what to say Sean,” she admitted. A part of her rebelled at the thought. He hadn’t seen her in twenty years. How dare he ask her something so demanding? What right did he have?
And another part of her was ready to promise anything he asked for the chance to return to the way things were.
She hated herself for the urge.
Of course Sean had an issue with her drinking. He’d seen her at her worse. But it had been a long time since she’d been out of control. Not that he’d been around to see that.
Her resentment at that fact lent a sting to her voice when she said, “That’s a big ask.”
“Given what we’ve been through together, I thought it was quite reasonable.”
He spoke as if they had something together. As though their shared past meant something.
But if it did, why had he shut her out for so long? “I haven’t seen you in twenty years, Sean. Now you dash in here and ask me to make a major change to my life, just for you?”
Her heart thumped in her chest, anger mingling with fear that she’d lose him.
She’d never doubted that before. He’d walked away many times, but he’d always been back. Now she wasn’t so sure.
It was Sean’s turn to be silent.
She’d said the wrong thing. Sean had never been good with commitments, no matter how small.
“Elizabeth…” he cleared his throat… was silent for another moment, then said quietly, “I’d like to see you… on a more regular basis. But if you’re going to continue drinking… I can’t do that again.”
“You want to see me again?” Elizabeth hoped her voice didn’t sound as disbelieving as her thoughts.
Oh, she could well believe he wanted to see her again. But in all their years together, though she’d always known he would come back, he’d never once admitted it. After Jon’s birth, she hadn’t even known that anymore.
“Is that so hard to believe?” Sean asked defensively.
>
She’d put her foot in it. She could almost feel him withdrawing.
The thought terrified her.
“Yes,” she said impulsively, before he changed his mind.
“Well, if that’s the way you feel.” Sean’s voice was terse, and it took her a few minutes to work out why.
“No. No! I didn’t mean that. I meant yes, I’ll stop drinking.”
As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she half wanted to take them back. How would she explain this to Digger?
Hell, Digger. He’d be wondering where she was by now. She felt a brief moment of guilt, a brief flicker of pain at the fact that this would hurt him.
That thought was swept from her mind as Sean put his hand against the side of her cheek and kissed her. His hand slid up to tangle in her hair, pulling her close.
This time there was no interruption, no pulling back.
Chapter 5 - Conception
Elizabeth’s lips against his were like a long forgotten favourite desert.
Time seemed to stand still as he kissed her thoroughly, thinking of nothing but the feel of his lips on hers. Even his hand caressing her buttocks, and the other still in her hair, were only a distant awareness. His whole body felt like it was melting into hers, and they were both still fully clothed.
Somewhere in a distant part of his brain, Sean knew he should hold part of himself back. Dancing between the sheets with Elizabeth held far too many risks for his heart.
As shown by the words he’d already uttered.
He hadn’t intended to make any commitment to her, much less one to see her more. He tried to convince himself that he’d done it only to secure her promise to stop drinking, and that he’d done that only for the safety of their future child.
But he’d been trying to tell himself he didn’t care about her for fifty years. It didn’t ring true any more now than it had then.
He swept her up into his arms, his mouth not breaking contact, kissing her as he carried her into the bedroom and laid her gently on the bed. He stood by the bed for a moment, looking down at her and she smiled up at him, her expression hesitant and uncertain.
He certainly hadn’t given her any reason to be certain of him.
Not that either of them had been looking for certainty when he’d first met her. She’d been no more after for a commitment than he had. Even before this separation, in between their times together, she had no hesitation in sharing her bed with other men. And it hadn’t bothered him.
Or it shouldn’t have.
Somehow, it felt different now. Was it that they had a child together? Or was it that she seemed different? She seemed willing to entertain the possibility of something more, if he was.
Or maybe not. Right now, she had a boyfriend waiting at home for her. His stomach turned at the thought in a way it never had before.
Well, her boyfriend wouldn’t be seeing her tonight.
He slid onto the bed beside her, pulling her close and kissing her hungrily.
They lay side by side on the bed, barely touching except for their lips. It was exquisite agony. An agony he was more than happy to prolong.
After so many passionate reunions, he was a little surprised that this one was moving so slowly. Though he wanted more, oh so much more, he didn’t want to rush. He wanted to savour every moment, every taste and feel of her.
Every kiss, every touch, every taste of her, kept taking him back to Haven. To Bethany. He knew Elizabeth wasn’t Bethany. But she also was. Sometimes the similarities between them were uncanny.
She had the same certain determination, the same drive to do what she felt was right. She’d defend her ideas with every fibre of her being. But if she could be convinced otherwise, she’d let them go without regrets.
His heart ached for what might have been.
But he knew he was too like her.
He hadn’t been able to let go of his own plans and ideas either. He’d been so certain he’d been right. And in the end, he’d failed.
Bethany hadn’t even been around to say I told you so.
She was gone. He’d never see her again.
But Elizabeth was right here. There was still time for him to make this work.
All he had to do was risk having his heart ripped out and stomped on again.
