Deviant Fixation

by Valencia Carmelita

  "Just a sec!" I call out, as I finish pinning the rest of my hijab. I've cast my eyes down at the basin while tucking in the last pin, so I wouldn't get carried away by my guilty reflection again.

  After three days spent self-mourning, I had reluctantly submitted to Katie's requests concerning a fashion event. An exclusive fashion fair from which she claims she could purchase a suitable gown for her courting soirée to be held a few days from now.

  Had Bev not been too preoccupied today, she would have accompanied Katie instead. I had finally relented into going, only because of Rachael's reminder.

  Rachael had been concerned over me, but I refused to reveal the reasons for my depression. However, this morning Rachael offered advice anyway, which cracked the shell of my brooding somewhat.

  She reminded me to stay strong through whatever that was bothering me. She reminded me of what I once told her, I had to maintain inner strength for Bilal. I recalled it was a promise by me made to my mother on her deathbed.

  I really wish you were here mom..

  Exhaling wearily, I head out of the bathroom and depart my bedroom alongside Katie. As soon as we approach the foyer, I can't help but feel alertly distressed

  What if he's still here ? Hiding behind one of these corners ...

  Katie had revealed that the demon had left for some business trip again a day ago. This led to the postponement of the Courting Soirée to a later date.

  If he were present, I doubt I'd be able to step out of my room. Incredulity would brandish itself over any remnant of inner strength I was trying to revive. Thankfully, we exit out of the manors entrance without any sight of him, yet my thoughts nearly take a turn towards the wrong direction.

  No ! Don't think about what happened three days ago !

  "Today seems quite nice !" Katie elbows me playfully as we approach Duffield holding open the limo door. Standing next to Duffield was Serge, appearing in a solemn stance.

  It was strange considering I've always seen Serge in a light mood.

  I provide Katie a confused sideways glance. "You...err seem happy?"

  With her courting soirée looming closer, it was odd and out of character for her to appear this nonchalant. I wondered if she had a change of mind. Was she now willing to accept her demonic brothers terms regarding arranged marriage? Did she not like a guy at her university ? Did they break up ?

  "Oh!" She lets out a slightly nervous chuckle before waving her hand in dismissal. "Just commenting on the weather!"

  I merely nod without remarking on the climate as I enter the limo and take a seat.

  The sunny sky did little to lighten my mood. A couple of Molotov Mafia members accompany us for security purposes in their own vehicles.

  Serge sits opposite us, I notice every few seconds he pilfers sad glances in Katie's direction. But she's too busy texting on her phone to notice him.

  Both of them were behaving out of character but my mind didn't linger too long on them as the limo pulls out of the sprawling Nielsen estates.

  In lieu, my treacherous mind succumbs to a forbidden route. A route which I had tread numerous times in my head over the past three days.

  It's always thoughts of how he had accessed my room and violated me. I strived very hard not to think of the moments when he caged me under his powerful arms and how pathetically vanquished I was under him.

  His close proximity had me falling under a spell which I tried very hard to fend off. And I did try, it's something I can't say I never attempted.

  But then he did something so shameless and baffling, I can't believe he gazed and licked at me in my most private area. I feel my face begin to heat up, the details of that horrid incident flashing through my mind.

  He tied me up, leaving me completely indefensible to his scorching touches. I didn't understand why he softly kissed each of my ankles before binding them and I didn't understand why it made me shiver involuntarily. Or when he started crooning affectionate words as he trailed wet kisses over my legs, I couldn't comprehend why my resolve started diminishing.

  I was in the most extreme state of shock, doesn't he hate me? But he proved his sick hate as soon as he stopped.

  That's when I realized what he was doing, what his authentic motives were. He had broken into my room just to humiliate me. I figured this out too late since I let myself be humiliated by him. He wanted to see how far he could go with me, a Muslim girl and then humiliate me for it.

  I feel my heart clench, nearing my throat as I suppress my tears in the limo. I had behaved so disgracefully, I had once yet again surrendered into the shameless deeds he was inflicting against me.

  It was indecipherable to me as to why my body betrayed me. Why did I not put up a stronger fight. It was beyond my reasoning how at the time, I had started yearning for him to complete what he was doing to me. I desired that completion he had brought me to once in the corridors, I had desired it yet again.

  It's a shame that right away I didn't understand his motives when he had stopped and started his artificial apologies.

  My treacherous body had been yearning all over for whatever he had started with his torturous hands. He had left me there somehow unappeased.

  The feelings that swamped me wouldn't dissipate after the hours I cried my heart out as soon as he departed my room. One of the most undignified things I did was almost touch myself below in attempts to ease that ache away.

