by Ruby Jackson
A few moments later, squeals came from another part of the house. Everyone laughed.
Sitting at the supper table, heads bowed for the evening prayer. Danny said the prayer first, then Arthur.
Sammie listened contentedly. This was real family. Nothing could take these memories away. They would survive to be talked about over and over in years to come.
“I thought you would be going home after the funeral, my dear,” Granny was saying as she cleared the dishes.
“I…I thought so, too. But, things changed,” Sammie got out slowly.
“Well, I was surprised and glad to see you at the play a couple of weeks ago. Cecil needs someone to help take care of Danny, and who could do that better than a relative,” Granny answered, in a matter of fact voice.
Sammie liked the woman’s logic. Who could do a better job?
“Granny, we’re almost finished in here. Why don’t you go on to the parlor and get ready for us to open gifts,” Linda said over her shoulder.
“I can wait,” Granny said with a smile.
Sammie sat down on the divan not knowing what would happen next. Danny popped onto the seat beside her. Linda and Arthur sat on the side of the bed in the room. Mary had her usual chair, as did Granny. Murrell pulled two chairs from the kitchen for him and Cecil.
A few minutes later, Mary got up and crossed to the old upright piano.
“All right, everybody, gather around for our songs!” she called out.
Wagging their heads, the men got up and went to the piano. Linda didn’t move, so Sammie stayed seated as well.
Cecil looked at Sammie and frowned.
“It’s a tradition for us to sing with Aunt Mary. We’re always first then the women get their chance. Last, Danny gets to sing with her.” With a sigh, he turned back to the piano.
Sammie laughed as the men started singing, but soon her heart was listening to the tunes as their voices harmonized. Tranquility filled the room. Sammie felt the vibration of each note as the song flowed from the somber men.
As they finished, Murrell gave a sweeping bow and sat down. Cecil punched him and sat down next to him.
Linda and Granny got up and moved toward the piano. Turning around, Granny motioned for Sammie.
“You have to sing now,” Danny said as he pushed her.
Sammie was uncertain, but stood. It felt like fifty feet from her seat to the piano. Her feet dragged. She wasn’t used to people hearing her sing. She had only sung with Lydia.
As the songs came out, Sammie realized she only knew the choruses to some of the songs. Most of the songs she didn’t know at all. She was embarrassed. She was happy when the songs ended and she could sit down.
Danny ran to the piano. Standing with his hand on the side of it, he waited for Mary to play. The tunes were lively and loud. Danny’s voice boomed out. Mary joined in.
Everyone laughed and clapped. Sammie’s heart soared. She had never enjoyed a Christmas so much.
“I think we should get some milk and pie after all that singing,” Murrell said, jabbing Cecil.
Cecil grimaced. “I think we need to open presents. I know someone that will need to go to bed soon.”
“Well, in that case, I think we need to get the pie quickly and let Danny enjoy a piece before he goes to bed,” Linda said. “Sammie, would you like to help me in the kitchen?”
Sammie followed Linda out of the room. Linda got a pie from the washroom on the back porch. Cold air entered through the open door.
“Get the saucers from the safe and I’ll cut the pie,” Linda said as she got a knife.
Sammie placed the saucers on the table. She opened the drawer where she had put forks earlier and got them out.
“Why are you still here?” Linda asked. “There’s nothing for you here. You know you’re just confusing Cecil. He loved Lydia and now he may be looking at you on the rebound. Is that what you want? Do you really want to hurt him that much?”
Sammie was stung. Her legs weakened. Her face paled. The pit of her stomach ached. Nausea filled her.
“Why, you’re young enough to go after an unmarried man like…well…like Murrell. After a few years, you’d grow tired of having an older man as your husband and get an eye for a younger one. I can’t believe you want to hurt Cecil in such a way! His plan to send you home in the spring is an excellent one. I hope you just haven’t done too much damage by then.”
Sammie took a step backwards. She wanted to scream at Linda and tell her it wasn’t the way she thought.
