by R. J. Garcia
“Who doesn’t like a present?” I asked.
She nodded, and her eyes cleared. Her smile became wider. “Okay, then!” She blazed back inside her house.
Tommy wasn’t quite whispering, but he was keeping his voice down. “Is Silence’s mom having an affair with Polar Bear?” he asked.
“You haven’t seen Silence’s mom, have you? There ain’t nobody having an affair with her. Oh, man, what’s going on?” My words sort of slipped out.
He shook his head, his brows furrowed like he didn’t get it.
The question gnawed at me. What business did Polar Bear have here? Was this the first time he came to the house? The back outside light blinked on. Silence strolled back over to us, pushing what looked like a shoebox at me.
I looked it over. It had fabric and pictures from magazines glued to it and some random buttons and a lace heart at the center of the box. Her eyes appeared dull and unfocused, and that worried me, so I squinted at the box. “What am I going to do with this girly box?” I asked.
Under the porch light, she looked flushed. She stood farther away from me than usual. Although I felt uncomfortable, I didn’t want to leave.
“I think it’s cool,” Tommy added, which was what I wished I’d said. He was just better at talking than I was.
Silence directed me to, “Open it, Wilds.”
Inside the box, there was a pack of cigarettes and silver Zippo lighter.
“You like that, right?” She sniffed and rubbed her nose, slouching. Any femininity she had seemed to leave her. “C’mon, let’s smoke one together.”
“You’re not smoking!” I snapped. “It’s bad for you. Thanks. It’s my favorite brand.”
Silence reached into the box. “And I got you that candy bar you like. The one with the mounds in it.” She picked up the candy bar, and let it drop back down in the box, before turning to face Tommy. “I’ll make you a box when it’s your birthday. A real cool one.”
“Thanks,” Tommy said.
A helpless pain turned over in me. I wanted to say something nice. I searched to find the right words.
This time she furiously rubbed her nose. “I’m going to sleep,” she decided.
The words popped out, “It’s the best present I ever got.”
She figured I was being sarcastic and cursed at me. Her lips bent into a hard smile, finishing with, “I don’t know why I bother.”
I shrugged and told her, “Silence, I mean it. Thank you.” I reached and grabbed her bat and held it out toward her.
“My baby!” she cooed as she reclaimed it, holding the bat close to her body. “Bye, guys.”
Tommy and I watched her go inside her house that looked like it might collapse if the wind picked up.
It was a long walk back home. I imagined I might run away with her. I’d get a job and rent a nice apartment that even had a pool. Bad thoughts nagged at me, too. I didn’t say them out loud. Tommy started to talk, but I told him to shut up.
Chapter 18
Clutter
Tommy
The sun was shining, and the sky was a pure blue. It looked like a photo of some sky you’d slap on a postcard, that’s how amazing it was. Like every Saturday morning, Reese had sent me to get the mail. To my surprise, there was a letter in that black tin box addressed to me. I ripped it open.
My mom’s loopy handwriting jumped out at me. Only my mom would still write letters, I thought, tearing up and smiling at the same time.
Dear Tommy,
I know you and Izzy are safe with Holden. I would trust him with my life and more. But things in Summertime aren’t right. Believe me. And please listen to the universe. It tries to tell you things. We are here for a purpose. And things happen for a reason. I know it. I have gotten so lost, baby. I want to find my way back to you. I am so sorry for making you the adult in this. I need you to be strong a little longer.
What she wrote at the end of the letter that echoed in my head:
“You know the world can hold the weight of all things, but notice it is trembling.”
I stood there, blinking in the sunlight as I folded the letter, and put it in my jeans pocket.
My mind was cluttered. That final line made me think of all the bad things that happen, like the mass killings of innocent people you hear about, by some random idiot. It made me think of all the hurricanes and wildfires. Global warming. Nuclear bombs. The list went on. It seemed like the world would end. It also made me think of kidnapped and murdered women.
