by Natalie Ann
“Because I love him and how can I love someone and know that every time we go somewhere I might run into one of his exes? I believe he never cheated on anyone, but I don’t like how it makes me feel to see the type of women he used to be around and know there are so many of them. I just know I need to leave. Please, go back and get my purse for me so I can call an Uber. Don’t tell the men.”
“Melissa—”
“Just cover for me for a few minutes. Tell them I need to touch up my makeup, something, anything. Then go back and tell Connor I left. I just need a head start.”
Melissa held her breath while Sheldon decided. “Only because I love you and I want to smack Connor.”
“He didn’t do anything wrong. Not to me. It’s just his past and I’m not sure I can get beyond it. I need to leave right now though. I’ve got to go gather my thoughts and make some decisions, but being here isn’t helping me make a clear decision.”
***
“Where’s Melissa?” Connor asked when Sheldon returned to the table a second time by herself.
“She left. She called an Uber and is going home.”
“Why? Doesn’t she feel good? Why didn’t she say something to me?”
Connor didn’t like the look on Sheldon’s face. “I’m sorry, Connor.” She took his hand and put the earrings in his palm. “She said she needs time to think.”
He looked down at the earrings and then looked up and around the room. There were women from his past in here tonight. He’d seen them, he’d said hi, but that was it. No one said anything more to him. Many were with dates of their own.
Did he notice some of the jewelry he’d given those women around the room tonight? Yeah, he did. Was it possible that Melissa found out? He was thinking it was.
He stood up and made his way to his parents’ table. “What did you say to Melissa?”
“Hi, Connor,” his mother said. “Nice of you to come say hello to us.”
He turned his head to his father since there were witnesses. The least he could do was address him, not that he thought his father would care one way or another. “Sorry, Dad, to interrupt your evening. Mom, what did you say to Melissa?”
“Nothing more than she wouldn’t last in our world. She wouldn’t listen and just brushed me off. What’s the matter, did someone else get ahold of her and say the same thing?”
Connor turned and walked away, then left the room. He’d catch up with her and find out for sure.
She Hurt Him
Melissa was just opening her front door when she heard the roar of a motorcycle come down her street. He wouldn’t have dared to leave and follow her. And she couldn’t imagine he could’ve caught up so fast.
But she knew it was him.
No reason to let herself into the house and lock him out. He’d know she was home and he’d just make a racket trying to get in, annoying her neighbors in the process.
“Connor. You shouldn’t have come.”
“You don’t even have the decency to tell me to my face you were ending things? That you had to walk out on my grandfather’s big night. You had to have your best friend do it for you.”
“I never said I was ending things.” But in her mind, she was thinking it was going to end up happening eventually.
“Then what do you call this?” he asked, pulling the earrings out of his pocket.
“I don’t need to be bought. I don’t need nice things for dating you.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I ran into a bunch of your exes tonight. A few made a point to show me all the nice shiny things you gave them. Told me to make sure I got something good out of you before you ended it. They made it seem like the jewelry always came at the end. Like a peace offering of sorts. I was just saving you the trouble.”
“Let’s go in the house and talk. I’m not ending things with you. I wasn’t going to at all.”
“I don’t know what to believe. All I know is I was around almost a dozen women tonight that have shared your bed. All in one room. I haven’t even slept with half that many in my life. I knew all about you, but coming face to face with it is almost more than I can handle.”
“A dozen? Are you kidding me? I’m not going to lie and say there weren’t a few women there, but not even close to half that number. Who told you that? My mother?”
“No. The women themselves.”
“Twelve women came up to you and told you that?”
They were in her kitchen right now. She needed to pace but there wasn’t enough room. What she really wanted was for him to leave. To give her space, but she was thinking she wouldn’t get that wish.
“Not twelve. Two women showed me what you gave them. There were four in a group. A pack. Like she-wolves coming after me.”
“And you fell for it because you thought so badly of me already. You were ready to believe them over me. Before even asking me. You were ready to cast judgment on me again even though you said you were wrong before.”
She couldn’t stop the tears from falling down her face right now. He was right, but she was afraid to admit it. That her own fears and insecurities got the best of her.
“You don’t understand,” she argued.
“No!” he shouted. “You don’t understand. I love you. I’ve never loved another woman before, but I found myself falling in love with you long before tonight. I put everything out there for you. I was honest with you from the start. I gave you no reason to think I’d lie to you or cheat on you. Yet in the end, it didn’t seem to make a difference.”
“Connor—”
“Let me talk.” She’d never seen him this angry before and she took a step back. “I can’t get rid of my past. It’s going to follow me around and haunt me until I die. I thought you’d be different. That you’d be able to look beyond it. I guess I was wrong and that falls on me.”
He turned and put her earrings on her counter, then walked out the door and she let him go because her heart was breaking. Not because he hurt her, but because she hurt him.