“And what about Danny? He loved his mother and you can’t take her place. But, he’s getting very fond of you. It’s going to tear him to pieces when you have to leave in the spring. You’d think you would have some common sense and know you don’t need to be here.”
Sammie held back the tears. She stared forward, knuckles white from gripping the back of a chair.
How would Danny take her leaving in the spring if Cecil still was planning to send her away?
“Are you ready to go back in?” Linda asked as she placed saucers and glasses on a tray. A disguised smile crossed her lips. “My family is waiting.”
“I…I think I’ll stay in here for a moment,” Sammie stammered.
“Yes, well, suit yourself,” Linda answered.
“Where’s Sammie?” Danny asked as Linda handed him a plate.
“She decided to stay in the kitchen for awhile,” Linda said as she handed Cecil a plate of pie.
Danny jumped up and ran toward the kitchen.
“I want to see Sammie’s face when she takes a bite of Granny’s pumpkin pie! I told her it was the best in the world.”
A few minutes later, Danny returned, face drawn.
“I thought you said she was in the kitchen.”
Chapter 19
Sammie was blinded by the freezing rain as she walked down the slippery road. Her dress was freezing to her legs. She had left her coat at the house. Blindly, she kept looking from side to side as the ice and snow pelted her.
“Where’s a barn?” she kept asking herself. Her hands and feet were numb. Her legs ached. “I’ve got to get out of this cold.”
Suddenly, one loomed in the dim light. Running, she slid on the ice and fell. Trying to regain footing, she carefully made her way to the door. It was dry inside.
Spotting several burlap sacks, Sammie grabbed them and laid them down on hay. Covering herself with more sacks, she shivered and shook violently.
“Cold,” she moaned, “I’m so cold.”
Wind whistled outside. Boards rattled. Sleet beat on the roof.
Sammie snuggled deeper into the hay. Warmth finally began to creep into her body. The shaking subsided. Her eyes drooped.
“God, help me,” she murmured. “I can’t take anymore. I love him and Danny, but if I’m wrong for them then I don’t need to be here. It’s all in your hands.”
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The windshield of the truck was covered with ice. Very little heat came from the heater. Danny held his blanket closer.
Cecil tried his best to see down the road in the dim light of the headlamps. Nothing was moving.
“God, I know she’s out here. Please, help me find her.”
“I’m praying, too,” Danny said beside him. “Pa, I love Sammie. I think she should be my new mama. I don’t care what Aunt Linda says, I love her.”
Cecil pulled his son closer to him. His thoughts were on the same thing. Linda didn’t understand.
Suddenly, the truck swerved and hit a bank of snow. Cecil tried to back out, but couldn’t. Looking around, he saw a barn in the dim light.
“Danny, we can’t stay in the truck. We’ve got to find a warm place. I’m going to carry you to that barn. Maybe there will be some hay and we can stay there until morning.”
Hoisting Danny into his arms, Cecil moved on the slippery ice. His feet slid in different directions as he walked. Finally reaching the door, he placed Danny on
the ground. Heaving on the door, it opened, and they entered. Looking around, he saw an old stove at the back.
Cecil examined the stove and found it wasn’t hooked to a chimney pipe. One pipe was connected to the wall and another piece was lying on the floor of the barn. Picking the metal up, Cecil attached it to the pipe and stove.
“I hope it’s a good connection, but it doesn’t matter, son, it might still give us a little warmth.” He didn’t want to say they could freeze if it didn’t.
Cecil loaded the stove with wood then, grabbed hay for kindling. The fire caught and began to send a blaze around the blocks of wood.
“I found a couple blankets over in that stall,” Danny said.
“Then, I think with this fire and those blankets we can make us a warm bed. Tomorrow we will get the truck out and be able to go home.”
“No, Pa, tomorrow we can keep looking for Sammie.”
“You’re right, son, tomorrow we will start looking for Sammie again.”
Cecil turned his back to his son. He knew he couldn’t let his boy see what was in his heart. He knew if Sammie didn’t find shelter, she would be frozen when morning came.
