by Mike Knudson
“Wow, look at those scary Grizzlies.” It was Heidi, standing there with Diane.
Diane rubbed her hand through Graham’s hair. “Yeah, but this one looks kind of puny. And I’ve never seen a Grizzly with red hair and a bad sunburn.”
“Dude, careful with the hair,” Graham said.
“Dude?” Diane laughed.
“Yeah, dude,” Graham repeated. “That’s what we call people. Dude.”
“Okay . . . dudes.” Heidi smirked, then she and Diane giggled.
“What’s wrong with saying dude?” I asked. “A lot of people say dude and think it sounds cool.”
“Sure, whatever . . . dudes,” Diane said. They giggled again. Graham and I looked at each other. I could tell he was thinking what I was thinking: that Heidi and Diane were making fun of us.
“And you’re wearing a necklace now?” Diane added, pointing to Graham’s bear claw.
“Of course,” Graham answered. “A lot of dudes, I mean guys, wear them.” Diane bent over to get a closer look.
“Where’s Kelly?” Graham asked.
“What are you talking about?” Diane asked. “Kelly went to Camp Hidden Meadows. Didn’t I tell you that?”
“No, you just said that you, Heidi, and Kelly were all going to camp.” He looked heartbroken.
“Oops, sorry,” Diane said. She didn’t sound very sorry though.
“Last one to roast a marshmallow is a rotten dude!” Heidi called out, before running to the fire. Diane was right behind her. Graham and I just stood there.
“Okay, now I know they’re making fun of us,” I told Graham.
“Well, maybe dude is something that just boys think is cool. Maybe it doesn’t work with girls.”
After spending our marshmallows on sticks, we grabbed a couple of extras and ran over to Diane and Heidi. I started roasting my marshmallow.
“You’re holding it too close to the flame,” Diane said. “It’s going to catch on fire.”
“Will not,” I said. Just then my marshmallow went up in flames.
Diane hit me on the shoulder. “See, I told you.”
I kept it in the fire. “Well, I like it that way, all crisp and—” Unfortunately, before I could finish my sentence, my marshmallow fell off the stick and into the fire.
Heidi burst out laughing. “That’s probably the way you like it too, all dirty and melted onto a burning log.”
I finally gave in. “Okay, maybe it’s just a tiny bit too burnt.”
“Yeah, kind of like Graham here,” Diane said, slapping Graham on the back.
“Yeow!” Graham yelled.
While we all roasted another marshmallow, Tiny and BB walked up.
“Hello,” Tiny said. “I’m Tiny.”
“If you’re tiny, then what’s he?” Diane said, pointing to Graham. We all laughed, except for Graham.
“No, his name is Tiny,” Graham said.
BB adjusted his glasses and cleared his throat. “And I’m BB. I like bugs.”
“Nice to meet you, BB. I’m Heidi, and I don’t like bugs,” she said with a smile.
“Then you must be Graham’s girlfriend,” BB said to Diane.
“I don’t think so!” Diane snapped.
Heidi laughed. “Graham doesn’t have a girlfriend!” she told BB.
“What do you mean?” BB turned to Graham, whose sunburn had suddenly gotten even redder. But before he could say anything, a shout came from the other side of the campfire.
“The moment has arrived!” Mark Herron’s friend announced, standing on a rock. “The Amazing Mark is about to eat tonight’s Herron’s Heap.”
“Who’s the Amazing Mark?” Heidi asked.
“Just some kid who eats anything,” I said. “It’s kind of sick.”
“I want to see.” Heidi pushed her way to the front of the crowd. Diane stayed back since she was tall enough to see over everyone.
“All right, dudes,” Mark said. “I will begin with an ordinary graham cracker.” He held up the cracker above his head. Then he took a napkin out of his pocket and opened it up. It looked like he had squished a bunch of food from dinner in there.
“Now we will add the heap.” He set some peas on the cracker and smashed them so they wouldn’t fall off. Then he put on a piece of chicken and smothered it in applesauce. “Dude, marshmallow, please.” His friend brought over a freshly roasted marshmallow, which Mark placed on top of the mess. Then just before eating it he shouted, “And what goes better with graham crackers than milk?” He poured some milk over the hideous cracker sandwich and took a huge bite.