He slid his hand up her side, brushing across her breast, listening to her moan in pleasure. His stomach clenched, and he pulled her closer.
He didn’t want to think. He wanted to forget. And Elizabeth was the only thing that came close to letting him forget.
He undid the laces on her shirt, bit by bit, enjoying the growing glimpse of her swelling breasts it afforded him.
Apparently he was moving too slowly for her. She smiled and sat up, ignoring the laces and pulling the shirt over her head in one fluid motion.
Well, it wasn’t like he was objecting to that. He pulled her back down, his fingers trailing across her bare stomach, then up towards her bare breast.
There, heaving with each ragged breath she took, was a tattoo of a rose entwining a sword.
It was new. Or at least, new to him. The date on the blade though, was one he would never forget.
The date of their son’s birth.
He wasn’t sure why, but this permanent reminder of the son she’d claimed she didn’t want to have, touched him more than any words could have.
He became aware that his hand had stopped moving when her eyes flicked open.
He could see the moment she realised. A flicker of fear. Then uncertainty. Then defiance.
So like her.
His heart ached.
“A very permanent reminder,” he said softly.
“It seemed fitting,” Elizabeth said defensively.
It did seem fitting. Sean nodded, and covered the tattoo with his hand for a moment, a tiny piece of his heart healing. Then he bent to kiss her again, his lips hot and demanding.
Any idea of slow and languid lovemaking fled, and he explored her bare skin with his hands, his intent more urgent now, cupping her breasts gently and leaning down to circle her nipples teasingly with his tongue, before sucking gently on them. Elizabeth groaned softly and arched her back to meet his mouth, her impatience matching his own.
She pulled his shirt out of his trousers and ran her hands up under it, across his back, letting her nails just graze his skin. He sat up next to her and helped her to pull his shirt the rest of the way off, then leant across her, his weight pinning her to the bed, enjoying her soft gasp of pleasure.
He ran his hands through her short hair, enjoying the silky softness as he played with the ends of it, then bent to kiss her, moving gently against her, enjoying the feeling of her soft bare skin against his.
Time seemed to stand still, and nothing else mattered except the feeling of his lips on hers, his body pressed against hers.
He rolled off to tug impatiently at his belt and trousers. He could feel her eyes on him, and he smiled down at her, reigning in his passion long enough to study her body, remembering every curve of skin, running his hands up and down her body unable to get enough of her.
She twisted on the bed, trying to pull him closer, but he just smiled, and continued his slow exploration of her body, each touch fanning the heat of the flames that washed over him. Her breath came in short gasps, raising the heat to boiling point.
He slipped his knee between her thighs and pushed gently, and she parted them willingly. His mouth sought hers as he entered her, muffling her cries of pleasure. He thrust gently once or twice, increasing in urgency as she rose to meet him.
Her hands clutched at his back, holding him as close as she could, her legs twining around his body as if she could somehow pull him closer. He groaned softly, lips covering hers as he thrust deep and hard, building in intensity. Wave after wave of ecstasy swept over him, his breath coming in ragged gasps. Intensity peaked, shuddering through him.
He could feel her own climax shuddering around him. Sean thrust gently a few more tim
es, before collapsing on top of her, spent.
Elizabeth buried her face in his shoulder, and said in a whisper, “I love you.”
Sean froze. Her words were muffled by his shoulder. For a moment he wondered if he’d imagined them.
Or had she really changed that much?
In fifty years, neither of them had mentioned the word love.
His mind filled with a response, with the echo to her own declaration. But he couldn’t make himself say it.
It was too soon.
It was clear something had changed in their relationship, but not what. He wasn’t ready to take that step. Not until he was sure of her.
Even that hesitation couldn’t stop his arms tightening convulsively around her, his heart aching with a new kind of pain.
Elizabeth didn’t seem upset. She didn’t look up, or demand reciprocation. She just snuggled close to him.
He didn’t know whether to feel relieved or guilty.
After a while, she raised herself on her elbow and looked down at him. He pulled his gaze from the ceiling and smiled at her. A smile of real emotion, unguarded and unaffected.
After a few moments, her smile slipped a little. “Sean?”
He didn’t want to answer. Wanted to stay in this moment where things were, if not perfect, pretty darn good.
But he couldn’t. “Yes?”
“How is Jon?”
He’d known she would ask. He would have been hurt if she hadn’t.
But he didn’t know what to say. How could one condense twenty-one years of knowing someone into words?
He looked up at her for a moment, then pulled her down close, arms around her, “He’s doing well.”
She was quiet for a moment, and he could almost hear her internal struggle. “Sean… I…” Her words trailed off into uncertainty.
He took pity on her. “He’s studying magic and working for me in his spare time.” He paused for a moment, then said gently, “He has your eyes.”
She searched his face for a moment, her expression still unsatisfied. “Can I see him?”
He’d expected that question too, and he was no more certain of his answer than he’d been before he came. It was one thing to put his own emotions on the line, he knew Elizabeth, knew the risks. But his son didn’t. If he let Elizabeth see Jon, and then she walked away again…