I would not let him see me cry. I refused. It didn’t matter how much my stomach quivered or my knees shook. My father didn’t deserve my tears.
I spent my night writing and worrying that Roman would get arrested at the end of everything. Each time the thought took flight in my mind, I got scared. I didn’t want to know what life would feel like without him.
I wasn’t the only person that couldn’t afford to have him leave though. River needed his dad. He couldn’t go back with his mother.
I went to sleep with thoughts of River and Roman on my mind. I tossed and turned all night.
**
I had to walk through the doors of Aspen Grove with everyone else and it felt weird. I was walking through quicksand. I stopped at my locker and looked across the hall at the Monarch Room. I tried not to let my eyes linger too long. I put my book bag away and took one step after the other until I was standing in front of the doors.
When I walked in, I held my breath waiting to see Roman. He wasn’t there though. Someone else was at his desk. A woman with soft blonde curls and a smile. I blinked and looked behind myself to make sure I wasn’t seeing things.
“Excuse me,” I smiled politely. “Where’s Mr. Clermont?”
“Oh, he had some personal matters to take care of. Take your seat please.” I opened my mouth to speak but I heard a familiar voice calling out to me.
“Miss Okolo, can I speak with you please?”
Matt. Thank God .
We stepped out of the classroom and he looked around, gauging the number of people in the hallway. Everyone was running around trying to make it to class before the bell. It was hectic.
Matt shook pulled me along the hallway until we reached the teacher’s lounge. Since school was getting ready to begin, it was empty. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a phone.
“Keep this. It’s how Rome is gonna contact you. Okay? Don’t let anyone else see this.” His green eyes were so kind I had to stifle my tears. He must have seen the look on my face. “Come here, Zuri.” He pulled me in for a hug and I grabbed him, holding on tight.
“There’s a substitute in his class today,” I said.
“I know. Palmer told him it would be best for him to stay home today. It was last minute. Go in there and don’t let on to anything. I’m interviewing with Palmer today and I’ll say whatever I have to so that Rome shakes this shit.”
“Thank you, Matt.”
“Don’t mention it. Go back to class.” He wrote me a pass and I hugged him once more before slipping out of the lounge and going back to the Monarch Room.
I took my seat in class and went on about the period. I was fine until the sub left the room and the rumors began to swirl. “I can’t believe Mr. Clermont isn’t in class,” one girl smirked.
“I heard he was strung out and was fucking a student.” The words burned my ears.
“He’s not fucking strung out,” I grumbled.
“Whatever. How would you know?” The girl frowned.
“Does he seem like the type to be on drugs? You sound stupid,” I seethed.
“Well I don’t know about the drugs but I could definitely see him fucking a student. He was always flirting with me and he was all over me.” I snapped my eyes to the mouth spewing lies and bullshit.
It was Brittany Sawyer.
Bitch .
“What?” I laughed.
“Well, you know. You saw it, Zuri.”
“I didn’t see shit, Brittany.” I was seconds away from slapping the hell out of her.
“Maybe not when you were around but he was always smiling in my face.”
“That’s ridiculous.” I tossed my hand in the air and pushed to my feet. I should have been lying low and keeping my mouth shut but I couldn’t let her slander Roman. She was driving the nails deeper in the coffin.
“Miss Okolo, have a seat.” The substitute teacher was back in the room. I sat down and tried to control the wild beating of my heart. How could people say shit like that about Roman? He was such an amazing teacher and he never gave off the indication that he was on drugs or doing anything inappropriate even though he definitely was fucking a student.
Sometimes people liked to talk just so they’d have something to say. It was the only explanation for the nonsense my classmates were spewing. I couldn’t wait to get away from them.
**
Roman
“You can’t keep shoving money at a drug addict, Roman!” My father’s voice echoed off the walls of his study. A glass of champagne was fixed in his hand as he calmed his nerves with each sip.