  But that's when the dreadful realization bashed me, he did what he did to humiliate me.

  I hate him so much..

  I gulp at the lump forming in my throat with utter complication and rapidly blink away at the tears pooling my eyes. I couldn't allow him to do this to me anymore. I had to prevent myself from capitulating to hopeless despair anew.

  Just another week and you'll be out of here ..

  You can't afford to remain weak any longer, you must strengthen your resolve.

  That's it, I'm not displaying myself as a debilitated mess. From today I refuse to be capable of easy enervation. I won't cower away in that room for the next week over some demonic psycho a**hole.

  I can't believe I just used profanity against him in my head. But in all honesty, he's deserving of way more odious expletives.

  He deserves jail time for sexually assaulting me, if only he weren't involved in a Mafia. I most certainly would have reported the scoundrel for the abuse I faced at his hands. To think that so many evil people like him are set free to roam and harm innocents just for the advantage of wealth and power.

  ◆◆◆

  Abruptly I feel a tap at my shoulder and Katie's concerned voice reaches me. "Are you alright?"

  Jolted out of my deep contemplations, I aim her a flustered glance. I realize that the limo has come to a full stop. Behind her Duffield has the door wide open and Serge is quietly sidled next to him.

  "Uh.." I clear my throat, hoping my facial expression hasn't revealed the curses I wished on her brother. "Yes I'm fine, why have we stopped ?"

  Katie raises a brow and a diminutive smile laces her lips. "We're here at the fair, come on!"

  I'm nothing short of surprised at how fast the two hour limo ride elapsed when I had been so preoccupied with my thoughts.

  Stepping out of the limo, I notice many camera crews and clusters of people. They are scattering around the entrance of the large performing arts center edifice.

  It was currently utilized as a makeshift fashion-fair venture. I briefly wondered if it were open only to exclusive upper class members of the public.

  There was heavy security at the entrance, but we were allowed in without much hassle as soon as Katie presented some form of I.D. card.

  The Molotov Mafia members for the exception of Serge, remained lingering right in the vast security checkpoint vicinity.

  The three of us begin strolling around temporary booths and boutiques of the most wealthiest fashion companies and magazines.

  I even spotted a few celebrities of Hollywood. I gasped when I caught a glimpse
of the famous movie star Leon walking hand in hand with some leggy blonde super model.

  Katie let out a squeal of delight when she spotted a few famous singers and actors she recognized. She chatted to them as if she knew them for so long. I noticed Leon giving her the eye, but the blonde model tugged him away. I didn't really say anything to anyone. I just remained lingering behind Katie with Serge who kept rolling his eyes when ever she let out giggles in the presence of the male celebrities.

  After about five minutes she waves goodbye to them and takes ahold of my hand as she reveals. "I received a text from Bev, she's on her way over. And come on let's get you a dress as well!"

  I look to her in puzzlement. "I'm not here to shop.."

  "Silly!" She shakes her head at me, still smiling. "You must buy a dress for my soirée! And you'll see who's accompanying Bev."

  "But it's your courting soirée..so why do I need a dress" I quiz in utter perplexity.

  "But you'll be leaving soon! So why can't you just do me a favour of attending my soirée before you go, please..it's just one last favour before you leave.." She entreats wholeheartedly, she begins further explanation. "Besides Rachael will be present there and so is Bev, both will be wearing evening gowns even though they aren't to be courted. Some of my female cousins will also be present there. Vladimir has decided to hold this courting soirée for all the female cousins that are single."

  I just provide her a blank miserable stare. She clasps her hand and halts infront of me while pouting her lips. "Pleaaaaase? Pretty please with a cherry on top! It'll be fun and you're leaving soon!"

  I huff exasperatedly. "Fine..I'll attend your soirée only coz I'm leaving soon but I don't need a new dress..I could just wear the one I wore to Bev's wedding."

  "Yes!!!" Katie squeals and throws her willowy arms around me. "And eww no way, you're not wearing that grandma dress! I know someone who can equip you with a most stylish evening gown!"

  Before I can further protest she grabs ahold of my hand and drags me onwards. I glance back at Serge, he appears glum and I can't help but comment about it to her. "Serge is in a sad mood."

  Katie pilfers him a quick look and then presents me a guilty smile. "He's being a good trustworthy friend and just keeping a secret safe for me."

  "Oh?" I raise a brow.

  She flicks her hand dismissively. "You'll know in due time."