There were a lot of oohs and aahs from the crowd. I thought the girls would be grossed out, but they weren’t. When the boys started chanting Mark’s name, the girls joined right in. Mark took one more bite out of the cracker creation. It was dripping down his chin. Everyone cheered.
Pretty soon it was time for the girls to go. Diane and Heidi couldn’t stop talking about the Amazing Mark.
“Didn’t you hear how many times he said dude?” I asked. “I thought you guys hated that.” Heidi and Diane looked at each other.
“I didn’t notice,” Heidi replied.
Diane shook her head. “Me neither.”
When we got back to the cabin, everyone was ready for Roses, Thorns, and Buds. It seemed like all of the roses were either the hike up to Grizzly Peak or the Amazing Mark and his disgusting s’more.
Carl was the last kid to share. He pulled his finger out of his nose and stood up. He cleared his throat and said, “My rose was everything we did today. And my thorn is the word dude. No offense to some of you who are calling everyone dude, but I just can’t take it anymore. It’s driving me nuts.” A couple of other guys nodded their heads, but no one looked directly at us. Then Carl took a deep breath and continued, “And my bud is everything else we’re doing tomorrow.”
Toad went last. He stood up and said, “My rose is the great hike we went on today. You guys are such an awesome patrol. I guess my thorn is getting you involved in that silly bet with the Muscular Monsters.”
“It’s okay, dude. I mean, Toad,” Graham said. Then he mouthed “Sorry” to Carl.
“No, I should have been a better example to you guys. But that brings me to my bud: seeing Flex and the Muscular Monsters wearing their underpants on their heads Friday night!”
We all jumped up and cheered. “Har! Toad Claws!” we yelled, hopping in circles. After last night’s adventure and today’s hike, we decided to call it an early night.
Just before Graham and I stood up, Toad came over and sat down by us.
“Hey, guys. I just want you to know I’ve really enjoyed having you in my patrol. I don’t know where all this dude stuff came from, but let me give you some advice.” Graham and I leaned in toward him.
“Just be yourselves, and don’t try to be like anyone else. We’ve got a great patrol, and you’ve made a lot of friends here who like you for who you are. That’s what camp is all about. Remember that.” Then he got up and walked down toward the lodge.
I looked at Graham. “What’s that supposed to mean? How can the Amazing Mark get away with calling everyone dude, and when we do it, all of a sudden people think we’re not being ourselves?”
“I know,” Graham said. “It’s like everyone’s saying that Mark can say dude because he’s cool. But us, no way—we’re geeks and should only say geeky things. I can’t believe Carl complained about us. I wish I could say my thorn over again. I’d say it was seeing Carl pick his nose all the time.”
“Oh well, I guess we should stop saying dude. Heidi and Diane thought it was weird too.”
Graham lowered his eyebrows and looked me square in the eyes. “No way,” he said. “No one’s going to tell me what it means to be myself. Maybe being myself is saying dude. Or maybe I’ll want to eat a mixture of gross stuff tomorrow at lunch. Actually, that’s exactly what I’ll do tomorrow.”
“Not me. I think I’d puke.” I shivered just imagining it. “I guess mayb
e I’m fine with not being cool.”
“Come on, hermano,” Graham said. “We don’t have to spend our lives being geeks. If we want to be the Amazing Raymond and Graham, then what’s stopping us? Wouldn’t you like to hear the entire lodge chanting our names after dinner?” I thought about it for a minute. That would be pretty cool.
“It would be awesome to be the most popular kids at camp,” I told Graham. “But I don’t know if I’m willing to eat that junk to make it happen.”
“Of course you are, man!” Graham got up and stood right in front of me. “We can do this. We’re a team, like Mark and that other guy.” Graham paused for a moment. “Wow, he’s the second most popular kid in camp, and no one even knows his name. It’s always Mark Herron and that other guy.”
“Yeah, weird.” I shook my head.
“Wait, that’s it, Raymond,” Graham said. “This is what we’re going to do. I’m going to be the other guy, and I’ll announce you after dinner. Then I’ll mix up a bunch of stuff for you to eat.”
