by Mike Knudson
As soon as we walked through the door of the dining hall, people started chanting “Raymond, Raymond!” I smiled and gave them a little wave.
“What are we going to do?” I asked Graham.
“Don’t worry,” he whispered. “Maybe they’ll forget by the time dinner’s over. Or maybe the award ceremony will start right after dinner.”
Unfortunately, after each bite of my dinner, kids would come by to wish me good luck or slap me on the back and tell me how excited they were about the worm.
“I’m really sorry,” BB said. “I guess you should do it if you really have to.”
“No way,” I replied. “It’s not worth it, hermano.” It suddenly hit me that this was the first time I had ever called anyone hermano besides Graham. And it had come out so easily. I was beginning to realize what good friends BB and Tiny had become to me and Graham.
As dinner ended, the pressure grew even more intense. Mark Herron’s friend made his announcement that Mark was about to begin, but everyone started chanting my name instead.
“This is bad, Graham. What are we going to do?” All of a sudden BB got up and ran out the door without even cleaning up his tray.
“Where’s he going?” Graham asked.
“I don’t know. I think he just feels bad. You know, like he’s responsible for me not going through with this.” Graham and I still didn’t know what we were going to tell everyone. We looked on as Mark made his most disgusting creation yet. As soon as he swallowed, the crowd immediately turned to me. The chanting became louder and louder. Finally, Graham stood up on the bench.
“I know you have all been waiting for Raging Raymond’s dessert. But we’ve had a technical difficulty. We searched and searched, but we couldn’t find a worm.” Silence struck the lodge and everyone just stared at us. The silence was followed by a few boos, which were followed by a million boos. I was about to make a run for our cabin when BB showed back up with a cup.
“Hold on, everyone. I’ve got Raging Raymond’s dessert right here!” BB said. He held up a cupful of dirt and made his way through the crowd. Everyone cheered and made a path for him up to me.
“Dude, way to build the suspense,” Mark said.
Graham put his hand to my ear and whispered, “What is he doing?”
I shrugged my shoulders and leaned down to BB. “What are you doing?”
“Just trust me.” Then he dug his fingers into the dirt. “I present Raging Raymond with his Spoonful of Doom!” He pulled out a long worm covered in dirt.
“You don’t have to do this, BB,” I told him. By now I felt like I could live with everyone being mad at me. I really didn’t want to eat the worm.
I took the worm from BB and held it up by one end. I started to wipe off the dirt, but BB stopped me.
“Eat it with the dirt.” Now I was really going to be sick. Eating a worm is bad enough, but did I have to eat a bunch of dirt too? The worm felt strange and not very slimy. I looked closer at the spot where I had wiped off the dirt. BB hadn’t given me a real worm at all—it was one of his gummy worms covered in dirt!
“Looks delicious.” I opened my mouth and dangled the worm over it. The crowd cheered as I slowly lowered it into my mouth and began to chew. The dirt tasted terrible, but luckily there was a lot more gummy worm than there was dirt. I made a big show of swallowing it, and everyone screamed and cheered.
I took a bow and it was over. Graham and BB took bows too. The crowd was going wild.
“Sorry about the dirt, but it helped hide the gummy worm,” BB whispered to me.
As campers finished eating they moved outside for the awards ceremony. It was time to pay up on our bet. Suddenly, the glory of the worm eating didn’t seem to matter. We headed back to our cabins with all the other Toad Claws to get our hats.
We rummaged through our bags looking for clean underwear. Then we all met up outside and waited for Toad. We stood there quietly, each of us with a pair of underpants in our hands. We didn’t want to put them on our heads until the very last moment. After a while Toad came jogging down the path.
He made his way to the middle of our group and said, “Well, Toad Claws, since it was my fault for getting you into this mess, I’ll be the first to put my hat on.” He pulled his waistband open and stretched his underpants over his head until they fit snugly. They were blue. Toad looked hilarious, and we couldn’t help cracking up.
