by Linda Conrad
And now? Now he was about to become a father without even the benefit of marriage. He could just imagine what his father would have to say about that.
Hell.
Annie made it all the way through the afternoon’s work at the lagoon without breaking down. But now she found herself standing alone at the ocean’s edge right before dusk on the verge of panic.
She loved being here on the island, with its hazy blue skies and brilliant aquamarine waters. But she had to give some consideration to where she would go and what she would do now that she was expecting a baby.
The thought of going home to her family snuck in and then back out of her mind. They were going to be terribly disappointed with her predicament. She just couldn’t bear thinking of the hurt looks in their eyes when she told them the truth. As much as she loved them all deeply, South Boston was the last place she would go now.
She’d escaped the tenterhooks of home once. And that was tough enough, what with everyone convinced that she would never make it on her own.
But Annie knew she’d grown strong and independent since she’d moved a million light years away from her childhood. And she was sure she would be able to figure out some other way rather than running back to her family.
She thought about the large savings account she’d built up from her wages here, and absently placed a protective hand against her stomach. There would be two of them to consider from now on.
So how would having a baby affect her career? Annie imagined that being a personal trainer would be pretty much out of the question for a while. What else could she do to support herself and a child?
A big part of her was thrilled and excited at the prospect of becoming a mother. It was something that every little girl dreamed about, including her. She loved her nieces and nephews and babysat for them all the time back in South Boston. Holding a baby in her arms brought wonderful maternal urges that had always made Annie secretly covet her sister’s lives.
Yes, that part was thrilling all right. But another part of her was afraid. Afraid of seeing societies’ reaction to her single motherhood. Her life was definitely not going down the road of any fairy-tale now.
And what would Nick’s reaction be when he overcame his initial shock? Would he want to participate in his child’s life? Or would he want to be rid of them both so he would not have to be reminded of his indiscretions?
With thoughts reeling and emotions raging, Annie turned around to head back up the cliff toward the house. She saw Nick’s mother standing on the patio, watching her.
Darn it. Mrs. Scoville must’ve heard her talking to Nick. Facing the embarrassment of Nick’s mother knowing of their…uh…affair before she had a chance to sort out her own feelings was the last thing Annie wanted to do.
But Mrs. Scoville had always been most gracious and kind. And Annie knew she had nowhere to run anyway.
With the red blush crawling up her neck and about to strangle her, Annie slowly climbed the few steps to the patio. All she could do was pray that the normally nice, civilized woman would not be angry about the fact that Annie had seduced her only son.
“You looked so distraught and lonely out on the beach all by yourself,” Mrs. Scoville said as she reached out for her. “Please come have tea with me. Talk to me. Let me help you.” She placed her arm around Annie’s waist and propped her up as they walked back toward the pool house.
Annie leaned against the older woman’s warmth and sighed. This is what she might’ve wished her mother would do for her. Comfort her. Baby her.
But Maeve Mary Margaret O’Brien Riley would no doubt grab her up by the hair and throw her into a convent instead. No, this kind of comfort and intimacy would never come at the hands of her own mother. And the other members of her family wouldn’t dare go against the matriarch.
There would be no long talks on the phone to her sisters. No emergency consultations with her grandmother on what to do for morning sickness. Annie vowed not to mention it to them at all until after the baby was born.
She let Nick’s mother lead her into the pool house, where a silver tea cart sat laden with small sandwiches and steaming milk. It was such a welcoming sight that Annie nearly broke down and cried.
“Sit here, dear,” Mrs. Scoville said. “Or would you be more comfortable having a shower before you take tea?”
There was such an obvious look of concern in the other woman’s eyes that Annie immediately released the tension she’d been holding. It was the best she could’ve hoped for, and she suddenly felt much safer than she had only a few minutes before.
“I missed lunch today and lost everything I’d had in my stomach before that. I’m starved. Could we just eat first?”
“Certainly. Please sit down. I’ll pour.” Mrs. Scoville fussed over her and made sure she had what she needed before she joined her at the table.
Annie wolfed down a couple of finger sandwiches and followed them with a cup of warm milk garnished with a dash of tea and sugar. Already she was beginning to feel more human.
“I have to apologize for my son’s actions this afternoon,” Mrs. Scoville began when Annie leaned back in her chair. “In his defense, I can only say that this must have been as big a shock to you as it was for him. But he will step up and stand beside you in the end. At his core, he is driven to be noble.”
“Oh I know that,” Annie said with surprise. She’d never had any real doubts about him doing whatever he saw as his duty. It had just been the first rush of panic that made her go crazy with doubt.
The older woman smiled, but then her expression turned wary. “Have you…” Mrs. Scoville hesitated, looking conflicted and concerned. “Well, have you considered all your first options?”
“Options?” What was she asking? “If you mean about where I want to live after the baby is born, no. I thought I’d wait and see what Nick wants us to do. I’ll try to abide by his wishes. If he wants us to live close enough that he can visit his child, we’ll…”
“You intend to have this child then,” Mrs. Scoville interrupted. She released a deep breath and smiled.