“I want my son! I don’t care how much money I have to throw at her. River watches her put needles in her arm. He helps her!” My father took another drink and sighed.
“Okay, okay. I hear you. River shouldn’t ever have to go through that. Why didn’t you tell us that from the beginning? I thought you’d lost your mind shelling out hundreds of dollars a week.”
“No. I’m broke as hell now and I had to take off. Not having the best day.” I rested my elbows on my knees and shut my eyes.
“Roman you’re never broke. You’re a Clermont. Your name alone is like money. Why didn’t you go to work today?”
“Because my boss told me not to. He’s launching an investigation into me and Zuri. Remember when I came by yesterday and gave Michelle five hundred dollars? It’s because she needed more money and she came to the school and caught me kissing Zuri. She told the principal that I was fucking her and now it’s blown up.”
Thinking about Zuri even for a second, made my chest ache. I missed her already. Every part of me missed her. Right down to my bones.
“What!” My father exploded and pushed to his feet in a burst of angry energy. “Roman, I’m calling for an emergency hearing. I have a few buddies that are judges. I’ll have them subpoena Michelle today. That way when she drags her ass into court, she can be tested on the spot and fail. You’ll be granted custody of River so fast it’ll make everyone’s head spin.
I nodded at my father and listened to him rant. I would need something stronger than champagne. When he settled down, he started making phone calls and I found my way to the kitchen. My mother was there with River who was having a ball banging a stainless steel measuring cup on the counter.
“Daddy, where’s Riri? I miss her.” He asked, looking up at me with big brown eyes.
“She’s at school. We’ll call her on Facetime tonight at home, okay?”
“Okay.” He went back to banging the measuring cup and I looked at my mother. She was smitten with her grandson.
“Do you think that he’s young enough to only recognize Zuri as his mother? We can erase that little blemish right out of his mind. He’s about to be four. When does long-term memory kick in?” I tipped my head back and sighed, wondering what the hell God was doing when he gave me the parents I had.
“We can’t erase his mother like a mistake.”
“That’s what she is, Roman. Don’t try to sugar coat things.”
“I’m not but I feel like there’s a better way than removing her memory from his life.”
“Roman, you have got to stop with the compassion. This girl tricked you and she’s brought all kinds of drama into your life. She’s toxic to him and you want to put her on a pedestal?”
“No, Mom. I don’t. I just don’t think it’s appropriate to tell him that…” I stopped talking and pushed out a breath. “You know what? I’m not talking about this in front of him anymore.”
I got River a cup of juice and stooped down to his level. “Hey, buddy, you ready to go home?”
“Yeah! I like your house.”
“It’s your house too. Especially since all your toys are starting to eat my living room.”
“They are not,” he grinned and I saw why Zuri melted over my dimples. River was going to be spoiled rotten every time he smiled. I went into the study with my father and got River’s things together. I’d spent all the time I could with my parents. They
were starting to give me a headache.
“Ah, Roman. I’ve set up the hearing already and Michelle will be subpoenaed tomorrow. We’re on our way.” He looked at River and tousled his soft brown curls. “You’re gonna be with your family where you belong, River.”
“Family?” He asked, looking from me to my father. I picked him up in my arms and kissed his cheek.
“Yeah, family.”
“I like family,” he grinned. I kissed his cheek and told him to say goodbye to his grandfather then I strapped him into my car and we headed home. The entire time, I listened to Whitney Houston and thought about Zuri. She’d be singing along to every song.
The moment I got in the house and got River settled, I called her. I had Matt take her a phone so we could communicate without anyone knowing because I knew her asshole of a father would take her phone.
“Hi.” She smiled when she saw me and I couldn’t help smiling too. She looked beautiful even if I was looking at her through a screen.
“Hi, princess. You look perfect.”
“I’d look a lot better if you could see me in person,” she frowned. My eyes were busy committing her face to memory in strokes of charcoal for later.