“No, Toad, I think it was my fault for agreeing to this part of the bet,” Tiny said, putting his underpants on his head. He didn’t even need to stretch them to put them on. They were so big and loose that they fell down over his eyes. Now we really busted up laughing. Tiny walked around with his underpants covering his eyes and his arms stretched out in front of him like he was blindfolded.
“My turn,” Carl said. He giggled as he pulled his pair over his head. They had rocket ships on them, and there was a big hole that his ear stuck out of. Graham laughed so hard he fell on the ground. I felt like my sides were going to split open. The rest of us happily pulled our underpants hats on. Some were boxers; others were tighty whities; some had holes in them like Carl’s; and some, like Lizzy-Boy’s, looked like they might have been worn already. We couldn’t stop laughing.
“Okay, Toad Claws, it’s time for our march of shame,” Toad announced. He stepped up onto a bench. “The awards ceremony is about to start. I want you guys to follow me, because we’re going to make a huge scene when we get there. If we have to wear underpants on our heads, we’re going to make the most of it! Who’s with me?”
“We are!” we screamed.
“Then let’s go! Follow me!”
We proudly made our way down to the lodge, where everyone had already gathered for the ceremony. Toad made up a song as we marched. He would sing a line and then we would repeat it back to him.
“I don’t know, but I’ve been told,” he sang.
And we all repeated: “I don’t know, but I’ve been told . . .”
“. . . Toad Claws did not win the gold!”
“. . . Toad Claws did not win the gold,” we echoed.
“But what we have to do instead . . .”
“But what we have to do instead . . .”
“. . . is wear our underpants on our heads!”
“. . . is wear our underpants on our heads!”
We kept singing it over and over as we walked into the lodge. At first everyone was pointing and laughing at us. Then as we continued singing, some of the other groups joined in and sang along, clapping in unison. Toad marched us right to the front where Fuzzy was standing. After one more verse, Toad motioned for us to stop singing, and we took a bow. The crowd roared. Even Fuzzy was clapping. We all sat down.
“Thank you for sneaking in so quietly,” Fuzzy joked. Then he began the awards ceremony.
Whenever one of the Muscular Monsters won an award, he would accept the medal from Fuzzy and then turn to the crowd and flex his muscles. Everyone would cheer. When BB won the gold for the swimming event, he walked up, accepted his medal, turned his puny body toward the audience, and flexed his tiny muscles. The crowd went crazy. Tiny accepted his award for the rope climb and gave a friendly wave to the cheering audience.
“Now for the overall Olympic gold medal,” Fuzzy announced. “This is for the team with the highest combined point total.” Even before he announced their names, Flex was heading for the front.
“Muscular Monsters are the best!” David shouted to the crowd, as Flex accepted the gold medal. There were a few cheers and a handful of boos. I guess David had made a few new enemies at camp.
Fuzzy held his hand up for silence. “I consider our final award to be the most important. You’ve all spent the last few days together with boys you’ve met for the first time. You’ve worked together, had fun together, and become a bear patrol together. The Spirit Award is for the patrol that most clearly demonstrates the spirit of Camp Grizzly.”
One by one Fuzzy asked each patrol to give their cheer again. When it w
as our turn I hopped around as I held up my finger and shouted, “Har! Toad Claws!” Even though I figured we probably wouldn’t win, I felt my own Grizzly pride for my patrol. The Muscular Monsters laughed at us again. But this time I didn’t care.
Fuzzy held up twelve leather necklaces with a golden bear claw hanging from each of them. “This was a difficult decision, but this year’s award goes to . . .” He paused. “Wait, did I ever tell you the story about the time when I was a camper? Maybe we should wait until later for the award—this is a good story.”
Everyone shouted, “No!”
“Just kidding, Grizzlies.” Fuzzy laughed. “This year’s Camp Grizzly Spirit Award goes to . . . THE TOAD CLAWS!”
We had won! We went crazy, hopping up and down, screaming and cheering. We proudly hopped to the front of the lodge, still wearing our underpants on our heads. Everyone was cheering except the Muscular Monsters. They were looking at each other and shaking their heads. We lined up, and Fuzzy hung a golden bear claw around each of our necks.
