by Jahquel J
“My bad, my bad. Come, my truck right here,” he hit the locks to his BMW truck. I sat in the back since I didn’t have the adapter to the car seat.
Reese closed the door behind me and then went into the store to grab his food. Ten minutes later he was dapping someone as he hopped into the driver’s seat. I watched as he tossed his food in the passenger seat and then took off.
“Put your seatbelt on,” I told him from the back seat. He smirked at me through the rearview mirror.
“No female has ever told me that,” he laughed. “I’ve had a few chicks in here and ain’t none of them ever told me to put my seatbelt on.”
“I’m not every chick you brought in this car. Safety first,” I replied as I looked out the window.
“What’s going on with you and your uncle? I refuse to believe you’re willing to give up all he provides you with for that nigga Zoe.”
“Didn’t you work for Zoe?”
“Nah, I’m the nigga that’s going to teach them the lesson that everybody ain’t your friend,” he snickered. I already knew he was working both sides for Ghost. He didn’t need to explain anything else to me.
“Anyway, I’m not giving up anything besides wanting better for my son.”
“And living in a hotel is what’s best for him?” he questioned. I was so sick of everyone thinking they knew what was best for me and my child. I was his mother, I knew what the fuck was best for the both of us.
“Until I find out my next move, yes. Everyone is acting like they’ve never had to struggle to get to where they’re going.”
“And what about school?”
“Why you got all these questions?”
“Because I want you to graduate. Last time we spoke, you said that you wanted to go to Yale. Kiss, you’re nothing like these chicks on this island. Yeah, it’s some smart ones, but majority of them so busy trying to be a nigga’s baby mama. Having a baby doesn’t mean you have to put your dreams on hold. It just means you need to push even harder because you have a pair of eyes watching and depending on you,” he said.
“I hear you.” I just wanted to take a good shower and give my baby a bath. We hadn’t been able to just relax since we got out the hospital. I was almost out of my pain pills, so I knew I needed to lay down tonight and get some rest.
“Nah, I don’t want you to hear me. I want you to put some action behind my words. Zoe lost his life, but karma is a bitch. It’s gonna hurt for a while and it may sting while watching his son grow up into the spitting image of him, but you gotta do what you gotta do, ma.”
“You’re right about that,” I muttered and continued to look out the window as we drove on the highway. “Thank you, Reese.”
“Not needed. I’m gonna stay on your ass from now on,” he laughed as we continued to the hotel. I knew he would, and I needed that right now. I needed someone on my side for once.
4
Priest
I put my car in park and sat outside of Marisol’s mothers’ crib as I waited for her to come outside. Grabbing my phone out of the cup holder, I sent a message alerting her that I was outside. She replied and I leaned my head back on the head rest. Life was beating the shit out of me. My energy was always low, and my mind always was on Kiss. I shouldn’t have been so hard and let her come home. The shit between us was fucking me up. Especially since her cellphone had been turned off. My eyes opened just as Marisol descended down the stairs and walked up to my truck. She said something to her mother, waved and then got into the front seat. She smelled of peaches and cream, her signature scent. I turned the knob in my Lexus truck and pulled from the curb. She buckled her seat belt and then turned her attention toward me.
“What you been up to?” she asked like we were on the best speaking terms. Instead of ignoring her, I decided to speak.
If this baby was mine, we would have to maintain a relationship for the sake of our child. Me and Marisol could never be together, and she knew that. However, I refused to bring my baby into a toxic environment. If we were grown enough to fuck, we could figure out how to communicate and raise this child together. She pulled her lipstick out of her purse and applied some on her lips as she waited for me to reply.
“Just been handling family issues. You?”
“You used to talk to me about your family issues,” she responded. I chuckled and she stopped looking in the mirror and looked over my way. “What’s so funny, Priest? I used to be your voice of reason when it came to your family issues.”
“Yeah, when I thought you had what was best for me and my family. We’re better off not even speaking until we get to the doctor’s office,” I suggested.
Slamming the mirror back up, she continued to stare at the side of my face. “Am I happy about what I did? No. I was wrong and acting in my feelings. You never think clearly when you’re in love,” she admitted. Even with her admitting that she fucked up, that wasn’t enough for me. My family was everything to me and the fact that Marisol basically said fuck them would never sit right in my spirit.
“Like I said, we don’t need to talk until we get to the doctor’s office.”
Marisol was acting like this baby was going to change the way I felt. The shit she did was fucked up and we didn’t need to have a relationship outside of this baby. Even if I wanted to forgive her, the petty shit she did when it came to Justice was what pissed me the fuck off about her. We were never together, and I never told her anything different than we were just fucking. She was acting like I had led her on and told her that we would be together forever. Justice never came at her left and she continued to disrespect her whenever she saw her around me. I couldn’t let that shit slide either. Marisol was gonna learn that I was a nice guy, only to those who deserved the shit.
“Is this because I said some stuff about your little girlfriend?” she had the nerve to ask. It was like she was poking because she knew I was pissed with her. All she had to do was sit in this car and drive to the doctor’s office. We didn’t need to speak or look at each other until we got there.
“Why you insist on trying to talk?”
