by Jeff Moss
THE BUTTERFLY JAR
A Bantam Book / November 1989
“I Don’t Want To Live On The Moon,” “Nasty Dan,” and “Lonesome Joan” were first written as songs for “Sesame Street” where they appeared in slightly different form.
“Not The Best Feeling” is based on a song called “Mad!” which also appeared on “Sesame Street.”
“What Molly Thinks When Her Parents Ask Her To Sing …” is based on a poem called “The Entertainer” which appeared in the book “Free To Be … A Family.”
All rights reserved.
Text copyright © 1989 by Jeff Moss.
Illustrations copyright © 1989 by Chris Demarest.
No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher. For information address: Bantam Books.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Moss, Jeffrey.
The butterfly jar / Jeff Moss; illustrations by Chris Demarest.
p. cm.
“November 1989”—T.p. verso.
Summary: An illustrated collection of poems about a variety of events, people, objects, and experiences.
eISBN: 978-0-307-76580-2
[1. American poetry.] I. Demarest, Chris L., ill. II. Title.
PS3563.088458B88 1989
811′.54—dc20 89-6614
AC
Published simultaneously in the United States and Canada
Bantam Books are published by Bantam Books, a division of Bantam Doubleday Dell Publishing Group, Inc. Its trademark, consisting of the words “Bantam Books” and the portrayal of a rooster, is Registered in U.S. Patent and Trademark Office and in other countries. Marca Registrada. Bantam Books, 1540 Broadway, New York, New York 10036.
v3.1
CONTENTS
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
The Butterfly Jar
If I Find a Penny
The Monster
Jellybeans Up Your Nose
Eye Glasses
Eddie’s Birthday Present
If The Moon Were Made of Cheese
Punishment
Relatives
Brontosaurus
Brave Things
Possible Confusion
The Midterm Science Test
Lonesome Joan
Amy And The Captain
The Dream I Had One Night When I Was Mad At My Parents
Crumbs In Bed!
What Happened the Night Grandma Said, “I’m So Happy Being Here With You That I’m Afraid A Train is Going to Run Right Through the Middle of the House and Ruin Everything.”
Hi, How Are You Today?
Things I’m Not Good At
The Picture
Brushes
Mr. Bogardus
New Clothes
London Bridge
Bedtime
Why It Would Be Good To Have A Really Big Family
Oliver’s Parents in the Morning
Oliver’s Parents At Bedtime
Rachel
Grandma’s Kisses
Purple
The Brain
Washing My Neck
Four Things That Aren’t True
One Thing That Is True
Carrots!!!!
Moving
Sara Messenger’s Mother
Bugs
My Floor is Somebody’s Ceiling
A Night I Had Trouble Falling Asleep
Laura
The Washing Machine
The Cuddlies
If Shoes Could Fly
Rain
What Ralph Said After He Asked His Parents For A Dog And They Explained How He Would Have To Feed It And Clean Up After It And Walk It
At The Zoo
Cow In The City
Sword Swallowing
What You Should Tell Your Parents to Calm them Down When They Say, “How Could One Person’s Room be Such a Complete Mess!?!?”
Clean Shirt
Weddings
Lemonade Pitcher
The Tree
Twos
Who Did That?
No Matter What Anyone Says About Me And Jonathan’s Sister
The Banana King
Rock ’N’ Roll Star
Eric
Rhoda
The Locked Closet
Dad And Me
Stephen
Two Against One
What Molly Thinks When Her Parents Ask Her To Sing For Company All The Time
Nasty Dan
Not The Best Feeling
Meeting Strangers
Turning Off The Faucet
This and That
Favorite Colors
Toenails
In Between
A Lot Of Kids
The Ice Cream Pain
Dust
Abby’s Diary (Thursday)
Abby’s Diary (Friday)
A Rhyme About Time
The Most Interesting Parts of the Body
What David Got When He Didn’t Get a Christmas Present
Shells
I Don’t Want to Live on the Moon
Ruth
The First Musician
Pigs And Pigpens
Mrs. MacUnder
Dedication
About the Author
THE BUTTERFLY JAR
We had a jar with a butterfly.
We opened the lid and it flew to the sky.
And there are things inside my head
Waiting to be thought or said,
Dreams and jokes and wonderings are
Locked inside, like a butterfly jar.
But then, when you are here with me,
I can open the lid and set them free.