Graham, Tiny, BB, and I all high-fived each other over and over again.
Later that night we had our final Roses, Thorns, and Buds. Toad went first.
“Well, Toad Claws, I don’t know what to say. My rose is each of you guys. You made me proud to be a Toad Claw today. I hope you will always remember: if you can be a winner wearing a pair of underpants on your head, you can do anything.” We all clapped, and Toad sat down.
BB stood up and was quiet for about a minute. “You guys have been awesome. None of you have made fun of me for liking bugs, or Graham for pretending he has a girlfriend, or Carl for picking his nose—”
“What? I don’t pick my nose!” Carl interrupted. We all giggled.
“I guess I just want to say thanks. It’s been a great time.” Then BB threw his fists into the air and yelled, “Toad Claws rule!”
Tiny got up next. He had his usual smile on his face. “This has been the best week of my life. I’ve learned so much. Not just about hiking and swimming and other camp stuff, but I learned that I really shouldn’t jump off the top bunk when someone’s foot is close by. I learned that I can throw toilet paper really far. And best of all, I learned that I look great with underwear on my head.” We clapped, and Tiny sat down.
Graham stood up next. His gold claw clinked against the big bear claw with the China sticker on it. I guess now he’s two parts bear.
“Toad is the best, you guys are the best, Camp Grizzly is the best!” Graham said. “Oh, and did I ever tell you about my girlfriend, Kelly? Because she’s the best too.” We all busted up.
It was finally my turn.
“I never thought I’d say this, but hopping around like a pirate toad with my claw in the air is the coolest thing I’ve ever done. HAR! TOAD CLAWS!” When I hopped around, everyone joined in.
I thought we’d never go to sleep that night. We went to bed but stayed awake for hours just talking and laughing. All of a sudden it was morning and Toad was singing us one last wake-up song. We all packed up and headed for the lodge.
When we got to the lodge, I saw that my mom was already there with a bunch of other parents. We introduced each other to our parents and showed them our Spirit Award bear claws. Just as Graham and I were about to leave, Tiny said, “Wait, guys! I’ve got something for you.” He reached into his bag and handed each of us a piece of paper. It was three copies of a picture he had drawn of all four of us—me, BB, Tiny, and Graham. In his picture we were all sitting on the bench in front of the cabin. Our fingers were all shaped like claws, and on each of our heads was, you guessed it, a pair of underpants.
“You drew a picture for your friends? How sweet!” Mom said. She squinted her eyes and looked closer. “Are those underpants on your heads?” she asked.
We all cracked up at that.
“I have something for you guys too,” BB said. He handed a little folded piece of paper to Graham and then one to me.
“You can open them later,” he said. He seemed kind of shy all of a sudden.
“Come on, boys. It’s time to go,” Mom reminded us. We did our Toad Claw cheer one last time and said our good-byes.
As soon as we got into the car, Graham and I unfolded our pieces of paper from BB. Mine simply said WORM MAN. I showed it to Graham.
“What’s yours say?” I asked him.
“THE TP KING,” he said, showing it to me. “I guess we finally got some nicknames.”
I tried it out. “Hmm, Worm Man.” I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to replace Raymond with Worm Man, but it still felt pretty cool to have my own nickname.
On the ride home Graham and I told my mom about everything we’d done that week: the hiking, the swimming, and almost everything else. We didn’t tell her about stealing David’s underpants.
“Speaking of swimming,” Mom said. “I was talking to Brad’s mother this morning, and when I told her I was picking you up today, she invited you to their pool party later. She said she would have invited you earlier, but she thought you weren’t getting back from camp until tomorrow.”
“Really?” I asked. I thought about how much fun it would be to see everybody and tell them all about BB’s bugs, Tiny’s amazing toilet paper throw, and how we’d paraded around with underpants on our heads. Somehow, though, I just didn’t think they would understand.
“So do you want to go to the party together?” Graham asked.
“Nah, I’m not really in the mood,” I said. “But it’s nice to be invited.”