by Rin Grey
She, on the other hand, had no issue with making his life difficult. She gave a slight smile as she said, “Digger’s prepared to provide you with the information, on one condition.” It was rather clever, really, Digger’s condition. It gave him a chance to see her again. Elizabeth certainly didn’t object to that, though Sean might.
For some reason, the thought of rubbing her and Digger’s relationship in his face made her feel slightly better about how out of her depth she felt visiting his world.
“Yes?” Sean asked, his expression unreadable.
“He said he’ll only deal with me.”
Sean’s brow drew down in a frown. “Unacceptable,” he said curtly.
Well, he certainly hadn’t surprised her any. And she was more than ready to do battle. “Why not?” she demanded.
Sean stared at her for a long moment. “It’s not safe,” he said finally.
Elizabeth raised an eyebrow. “Not safe?” she challenged. “Freck, Sean, I lived in Niacin for five years and managed to survive. I doubt one visit is going to do me any harm.” She made no attempt to disguise the sarcasm in her voice. “This has nothing to do with safety, and everything to do with Digger, doesn’t it?”
Sean’s eyes narrowed, and he glanced towards Jon for a moment before looking back at her. “We have reason to believe there is a group of rogue mages in Niacin. I think that gives me a reason to conclude it’s not safe for the mother of my unborn child. I don’t need any other reason.” His voice was curt and clipped.
And Elizabeth didn’t believe it for one second. Nor was she going to accept it. “So I’m going to be locked inside the Dome for the next nine months?” she demanded. “Because if you declare Niacin unsafe, you might as well declare all of Selenthia unsafe.”
“Is being here so bad?” Sean asked softly. “Or are you really running from something? Can you really do this, Elizabeth? Or is it a mistake to even try?”
Her heart skipped a beat. His comment was closer to the truth than she wanted to face. But Sean knew, as much as she did, that she had plenty to run from.
Now they were getting somewhere. Much as she didn’t want to have this conversation, she knew they needed to. They needed it all laid bare, so they could move on from here.
Elizabeth took two steps towards his desk and pulled out her stone, slamming it down in front of him. “Take it then. If I’m not free to use it, then why do I still have it?”
She tried to hide the fact that she was shaking, half afraid he’d take her offer. But she needed to know.
“Don’t tempt me,” Sean snarled.
He and Elizabeth faced each other off across the desk for several long moments, before Elizabeth couldn’t handle it any longer. “You have to choose, Sean. You either trust me, or you confine me. Your choice. But I won’t tiptoe around you on eggshells.”
She saw the struggle on Sean’s face and held her breath. He reached out and picked up her stone, rolling it across the backs of his fingers, his eyes never leaving hers. She tried to keep her gaze as steady as his.
Finally, he stood up and took her hand, placing the stone in it and curling her fingers around it. “Go then,” he said roughly.
Elizabeth searched his face, wondering then if she had pushed him too far. He stared down at her, his expression dark and stormy. Then he leant across the desk and kissed her with a demanding passion.
Elizabeth wasn’t quite sure how long the kiss lasted. Perhaps only seconds. But she was aware of Jon clearing his throat, then Sean pulling back. Her knees felt weak, and she was glad of the edge of the desk to hang onto.
Sean addressed his comments to Jon, standing somewhere behind her. “Tell him to find out anything he can. I’ll send Elizabeth in a month. Is that acceptable?” The last was to Elizabeth.
She didn’t trust herself to speak, just nodded.
She heard the door open behind her and turned. “Wait, I’m coming with you,” she said.
She couldn’t help a glance back at Sean, whose face was like thunder. But he said nothing to stop her. Risking his anger, she followed Jon out the door.
She wasn’t sure whether she’d achieved her goal or not. The truth was, his kiss had completely disarmed her. She might have agreed to anything at that point. She really needed to find a way to get that under control, if she wanted any hope of being independent.