“What? Of course. You didn’t think…” Annie nearly came up off her chair before she calmed down and realized the woman didn’t really know her all that well. “That was never an option. I not only intend to have this child, I intend to raise it, with or without anyone’s help.”
The older woman placed a hand over hers and smiled again. “The rest of your decisions should be made together with Nicholas. But I can assure you that neither you nor my grandchild will ever want for anything.”
Her grandchild? Oh my gosh. Suddenly, this baby was becoming very real. That spurt of panic was back. She was actually going to be a mother. And perhaps a single mom, at that.
“I didn’t have any daughters,” Mrs. Scoville continued in a soothing voice. “But I did have a baby once, and I have a sister who had a child. Will you allow me the privilege of assisting you with this pregnancy? We may have to learn some of the newer methods and ideas together…”
She stopped speaking and tilted her head to study Annie. “Perhaps you would prefer to go home to your own mother to await your child?”
“No.” Annie answered with way too much force. “No,” she said again, softer this time and with a smile. “I’d be really grateful if you’d let me stay here on the island until the baby is born, Mrs. Scoville. And believe me, I’ll gladly take whatever advice you want to give.”
Mrs. Scoville’s eyes filled with tears, but she chuckled and patted Annie’s hand. “Wonderful. I just know you and Nicholas will be able to work something out.”
She stood and pulled the softly colored afghan off the back of the sofa and placed it on Annie’s lap. “Now, let’s begin by you calling me Elizabeth. This is going to be such fun. I can hardly wait.”
Eight
The next morning at sunrise Nick made his way to the pool house to talk to Annie. His visit to Dr. Gamble yesterday afternoon had been eye-opening. But he was still in shock
and hadn’t slept, trying desperately to focus on what would be the best thing for everyone.
He had no way of knowing yet what Annie would want to do. But Nick could only hope she wouldn’t want to go back to her family in Boston on a permanent basis. When the doctor had confirmed that it was entirely possible for a man with a low sperm count to conceive a child with a fertile woman, Nick had been more confused than ever about what the right move would be.
Trying to imagine what it would be like to be a father, he wanted to see into the future. To envision what a child of his and Annie’s making would be like.
But instead of thinking of children, he thought of Annie, with her zest for life and her colorful nature. It made him remember her, lying naked beside him with fire in her eyes. She’d had eyes for only him then, and wanted him.
An old familiar wedge of guilt drove straight into his soul. Thinking about Annie only caused a lustful hunger to bubble up deep in his gut. Again.
He couldn’t believe he’d let things with her get so out of hand during the storm. He’d betrayed Christina’s memory, dishonored Annie and had probably disappointed his parents beyond redemption.
However, all this introspection was useless. There was nothing to do now but swallow the regret and discuss the problem with Annie.
Before he raised his hand to knock on the pool house door, he peeked through a window into the front room to see if anyone was awake yet. Annie normally would be up at this hour, but in her condition would she rather sleep late?
He saw her, with that graceful athlete’s back to him, dressed in shorts and standing in front of the small kitchenette with hands firmly fisted on her hips. She’d tied her fiery curls back with a band, but several wispy strands still escaped down her neck to give her a feminine and fairy-tale princess look.
Gulping back the immediate lash of hot desire that went straight to his groin, Nick forced his gaze away and softly knocked on the door. Their discussion had to remain all business. His lust for her had already landed them in a huge predicament. One he had no idea how to fix.
Annie opened the door and gazed up at him. He felt his body sway toward those deep luminous green pools and had to reach out to steady himself by holding the edge of the door.
“We need to discuss things,” he heard his own voice saying from far away.
“Outside, please,” she whispered. “I don’t want to wake your mother. We were up late talking and I know she must be jet-lagged.”
He stood aside and let her slip out of the door before he closed it behind her. It took every bit of his control not to touch her as she passed by and started out ahead of him toward the cliff stairs.
Annie sat down on the top stair and stared out at the first rays of orange dawn peeking out over the ocean. She turned back when he came up behind her and motioned for him to sit beside her.
He would rather stand, thank you. Getting too close to her had not proven to be the safest thing for him to do in the past.
Nick went down three steps and turned around to talk, almost face-to-face at this level. It was too close to suit him, but at least he wouldn’t have to touch her.
“I thought I had better start out by apologizing for my actions during the storm, Annie.” He fisted his hands and stuck them in his pockets. “This is all my—”
“Stop it, Nick,” she warned. “My being pregnant is every bit as much my own fault as it is yours. I didn’t have to say yes. And as a matter of fact, as I recall, it was me that begged you and not the other way around.”
He blinked twice and simply stared at her. Somehow his voice had been lost in the middle of her little speech.
“I know you’re feeling guilty here,” she rushed on. “But don’t. It makes me wonder if I shouldn’t be feeling guilty myself, and I refuse to do that. And I don’t need your pity either, thanks. I don’t want you to put yourself out on my account.
“I’m a grown woman who can take care of herself,” she continued. “Your mother has invited me to stay on the island until the baby is born, which I intend to do unless you have major objections. After that, I’m not sure what I’ll do, but I would never keep you away from your child if you wanted to see it from time to time.” She hesitated and looked up at him with huge, wary eyes.
