by Hugh Walpole
Peter had known of this for many years, but, in earlier times, he had not been at liberty, and of late there had been other things to think about. But here was a fine chance! Was he not flinging himself into the world under the very hazardous patronage of Mr. Zanti on Easter Wednesday, and would he not therefore need every blessing that he could get? And who knew, after all, whether these things were such nonsense? They were old enough, these customs, and many wise people believed in them. Moreover, one had not been brought up in the company of Frosted Moses and Dicky the Fool without catching some of their fever! “There was a little star rolling down hill like a button,” says Dicky, with his eyes staring....’ Well, and why not?
And indeed here was Peter at this stage of things, a mad I bundle of contradictions — old as a judge when up against the Realities, young as Crumpet the puppy when staring at Romance. Give him bread and you have him of cast-iron — stern, cold, hard of muscle, grim frown, stiff back, no smiles. Give him jam and you have credulity, simplicity, longing for friendship, tenderness, devotion to a small girl in a black frock, a heart big as the world. See him on Good Friday afternoon, laughing, eagerly questioning, a boy — see him on Good Friday night, grim, legs stiff, eyes cold as stones, a man — no easy thing for Mrs. Pascoe’s blowzy thunderings to conquer, but something vastly amusing apparently to grandfather Westcott to watch.
He discovered that the sun rose about six o’clock, and therefore five o’clock on Easter morning found him shivering, in the desolate garden with his nose pressed to the little wooden gate. The High Road crossed the moor at no great distance from him, but the faint grey light that hung like gauze about him was not yet strong enough to reveal it. He would hear them as they passed and they must all go up that road on the way to the hill. In the garden there was darkness, and beyond it in the high shadow of the house and the surrounding trees, blackness. He could smell the soil, and his cheeks were wet with beads of moisture; very faintly the recurrent boom of the sea came through the mist, dimmed as though by thick folds of hanging carpet.
Suddenly the dark trees by the house, moved by a secret wind, would shudder. The little black gate slowly revealed its bars against the sky as the grey shadows lightened. Then there were voices, coming through the dark shut off, like the sea, by the mist — strange voices, not human, but sharing with the soil and the trees the mysterious quality of the night. The voices passed up the road — silence and then more voices.
Peter unlatched the gate and stole out to the road, stumbling over the rough moorland path and clambering across the ditch to safer ground. Figures were moving like shadows and voices fell echoing and re-echoing like notes of music — this was dissociated from all human feeling, and the mists curled up like smoke and faded into the air. Peter, in silence, followed these shadows and knew that there were other shadows behind him. It would not take long to climb the Grey Hill — they would be at the top by half-past five.
There was a voice in his ear:
“Hallo! You — Westcott! Why, who would have thought it?”
He turned round and found at his side the peaked face of Willie Daffoll, now a young man of eighteen, with an affection for bright ties and socks, once the small child who had fought with Peter at old Parlow’s years ago. Peter had not seen very much of him during those years. They had met in the streets of Treliss, had spoken a word or two, but no friendship or intimacy. But this early hour, this mysterious dawn, bred confidence, and Peter having grown, under the approaching glitter of London, more human, during the last few weeks than he had been in all his life before, was glad to talk to him.
“Oh, I’ve often wanted to go,” he said. “It brings good luck, you know.”
“Well, fancy your believing that. I never thought you’d believe in rot like that.”
“Why are you going, then?”
The young man of ties and waistcoats dropped his voice. “Oh — a girl. She’s here somewhere — she said she’d come — thinks there’s something in it. Anyhow she wants it — she’s stunning....”
A girl! Peter’s mind flew absurdly back to a small child in a short black frock. “Oh! Crumpet!” ... A girl! Young Daffoll had spoken as though it were indeed something to get up at four in the morning for! Peter wanted to hear more. Young Daffoll was quite ready to tell him. No names, of course, but they were going to be married one day. His governor would be furious, of course, and they might have to run away, but she was game for anything. No, he’d only known her a fortnight, but it had been a matter of love at first sight — extraordinary thing — he’d thought he’d been head over ears before, but never anything like this — yes, as a matter of fact she was in a flower-shop — Trunter’s in the High Street — her people had come down in the world — and so the golden picture unfolded as the gauze curtains were drawn back from the world, and the shoulder of the Grey Hill rose, like a cloud, before them.
Peter’s heart beat faster as he listened to this story. Here was one of his dreams translated into actual fact. Would he one day also have some one for whom he would be ready to run to the end of the world, if furious parents demanded it? She would have, he was sure, red-gold hair and a wonderful smile.
They climbed the Grey Hill. There was with them now quite a company of persons — still shadow-shapes, for the mists were thick about the road, but soon all the butchers and bakers of the world — and, let it be remembered, all the lovers, would be revealed. Now, as they climbed the hill, silence fell — even young Daffoll was quiet; that, too, it seemed, was part of the ceremony.
The hill top was swiftly gained. The Giant’s Finger, black and straight, like a needle, stood through the shadows. Beyond there would be the sea, and that was where the sun would rise, at present darkness. They all sat down on the stones that covered the summit — on either side of Peter there were figures, but Daffoll had vanished — it seemed that he had discovered his lady.