Once they’d passed the woman at the desk and were alone in the hallway, Jon asked quietly, “Are you sure you want to come? I can explain to Digger, if you like.”
Elizabeth shook her head. “He won’t believe you unless I’m there. I’ll deal with Sean later.”
Jon shook his head, this time in admiration. “I can’t believe you stood up to him like that.”
Elizabeth looked over at him. Her son might be a Seeker, one of the Dome’s most powerful warriors, but he really wasn’t very old. “If I don’t stand up to him, he’ll walk all over me, and I can’t live with that,” she said quietly.
The trouble was, neither of them really trusted the other. He didn’t have confidence in her ability to choose to be a mother to this baby, and she couldn’t help being afraid that he’d try to take her privileges away. They needed some way for them to begin to trust each other if they stood any chance of making this unconventional relationship work.
She just didn’t know what.
“I don’t know. I think it might be easier than fighting him,” Jon said seriously.
“I understand the temptation,” Elizabeth said with a grin. “I suppose it’s harder for you though, being a Seeker. You swore an oath to obey him, right?”
Jon nodded. “Yes, though the Seeker oath only pertains to things related to my job, so it probably wouldn’t let Sean stop me visiting someone I wanted to spend time with. I’m not sure I’d push it though.” He grinned a little at the last sentence.
Elizabeth smiled back, but her mind was working overtime. Perhaps there was a way to convince Sean to trust her, and to have something to keep her busy and interested at the same time.
*****
They were gone only about fifteen minutes this time, but Digger was so busy he barely noticed. He pulled a piece of paper out of his backpack and wrote almost the whole time they were gone.
Finally he folded the piece of paper and wrote a name carefully on the front. He still wasn’t happy with what he’d written, but it would have to do.
The last five minutes dragged out and he opened the letter several times to correct or change words, but finally, Elizabeth and the mage materialised in front of him.
He felt an immediate sense of relief at her return. Though he hadn’t voiced it, even to himself, he’d wondered if she’d actually come back.
He stood up. Just because she was back, didn’t mean they’d meet his conditions. He wasn’t sure what he’d do if they didn’t agree. Would the mages accept him refusing, or would they make sure he complied?
“Well?” he asked, trying not to shift from one foot to another like a nervous cadet.
“It’s arranged. I’ll be back for a full report in a month. So you’d better come up with something interesting to tell me,” Elizabeth said teasingly.
Digger smiled in relief. It wasn’t over then. He’d get to see her again, once at least. “I’ll do my best,” he agreed. He hesitated, then added, “I’m guessing you can’t stay?”
Elizabeth shook her head regretfully. “I figured I’d better not push my luck. Save my energy for the bigger fights and all that.”
Digger nodded, unsurprised. He hadn’t really expected it. His disappointment was somewhat allayed by knowing he’d at least get to see her again.
The prince’s son had walked across to the other mages and was saying something quietly to them. After a moment, they winked out of sight.
Digger took the moment of relative privacy to say, “Liz, can I ask a favour?”
“Sure, anything,” Elizabeth answered readily.
He held the note out to her. “Can you find my sister and gi
ve this to her?”
Elizabeth took the note and stared at him in confusion. “Your sister?”
“Yeah, her name’s Elsa. Elsa Harrison. She was taken to the Dome when she was fifteen. She’d be twenty-seven now.”
Elizabeth was still staring at him. “I had no idea you had a sister, much less that she was a mage. Why have you never mentioned it?”
Digger shrugged uncomfortably. “I don’t know, it just never came up. But it would really mean a lot if you could give this to her. And maybe if she wanted to write a note to Mum…” he trailed off.
Elizabeth tucked the note into her pocket. “I’ll deliver it,” she promised.
Digger nodded. He could see the prince’s son waiting, politely just out of hearing, but he knew that their time was limited. “I’m sorry if I caused any trouble for you, Liz,” he said quietly.
She laughed softly. “If anyone caused trouble, it’s me, Digger. But it’s not a problem. I’ll sort it out. Catch you in a month, all right?”
