by R. J. Garcia
My mom was small and shaky, holding onto Simon’s hand, braced for the unknown. She donned a pair of oversized movie-star sunglasses. Her wavy, long hair, cut unevenly, usually obscured at least one of her eyes and her dark roots spilled down to her ears, but the ends remained the brassy and familiar shade of blond. She wore a button up blue-jean shirt and black jeans, which I knew well.
“Tommy! I’m sorry I haven’t called. I’ve been crazy, you know. It’s crazy. I miss you and Izzy... Look at you, you’ve gotten taller.”
I must have gotten taller because my mom looked smaller to me. She let go of Simon’s hand and her clammy fingers nervously scampered around my face and she moved back, her fingers catching hold of the small gold necklace she was wearing. She nervously tugged on it, smiling at me, sniffling, and jittery, but not crying.
I hugged her. Her arms wrapped around me in return.
First, I went numb. Even as I held her, there was a distance between us. It was weird, kind of like I knew her more in memory. Now the failed drug test, missed court dates, and phone calls had made her feel far away.
“Mom,” I mumbled, trying to make myself believe she was here. She took the glasses and set them on the hood of the car.
We hugged again. This time the tears stung my eyes.
We parted, and she wiped a couple tears and some snot away.
My heartbeat pounded out the question, Why can’t you get it together for us, Mom?
She shifted uncomfortably. My mom always waited for some great life to start, independent of any effort on her part. Maybe a part of her was relieved that Child Services took us away.
She asked, “Who are your friends?”
“This is Finn, and Silence,” I looked long and hard at Annie, agonizing a little wishing, wanting to say and my girlfriend, but it would be a lie, “And Annie.. . This is my mom.”
“Hi,” my mom said before her eyes flitted around the yard at all the little ones, most of whom had stopped running and began to stare at her. “Those little gremlins are Finn’s brothers and sisters.”
She told them, “Hello.” They all went back to playing and she bleated out a nervous laugh. “You must be Catholic.” I guess because Catholics don’t use birth control. It was a little embarrassing, but Finn didn’t seem to care and told her they went to church sometimes.
My mom looked at Annie. “I love your hair.”
“Thanks, Mrs. Walker,” Annie said.
“Jenny, please. I’m not the Mrs. Walker type.” She rambled on about how weird it was to be back in Summertime.
Reese and Izzy came outside. At first, Isabella seemed shy, but our mom grabbed her and picked her up, crying, and asking Izzy if she’d forgotten her. My little sister chewed her fingernails, looking stunned and suspicious. Her large almond-shaped eyes darted between me and Reese.
I wondered if my mom even knew her brother, Holden, had died. From the surprised look on Reese’s face, my mom’s visit wasn’t a court-approved one. Simon walked up to Annie and they hugged. I wondered what had happened between them. I snuck another sideways glance. He was playing with her hair. She was letting him. Touching seemed to flow so much more effortlessly between them. They were talking, but I couldn’t make out a word they said. Maybe this was his revenge. I’d rather he would have told me to piss off, or even kicked my ass.
I looked back at my mom and Izzy as Finn and Silence walked up to me. I only saw Finn through my peripheral vision. “Are you okay?” Finn asked.
“Yeah. I’m fine.” There was a bit of cool wind, but I was sweating. I watched a flock of birds in a V formation headed out of Summertime. The birds made a wise decision. I was stuck here. My mom put Izzy down and walked toward Reese. They started crying, and holding onto one another, talking about Holden, I’m sure.
Izzy reached up and banged on my hip with her little fist, wanting me to pick her up. I did. I guess she was the only girl always there for me. I looked back and forth, taking in split-second visuals as the scenes played out. My mom and Reese, then Simon and Annie. When Annie finally walked over to me, I sulked like a jealous boyfriend.
“Are you okay, Tommy?” she asked.
Silence told her, “No, he’s pissed. We all are. You know that guy’s bad news, stupid.”
“Stop, Silence,” I snapped. I didn’t want her being mean to Annie. At the same time, I was relieved that Silence said what I had wanted to say.