“We’re going to be parents, so we need to work on a relationship before this baby comes. I’m not petty, Priest. I’ll allow your girlfriend to come around our child,” she laughed like the shit was funny.
“The fact that you think these little ass girl games is funny is the same reason your ass just got fucked and never taken serious. I can’t wait to see how you get down and scrub G’s floors while nine months pregnant. Cause what did you say? You were fucking content on being a maid. You keep trying to play Justice, but shorty got goals and dreams more than what the fuck you got.”
“Fuck you, Priest!” she hollered.
“Oh, it’s not fun anymore, huh? You proud that you bout to bring another baby home without a damn ring on your finger? You just so proud, huh?” I continued.
“Shut the fuck up, Priest. You’re going to make me slap the shit out of you,” she threatened.
“Oh, you don’t want to talk anymore? I thought you said we need to build this relationship.” I laughed as I made a right at the light.
Everything was good when she was controlling the conversation. Marisol was allowed to keep bringing up Justice but didn’t want anyone to bring her shit up. Justice never asked or spoke about Marisol once. She wasn’t a topic of our conversation because she was that unimportant to me. We fucked, I slipped and got her pregnant. That was all when it came to me and her.
“The fact that you think hurting my feelings over and over again is funny, is fucked up,” she sniffled and wiped her eyes.
“You hurt your own feelings when you assume shit. I never told you that we would ever be more than just fucking. You allowed your feelings to take over your mind and create these scenarios. Not me.”
I pulled into the maternity spot and killed the engine. “The least we can do is go into this appointment and act like we like each other. Our child may not mean shit to you, but he means the world to me.” She ope
ned the car door and got out.
What she had said didn’t deserve a reply. Was this how I pictured having my first child? Nah. I pictured me being with a woman I loved and wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I imagined us lying in bed and me palming her stomach, or her giggling as I attempted to put our child’s crib up for the first time. I pictured us experiencing a lot of the first together. This wasn’t what I imagined, Still, that didn’t mean I loved my child any less. We often made plans and then God laughed as he tossed a curveball into them. When I got inside the office, Marisol was checking in, so I sat down and grabbed a magazine to flip through. She sat down across from me and stared at me. I could feel the heat from her eyes on my cheek as she stared, waiting for me to say something. When she realized that I wasn’t going to say anything she decided she was going to be the one to speak.
“Our situation isn’t ideal, and I understand that. I do expect for you to treat me with some respect, Priest. Act like I meant something to you,” she pleaded, and it fell on deaf ears. I didn’t call her a bitch or out of her name. All I did was state the facts and she didn’t like it.
“We’re here for the baby. You don’t need to mention my relationship and I don’t need to mention anybody you’re messing around with.”
“So, you’re fine with another man coming around your child or being around me while I’m pregnant with your child?”
“Look. I don’t give a fuck. Long as he doesn’t bring harm to my child and treats my child like his own, I’m cool. You should have good judgement on who you bring around your children.”
It was as if she wanted me to tell her otherwise. Her face showed a look of disappointment when she heard my response. I was a grown ass man and if another man came correct, I could only pray he loved my child like his own. The fuck I look like beefing with another nigga? I even wanted him to treat Marisol right too. She couldn’t be right for our child and her children if she wasn’t happy.
“We’ll take you to the back,” the nurse came over and touched Marisol’s arm. We followed her to the back, and she put us in an exam room. Marisol went into the small bathroom and switched her clothes to the paper gown.
She came back out and sat on the exam table as she tried to hide her body. There was a knock at the door and the doctor peeked her head inside. “How is everyone?” she asked as she looked down at her chart.
“I’m just tired. I’ve been having a terrible case of morning sickness.”
“Well, you’ve had it with your other two babies too. How bad is it this time?”
“Like, I can’t keep food down and I lost five pounds,” she further explained. Instead of her getting into my whip with this news, she decided to talk about shit that didn’t even matter. “I’ve been surviving off crackers and ginger ale. It seems like the only thing that I can keep down.”
“I’m going to prescribe you some medicine to help with the sickness. If you lose any more weight, you come back here so we can figure out the next steps. Mamas are supposed to be gaining, not losing,” she winked and got her machine ready so she could examine Marisol.
She hit the lights and the room grew quiet as she pulled a condom over a long tube and inserted it inside of Marisol’s pussy. She winced at the discomfort and then tried to get comfortable. “Will you be able to see something?”
“You’re a little over eleven weeks, so we’ll see a little something.” She chuckled.
“I know I can’t wait until you can start squeezing the jelly on my stomach. This part is the most annoying,” Marisol complained.
“Dad? What are you hoping you both have?”
“A little boy.” I laughed.
“Oh really? No daddy’s little girl?”
“Nah, I have enough women around me. I need me a little boy or something.” I laughed as I thought about my nieces. We definitely needed a little man running around the house.
“I’m sick of boys. Give me a little girl so I could spoil her with everything pink.” Marisol laughed.
“Opposites I see. Well, let’s hope for a healthy baby.”
“Of course.”
She continued doing her scan to make sure everything was good with the baby. When she was done, she told Marisol to get dressed and we could meet her inside of her office down the hall.
