by Trio, L. M.
I’m still feeling a little self-conscious when we met up with our friends because I can’t stop is thinking this outfit is a little too much. I wish I had taken the sweatshirt from Luke. I relax a little once we say hello to everyone and join in their conversation. Billy immediately comes over to stand next to me as Timmy comes over to say hello to Deanna. She introduces me to him before they talk for a while, then Billy and he go to play football with their friends.
I begin to enjoy the atmosphere; listening to the music, watching everyone having a good time when I spot Alexa. Okay, so my outfit has nothing on hers. Her skin tight, white mini barely covers her crotch and the silver zipper is halfway down to her belly button, practically spilling out her grapefruit-sized boobs. She looks as if she just stepped out of a cheesy rock band video, except that she always looks like she’s in a bad mood. I bet she’d be prettier if she smiled, I think to myself. Then again, I don’t think the guys are looking at her smile. As I’m taking in her ensemble, I realize it is getting dark so I’ll have to take the sunglasses off. So much for spying.
We have a large blanket spread out on the sand, close to the bonfire. The heat from the fire feels good against the cool breeze coming from the water. Billy takes his usual spot next to me. Timmy and Deanna seem to be getting along fine, chatting on their own blanket, next to ours. Matt and Lori are sitting with us. Cathy and a boy I recognized from the boardwalk are sitting next to them.
The fireworks will be starting soon and I feel Billy getting closer. He slowly puts his arm around my shoulder. I don’t move, even if it does make me nervous. I spot Luke, further down to the left of us, he glances over now and then, but Alexa has him pretty wrapped up; she is annoyingly all over him.
Mikey is with the girl that was in his car earlier. I lean towards Deanna. “Who’s that with Mikey? She’s pretty, but I’ve never seen her before.”
Deanna looked over. “She doesn’t go to our school. She’s okay I guess.” She shrugs her shoulders as if she doesn’t agree. Hmmm. I wasn’t expecting that reaction; she seems annoyed. She turns her attention towards Timmy who whispers something to her. She instantly returns to her normal cheery self. “I’ll be back, I’m going for a walk with Timmy,” she whispers, giving me an indiscrete nudge.
“Have fun,” I say quietly as they pick up their blanket and walk off in the direction of the jetty. Timmy takes her hand. I guess that was Billy’s cue.
“Hey, Jesse. Do you want to go for a walk?” He still has his arm around my shoulders.
Even though I was expecting it, I panic. I scurry away and quickly stand up. “Not right now Billy. Maybe later, okay?” I answer, nervously backing away as if he is an alien. I can feel everyone’s eyes on me. “I’ll… I’ll be back in a minute,” I stutter.
He seems shocked and is sort of speechless for a second. He calls out, “Are you okay? Do you want me to come with you?”
“No... I’ll be right back,” I say back as I hurry off. What am I doing? I can feel everyone watching! I look like a crazy person! I blew it! Everyone will know what a freak I am!
I walk as fast as I can until I reach the path in the woods, but I don’t follow the path. I veer off into the woods, wanting to be alone. I make my way through the thick brush, walking until the sounds of kids partying and the music is a safe distance away. I come across a log and sit down with my back against the tree to catch my breath. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I be like everyone else? I can feel the tears building up in my eyes. Why did I run? I ask myself as the tears begin to fall.
***
(Luke)
What happened to her? I’ll kill Lidell. Where is she going? Should I kill him first or check on her? I’ll check on her and then kill him later. Good, Alexa’s too busy babbling to her friends to notice I’m gone.
I jump up and follow in the direction she’s heading. I try to hang back so that it isn’t obvious to anyone that I’m following her. Why is she walking into the woods by herself? She’s not even on the path. What is she thinking? Good. She just missed running into Mikey and Tara. I cut into the woods when she does, even though I’m further away. I don’t feel like having to explain to Mikey what I’m doing. He doesn’t see either of us; he’s too busy working his new girl. Why is JJ so upset? What the hell did Lidell say to her? I’ll kill him for upsetting her. She looked so happy earlier as she was having fun. Man, she looks... so… so… beautiful tonight. Well, then again, I always think she looks beautiful.