IF I FIND A PENNY
If I find a penny
And give it to you,
That means well both
Have a wish come true.
A penny is like magic
Lying on the ground.
It’s like picking up a wish
That’s waiting to be found.
So when I find one,
I’ll give you a penny.
And if we’re lucky
I’ll give you many.
I’ll pick up your penny,
Won’t let the trashman sweep it.
But if I find a dollar …
I’ll probably keep it.
THE MONSTER
There was a time when I was small
That every night in bed
A monster used to come
And want to bite me in the head.
But I could trick him every time
As easy as could be,
I’d just crawl in and put my head
Down where my feet should be.
That so confused the monster
As he lifted up the sheet,
He would go home sad and hungry
’Cause he hated eating feet.
Yes, every night he found my toes
And that was such a bore,
He left for good
And now he doesn’t bug me anymore.
(I think he’s after my sister, though.)
JELLYBEANS UP YOUR NOSE
Johnny stuck jellybeans up his nose.
That’s a pretty dumb thing to do.
But the other kids said, “Hey, John’s real cool.
Let’s put beans up our noses, too!”
Well, a kid can’t breathe with beans up his nose
’Cause they get all stuck inside.
So John and the kids, well, I hate to say it,
But they coughed and they choked and they died.
And it may not all be true,
Still when somebody cool does something dumb
You don’t have to do it, too.
So don’t be one of those
With jellybeans up your nose.
EYE GLASSES
You use juice glasses to drink your juice,
They’re such a perfect size.
So eye glasses must surely be
What you use to drink your eyes.
EDDIE’S BIRTHDAY PRESENT
Aunt Kay said, “Here’s your present, dear.
A birthday comes but once a year.”
“Wow!” thought Eddie, “Am I in luck.
I’ll bet it’s a pony or a big toy truck!
Or maybe a robot or a ten-speed bike
Or a Ping-Pong table that I’d really like
Or an encyclopedia all my own
Or a chemistry set or a big trombone!
Oh, boy, am I a lucky kid!”
He tore off the paper and opened the lid
And reached inside the birthday box
And said …
“Thanks so much for this …
… pair of socks.”
IF THE MOON WERE MADE OF CHEESE
If the moon were made of cheese
I would reach into the sky
For a late-night snacking sandwich
Of ham and moon on rye.
PUNISHMENT
Eating cauliflower
For an hour.
RELATIVES
(A Poem To Say Fast When You Want To Show Off)
My father’s and mother’s sisters and brothers
Are called my uncles and aunts
(Except when they’re called ma tante and mon oncle
Which happens if they’re in France.)
Now the daughters and sons of my uncles and aunts
Are my cousins. (Confusion increases—
Since if you’re my mother or if you’re my Dad,
Then those cousins are nephews and nieces.)
BRONTOSAURUS
Brontosauruses of both sexes
Had incredibly long neckses,
Great huge tails and teeth quite spiny,
But their brains were teeny-tiny.
That’s why the old brontosaurus
Isn’t with us anymore-us.
BRAVE THINGS
To be an astronaut lost in space,
To stick your head in a lion’s face,
To explore the jungles of the Amazon,
And to go to sleep with no night-light on.
POSSIBLE CONFUSION
If your nose was your ear
Then you’d breathe in to hear.
If your mouth was your eye
Then you’d drool when you’d cry.
If your foot was your nose
Then you’d sneeze with your toes.
So be glad that they’re not,
Otherwise you’d have a very difficult time …
Keeping track of what’s what.
THE MIDTERM SCIENCE TEST
Wake me up at seven sharp! Be sure to do your best!
Tomorrow is the morning for the Midterm Science Test!
I must have time to wash and eat and time for getting dressed
Or I’ll be …
Dirty, starved, and naked at the Midterm Science Test!
LONESOME JOAN
Let me tell you all the story
Of a girl named Lonesome Joan.
When she was three, she thought she’d try
To tie her shoe alone.
Her Mama said, “I’ll show you how.”
She pushed her Mom aside.
“I’ll do it myself!” said Lonesome Joan
And her shoelaces stayed untied.
Joan got a little older,
Thought she’d learn to read and write.
Her teacher tried to help her,
Joan yelled, “Get out of my sight!”
So she never learned to write her name
Or even read a book.
All alone she never learned to skate
Or swim or count or cook.
Joan reached the age of eighty-three,
And hadn’t changed at all.