I knew I had to talk to Silence and make sure she was safe. Maybe I was becoming as out there as my mom. It seemed like the universe had been whispering to me since I had arrived in Summertime, but I kept getting distracted. Now Polar Bear was at Silence’s house last night; maybe he was the kidnapper and had been keeping dibs on her mom and doing God knows what to Silence.
I went back inside the house, as Reese brought a tiny brush to her baby toe. Cotton balls were wedged between each toe. The smell of nail polish overpowered the usual scent of Lemon Pledge. I put the mail on the wood coffee table next to her naked foot. She smiled up at me from the sofa. “Thanks, Tommy. Holden and Isabella are doing the dishes.” She kind of gloated about it.
“Cool. Hey, I need to visit my friend, Silence. I’ll be back soon,” I said.
“Holden and I are going to the Hidden Lake with your grandparents today. We wanted you to come. We’re going to have a picnic.”
I told her, “This is more important.”
“You know my family is in Kentucky?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I wish I could see them more.” She sounded a little disappointed like she did when I wouldn’t tell her much about the dance.
My grandparents hadn’t seemed like family yet. Holden and Reese were starting to.
Reese gave in and told me to take a house key. I thought I should tell her about seeing Polar Bear at Silence’s house. Maybe even tell her about Silence’s mom being kidnapped. I didn’t. I started to walk away, instead.
“Tommy, I love you,” she said, out of the blue, with her southern drawl, which was sweet and soothing in that moment.
I had no idea. “Me, too.” It was true, I did? I turned around and shot a smile at her. It would have been easier if she had been my mother. I did love Reese, but I ached for my mom.
Holden appeared in the living room, with Izzy piggybacking on his shoulders, echoing the invitation to the picnic.
Reese told him I had other plans. He looked instantly deflated until his expression brightened to a hopeful one. “We’re not leaving for a while. Maybe you will be back in time? You can bring a friend.”
Holden set Izzy down. She had on a new pink and yellow shirt with a color coordinated skirt. She looked like a kid from a Kohl’s sales paper. “Please come, Tommy! You didn’t go to the park with us last weekend either.” She finished with, “I miss you.”
“Okay, Izzy, I will.” It was nice to be wanted.
Isabella noticed what Reese was doing, and became excited, asking, “Can you paint mine, Aunt Reese.” No one had ever done anything like that for her.
“Yep, Izzy, you’re next,” Reese promised her and told me, “Tommy, just stay at Silence’s house and we will pick you up on the way.”
I nodded at Reese. “Sounds good.” I made my way out the front door.
Suddenly, the idea of Izzy having her little toenails painted made it seem like the world might not end in apocalypse.
When Silence finally opened the front door, a stagnant smell of mold and trash hit me. I peeked in, trying to catch a glimpse of her mother, who seemed more like a myth than a real person to me. I could only see piles of junk and no clear path through it all.
“What do you want, Tommy?” Silence stepped outside and closed the door behind her. She was wearing a black sleeveless dress with wet hair as if she had just gotten out of the shower. Maybe it was what she wore around the house.
“Just the living room’s a wreck. I’m in the middle of
clearing things out.” She pinched the bridge between her nose and eyes. “We don’t get trash pickup. I have to haul the crap to Annie’s house for garbage day.” Her words were running together.
“I could help you.”
“No. It’s under control.”
I tried to smile but couldn’t. I wanted to fix things for her.
She smiled back. My eyes skimmed her plunging neckline and pear-shaped breasts. I looked away, feeling like I had committed a kind of offense. Instead, my eyes took in the giant, twisted branches spindling up over the roof of her house. All the trees surrounding the house blazed with a brilliant green. Spring had missed this one, monstrous tree.
“It looks like the tree from Jack and the Beanstalk, right?” Silence commented.
“Yeah, it does. It’s a wicked tree.” Huge tumorous-looking lumps infected the tree’s bark.