Gathering the blankets, Cecil motioned for Danny to sit on the hay closest to the stove. Helping Danny wrap himself in a blanket, Cecil nestled close and wrapped the other blanket around both of them.
“Pa, what if we don’t find Sammie? What’s going to happen?”
Cecil froze. How could he tell his young son that she could freeze?
“I don’t know, son. I don’t know,” he whispered.
Looking at the ceiling, tears glistened in his eyes. He could tell Danny had fallen asleep.
“God,” he whispered into the dark, “help me find her. Let her be safe.”
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Sammie sneezed. The hay tickled her nose. The light, fragrant smell of smoke caused her to uncover, turn, and look around the barn. She could see grayish white smoke billowing just outside the window from the stovepipe.
Sitting up, she realized she wasn’t alone in the barn. She could see another figure on a pile of hay across the barn near the stove. Anxiety filled her. What if she was discovered?
Another thought jolted her. She didn’t know what kind of person was sharing the barn. What if it was a hobo? Or someone like the Newton Brothers?
Fear struck. Burrowing deeper into the hay, Sammie lay down, paralyzed. Biting her lip, she dared not fall asleep again. Listening, she could hear nothing; nothing but the throb of her heart. Even the sleet had stopped pounding the roof.
Danny awakened first. He slowly unwound himself from his father’s arm and got up. The sun was coming through the dirty window. Dust beams flowed down to the floor. A rooster was crowing somewhere nearby.
Movement in the hay pile, near a stall in the far corner, startled him. Moving cautiously, he got closer. Suddenly, a hand came through the top.
“Aawahh,” Danny streamed.
Sammie instantly sat up in the hay.
“Danny? Danny, it’s you!” she yelled out.
She reached out and grabbed him from the floor. Holding him tightly, she kissed his forehead.
“What are you doing here? How did you get here?”
“Pa and me, we looked for you a long time. We couldn’t find you. The truck got stuck in the snow. Were you hiding in this barn?”
“No,” Sammie answered, “no, I was cold and wet and I saw the barn and came in to get warm.”
“I’m glad God found you for us.”
“God found me for you?”
“Sure. We prayed and God brought us here. Sammie, come home. I need you. And, Pa needs you.”
Sammie looked down. A tear fell.
“I think you and your father can do very well without me now,” she said, holding the boy tightly. “You’re a big boy and can take care of yourself.”
“I don’t think we can take care of ourselves,” Cecil’s voice came from nowhere.
Sammie was startled by his voice. Looking up, she saw a smile on his lips.
“There’s so much we need to talk about and clear up. Don’t you think?” he said as he pulled Danny to his feet. His eyes were dark and ominous. His lips were a tight line. His jaw jutted. “Danny, I need to talk to Sammie alone. You go over where we slept and stay there. Understand?”
“Yes, Pa, but you’re not sending her away, are you?”
“Danny, do as I said.”
“Yes, sir.”
Sammie’s heart was pounding. Her mouth grew dry.
“I want you to tell me everything, Sammie. The truth,” Cecil said as he sat down on the hay.
“I’d like to say something first, Cecil. I can’t do this anymore. It…it hurts me.”
“I said I want the truth, Sammie. All of it. Who are you and what do you want?”
Sammie bit her lip. A long sigh escaped. Nodding slowly, she looked at Cecil.
“I wasn’t truthful about who I am,” she started. “I didn’t mean for everyone to believe I was Lydia’s cousin. Your grandmother just thought it and I didn’t correct her. I’m really Lydia’s sister.”
“I know,” Cecil said quietly.
“You know? How?”
“I knew I had seen you before. Then it dawned on me. Lydia carried an old picture in her purse. She loved that picture. It was a picture of her and you. It was taken just before she ran away. I went through her purse and found the picture. On the back it had your name and hers.”
“Oh, Cecil, I miss her so!” Sammie cried. “I ran away so I could come here and live with her. Only…only I got here too late.”
“Shh, it’s all right. She would have loved for you to be here. I know she’s happy you are no longer in Fort Worth.”