“Annie,” he said softly. Her vulnerability and the nervous habit she had of talking too fast made his heart ache. Everything was clear to him all of sudden. There was only one thing that would ever make this situation right.
“I would never be able to rest not knowing how you two were getting along every day,” he told her with a quiet plea in his voice. “Let me be with you, take care of both of you—and do what’s right. Marry me.”
“What?” Her eyes blazed at him and she stood up. “I just told you I could take care of myself. You don’t need to be some kind of martyr and marry a woman you don’t love. We will be fine.”
He’d had a feeling she was going to say that. One little part of him breathed a big sigh of relief. But another large part of him refused to pay attention.
Nick climbed the stair to be on her level and took her lightly by the shoulders. “As you no doubt recall, I don’t believe that love is a necessary requirement for getting married. But honor and fidelity are the best reasons I know of for two people to make a commitment to each other.
“Let me honor you, and honor our child,” he continued.
She looked as if he’d struck her rather than tried to do the right thing. So vulnerable and alone it almost brought tears to his eyes, she bowed her head and sighed.
He rushed ahead, knowing he could push her over the edge now. “Return the favor and do me the honor of becoming my wife, Annie Riley.”
He held his breath for a moment, almost convincing himself it would be better if she turned him down.
Annie lifted her chin and looked at him. “Yes.”
“What?” There was a whooshing sound in his ears and he wasn’t sure he’d heard her right. He dropped his hands.
She laughed, but it sounded hollow. “My answer is yes. I will marry you, Nick. Sure you don’t wanna take it back?”
“No,” he answered with a raspy voice. He cleared his throat a couple of times before he tried again. “No, of course not. I want to be sure you two are okay. I…”
“And I’m just old-fashioned enough to want my child to have a father,” Annie interrupted. “So when do you want to do it?”
“Do it?”
“Get married.”
His head was thumping and his blood was running hot and cold, but he shook it off and tried to focus. “As soon as possible, I guess. Uh…where would you like to have the ceremony take place? Here? Boston?”
“Here. I…I’m ashamed for my mother to find out and I don’t want to tell anyone in my family until after we’re married. It’ll be easier on everyone that way.”
The whole thing was beginning to sound dirty and way too dry for such a sacred ceremony. But then again, it was him that had wanted them to stay on a businesslike level.
He reached for her but she turned her back. “Go away for now, Nick. We can work out the details later.”
Did she want him to hold her? Perhaps seal the deal with a kiss the way it was in her books? He was afraid to touch her. Afraid he might actually break down if she cried in his arms.
“I’ll call the village magistrate and work it out,” he said to her back. “It will be okay, Annie. I promise.”
And God help him, he would move heaven and earth as he’d promised his mother to make it so. For Annie.
Annie held herself together until she heard Nick’s footsteps walking away. Running down the stairs to the isolated beach, she finally let her tears flow.
Not sure what she’d expected when Nick turned up at her door at sunrise, a proposal of marriage hadn’t even been on the list of possibilities. In the back of her mind, she supposed what she’d imagined was that he would offer money to support his child—support both of them—as long as they were somewhere on t
he other side of the world.
When he’d popped the question, though, marriage suddenly seemed the right thing to do. They shared romantic ideals of family and both of them had prehistoric notions that children needed two parents.
When they’d talked during the hurricane about his first wife wanting a baby, the look on his face had been clear enough. He’d wanted a child, too.
But did he want a new wife? Did he really want her?
Standing at the water’s edge, she looked out as the sky completed the change from the periwinkle-blue of predawn to the rose and gold glow of morning. But the beauty she beheld only made the ache in her heart grow stronger.
Tears streamed down her cheeks, as she wondered why things had to be so complicated. Why couldn’t she and Nick have fallen in love, then gotten married and had sex, and then had a baby? That was the way it was in fairy tales.
She sniffed and wound her arms around her middle. Grow up, Annie girl. Life is not a fairy tale. No one had ever even hinted that it would be.
She’d said yes to his proposal to quell her panic at being a single mother. Marrying Nick would save her reputation and give her back her family. And maybe their marriage would work out okay in the end.
So what if he could be the most annoying man in the world at times. She respected Nick more than she could say. And she trusted him to take care of her and their baby—even though he’d made it clear he didn’t love or need her.
He was honorable and reliable and rich.
Instead of those thoughts calming her tears, a sob ripped from her throat and the watery flow increased. Oh, God, how she wished he would love her like her father loved her mother. That’s what she’d always dreamed about. A Prince Charming whose love would grow stronger each day.
But it was not to be for her. No. She was preparing to marry a man who didn’t love her at all. Wouldn’t let himself love her, even though she was half in love with him already.
A nasty image of the future jumped into her mind. Since Nick didn’t love her, would it be possible that the ghost of his first wife and her unfulfilled desires could come back to haunt him someday? When Annie’s baby came, would it just serve to remind him of how much he wished it was Christina having his child?