“It’s a haunted tree, for sure. The house is a piece of shit. You know, I practically live at Annie’s.” Her voice edged into an easy chattiness. She seemed fine, even breezy. “Yeah. Polar Bear did come over last night. He brings us groceries sometimes. I didn’t want Finn to know because he hates his stepdad.”
I wanted to believe her. “Let me get this straight, Polar Bear’s secretly a nice guy?”
“Yeah, sure.” Silence looked like she’d swallowed something bitter. She walked away from the house on a trampled path of grass. “Finn mows the lawn sometimes. He hasn’t yet this year.”
I followed her, gathering my transient courage. “Why doesn’t your mom protect you? Silence, if he’s hurting you, we could get proof. Send the asshole to jail,” I told her.
“What’s your problem, Tommy? Are you trying to recruit people to foster care?” she snapped, and walked between two trees, and took off away from the trail. I trudged the ankle-high brush to follow her.
“Please stop,” I called, rushing to catch up to her. I thought maybe if I told her terrible things that happened to me, she would tell me the truth. It was like jumping in the water first, so she would jump in after me. “I need to talk to you.” My body tensed.
Abruptly, she swung around to face me. She looked annoyed. “If it’s about last night, don’t bother.”
We just stood there, facing one another. The trees arched, leaving an oval of blue sky above us.
“I mean, I’m glad you stopped by.” Her voice became gentle.
“The social worker from CPS said I’m resilient. I liked that word. I think you’re resilient.” I paused. I knew what I had to tell her. It was hard, but I was sure she would let me help her if I did. I braced myself. This was something I never told anyone. “When I was ten, one of my mom’s boyfriends hurt me. I thought I’d never be right again. That I could never be with anyone.” My face became hot, but I had to compose myself. This was about her, not me.
Silence angrily pushed a couple tears away. “Tommy, I wish I could kill that guy for you.” She balled up her fist. Silence wanted to be this tough person, and, in a way, she was. She was also soft and caring.
I had to keep going. That wasn’t the part I wanted or needed to tell her. “My mom got me out of that apartment. We had no place to go, so for a while we stayed in our car.” I remembered that old Volkswagen bug. It was so cramped and smelled like smoke and fast food, and I kept talking. “Then a homeless shelter and my mom told me something. She said you’re not bad because something bad happens to you. My mind closed on it like a steel trap. I wanted to tell you that. Half the world is messed up because they don’t know this.”
Silence flung her arms around me. I hugged her back. When she stepped out of the embrace, her eyes thoughtfully scampered around the woods. She may have been noticing how spring popped all around us, or she might not have wanted to look at me. She said, “But Sheriff Bears does bring us groceries. He’s not the kidnapper.”
A slant of sunlight poured through the trees, creating a spotlight on me, I had said too much and in broad daylight.
“I’m going to Annie’s. We’re baking Finn a cake. Do you want to come?” She asked.
“I can’t. I’ve got this family thing.” I heard my phone beeping. I read the text. “They’re on their way to pick me up at your house,” I explained. I had to get it together.
She said, “You’re an amazing guy.”
I felt nauseous revisiting my past. Silence looked cool and composed. There was something to be said for denial.
I tried to sound extra normal like I had it together. Yet there was a heat that burned its way from my chest up to my neck and face. I began to sweat. “We could have the cake at my house. Holden and Reese love Finn.”
“Yeah. I can walk back with you to my house.”
I followed her. Maybe I was wrong, and Polar Bear had some good in him. Why was he at her house so late at night?
She again started talking. “Tommy, you’ve got this smile. It starts in your eyes and slowly spreads to your lips. But I don’t like you for your looks. I don’t even like pretty boys.” Once we set foot on her overgrown lawn, she turned to face me and said, “I’m over Finn. You and I connect on a deeper level.” She announced almost dreamily, “You’re the one. The only one for me.”
“Wait, what?” I mumbled.