Peter, sitting meditating on the story that he had heard and feeling, suddenly, lonely and deserted, was conscious of a small shoe that touched his boot. It was, beyond argument, a friendly shoe — he could feel that in the inviting tap that it gave to him. He was aware also that his shoulder was touching another shoulder, and that that shoulder was soft and warm. Finally his hand touched another hand — fingers were intertwined.
There was much conversation out of the mist:
“Law, chrisy! Well, it’s the last Easter morning for me — thiccy sun hides himself right enough — it’s poor trade sitting shivering your toes.”
“Not that I care for the woman, mind ye, Mr. Tregothan, sir — with her haverings talking — all I’m saying is that if she’s to come wastin’ my time —
“Thiccy man sitting there stormin’ like an old owl in a tree.”
“Oh, get along with ye — No, I won’t be sitting by ye — There’s—”
Now the sea, like a young web stretched at the foot of the hill, stole out of the darkness. On the horizon a thin line of dull yellow — wouldn’t it be a fine sunrise? — the figures on the hill were gathering shape and form, and many of them now were standing, their bodies sharp against the grey sky.
Peter had not turned; his eyes were staring out to sea, but his body was pressed closely against the girl at his side. He did not turn nor look at her — she was staring at him with wonder in her eyes and a smile on her lips. She was a very common girl with black hair and over-red cheeks, and she was one of the dairymaids from Tregothan Farm. She did not know whom this strange young man might be, and it was not yet light enough to see. She did not care — such things had happened often enough before, and she leant her fat body against his shoulder. She could feel his heart thumping and his hands were very hot, but she thought that it was strange that he did not turn and look at her....
There was a stir and murmur among the crowd on the hill for behold it would be a fine sunrise! The dull yellow had brightened to gold and was speeding like a herald across the grey. Black on the hill, gold on the sky, a trembling whispering blue acro
ss the sea — in a moment there would be the sun! What gods were there hiding, at that instant, on the hill, watching, with scornful eyes this crowd of moderns? Hidden there behind the stones, what mysteries? Screening with their delicate bodies the faint colours of the true dawn, playing on their pipes tunes that these citizens with their coarse voices and dull hearing could not understand, what ancient watchers of the hill pass and repass!
Behold the butchers and bakers! Behold Mr. Winneren, hosier and outfitter, young Robert Trefusis, farmer, Miss Bessie Waddell from the sweet-shop!... These others fade away as the sun rises — the grey mists pass with them.
The sun is about to leap above the rim of the sea. Peter turns and crushes the poor dairymaid in his arms and stifles the little scream with the first kiss of his life. His whole body burns in that kiss — and then, as the sun streams across the sea he has sprung to his feet and vanishes over the brow of the hill.
The dairymaid wipes her lips with the back of her hand. They have joined hands and are already dancing round the Giant’s Finger. It is black now, but in a moment the flames of the sun will leap upon it, and good omens will send them all singing down the hill.
IV
On Tuesday evening Peter slipped for a moment into Zachary Tan’s shop and told Mr. Zanti that he would be on the station platform at half-past seven on the following morning. He could scarcely speak for excitement. He was also filled with a penetrating sadness. Above all, he wished only to exchange the briefest word with his future master. He did not understand altogether but it was perhaps because Mr. Zanti and all his world belonged to to-morrow.... Mr. Zanti’s fat, jolly body, his laugh, his huge soft hands ... Peter could not do more to this gentleman than remember that he meant so much that he would be overwhelmed by him if he did not leave him alone. So he darted in and gave his message and darted out again. The little street was shining in the sun and the gentlest waves were lapping the wooden jetty — Oh, this dear town! These houses, these cobbles — all the smells and colours of the place — he was leaving it all so easily on so perilous an adventure. Poor Peter was moved by so many things that he could only gulp the tears back and hurry home. There was at any rate work to be done there about which there could be no uncertain intention.
His father had been drinking all the afternoon. Mrs. Pascoe with red arms akimbo, watched them as they ate their supper.
When the meal was finished Peter, standing by his father, his face very white, said:
“I am going to London to-morrow.”
Mr. Westcott had aged a great deal during the last month. His hair was touched with grey, there were dark lines under his eyes, his cheeks were sunken, his lip trembled. He was looking moodily at the cloth, crumbling his bread. He did not hear Peter’s remark, but continued his argument with Mrs. Pascoe:
“It wasn’t cooked, I tell you — you’re growing as slack as Hell.”
“Your precious son ‘as got something as ’e would like to say to yer,” remarked that pleasant woman grimly.
Peter repeated his remark. His father grasped it but slowly — at last he said:
“Damn you, what are you talking about?”
“I’m leaving here and going to London to-morrow.”
Mr. Westcott turned his bloodshot eyes in the direction of the fire-place— “Curse it, I can’t see straight. You young devil — I’ll do for you—” all this said rather sullenly and as though he were speaking to himself.