“I’ll take what I can get though. How was your day? I’ve been thinking about you.” It wasn’t a lie either. I thought about Zuri every fucking minute that my mind wasn’t focused on River. Once Palmer told me to take the day off, I knew she would freak when she didn’t see me there.
“It was stressful but I made it. You know the kids in class think you’re some kind of drug addict? They think you’re strung out and fucking a student.” She rolled those pretty brown eyes and I laughed.
“They’re kids. They gossip. I’m just wondering how they came to the conclusion that I was strung out. Someone must have overheard bits and pieces of Palmer talking. They got one part right though,” I smirked at her and she bit her bottom lip. “I’ll be back at work tomorrow,” I told her. “It’s going to be so hard keeping my hands off you.”
“Ugh, I know. I’m going to be wet all period long…and I’m not gonna wear panties.”
“Zuri,” I growled. My nostrils flared imagining her sweet scent in the air. How the fuck was I supposed to work with her sitting front and center with no panties on? “Wear. Panties.”
“Why?” She giggled and her eyes looked devious. I wanted to spank her little ass.
“Because I won’t be able to concentrate on anything but bending you over my desk and fucking your tight pussy.”
“What’s wrong with that?” She asked, twirling a curly lock of hair around her finger.
“You’re tempting me. We do have to lie low though.” I let the gravity of the situation wash over me again. Zuri did the same. The smile slipped from her full lips and she nodded.
“You’re right. I’ll behave but I’m still not wearing panties. I’m going to come home and touch myself while I think about you.”
“Are you going to call me while you touch yourself?” I asked, my voice gruff as I adjusted my stiffening dick.
“Uh huh…” She licked her lips and they glistened. River toddled into the room with an armful of toys and dropped them on the floor so he could play at my feet. I grabbed a pillow from the couch and laid it in my lap with a chuckle. “Oh God, is that River?” Zuri laughed, covering her embarrassed face.
“Yeah,” I sighed. “Hey River, you wanna say hi to Riri?”
“Oh yes!” He nodded and scrambled into my lap, stepping on what little erection I had left. Kids were definitely mood killers in a cute package. “Riri! Can you come home now? I miss you.”
“You miss me?” She looked choked up but she hid it well for his sake. The thing that touched me the most about their entire exchange was that he asked when she was coming home .
I wanted my home to be her home. I wanted a life with her and I wanted to put all the drama behind us. I could see her in my kitchen, in my bed, on my couch. I could see her laughing in the tub after I ran her bathwater, I could see her stealing the covers in the middle of the night.
I wanted every part of that experience. I wanted her cold feet on me. I wanted her perfume bottles crowding my space. I wanted her clothes to take over mine. I wanted it all. All the silly things couples fought over…that’s what I wanted with her.
“I’ll see you soon, River…I promise,” she told him.
“Okay. Bye-bye.” He hopped off my lap and went about playing again.
“The boy misses you, Zuri. It’s settled, you have to move in,” I shrugged.
“I guess that’s that, huh?” She smirked.
“Seriously though, I wouldn’t mind. Have you decided on a school?”
“Anywhere close to you and River. I’ll go to college right here in-state if it means I get to be with you two.”
“I want you to go where you want though. Don’t reroute your life for me. I’ll follow you.”
“Roman, I never wanted to go to college. That’s what my father wanted. I never got a chance to figure out what I wanted” Hearing that gave me pause. She was a lot like me. Her father wanted to control everything she did. He controlled her so much that she didn’t even know what she wanted to do.
“Have you thought about a major? I’m only asking because you could take up creative writing.” I saw the pause when her breath hitched.
“I never thought about that. My father always gave me the options of lawyer or doctor. Zuri Okolo, MD.” She rolled her eyes. “I would love to major in creative writing though. Or English.” Her wheels were turning. I loved seeing her mind come to life.
“Exactly. It doesn’t have to be medicine or law. Do what you want, princess.”