“What? Why me? Why can’t you eat that stuff and I’ll be the announcer?” I wasn’t sure how this conversation suddenly turned from Graham being willing to eat the gross mixture to him announcing and me eating it.
“It has to be you,” Graham said. “It’s just like in baseball. I was the catcher trash-talking behind the plate, getting the batter nervous, so you could come in for the kill with your awesome fastball.” I wasn’t sure that these two situations were the same, but somehow hearing about my fastball made me feel strong, like I could do anything.
“You’re right! We have just as much right as Mark and that other guy to be popular. Tomorrow night those guys are in for some competition.”
Graham and I swung our hands up in the air to give each other a high five, but we missed. “It’s just getting dark,” Graham said.
“One thing though,” I said. “I know no one can tell us not to say dude, but I kind of agree with Carl.”
“No problem. I hate to admit it, but I’m getting sick of it too,” said Graham. We went into the cabin and said goodnight to BB and Tiny without using the word dude at all.
11
Raging Raymond
UNLIKE THE NIGHT before, we slept like logs. We were so tired we didn’t even hear Toad’s song in the morning. He had to come into our cabin and wake us up.
We were all excited about today. This was our day at the lake. After breakfast, David’s patrol would be on their hike most of the day, so we wouldn’t have to see them at all. I was hoping I’d get to retake my swim test. My foot felt completely better, and I knew I could pass it this time.
We got dressed and went to the mess hall for breakfast. It was cereal, muffins, and fruit today. The Muscular Monsters walked in behind us.
“Hey, Toad Claws. You’d better save a pair of clean underpants for Friday. You’re going to need them.”
We just ignored David and sat down by the Fighting Eagles. Graham sat next to me and told me I should practice mixing my food up and eating it.
“Good idea,” I said. I had a banana, so I cut some pieces up and put it in my cereal. Then I put in a couple of strawberries too. “Okay, here goes,” I said. I put a big spoonful in my mouth, prepared for the disgusting taste. It was actually pretty good. “Hey, I’m going to be good at this. It’s not bad.”
“What do you mean? You just have cereal and fruit. That stuff always goes together.” Graham shook his head. He grabbed the salt and pepper shakers and started sprinkling them in my bowl. Then he pulled off a piece of his muffin and dropped it in.
“Try that.” He took my spoon and stirred it all up.
I looked at the soggy mess and decided to pass. “I’m kind of full,” I said. “Plus, I don’t think you’re supposed to eat too much before you go swimming.” I picked up my tray and brought it over to the cleaning area. Then I grabbed a new muffin for the road.
We spent almost the entire morning in the lake. Fortunately, I was able to take my swim test again, and I passed. There were huge tubes to play on and a big rope that you could swing on before dropping into the water.
Toad stayed and swam with us too. He had this crazy swimsuit that was like a tank top and swimming trunks all in one. No one could swing higher than Toad on the rope. He swung really high and yelled “Yahoo!” as he flew through the air.
“It’s Superbug to the rescue!” BB screamed, as he swung out over the water. He even did one flip after he let go of the rope. Graham tried a flip too, but he landed on his sunburned back.
By the time lunch came, we were starving. They were serving chili and cornbread. Our patrol decided to eat outside on the grass under a big tree.
Graham had a grin on his face. “You guys know what chili does to you, don’t you?” he said.
“Do I ever,” Tiny said. “You guys are in for a smelly time tonight.” The look on Tiny’s face made me a little scared to sleep in the cabin with him.
After lunch we spent the afternoon in arts and crafts making dream catchers, weaving string across these wooden hoops in whatever design we wanted. They’re supposed to catch bad dreams.
“With this, I’m going to have sweet dreams of Kelly every night,” Graham announced.
“And I’m going to dream of catching every bug on the planet,” BB said.
Tiny shivered. “Not me! That would be a nightmare. I hope my dream catcher stops all of those bug dreams from getting into my brain.”
Carl said he wanted to have dreams about living in a huge chocolate house that he could just pick at and eat all day long. That made sense to me, since he seemed to like picking things.