Annie looked bewildered, like a little kid, and craned her neck to meet my eyes. “I was just talking to him.”
“It’s Tommy’s fault. He shouldn’t have introduced Annie to some shady, older guy, in the first place.” Finn said.
“Whatever, Wilds,” Silence said, becoming distracted when Finn’s three-year-old brother, Gunther, handed her a plastic bucket and invited her to play. She swept him up pressed her lips against his face, blowing fiercely, so her lips vibrated against his cheek. He started giggling.
I scowled at Finn, before realizing he was right. I shouldn’t have introduced the girls to Simon, in the first place. He was a much older and experienced guy. I may have been the worst friend, ever.
Izzy broke in, asking Annie, “When are you gonna get that pig?”
“Well, my birthday’s in two weeks.” Annie crossed her fingers and held them up.
Simon stared at me, before drifting over.
Reese and my mom came over, too, telling us our grandmother didn’t need to know about this visit. Izzy didn’t seem to think much of it. She looked at our mom and told her, “Annie’s getting a pig.”
A car beeped. Annie’s mom, Barb, had pulled up in front of the drive in her Honda.
Silence leaned in and tenderly beat Finn’s arm. He wasn’t having it and pulled her in for a hug.
Annie and I looked at one another. “Bye, Tommy,” she said, her eyes a question mark. “Call me.”
I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. “Of course, I’ll call you.”
Silence put her arm around Annie, and the girls poured into the car and drove away.
My mom took me and Izzy to the park. Reese came along, probably worried that our mom might try to kidnap us. I decided I’d take this opportunity to find out everything I could about my grandparents.
Simon stayed by the car, smoking a cigarette while Izzy dashed toward the swings, and Reese trailed behind her. A floppy-eared dog jutted past us, dragging a ten-year-old boy on a leash.
My mom watched Izzy and Reese before her eyes shot all around. Before I could say much, my mom said, “I forgot how blue the sky is here.”
The sky was a shade of the softest blue.
“Yeah. It’s nice,” I admitted.
My mom started down the wood chipped path. I followed.
“But not everything’s what it seems here. I was remembering things at detox in jail.” My mom stopped walking. She spoke a little softer, but with a sense of urgency. “Tommy, you can’t go with those people. You and Izzy need to come with me. Simon has a place. We can crash there for a while. They won’t find us.” Her weary blue eyes beckoned me.
I pressed my fingers hard against my forehead, trying to think things out. And I wanted that, but my mom’s parental rights were terminated at the last hearing. This meant her taking us would be considered kidnapping. The police would find us. She would do real time. My mom wanted to do the right things, but not in the right way. Isabella wouldn’t even be able to go to school, and she was so smart. What about my friends—Finn, Silence, and Annie? My head hadn’t even put my feelings for Annie into words yet.
Even considering everything, I was tempted. She was my mom.
She looked defeated before I even answered. Her voice became thin and wobbly. “You won’t come.”
“I can’t, Mom,” I said. “I think Reese is coming back to Summertime. And I need to get to the bottom of things.” I nodded my head, feeling the importance of this in my gut. I wasn’t a dumb kid imagining things.
My mom’s smile dimmed, but she hadn’t completely given up. “Pl
ease, Tommy.” She frowned at me, her voice stronger. “They’re bad people. I can’t even talk about it. The house...it’s haunted.”
Isabella’s short, happy laugh sounded in my ears as Reese pushed her on the swing. I had to ask the question. “What did they do, Mom? Did they beat you?”
She went pale. “Sometimes my mom hit me. She locked me in my room for days. She tore me apart with words. But it was more than that. It’s not right there.”
A little girl and boy zigzagged past us. The mom was a pace behind. Everyone around us was so happy, playful, and excited.
My mom grabbed my shoulders and squeezed. “Princess disappeared. It’s like she never existed. It became like a phantom pain, like a person missing a limb experiences.” Her voice trembled. “I tried to talk Holden into coming with me. Oh God, how I missed him. I was sixteen when I left and never looked back.”