We heard tires crunching gravel. We both spun around and saw Holden and Reese pull up in their small, white car. I couldn’t tell Silence that I didn’t feel the same and rush off. So, I got into the car without saying a word. I had made a mess of things.
Chapter 19
A Cabin in the Woods
Tommy
I was hyped up, jittery, like I’d drunk a whole pot of coffee. To my surprise, Finn was with Isabella in the back seat. He looked at me when I got in. His face hardened, a little, but with effort he managed a crooked grin.
“We were just planning your birthday,” I quickly explained.
Finn’s face immediately relaxed. He waved at Silence from the car window.
She waved back.
“Y’all didn’t need to do that.” He started to tell me how his dad got the part he needed to fix the motorcycle and took him out for breakfast. He held up the smartphone his dad got him. “My dad’s going to pay for it for the whole year,” he gushed.
“You scored!” I smiled. Now I just had to talk to Silence before Finn did and straighten this mess out.
Finn looked serious again and asked, “Is she okay?”
“Yeah, she’s fine.” What else could I say? I wasn’t even sure. It was Finn’s birthday. He deserved a good day.
I stuck a plastic fork in a pile of baked beans as my grandpa approached me.
“Hey. You’re a good-looking boy,” he said, slipping a twenty underneath my Styrofoam plate. He was in Bermuda shorts and wearing socks with sandals, a look only an old guy could pull off. He walked back to a neighboring picnic table. My grandparents sat with Holden and Reese and Sean and his wife. Finn and I got stuck at the kid’s table.
Finn grinned. “How much did he give ya?”
“Twenty bucks.”
“Why? It’s not even your birthday,” Finn remarked, with his second plate of food in front of him, which included a small part of a burger, a diminished heap of Reese’s famous potato salad, and a couple surviving beans. I just finished my first plate.
“He just says I’m good-looking and gives me twenty dollars.” I shrugged, not getting it myself. I held out the bill to him. “Here, you take it. I didn’t get a chance to buy you a present.”
Finn fiddled around with his fork and teased, “I don’t know if I should. It’s your handsome money.” He dropped his fork and snatched the twenty, saying, “Thanks! I deserve a little handsome money myself.”
I flicked my eyes at him, grinning a little. “If you say so.”
Isabella was happily running around with Sean’s kids. I had already made small talk with my grandmother. I looked over at the lake, and then toward the woods. “Let’s go explore.”
We crossed a small wooden bridge over a small tumbling stream t
hat must have met up with the small lake at some point. The only sound we heard was the rushing of water. From there we walked the paved bike trail. We’d had been walking for about five minutes when a small group of boys on bicycles raced past us, in a single file succession when a log cabin appeared around the bend of the path. Immediately, I remembered the note. Before coming to Summertime I’d never been out of the city. This was literally the first log cabin I’d seen in person. “This could be the log cabin. The one Laney Serel wrote about in the letter,” I said, knowing it was a long shot.
“Nah. This side of the town’s a tourist spot in the summer. There’s a bunch of log cabins scattered around the lake and in the woods,” Finn explained. “A lot of them are rentals. People come to Summertime to get away from everything. Cause hell, there ain’t nothin’ here.”
“Buzz-kill,” I said, disappointed. “Let’s check it out anyway.” What else was there to do?
We moved in to get a closer look at the cabin. There was no garage or car in the cement drive which led to a gravel road. Although the woods were thick to the north and south of the cabin, I could now tell we were closer to civilization than I had thought. Still, I peered in through one of the cabin’s side windows, with a slight quickening in my chest. At first, I only saw my own reflection staring back. Focusing, I saw a sofa with a sheet covering it. It didn’t look like anyone was there. I walked around to the front door and shook the doorknob, but it was locked.
“What are you trying to find?” Finn asked, walking over to me.
“I’m not sure. A clue,” I admitted, knowing it sounded lame.
I felt his hand on my shoulder. “You’re looking for a clue to a kidnapping and murder that happened over a decade ago.”
“How many log cabins are there around here?”