As dinnertime rolled around I was getting nervous. In the food line, I said to Graham, “Do you really think I should eat all that gross stuff?”
“Trust me, Raymond. Sometimes you have to do things you don’t like if you want to be cool.”
“I’m just getting a little nervous.”
“Just imagine all those kids chanting your name. ‘Raymond, Raymond,’” he whispered in my ear. He was right. Eating a little bit of gross food would be worth having everyone like me.
We loaded our trays and sat down. I didn’t eat very much for fear that I would throw up when I ate the mixture afterward.
“Now, how should I announce you? I can’t call you Amazing Raymond. Mark already has amazing in his name. It needs to start with an R, like Raymond. How about Rainy Raymond?”
“Rainy Raymond?” I said. “That doesn’t even make sense.”
“Just brainstorming. What are some other R words? Ripple, ring, run, robot, raging. That’s it: Raging Raymond.”
“Raging Raymond,” I repeated. “I like it.”
Just then, Mark’s friend announced, “The Amazing Mark is ready for his nightly show!”
“Dang,” Graham said. “I wanted to go first. Oh well, these kids can’t get enough of this stuff. We’ll do it right after.”
Dinner had been tacos and more applesauce. Mark took his shell and loaded it with meat, mustard, applesauce, and salad dressing, and poured on some milk. I was gagging just watching Mark mix it up. The sick mixture was oozing out of the ends of the taco.
A loud “ooh” filled the lodge as he bit into it. It was his best performance yet. As people started leaving, Graham jumped up on the bench.
“Don’t leave, everyone. Round two is about to begin, featuring Raging Raymond and his Spoonful of Doom!” Unfortunately, no one seemed to care. A few people looked over at Graham as they left, but they didn’t stop.
“Don’t you mean, ‘featuring Raymond the Dork’?” David yelled over from across the room.
Graham rubbed his hand through his hair, then exclaimed, “Wait, people! Tomorrow night you will see something really amazing. Raging Raymond is not going to eat a simple mixture of food. Instead he will eat . . . A WORM!” Suddenly everyone stopped and turned back.
“That’s right, Grizzlies—a worm straight from the Camp Grizzly dirt.” Graham motioned for me to stand up. Inst
ead, I pulled him down.
“See you all tomorrow!” Graham shouted from his seat.
“What are doing?” I cried. “Why did you promise everyone that I would eat a worm?” I put my head on the table and closed my eyes. There was no way I was ever going to eat a worm. As I sat there wondering how Graham could do this to me, his best friend, I heard the sound I had dreamed about.
“Raymond, Raymond!” they were all chanting. I looked up and everyone was gathering around our table.
I stood up and waved at everyone.
“Yes, tomorrow night I will eat a worm!”
Mark came up to me and gave me a high five. “Dude, this will be awesome! The Amazing Mark eating Herron’s Heap and then Raging Raymond eating a worm for dessert. We are quite the team, dude.”
“See,” Graham said. “I knew it! We’re the talk of camp. How does it feel?”
“Incredible,” I said. “It feels incredible.”
After dinner we all gathered in front of the lodge by the flagpole. Each patrol yelled its cheer, trying to show they had the most spirit. And of course, we sang a few more songs. Afterward, Toad had to go to a staff meeting, so we had to have Roses, Thorns, and Buds without him. Unfortunately, we weren’t allowed to start a fire by ourselves. We all brought out our flashlights instead. As each Toad Claw stood up to speak, the rest of us pointed our flashlights at him, like a spotlight.
Almost everyone’s bud was that they were looking forward to seeing me eat a worm the next night. It was so different from the last night, when everyone was mad about hearing us say dude all the time. Now everyone thought we were the greatest, and all it took was promising to eat a worm.
Wait a minute, I thought. As I sat there listening to everyone sing my praises, I suddenly realized that I was really going to have to eat a worm!
12
Let the Games Begin
THE NEXT DAY was going to be either the best day of my life or the worst. Not only did I have the worm thing, but we would have to pay up if we lost our bet with David’s patrol. The rest of the Toad Claws were excited about the Olympics. They weren’t nearly as nervous as I was about losing and having to wear underpants for hats.