I held her. A soft series of sniffling sounds escaped her. Things had been hard for her. My mom lifted her head up, oddly grinning at me. “And you see what a success story I’ve become.”
I felt a flicker of hope. “It’s not too late.” Deep down, I always believed it.
Reese and Isabella walked up. “We can’t stay too long. We’re due at your grandparents’ house in less than an hour.”
“Okay. Mom, maybe you should go play with Izzy for a little while.”
My mom looked smaller and shakier than ever. She gave me a final, pleading look and took Izzy’s hand in hers. “Want to teeter-totter?” she asked her.
“Yeah!” Izzy exclaimed as if it was the best idea ever, and the two ran off. Our mom had never played with her before.
Reese put her hand on my shoulder. “Are you okay, sweetie?”
I gave her an honest answer. “No.”
“Me either.” Reese gave me that look to let me know, she was here if I wanted to talk. I didn’t. I slunk back over to the car.
It was the question of the day as Simon asked, “Are you okay, kid?”
I shrugged. My head was full of everything my mom had told me. I was already sad about her going away, and she hadn’t even left yet.
Simon looked down and blew smoke through rounded lips. I watched him. He took a few more drags, happy to be off by himself and content in his own skin. He tossed the cigarette to the pavement. We looked over at one another.
“You’re always there for me and my screwed-up little family.” I told him, “Thanks.”
He picked up my mom’s glasses and sat on the hood of the car. “You talk too much,” clearly not wanting to share some kind of moment.
I pushed anyway. “I don’t want you to end up in prison.”
A mock frown bent the corners of his lips, and he shrugged. “No worries, I don’t plan on getting caught.”
“No one does, but the prisons are pretty full.”
Simon exhaled noisily like he was thinking, or annoyed, or both. Then I watched my mom chasing Izzy.
Before long, it was time to say goodbye. I couldn’t get the word out, or any words. My mom didn’t say another word, either. I swallowed the ever-growing lump in my throat. We shared a final hug.
She and Simon got in the car and drove away.
Chapter 48
Goodbyes
It was a day full of goodbyes.
Reese’s nose was red, and her eye makeup smeared when she said, “You know, I love you guys. I just need a little time, that’s all... Besides you guys, all my family is in Kentucky.” She again tried to explain.
Izzy kept crying and clinging to Reese’s leg in full meltdown mode, partly because we had just lost Holden and said goodbye to our mother. We were all feeling it. I knew I had to pull it together and make things sound cool.
“It’s not forever. We’ll see you again, right, Aunt Reese?” I had never called her Aunt before. She was more to me than that.
This made more tears run down her cheeks, “Yeah, you’ll see me and talk to me on the phone. You can’t get rid of me.” She mopped away her tears with both hands. “And I’ll be back in three weeks.”
Our grandmother stood off to the side, not saying a word. I pried Izzy from Reese’s leg and picked her up. Although she was light, I felt the heavy weight of her becoming mine again.
Our grandmother stepped forward as if she couldn’t keep silent any longer. “Thanks for bringing the children and saving us the trip, but dear, you better go. You’re just making things worse.”
Izzy held on to me.
Reese looked at us one final time. “Bye, you guys,” her voice soft and tight with pain.
Lock-kneed and dazed, I said goodbye and watched our grandmother walk Reese out the front door. “It’s going to be okay. It’s all good.” I told Izzy who was softly sobbing on my shoulder.
Our grandmother returned, bright-eyed and slightly annoyed by the long goodbye. She shot a look at Isabella who was still crying, saying, “Oh goodness, she’s not even related to you. The state paid her to watch you. Obviously, it wasn’t enough.”
“Just—” Luckily the words got caught in my throat. I blinked to clear my head and pushed out the words. “Reese is coming back.”
Our grandmother busied her fingers to assure her silver hair remained neatly tucked behind her large ears. As Izzy started to calm down, our grandmother grabbed her by the elbow and made her voice go phony-sweet, “Good. I can’t tolerate crybabies.”