***
A week had gone by and Connor still hadn’t heard a word from Melissa. He wasn’t sure what to do at this point. He never thought it’d hurt this much. How the hell did he get in this situation? One he said he’d never get in before. Maybe it was best to go back to the way he used to be.
He was only kidding himself though. He’d been lonely before and didn’t want that shallow life again.
“Dr. Landers.” He looked up to see a nurse in the doorway of his office. “Your grandfather is here to see you. He doesn’t have an appointment, but I thought I’d come back and let you know.”
“Please send him in. Thanks.”
He hadn’t spoken to his grandfather since he walked out of the ceremony. He was too embarrassed to go see him and apologize for his behavior, even though he knew it’d be the right thing to do. Then again his grandfather was used to his behavior at times. If anyone would understand it’d be Andrew Landers.
“Is everything okay, Grandpa?”
“I’m fine. I came here to talk to you.”
Connor wasn’t surprised in the least. “What do you want to talk about? About the ceremony and leaving the way I did? I’m sorry about that.”
His grandfather waved his hand. “Don’t be sorry about that. I didn’t want to be there myself. If I could have gotten out of it, I would have. I want to know what is going on with you and Melissa.”
“Nothing,” he said. “I haven’t talked to her since that night.”
“You didn’t go after her?” his grandfather asked. “I’m disappointed in you.”
Those were the words that Connor never wanted to hear again. “Why this time?”
“You’re going to let the best thing that happened in your life walk away? Why? What did you do?”
“I didn’t do anything specifically to her. Nothing that night or any other night.” He wasn’t going to tell his grandfather about the first night he met Melissa. He thought Melissa put it behind th
em and he was trying to too.
“Then what is wrong?”
“She’s struggling with my past.”
“I always knew your past would come back to haunt you. You never listened to me all those years ago, did you?”
“I don’t need this right now, Grandpa.” Really? He felt as if his heart was going to shatter again. He couldn’t fix something he had no control over in the present or even the future, how was he supposed to deal with going back in time?
“What you need is a swift kick in the butt. I’d like to get this tired body up and do it.”
“Are you feeling okay?”
“Get your head out of your ass, Connor. This isn’t about me. This is about you and going after what you want. You’ve never let anything stop you before and yet for some reason you aren’t going after what you want so much now. Love isn’t easy. Love takes work. You’ve been afraid to love anyone your whole life because you felt you’d never be enough. It takes courage to put yourself out there and yet you don’t see that. You see that you failed when you’ve succeeded.”
This hardly looked like succeeding to him. “I’ve been the one to push the whole time. Maybe I’m tired of it.” He ran his hands through his hair. “I told you, I didn’t do anything. She has to come to terms on her own and she needs space for that. That’s what she said and I’m honoring that.”
“Stubborn. That is what you both are.” His grandfather stood up and walked to the door. “What did I tell you all those years ago, Connor?”
“To make you proud.”
“I said to make yourself proud. Look at where you are. Look at what you’ve changed and accomplished. You need to figure it out on your own. You had your years of gallivanting around. You had your fun. What do you want now?”
“I want Melissa.”
“Then go get her. Do what you need to let her know you love her. Don’t let this beat you when you’ve never let anything else beat you in life before.”
The First Step
Connor sat on those words a few more days. His grandfather was right, just like he always was. But first he needed to see if he even had anything to fix. He hoped to hell he did.
She’d said she wasn’t ending things. She’d told him she needed to think. He was praying she’d spent enough time doing that and that by giving her that time he didn’t make it worse. That she didn’t think he had given up on her when it was the last thing he wanted.
The problem was, he was hurt too, and the least she could have done was reach out to him. But he wasn’t holding his breath and he knew one of them had to take the first step. It’d be him.
He was walking around his condo, figuring she’d be home by now. It was after eight and she didn’t do showings that late that he knew of. Rather than text, he called. It’d mean more that way.
“Hi, Connor,” she said. Her voice sure didn’t sound like she was upset or missing him.
“How are you doing, Melissa?”
“I’m good. Busy. What about you?”
“The same.”
“I was going to call you tonight.”
His heart beat a tiny bit faster. “You were?”
“Yeah. I’m listing a house in a few days, but the owner said I could show it prior if I knew of anyone. It’s a little over budget, but seems to have everything you’re looking for. Kind of odd.”
So much for thinking she missed him. “How’s that?”
“It’s hard to explain. You just have to see it yourself.”
“I can do that. Listen,” he said, clearing his voice. “I wanted to talk about us.”
“What about us?”
He pushed the hurt back and prayed she was just putting on a good front. “Can we see each other? It’s better in person.”
“I agree. It’s kind of late though.”
“I don’t care. I want to say it tonight. I need to say it tonight now that I’ve got it all figured out in my head.”