Marisol came back into the exam room. “Do you want to sit and have lunch when we’re done here?”
“Nah, I actually have something planned,” I lied.
Me and Justice hadn’t seen each other in a few days, and I wanted to see my baby. She had kept in touch, but for the most part I think what I had said really stuck with her. Whenever I asked what she was doing, she always replied that she was trying to get her shit together. Even if it had been a few days, I missed her and wanted to see her.
“Figures,” she muttered and headed out the exam. Marisol had me fucked up if she thought I was going to sit down to lunch with her. Why the fuck would I want to sit down after the way she showed her ass?
We both took a seat in the Doctor’s office so she could answer any questions that we may have had. I had one question and I needed her to let me know the soonest that it could be done.
“Okay, so what questions did you both have? From what Marisol has told me, you’re a first-time father so I know you probably have a bunch of questions.”
“Yeah, you can do a DNA test while the baby is in the womb?”
“Wow, Priest.” Marisol shoved me. “You’re a dick.”
“Um, okay. Yes, we can. At fourteen weeks we can perform one if that’s what you would like. Of course, we need to get the mother’s consent too.”
“We’re not together and we’re able to mess around with other people. I just want to make sure that this baby is mine before I get my feelings involved.”
“Very understandable. Insurance doesn’t cover the cost of the test so that is something that will have to be paid out of pocket.” She explained. “With Marisol’s consent, we can sign those papers now and give you an appointment when she’s fourteen weeks or a little bit over.”
Marisol stood there with her arms folded pissed that I had even mentioned this. I couldn’t understand why she was mad? I would be not only mad but hurt if it came out later that this baby wasn’t mine. It was the best thing to do to protect the both of us. If my feelings were involved and I found out the child belonged to another nigga, I was going to fuck Marisol’s ass up and kill her baby daddy. I was tired of mothafuckas playing with my feelings and not being handled.
“I need to think about it,” she replied and stood up, then left the room.
“Don’t fault her. There is a lot to think about with doing this procedure. There are risks to the baby. So, give her some time to think about it without pressure,” the doctor told me before I left her office.
I found Marisol standing by my whip with tears in her eyes. She hadn’t even stopped by the check-out desk to get her medicine or make another appointment. “You being real childish. Your ass wants to fuck but can’t be grown and have a conversation with your doctor.” I hit the key fob and the doors unlocked.
“You fucking humiliated me in front of the doctor that I have to see for the rest of this pregnancy. Why couldn’t we have had a conversation about it first?”
“We did. I told you what I wanted done and you chose to believe what you wanted. The discussion isn’t anything to be embarrassed about. We’re two grown ass adults that are free to fuck any and everybody. You acting like a damn child.”
“I’m sick of you putting everything onto me. Priest, I’m in love with you and you seem to think I’m joking when I say it. I’ve been telling you that I’m in love with you. Who else am I fucking? No one. I haven’t spoken to anyone in hopes that me and you will rekindle what we had.”
“That ain’t never going to happen, so go ahead and get that pussy fucked. I know you a freak and need to pop that pussy at least once,” I laughed.
Marisol laughed and hit me on the shoulder. “I really hate y
ou right now,” she continued to giggle. “Why are you making me laugh when I hate you?”
“Cause that’s what I do. We can make this shit a nightmare, or we could be adults and make it a calm environment for this baby to come into. Which one you want?”
“Of course, I want my baby to come into a good and calm environment. I’m just saying, I don’t want to always feel like you hate me, and I disgust you.”
“I’ll change my attitude too. You just need to respect my relationship too. I’m never gonna do no shit like bring her to your appointments and shit, but you have to understand she’s a part of my life and will be a part of my child’s life.”
“Deal,” she muttered and folded her arms.
“Dap it out,” I held my hand out and she put her hand in mine and dapped me. “Good. I’ll stop by and grab your ass something to eat. What you in the mood for?”
“Big Al’s soul food spot on South Avenue,” she blurted. “I want some of his wings so bad,” she started shaking her ass in the seat.
“Damn, his food make you do all of that?”
“Shut up,” she giggled as I navigated toward the Harbor. Marisol was lucky I felt bad about not doing lunch with her, because this was a drive out. We were a few exits from entering Jersey, that’s how far that other side of the island was.
After dropping Marisol off, I went to check on the traps and see if shit was moving. Once I was satisfied, I headed over to South Beach to see Justice. She didn’t know I was coming. I was hyped to surprise her. Justice had my grown ass skipping and shit when I thought about her. It was everything about her that made me happier. I just wanted to give her the world and watch her go crazy with having everything at her fingertips. The fact that she didn’t expect it was what made me want to give it all to her. I wanted to give her everything that she had ever wished for and I wanted nothing in return. That woman just made me that happy. It was a rare feeling to feel how I was feeling about her. For so long I hid that side of me and focused on my nieces. They needed me and I had to make sure they were always good. For once, I had something for myself and I didn’t want to share her with anyone. It was like she was just for me and everyone else had to fight just to see a peek of her. The feeling was weird as fuck, still I was so receptive to feeling every emotion our journey took us on.