I also know her, though. Tonight is a big deal for her. She wants to fit in, have fun, and feel normal again. Well, as normal as she can, without having her mother with her. She’s already been hurt enough.
As I make my way through the thick rows of trees and brush, I call out her name while swearing under my breath that I’m going to flatten Billy Lidell the next time I see him.
***
(Jesse)
Not even a minute after I find my hiding spot, I hear his voice. I freeze.
“JJ.... Jess, where are you?” he calls out in a loud whisper, but I sit as still as possible and don’t answer.
“JJ, I know you’re here. I’m not leaving till I see you.”
Again, silence. My heart so loudly, I’m sure he can hear it. I don’t want him to see me like this.
“J, I’m serious. Where are you? I’m not going anywhere until I see you,” he says more sternly and a little louder.
No reply, I don’t dare move.
“JJ, where the hell are you?” This time he is loud and annoyed and he sort of scares me.
I gave in, afraid that if he called out any louder, someone might hear. “Shh... I’m over here, Luke.”
I can hear the crackling of leaves and twigs beneath his feet. As he finally reaches my hiding spot, he straddles the log so that he is facing me. “What happened?” he demands as he wipes a tear from my cheek.
“Nothing. I was having fun, but I blew it. They are going to think I am such an idiot... I don’t belong here, Luke. I don’t fit in with these people,” I repeat as I feel a few more tears escape my eyes.
“What? That’s crazy. You fit in just fine. Who cares what they think? You don’t think Lidell’s an idiot? Pleasssse! What did he say to you?” he asked protectively.
“Luke, stop. It’s not his fault. He didn’t do anything wrong. It’s me. I like him, he’s nice...he didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Well then, what happened? Why are you upset?” He softens his tone, holding my face in both of his hands as he wipes away more of my falling tears with his thumbs. “Can you tell me? Or, do you want me to find De?”
“God, no. That’s all I need, you hunting down your sister.” I knew I could trust him. He teases me a lot, but when I’m serious about something, he listens. “You can’t make fun of me.”
“Would I do that?” He flashes that smile, lightening the moment.
“I’m serious, Luke.”
“I know. I promise,” he says sincerely.
“Well, you know Billy likes me, right?” I ask shyly, averting my eyes away from his.
“Yes,” he answers without sounding too happy about it.
“And… you know how I haven’t been around kids my age for a long time, right?”
“Yeah… so?”
“I really didn’t have much experience... well, actually... no experience… and... Billy just asked me to take a walk with him...” I nervously glance up at him, hardly able to face him after my admission.
A grin was forming on his face. “Okay… I think I see where this is going.”
“You promised.”
“I know. I know, but you’re just so cute; I can’t help it.” He’s smiling... my stomach flutters. He continues, “So you’re afraid to...”
“…kiss him,” I finish the sentence for him as I lower my head, trying to hide the embarrassment. “I’ve never kissed anyone before… crazy, right? De and I talked about this earlier. I knew Billy liked me and she said to just get it over with, but I panicked. What a
m I going to do, Luke? They must think I am so strange; for just running off when he asked me to go for a walk.” By now the sky was lighting up a million different colors. It was beautiful. “Look you’re missing the fireworks and everything. You better go. I’m fine; I’m being stupid.” I say, feeling silly for overreacting.
He doesn’t turn to look at them. “I’ve seen them a thousand times, besides, this is more interesting,” he teases. “Don’t make fun,” I say, embarrassed to face him as I lower my eyes.
He lifts my chin, forcing me to look at him. “I’d never make fun of anything important, but this... is nothing... and… I can help with this... I’ll be your first kiss,” he blurts out lightheartedly. “It’ll be practice… consider it… a friend helping a friend.” He leans in closer so that our faces are almost touching.
My eyes are glued to his. I can tell he’s not teasing me. I begin to protest. “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea, I won’t be any good at it, I...”