“How do you know?”
“Lydia cried many nights because of you. She also prayed continuously for you. We talked about you many times. It was almost like I knew you even though I had never met you,” Cecil told her. “I wanted to go get you but she said when you were ready, you would come.”
“Why did she run away? Why couldn’t she have stayed with me?”
“Why did you run away?”
Sammie looked up. Resolve flooded her.
“My mother died. Not one of my aunts or uncles wanted me. I was left with my step-father. They said that was what my mother would want. I felt like I did when Lydia left, alone and scared,” Sammie sputtered out. “Frank, he tried…he tried---.”
Cecil pulled her close.
“It’s all right, I understand. You aren’t with him anymore. You’re with me. It’s all right.”
“Lydia would have known what to do. Lydia should have stayed with me instead of running away! Why did she leave me?” Sammie cried.
Sighing, Cecil looked around the old barn. Finally, he let out a silent prayer. Peace came and he knew he could say the words he had known for so long and kept secret.
“Lydia was in trouble when I met her in the bus station,” Cecil began. “She was sick, alone, and scared. Her mother, your mother, didn’t believe her when she tried to tell her what was going on. You remember what your mother was like back then.”
Sammie flinched. She did remember what her mother was like. Always drinking or at a bar. Never at home. Never concerned about where her children were or what they were doing.
“The truth is I didn’t fall in love with Lydia on the spot. I saw a sad young woman who needed help. I helped her. Love grew as the years passed.”
“Are you saying---?”
“I’m saying she was a loving person who deserved better than what happened. The men your mother knew weren’t nice. One in particular,” Cecil said, head bent and mouth set. “At first my family had a hard time accepting her. They thought she trapped me into marrying her, but she won them over. They grew to love and respect her just as I did. They love me and they love Danny, and they loved her after a while.”
“What? Danny! Oh, Cecil!”
&n
bsp; “No, you’ve got it wrong. Danny is my son. She wasn’t in that kind of trouble.” Cecil bowed his head. “Lydia was frail. Sick. She had…tuberculosis. She wanted me to believe I didn’t make a mistake in marrying her. She wanted to give me children. She hurried and got…got in a family way. The doctor said she wasn’t in good enough health, but she didn’t care. She lost the baby.” Gritting his teeth, he sighed. “I didn’t know anything about a woman’s body. If I had I would have insisted she wait after losing the first baby, and I didn’t know what she was doing until it was too late. Less than a month later, she was expecting again. When she had Danny, there were complications.”
Sammie stared into space. Lydia had TB? Suddenly, she remembered all the times Lydia coughed. She was always saying she had a cold. Now, Sammie understood so many things. Why Lydia always said she, Sammie, could make it if something happened to her. Now she knew why Lydia left and didn’t write often. Why she didn’t come home. She didn’t want her to see her sick. She didn’t want her to see her sister possibly die.
“It wasn’t until Danny was born that I learned about the TB. She had sworn the doctor to secrecy. I tried to comfort her, did everything I could, but she didn’t respond.”
“I didn’t know either,” Sammie finally got out. Tears streamed. Cecil took her in his arms. Her body shook.
“She didn’t want you to know. I tried to talk her into sending for you. I thought you could help her. She refused. She wanted you to remember her as the girl that was there when you needed her. She hated that she abandoned you. But, there was nothing she could do.” Cecil held her tight and kissed her hair. Tears rolled down Cecil’s cheeks.
Sammie straightened herself. She ran her fingers through her hair.
“You’re not to blame,” She weakly told him. “She took the risk. You didn’t know. Was…was she ever happy?”
Cecil cleared his throat. “At one time, I thought she was. I…we were having some problems in our marriage even back before Danny was born. Not the kind of problems that make you separate, but still there were problems. The problems weren’t related to her being sick. Lydia hated the farm. She didn’t like the silence and seclusion. She didn’t make friends or learn sewing or anything. She just sat. I told her we could sell out and move to town, but she wouldn’t here of it. She said I would hate her forever if she caused me to do that.”