“I think I will. What would I do without you, Roman Clermont?” She smiled.
“Be miserable,” I joked.
“So incredibly miserable,” she deadpanned. I saw a hint of a smile dancing on her lips though. I missed those lips. I wanted to kiss them and suck on them while I slid my dick deep inside of her. “Shit, Roman…I have to go. My father is home. I love you,” she whispered.
“I love you too.” The screen went blank and I set the phone down on the coffee table.
“Daddy, where’s Michelle?” River asked without looking up from his toy. I sat on the floor and pulled him against me. Hugs were plentiful and frequent now that I had him in my life.
“She’s busy,” I said. I didn’t know how to tell him that she was probably still partying on a binge or passed out somewhere sleeping off a stupor.
“Oh.”
“Do you miss her?” I quizzed, running the tips of my fingers through River’s short, sandy curls.
“No. I don’t want her to come back. If she does…she’ll take me from you.” He looked up at me and his lips dropped into a frown.
“I won’t let her take you from me. I’ve gone too many years without you. I’ll never go another year without you again, River. This is your house now.”
“It is? I can live here?”
“Yes. All the time. We’re gonna turn the spare bedroom into your room. You’ll have a cool bed and all the toys you can handle.”
“A bed!” I expected for him to get excited about the toys but he was so focused on having his own bed that he didn’t mention the toys once. “On the floor?”
“No, River. You’ll sleep in a regular bed. It won’t be on the floor,” I frowned. “Did you sleep on the floor when you lived with Michelle?”
“Yes. It was scratchy.”
“Because of the blankets?” I asked.
“Because of the bugs.” He squirmed out of my lap and went back to playing. The more glimpses I got into his life with his mother, the more I loathed her. My heart and soul ached for my son. I hated that I couldn’t get near him for three years.
Why the fuck did I wait so long to reach out to my parents? River was going through hell for the first three years of his life because I was too proud to ask for help. I couldn’t stop kicking myself.
I savored
every moment with him. Something as mundane and helping him brush his teeth and climb into bed was marvelous. I sat in the corner of what would be his room until he fell asleep. Even after his eyes closed, I watched him. His rhythmic breathing and serene face made me feel like even though I’d done some fucked up things in my life, I could do something right and raise him to be a good man.
I left River sleeping and went to clean up from dinner and pick up his things. I wasn’t used to sweeping up crumbs and digging toys from beneath the couch but it was something I wanted to get used to. Something I would get used to.
**
Matt came over once I had dishes in the dishwasher and the kitchen floor cleaned. I handed him a beer and a coaster because there was no way in hell I was cleaning the coffee table again. “Your place smells like cleaning spray,” he laughed kicking his feet up.
“I’ve been cleaning. Have you ever had a three-year-old run through your house? It’s hectic, man.”
“I see. Well, at least River brings color to your living room.” He eyed the toys in the corner and laughed a little. “I had an interview with Palmer today,” he informed me. I sat up a little straighter and looked at him to continue. “He asked me if I’d ever seen anything inappropriate between you and Zuri. I told him no. I told him you tutor her along with another student and that she comes to do her work then she leaves.”
Matt was such a good friend. I didn’t know how to thank him. He could have ratted me out to Palmer. He could have left a breadcrumb trail that led back to me and Zuri being in a relationship but he didn’t and I believed him.
“Did he ask you anything else?” I relaxed in my chair and tried to unwind my tense muscles.
“He asked me how often you two met for tutoring. He asked me if I ever noticed the door being locked while you and Zuri were alone. I told him I wasn’t privy to your tutoring schedule and that whenever I saw you in class the door was never locked because I often barged right in. Then he asked if I ever walked in on anything inappropriate.”
My mind flashed to Matt walking in when my head was practically up Zuri’s skirt. I cringed and pinched the bridge of my nose. We were reckless that day and clearly, we were reckless the day Michelle walked in too.
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