“I’ll be waiting,” Digger promised.
Elizabeth hesitated, then reached out to give him a hug. “Take care.”
“You too, Liz,” Digger responded. Then he stepped back, albeit reluctantly.
Jon stepped forwards and Elizabeth reached for his hand. Then they were both gone.
Digger sighed and mounted his horse, leading Rianna. The ride ahead suddenly seemed far longer than it had a few hours ago.
Chapter 16 – Seeking Solutions
Elizabeth walked through her house in the Dome, touching each of the items she’d collected in her years here, a barrage of feelings assaulting her. It was hard to believe she was back. It had all happened so suddenly, it was hard to really take it in.
Even though she’d had plenty of time to think about it since. It had been two days since Sean had dragged her back from Selenthia, and he hadn’t even so much as sent her a message, let alone visited.
She bit back a sigh of frustration. He was angry at her choices, she got it, but how could she even begin to fix things if he wouldn’t come to see her?
Maybe she should take things into her own hands and visit him. She knew where to go now, she’d taken note when Jon teleported them. Technically she could. Elizabeth paced back and forth, wishing she dared teleport to his palace and demand he talk to her, but not game at all. The fear that he might reject her was far too real.
Sean might be talking to her again, but really, things weren’t that different than they had been for the last twenty years. Except now she was stuck here, alone. Suddenly the baby in her belly, still trying to make her heave whenever her concentration on the magic slipped, didn’t seem so benign at all.
This was one hell of a mess, and as usual, it was all her fault.
She should never have agreed to go on that last adventure with Digger, that had changed everything. Except if she hadn’t, those Dome mages might have killed him. They’d attacked before even considering any other option. It had only been her presence that had saved him.
Elizabeth heaved a sigh. It didn’t matter. Even if she could go back and change the past, this wasn’t about Digger, not really. This was about whether she was ready to commit to a life here in the Dome, raising’s Sean’s daughter alone. That was what Sean was worried about.
And deep down, she didn’t blame him. She had doubts herself, frequently. She wanted to do this, but at the same time she doubted her ability to. Digger had said it once—when things got tough, she left. She’d done it time and time again.
And now she wanted to change. She wanted to commit to staying here, to making this work.
But how could she convince him of that, if he wouldn’t even talk to her?
“Beth?”
Sean’s voice called from somewhere downstairs, starting her heart thudding in her chest. He was here.
Her heart lifted and his presence stilled the doubts. She’d probably just imagined that he was angry at her. In reality, she’d only been here a few days, and he had warned her he was busy.
This was her chance. She could fix this, hopefully once and for all.
Then, maybe, she’d find a way to make a life for herself here.
She headed downstairs, calling out his name to let him know where she was. When he met her at the bottom of the stairs and pulled her into his arms, Elizabeth knew she’d made the right decision.
This was what she needed, what she craved. What she couldn’t live without.
Sean’s lips met hers, passion coursing through her, and she was tempted just to let herself sink into bed with him. That would stop her thinking, stop her doubting, and it would make everything right.
Sean certainly seemed to be in that frame of mind.
But though his lips were hot and demanding, Elizabeth knew how it would go. Their lovemaking would be fiery and passionate, and then he’d be gone and she’d be alone again. If she was going to talk to him, she needed to do it now.
So despite the effort it took, she pulled back a little. “Can we talk?”
Sean’s expression grew serious, though his hands did keep playing with butt. “There’s nothing to discuss, Elizabeth. You’ve already made it quite clear where you stand. I won’t get in your way, not so long as you don’t put our baby at risk.”
This wasn’t going quite as well as she’d hoped, and Elizabeth could feel her chance slipping away. “No, not about that,” she said quickly.
Sean raised an eyebrow, and for a moment she wondered if she was making a mistake. He wasn’t angry. And talking could just make things worse. She was tempted just to kiss him again and let the whole thing go.