“J, shut up… follow my lead,” he whispers softly while I focus on his dimples and his perfect smile.
Without giving me a chance to refuse, his lips softly touch mine. He closes his eyes as he slowly parts his lips. I decide to take his advice and follow. His mouth is warm and inviting. His tongue moves softly and slowly with mine. One of his hands is placed on my neck, gently tilting my head, giving him better access to kiss me more thoroughly. His other hand slides gently down my bare back. Chills run through my whole body at the same time as heat burns from my feet to my head.
I try to focus. I don’t want to stop, but I don’t want to look overly eager, either. After all, he is only doing me a favor and I am enjoying it way too much. I place my hands on his chest, so that I can slowly pull myself away and feel his heart racing as fast as mine. I’m sure he knows that I notice it because we both pull back instantly.
He says nothing, but his eyes are burning into mine. He pauses momentarily, giving me the slightest chance to move away, but I don’t. I can’t tear my eyes from his. He moves closer and begins kissing my lips softly, as he stares into my eyes. I close my eyes and begin to relax. My lips part to allow his tongue to once again explore my mouth.
The kiss gradually grows more intense, but, this time, neither one of us pulls back. His mouth hungrily tastes mine. The warmth of his hand resting behind my neck while the other is wrapped firmly around my waist, pulling me closer to him. He’s persistent, passionate; his mouth only leaving mine for a moment so that he can run his mouth along my neck, softly planting kisses along the way. I glide my hands up his chest encircling them around his neck so that I can run my fingers through is hair as I guide his mouth back to mine, tasting him once again. His strong hands stroke my bare skin as he slides them down my back, moving them to my thighs as he guides my legs around his waist, pulling me closer to him. So close, that I’m aware of every hard muscle in his body since it is molded to mine. He presses me firmly into him, as if he is trying to pull me even closer even though it is no longer possible. I don’t want him to stop. I can’t breathe, but I don’t care...
“LUKE! WHERE ARE YOU?” We both jump. Pull back, the moment over.
He looks at me, smiling. “Oh Shit,” he says breathlessly as he rests his forehead on mine. His hands are still planted on my waist as he gently eases me back onto the log.
“Go, Luke! Go!” I say nervously, trying to catch my breath while pushing him away.
He holds out his hand for me. “I’m not going to leave you here; come with me. Who cares what she thinks? I’ll tell her we were talking.” His face is flushed.
“No... Please… Don’t! That will just make it worse. I don’t want more attention drawn to me tonight. I promise, I’m right behind you. Go!” I plead breathlessly as her voice grows closer.
“Are you sure?” he asks, torn over whether he should leave or not. I nod to reassure him and he leans down to kiss the top of my head. Then, lighten the mood, he says, “See, you’re a professional now, you learned from the best.”
“I was wondering how long it would take you before you threw in one of your comments. See ya later, Luke,” I say sarcastically, trying to hide the fact that I’m still breathless and on the verge of having a heart attack.
“You know me too well. Are you sure you’re okay?” he asks. I reassure him that I’m fine before he disappears into the woods.
Alexa is so close and still calling his name. I hear him answer, “I’m right here.”
“What were you doing?” Alexa asks angrily.
“Goin’ to the bathroom,” he says calmly.
I can’t help but giggle to myself. Good answer, I think to myself. I wait a few minutes not only to let them get a good head start in front of me, but also because I need to pull myself together. I’m not sure what just happened here. I’ve never felt anything like that, ever. I need to focus, think of a good excuse as to why I ran away, but I’m having a hard time thinking of anything else except that kiss. I shudder at the thought, my body covering in goose bumps.
I rub my hands up and down my arms as I try to justify what just happened. Alright, the first kiss, he can pass off as a lesson, but the second time... I don’t know... it felt like more to me than just a lesson. I can’t get it out of my mind. What is he thinking right now? Is that normal for him?
Okay, focus on your story, I keep telling myself. As these thoughts swirl though my head, I trot through the woods trying to find my way out. Finally, I stumble onto the beach, tripping on a branch, right in front of Mikey and his new pretty girlfriend. He looks at me, then looks over in the direction of Luke, who is a good distance ahead of me... then back to me. He knows something is up. I put my head down and try to walk past quickly, trying to avoid him. Too late.