One day out walking all alone,
She met a boy named Paul.
Paul said, “Joan, it’s just ridiculous
The things that you can’t do.
You’re an eighty-year-old woman,
Time you learned to tie your shoe.”
So Paul taught Joan to read and write
And tie her shoe and more
And Joan lived to the ripe old age
Of a hundred and sixty-four.
And you can learn a lesson
From our old friend Lonesome Joan—
When you’re trying for the first time,
You don’t have to try alone.
AMY AND THE CAPTAIN
My cousin Amy’s only three
But this is what she said to me:
“Last night my Dad read me a book
About a man named Captain Hook.
A crocodile once bit his arm off,
Swallowed a clock that set an alarm off.”
Then Amy, who is only three,
Had a question to ask of me. She said,
“I thought about that book
And wondered about Captain Hook.
What was his name all the while
Before he met the crocodile?”
Then Amy said, “I understand.
I’ll bet his name was Captain Hand.”
THE DREAM I HAD ONE NIGHT
WHEN I WAS MAD AT MY PARENTS
I dreamed of a room as big as a gym
There were hundreds of parents there.
And kids could trade their Moms and Dads
For a totally different pair.
I traded my Mom for Gillian’s Mom
And my Dad for Christopher’s Dad.
And as I started to walk away,
My parents looked very sad.
“Good-bye forever!” I said to them,
They started to cry and scream.
“Oh, please don’t leave us!” they begged of me,
And I woke up from my dream.
Then Dad came in and kissed me good-night
And Mom tucked me in and I let her,
’Cause a dream about trading your parents
Can make you feel so much better.
CRUMBS IN BED!
Crumbs in bed!
Crumbs in bed!
Whenever I’m sick, I get
Crumbs in bed!
Dad’s so nice
When he brings me toast
But when I’m done
What I hate most
Is
Crumbs in bed!
Crumbs in bed!
Feels so yucchy with
Crumbs in bed!
They sneak in your pj’s
And itch your head!
Next time I’ll have
Soup instead
’Cause boy do I hate
Crumbs in bed!
WHAT HAPPENED THE NIGHT GRANDMA SAID, “I’M SO HAPPY BEING HERE WITH YOU THAT I’M AFRAID A TRAIN IS GOING TO RUN RIGHT THROUGH THE MIDDLE OF THE HOUSE AND RUIN EVERYTHING.”
The train didn’t come
Grandma was wrong
We stayed happy
All night long
HI, HOW ARE YOU TODAY?
I’m feeling very horrible
And low and mean and mad
And dreadful and deplorable
And rotten, sick, and sad
And nasty and unbearable
And hateful, vile, and blue
But thanks a lot for asking
And please tell me …
How are you?
THINGS I’M NOT GOOD AT
What a shame I’m not good at making my bed
Or washing the dinner dishes.
What a pity I’m awful at brocc
oli-eating
And feeding my sister’s fishes.
So sad I’ve no talent for cleaning my room,
All those jobs—it’s so hard to get through them.
(If I tell you I’m no good at those kinds of things,
Maybe then you won’t ask me to do them.)
THE PICTURE
My Grandpa can’t hear things as well as he used to,
He wears thick glasses to help him see.
When we ride in his car, he drives very slowly.
I feel his hand shake when he walks with me.
My Dad has a box that’s filled with old pictures,
In some of them Grandpa’s as young as my Dad.
There’s one where he’s holding my Dad on his shoulders,
When I see that picture, sometimes I feel sad.
My Grandpa’s not strong but he’s kind and he’s funny,
Still I know he’ll never be younger again.
So sometimes I wish I could climb in that picture
And visit with Grandpa the way he was then.
BRUSHES
Hair brushes, tooth brushes,
Paint brushes, clothes brushes,
Scrub brushes, tub brushes,
Nobody knows brushes,
Nail brushes, shoe brushes,
Dish brushes, pot brushes,
I’m sick of brushing
With goodness knows what brushes.
Quick, buy another one!
Wonder what the rush is?
We need to buy a brush
To brush all the brushes!
MR. BOGARDUS
My Dad’s new friend, Mr. Bogardus,
Had dinner at our house last night.
My brother and I just went crazy
The minute that man took a bite.
’Cause Mr. Bogardus’s manners
Are in need of some big readjusting—
He talks while he’s chewing his meatballs
And the one word for that is disgusting.
Later on, in our room, we told Mother,