Peter, having delivered his news, passed Mrs. Pascoe’s broad body, and moved to the doorway. He turned with his hand on the door.
“I’m glad I’m going,” he said, “you’ve always bullied me, and I’ve always hated you. You killed my mother and she was a good woman. You can have this house to yourself — you and grandfather — and that woman—” he nodded contemptuously at Mrs. Pascoe, who was staring at him fiercely. His grandfather was fast asleep beneath the cushions.
“Damn you,” said Mr. Westcott very quietly. “You’ve always been ungrateful — I didn’t kill your mother, but she was always a tiresome, crying woman.”
He stopped crumbling the bread and suddenly picked up a table knife and hurled it at Peter. His hand was trembling, and the knife quivering, was fastened to the door.
Mrs. Pascoe gasped, “Gawd ‘elp us!”
Peter quietly closed the door behind him and went up to his room.
He was in no way disturbed by this interview. His relations with his father were not of the things that now mattered. They had mattered before his mother died. They had mattered whilst his father had been somebody strong and terrible. Even at the funeral how splendid he had seemed! But this trembling creature who drank whisky with the cook was some one who concerned Peter not at all — something like the house, to be left behind.
There was an old black bag that had held his things in the Dawson’s days — it held his things now. Not a vast number — only the black suit beside the blue serge one that he was going to wear, some under-linen, a sponge, and a toothbrush, the books and an old faded photograph of his mother as a girl. Nothing like that white face that he had seen, this photograph, old, yellow, and faded, but a girl laughing and beautiful — after all, his most precious possession.
Then, when the bag was packed, he sat on the bed, swung his legs, and thought about everything. He was nearly eighteen, nearly a man, and as hard as rock. He could feel the muscles swelling, there was no fat about him, he was sound all over.
He looked back and saw the things that stood out like hills above the plain — that night, years ago, when he was whipped, the day that he first met Mr. Zanti, the first day at school, the day when he said good-bye to Cards, the hour, at the end of it all, when they hissed him, that last evening with Stephen, the day with his mother ... and then, quite lately, that afternoon when Mr. Zanti asked him to go to London, the little girl with the black frock on the hill ... last of all, that kiss (never mind with whom) on Easter morning — all these things had made him what he was — yes, and all the people — Frosted Moses, Stephen, his father, his mother, Bobby Galleon, Cards, Mr. Zanti, the little girl. As he swung his legs he knew that everything that he did afterwards would be, in some way, attached to these earlier things and these earlier people.
He had brave hopes and brave ambitions and a warm heart as he flung himself into bed; it speaks well for him that, on the night before he set out on his adventure, he slept like the child that he really was.
But he knew that he would wake at six o’clock. He had determined that it should be so, and the clocks were striking as he opened his eyes. It was very dark and the cocks crowed beyond his open window, and the misty morning swept in and blew his lighted candle up and down. He dressed in the blue serge suit with a blue tie fastened in a sailor’s knot. He leaned out of his window and tried to imagine, out of the darkness, the beloved moor — then he took his black bag and crept downstairs; it was striking half-past six as he came softly into the hall.
There he saw that the gas was flaring and that his father was standing in his night-shirt.
“I think I’m in front of you,” he said, smiling.
“Let me go, father,” Peter said, very white, and putting down the bag.
“Be damned to you,” said his father. “You don’t get through this door.”
It was all so ludicrous, so utterly absurd, that his father should be standing, in his night-shirt, on this very cold morning, under the flaring gas. It occurred to Peter that as he wanted to laugh at this Mr. Zanti could not have been right about his lack of humour. Peter walked up to his father, and his father caught him by the throat. Mr. Westcott was still, in spite of recent excesses, sufficiently strong.
“I very much want to choke you,” he said.
Peter, however, was stronger.
His father dropped the hold of his throat, and had him, by the waist, but his hands slipped amongst his clothes. For a moment they swayed together, and Peter could feel the heat of his father’s body beneath the night-shirt and the violent beating
of his heart. It was immensely ludicrous; moreover there now appeared on the stairs Mrs. Pascoe, in a flannel jacket over a night-gown, and untidy hair about her ample shoulders.
“The Lord be kind!” she cried, and stood, staring. Mr. Westcott was breathing very heavily in Peter’s face, and their eyes were so close together that Peter could notice how bloodshot his father’s were.
“God damn you!” said his father and slipped, and they came down on to the wood floor together. Peter rose, but his father lay there, breathing heavily.
“God damn you,” he said again, but he did not move.
“You’d better look after him,” Peter said, turning to the astounded Mrs. Pascoe. As he moved he saw a surprising sight, his grandfather’s door was opened and his grandfather (who had not been on his feet for a great many years) was standing in the middle of it, cackling with laughter, dressed in a very ugly yellow dressing-gown, his old knotted hands clutching the sides of the door, his shrivelled body shaking, and his feet in large red slippers.
“Dear me, that was a nasty knock,” he chattered.
And so Peter left them.
The high road was cool and fresh and dark. The sea sung somewhere below amongst the rocks, and Peter immediately was aware that he was leaving Cornwall.