But she knew that if she did, she’d regret it later. She didn’t want things to just be not bad, she wanted them to be good. The best they could be.
“We need to discuss what I’m going to do now,” she said softly, trying to ease her way into it.
Sean immediately frowned. “I assumed that you’d be looking at opportunities at the Academy. There are plenty of research positions that you’d find interesting. Or maybe teaching, you were good at that.”
Elizabeth stared at him, memories intruding again. That was just what she’d been planning on doing before she’d found out she was pregnant with Jon. She’d had a sponsor all lined up and everything.
It was a strange feeling, almost like she was back at that particular point in time. So much was the same, and yet, so much had changed. She was a different person. The last twenty years had made her harder, wiser, perhaps a little more bitter.
And yet, in some ways, it felt very familiar.
She’d made the wrong choices then, messed everything up. She hoped she was going to do better this time. Hoped she could make all the right choices, even if they were terrifying.
Sean’s expression confirmed that he wasn’t convinced. That he thought she was trying to back out of the responsibility. But that wasn’t what she was planning at all.
“A research position might occupy me, yes,” she agreed. In some ways, the thought of delving into the origins of magic was tempting. “But that doesn’t stop the real problem we’re facing, does it? Let’s face it. The truth is, you don’t really trust me to be able to do any of this.”
She could see it in his eyes, she’d hit the nail on the head. “What is it you want, Elizabeth?” Sean asked softly. “To go back to your old life? You know I won’t let you take our child.”
A picture of galloping across the plains with Digger flashed across her mind, then faded. Tempting as it was, she had to accept that that life was long gone now. “No. I’ve chosen to be here.” She hesitated for a moment, then added, “I was offered another choice, you know?”
She watched his face carefully, wondering if he could guess what it was. Half wondering if Jocelyn had been right, and it could have been possible, even if it wasn’t what she’d wanted.
The instant flash of anger, not quite masking a flicker of fear, told her all she needed to know.
“What is it you want then?”
Sean asked bluntly.
She was on equal footing now. She’d proved that she didn’t have to be doing this. That it was her choice. Maybe that would help.
Elizabeth took a deep breath. This was it. “I want to be a Seeker.”
Sean’s response was immediate. “No. That’s not possible, Elizabeth. You’ll have to think of something else.”
Elizabeth tried not to be disappointed. She’d known he would object at first, but she wasn’t going to just give up. She needed to convince him this wasn’t just the only choice, it was the best choice, for both of them. “Why not?” she demanded.
“Because only Cardinals become Seekers. They’ll never accept you as one of them.”
That response did intimidate her a little. It was the only one she hadn’t prepared for. But she wasn’t going to let that stop her. “Why?”
The Cardinals had a position of power in Linarra. They’d been the first members of the fledgling mage kingdom. Elizabeth had only missed out on being one by mere days. “I was there when the Dome went up,” she said firmly. “I’m not so different to them.”
“Because being a Seeker isn’t a normal job,” Sean explained. “There’s no pay, no perks, no benefits. The whole idea is that people are doing it for the good of the country, not for a reward.”
“And you think I can’t do that?” Elizabeth challenged. “You probably think I have no idea of the challenges Linarra is facing, don’t you? But you’re wrong, Sean. I have a better idea than you might imagine.”
She was bluffing. And fishing. She didn’t know exactly what it was that they were doing here, just as she didn’t really know the Salingas’ motivation. Maybe she was wrong, and it was just about giving mages a home where they didn’t have to be afraid their neighbours wouldn’t trust them. But she had a feeling it was far more than that. The journal she’d read in the Salinga offices had hinted at that.
And the swift look Sean gave her indicated that they were probably doing something similar here in Linarra. Probably finding some way to avoid whatever it was Bethany Salinga had been so afraid of.
That thought filled her with excitement and curiosity. If there was something deeper going on here, she wanted in. But she was going to have to earn their trust, Sean’s trust, first. She knew that. And she intended to.