  It's not long before we come across a fashionFair lounge and bar of a Fashion Magazine I had been acquainted with during the pageant show. In a dazzling pink and purple captions the sign on the board ahead read Apparel by Aussie Fab Designers.

  Within seconds I hear a familiar male's jovial voice. "Ah Miss Katherine Nielsen ! Here you are! As expected!"

  We turn to find the fashion designer and editor, Freddie Cortes approaching us. He's dressed as eccentrically as he was the first time I met him at the pageant. His merry dark eyes land on me and his smile brightens. "Miss Kashani! What a surprise! I had no idea that you're acquainted with young Miss Nielsen!"

  "She's my awesome guest!" Katie explains while placing a hand on my shoulder. "Freddie please show Sanam to your Muslim women's fashion line for evening party wear."

  "Sure no problem at all! Come right this way Miss Kashani." Mister Cortes gestures welcomingly to me.

  I hesitantly look towards Katie for a second and she ushers me on. "Go ahead, I'll be here looking for my own dress."

  I reluctantly oblige and stroll after Mister Cortes. He's happily chatting away about the latest trends and I halfheartedly listen. He has an employee roll in a hanger set trolley full of maxi dresses in varying shades and designs.

  "The dressing rooms are right there for you to try on any dress of your liking." He provides as he has another trolley of maxi dresses brought out.

  I thank him and start lazily sifting through the expensive apparel. Eventually, I selected three maxi dresses. A purple one with green petal design at the hemline, a red one with artificial rubies sewn at the neckline trailing downwards and a peachish pink satin dress with a simple rhinestone lining at the sleeves and hemline.

  Wearing the purple one, I step out to seek Katie's approval. She spots me and shakes her head in disagreement. "It resembles drapery."

  Mister Cortes next to her lets out an offended scoff. "It does not! And mind you, atleast criticise not in my presence. Besides its made entirely of the finest spider silk!"

  "Yeah it would make a fine drapery alright." Katie giggles. "Sorry Freddie, just offering some constructive criticism."

  I can't help but chuckle, she did have a point. It looked indeed as if I was wearing drapes. I can't believe it cost $2,000 dollars. I return some four minutes later out of the dressing room in the red maxi.

  Again Katie shakes her head in disapproval. "Looks tacky, you look like you're pulling off some sort of a strawberry theme costume or something for Halloween."

  Mister Cortes groans and decides to trudge away from helping her find a suitable gown. I glimpse Serge standing at the entrance of the Aussie Fab lounge, aimlessly surveying the rich people shopping ahead at other stands.

  When I arrive out of the dressing rooms in the peachy pink satin maxi, I spot Bev chatting to Katie along with another unfamiliar guy.

  As I approach them, they glance my way and Bev squeals. "Oh my God, you look amazing!!!"

  Katie nods, gaping at my dress. "Definitely, this is the one!"

  "Sanam, I want you to meet Tommy Grant." Katie gestures towards the handsome wealthy looking guy standing next to her.

  "Hi.." The guy named Tommy gives me a casual nod.

  I say hello back but raise my brows at Katie in complete astonishment. What was her secret boyfriend doing here? I pilfer a quick glance in Serge's direction and find him forlornly staring at them.

  I wondered if he knew and as I look back to Katie, she gives me knowing a wink and says. "I'll explain everything later."

  I notice some shoppers entering into the Aussie Fab lounge and my eyes distend in alarm when I recognize four familiar people. Repleted apprehension uncoils within my stomach as I stare on in horror.

  My lardy aunt Sorayah, stepmom Naheed, stepsisters Najma and Nimra gazing about. They stroll further into the vast Aussie Fab apparel lounge. Some unknown lady is guiding them in.

  They nearly look over in my direction but I immediately turn my back to them and excuse myself from Bev and Katie's company. I take cover near the seating lounge behind a chair.

  What the heck are these people doing here?

  I peer over the chair and see them headed towards Freddie Cortes's Muslimah apparel line. I briefly wondered how they managed to afford tickets to such an expensive fashion event. They must have drove baba nuts over it.

  The unknown woman begins to discuss with mister Cortes and I overhear some of it. "...young lady, Najma Kashani has won a trip here from her school as a 3rd runner up of their beauty pageant..."

  To my horror, an employee is gesturing towards the area where I hid, for Nimra to take a seat. Dreading my revelation, I hastily crawl behind the snack trolley and then manage to clamber behind one of the table stands holding folded hoodies. I resume peering over at them while the long table cloth hid me from their view.

  "Pssst! who are you hiding from?" Asks a low female voice right next to me. "You'll get that dress dirty like this!"