The first couple of days at my grandparents’ house weren’t that bad. I tried to be polite, even helpful and not let on that I suspected a thing. Outwardly, I fell into a role between servant and guest. Inwardly, I was an undercover detective on the case of three kidnapped women, one of which was even murdered.
After school, I walked through the front door, announcing, “I’m home.” It was dead and eerily quiet, and my stomach sort of lurched, like the floor had elevated and dropped. Where was Isabella? She left for school after me and got home before me. “Hello! Is anyone home?”
I hung my backpack on the wooden coatrack, near the front door as my grandmother had instructed me to do and walked farther into the living room. It wasn’t my taste, yet it was the nicest room in the house. The sofa looked antique, scalloped-shaped with a carved wood frame, covered in a satiny mauve fabric with two matching armchairs, in a darker shade of purple. The crystal clock on the mantel ticked, above a large stone fireplace, and the ceiling fan whirred. I thought I heard another noise. I passed through the dining room to the kitchen, but no one was there. I retraced my steps and ran upstairs. I called down the long hallway, “Anybody home?”
When no one answered, I climbed up more stairs to the strange loft, decorated in clowns, with brightly macabre faces. Only lackluster shards of light from a painted window lit the huge room. A queen bed had been planted squarely in the middle of the space. It was a canopy bed with gauzy fabric draped every which way. With all the drapery, I couldn’t be sure if someone was in the bed. I almost imagined a dark and gloomy shape or form there. Quickly, I fought back the layers of material. The bed was empty.
I thought I bumped into someone and jumped back, startled! It was only a life-sized clown, but it freaked me out. No wonder Isabella hadn’t wanted to sleep here. I ran out of the room and downstairs again.
I and told myself, it’s cool. I had never been alone in the house. Why not look around?
I headed for the basement door which was in the laundry room next to the kitchen. I turned the doorknob, but it was locked. Why did they keep it locked? I had a chilling thought. Was it possible they were still keeping someone down there? I put my ear to the door when I suddenly heard the keys being jammed into the backdoor just behind me. I turned around and saw my grandmother and Izzy coming through the kitchen door. Isabella hugged a large brown bag with a roll of toilet paper peeking out of the top, her expression brightening when she saw me.
“Hi, Tommy. We bought a bunch of stuff.”
I aimed a little smile her way and said, “Cool, Izzy.”
“Well, are you going to let a
little girl and an old lady carry all the groceries in? Go get the rest of the bags!” my grandmother ordered, over the rustle of grocery bags.
I hurriedly took the two bags my grandmother had held straddled to her sides and placed them on the kitchen table, when Grandma turned to Isabella, “Put the grocery bag down and go to your room. You’re on my nerves too.”
“What did she do?” I asked. I prided myself on Isabella being a good kid.
My grandmother always seemed sour, with hurt feelings and anger lurking beneath the surface. “What, are you writing a book? Go get the rest of the groceries! Lazy, useless kids.” She made her voice go all whiney like she was imitating me, or Isabella, I really wasn’t sure. “Oh, my mom’s a drug addict. I’m so sad.” It was the first time she talked to me like this, but I had the feeling it wouldn’t be the last.
I bit my tongue and rushed outside and opened the trunk of the sedan and carried the remaining grocery bags in two trips. My grandmother directed me where to put things and asked if I was retarded like my redheaded friend. I resisted the urge to say something back and obeyed her. Everything I did was wrong. “And close the damn cupboard.” She pointed a bony finger at me. “Don’t you hang around that Harper girl. The whole town knows she was sleeping with Sheriff Bears and probably other men who had money to give her.”
This took me off guard. “Why do you think that?”
She looked down. “The whole town knew it.”
No, they didn’t. Finn and I knew he’d been there late at night, but no one else. Was she keeping an eye on Silence? Did she have some creepy alliance with Sheriff Bears when he was alive?
Before long, our grandmother made a tough and rubbery steak, mashed potatoes and peas. We ate without talking at all. Our grandfather was oddly absent. He’d been there for dinner each night since we arrived six days ago.