“Hey, JJ, what’s up? You’re looking a little flushed,” he teases.
“Its sunburn,” I shoot back, not looking at them.
“Really? You didn’t look sunburned earlier.”
“Shut-up, Mikey!” I hear him laughing as I keep walking. I cut in the other direction so I didn’t have to walk past Luke and his blond bimbo. By this time, she is all over him. It annoys me, knowing he was just with me. I know we’re just friends, but… I don’t know what I’m thinking right now, but I better come up with a good story and quick. They’re all staring at me. Thank God, De isn’t back. I can’t face her now.
Billy gets up and meets me before I reach the blanket. “Jesse, are you okay? What happened?”
We start to sit on the blanket with everyone else. At least, this way, I don’t have to lie twice. “Yeah, I’m fine. Billy, I’m so sorry I ran off like that, the smoke from the fire just got to me, my throat and eyes were burning. I just had to walk away for a few minutes. I’m fine now.”
“You scared us; we didn’t know what happened,” Cathy adds.
“Sorry guys, I should have said something. I just couldn’t talk at the time.”
“That’s okay, as long as you’re alright,” Billy says.
Oh, my God; it worked. They bought it. We are sitting close to the bonfire and so the story just popped into my head. Phew! That was close. Worries over, but I wasn’t getting off that easy.
“So how about that walk?” he asks.
He wasn’t going to let this go, but I don’t panic this time. I think I was taught over and beyond the basics of kissing. Besides, maybe it will get the other one out of my head since he doesn’t belong there. I glance over in his direction and can’t help but feel like he sure looks as if he moved right along to his Pamela Anderson wanna be.
“Sure,” I answer, as the jealousy begins to consume me.
***
(Luke)
What the hell just happened? I ask myself as I walk off with Alexa. I couldn’t stop, didn’t want to stop. I wanted her so badly. Jesus, I still want her. Thank God for Alexa, she brought me back to reality, whether I want to be here or not.
Focus. Shake it off, I keep telling myself. I’m feeling so rattled, what is going on with me?
Why did I just do that? I should know better. I know her deal. She’s not ready for anything like that or anyone like me, for that matter. I have to fix things before I leave. I know one thing I can shake off right now and that’s Alexa, but she isn’t having it. I can’t deal with her hanging on me. I need to gather my thoughts, but she’s not letting me off the hook that easy. Maybe I should just take her back to my house, like she’s begging me to do. It’s probably better if I get out of here. I may end up causing a scene if I watch Lidell put his hands on JJ one more time.
Panic sets in as I watch him take her by the hand and walk towards the water. I quickly pick up our blanket and tell Alexa, “Let’s go.” We walk towards them to cut them off before they get past me. I make up a stupid excuse to talk to her before she leaves with him. I feel the urge to kick his ass and he’s the nicest kid in the world, too.
“Hey, Jess, come here a sec, my mom wanted me to remind De about something, can you relay the message for me?” I walk away from Alexa and meet JJ in the middle.
“What, Luke?” she asks impatiently, probably expecting me to make some kind of sarcastic comment.
“Promise me, you won’t… you know… the second time we... you know... just don’t,” I whisper in her ear, unable to get the words out. I can feel my cheeks getting hot.
“What?” She laughs.
“I’ll explain later... promise.” I say, staring intently into her eyes while pushing the sweatshirt into her hand. “Take this; you look cold.” I give her a pleading look as I turn to walk away.
Chapter 13(Jesse)
After Billy and I get back from our walk, everyone is packing up to leave. When we get to the end of the path, back out on the street, we say our goodbyes. Billy gives me a quick kiss goodbye before joining the rest of the group to go their way, while Deanna and I go ours. As soon they get out of ear shot, Deanna demands to know everything.
“No, you first,” I answer, barely remembering my walk with Billy. Thoughts of Luke keep replaying in my mind.