There was silence on the other end. “Okay. I think it’s time we talked. There are things I want to say too.”
“I’ll see you soon.” He hung up the phone wishing there was optimism in her voice. He thought maybe he heard it, but he wasn’t positive about anything right now.
***
Melissa was pacing around the living room waiting for Connor to show up. She’d been debating calling him for days. She finally realized what a bitch she’d been about the whole situation. And once she realized that, fear kept her from taking that first step. From admitting she’d been wrong.
She knew going in about his background. She’d told herself she was fine with it. She’d told herself that he had been nothing but honest with her.
Yet she still threw it in his face that she couldn’t handle it.
It was time to grow up. Time to make a decision. No one was perfect. No one had a perfect relationship and she never expected one either.
When she heard a car door shut, she went to the front door and pulled it open to see Connor standing there in jeans and a cotton shirt. He just took her breath away. It wasn’t his looks. Of course she enjoyed his good looks, but that was superficial. It was his eyes. Always showing so much emotion around her. She was hoping the emotion tonight was of the good variety.
“I’ve missed you,” he said first and she knew with any luck everything would be okay.
“Same here,” she whispered, then lifted her voice a bit more. “Come on in. I want to go first.”
“No,” he said. “Let me.”
“It should be me. This all started because of my reaction and I want to explain.”
“Go ahead,” he said, following her into the kitchen.
She pulled out two bottles of water and handed one to him. She needed to wet her dry throat. “I was wrong. Wrong to walk out like that. Wrong to let those women affect opinions I told myself I wasn’t going to have anymore.”
“I know it’s got to be hard,” he said.
“It is, but I’m better than that. You don’t deserve to have to deal with my insecurities. It’s not fair to you. You see, I was in love with someone once and found out he was married. I saw him as my forever man. I was the woman he cheated on his wife with, even though I had no clue he was married. But I never let that affect me with any future relationship until you.”
“Because I’ve been with so many women?” he asked. She nodded. “I’m sorry I can’t help you with it. I’m doing everything I can to let you know it is in my past.”
“I know that. And when I calmed down after you shouted at me, I realized you said you loved me. I looked at our relationship and reminded myself you’ve been nothing but honest with me from day one. Even that first night, you told me what you were looking for. You didn’t lead me on to make it be anything more. Do you really love me?”
“Of course I do. I’ve never said that to anyone before either.”
“I believe you, and you see, it comes down to that. It comes down to the fact that I’ve always believed you and when you love someone, you believe them. You trust them and you can get through anything.”
“You said that to me a long time ago,” he said, standing up and pulling her into his arms. She went willingly.
“I did. And I’m a woman of my word. I say something and I believe it. I honor it. It’s taken me days to work up the courage to tell you these things. To tell you I was wrong. I was terrified I lost you and I didn’t know what to do next. I didn’t know if you’d let me make it right after everything I’ve done wrong.”
“I get it. I really do. I was coming here to see if there was a way around this. If there was some way we could talk about it and make it work. Then I realized it wouldn’t be worth it if you didn’t love me. I don’t know how you feel. So that’s my next question.”
She leaned back, not shocked he’d said that, but stunned by how quiet his voice had gotten. “I do love you. As crazy as this sounds, the night of Sheldon’s wedding, I just saw so much in your eyes. The way you touched me. The way you held me. I t
old myself ‘wow could this be the person I’ve been holding out for for so long?’ A tiny part of me might have started to fall in love with you back then.”
“Then I ruined it and asked you back to my hotel.”
“Yeah. The sad part was, I regretted not going, but I knew deep down I couldn’t. That I’d hate myself even more. That if I went and you never called me again, it’d be so much worse to get to know you, to have that one night with you, and think it meant nothing to you and everything to me.”
He burst out laughing. “I knew I shouldn’t have asked you that, but the problem is, I didn’t know what else to do. I just wanted you so badly. Not only in a sexual way, but a way I’d never felt before. The minute it was out of my mouth I wanted to kick myself. Then I told myself I had to figure out a way to see you again.”
“The house hunt?” she asked. “Do you really want a house here? And how did you know to contact me?”
“Yes, I really do want a house here. And I asked Erik your name after the wedding. He told me, then I did an internet search on you and it all fell into place. Just like us, right? Are we ready to fall into place?”
“We are. Starting with you staying tonight and letting me show you how sorry I really am and how much I really love you.”
“Why don’t we show each other how deep our love is.”
Epilogue
The next night after Connor got out of work, he headed over to Kent Island. Melissa was pulling in front of the house that she would be listing in a few days. “Is this some kind of a joke?” he asked, not believing what he was seeing. They weren’t that far from Erik and Sheldon’s house, the same development, but he never realized it before. He had no reason to think about it.
“What’s wrong?”
“This house. This is the house that I spent the summer in with my grandfather.”