by Hugh Walpole
“It was very natural,” said Aunt Elizabeth. “You should have had some tea at once. It was my fault. It’s late now. Nine o’clock. My sister suggests bed. Supper in bed. Very nice, I always think, after a long journey. It will be fine to-morrow, I expect. We’ve had beautiful weather until this morning, when it rained for an hour. Chicken and some pudding. There’s a little Australian wine that my sister keeps in the house for accidents. I liked it myself when I had it once for severe neuralgia.”
She suddenly, with a half-nervous, half-desperate gesture, put out her hand and took Maggie’s. Her hand was soft like blanc-mange; it had apparently no bones in it.
Maggie was touched and grateful. She liked this little shy, frightened woman. She would do anything to please her.
“Don’t think,” she said eagerly, “that I’ve ever fainted like that before. I assure you that I’ve never done anything so silly. You mustn’t think that I’m not strong. I’m strong as a horse — father always said so. I’ve come to help you and Aunt Anne in any way I can. You mustn’t think that I’m going to be in the way. I only want to be useful.”
Aunt Elizabeth started and looked at the door. “I thought I heard something,” she said. They both listened.
“Perhaps it was the parrot,” said Maggie.
Aunt Elizabeth smiled bravely.
“There are often noises in an old house like this,” she said. The black cat came towards them, slowly, with immense dignified indifference. He swung his tail as though to show them that he cared for no one. He walked to the door and waited; then followed them out of the room.
Maggie found that her bedroom was a room at the top of the house, very white and clean, with a smell of soot and tallow candle that was new and attractive. There was a large text in bright purple over the bed— “The Lord cometh; prepare ye the way of the Lord.” From the window one saw roofs, towers, chimneys, a sweeping arc of sky-lights now spun and sparkled into pathways and out again, driven by the rumble behind them that never ceased, although muffled by the closed window.
They talked together for a little while, standing near the window, the candle wavering in Aunt Elizabeth’s unsteady hand.
“We thought you’d like this top room. It’s quieter than the rest of the house. Sometimes when the sweep hasn’t been the soot tumbles down the chimney. You mustn’t mind that. Thomas will push open the door and walk in at times. It’s his way.”
“Thomas?” said Maggie bewildered.
“Our cat. He has been with us for many years now. Those who know say that he might have taken prizes once. I can’t tell I’m sure. If you pull that bell when you want anything Martha will come. She will call you at half-past seven; prayers are in the dining-room at a quarter past eight. Sometimes the wind blows through the wall-paper, but it is only the wind.”
Maggie drew back the curtains that hid the glitter of the lights.
“Were those great friends of yours, those gentlemen this evening?”
“The one who wears spectacles, Mr. Magnus — yes, he is a very old friend. He is devoted to my sister. He writes stories.”
“What, in the papers?”
“No, in books. Two every year.”
“And the other one?”
“That is young Mr. Warlock — he is the son of our minister.”
“Does he live near here?”
“He lives just now with his parents. Of late years he has been abroad.”
“He doesn’t look like the son of a minister,” said Maggie.
“No, I’m afraid—” Aunt Elizabeth suddenly stopped. “His father has been minister of our chapel for twenty years. He is a great and wonderful man.”
“Where is the chapel?”
“Very near at hand. You will see it to-morrow. To-morrow is Sunday.”
There was a long pause. Maggie knew that now was the time when she should say something friendly and affectionate. She could say nothing. She stared at her aunt, then at a long mirror that faced her bed, then at the lighted sky. She felt warmly grateful, eager to show all the world that she would do her best, that she was ready to give herself to this new life with all her soul and strength — she could say nothing.
They waited.
At last her aunt said:
“Good-night, dear Maggie.”
“Good-night, Aunt Elizabeth.”
She stole away, leaving the candle upon the chest of drawers; the cat followed her, swinging his tail.
Left alone, Maggie felt the whole sweep of her excitement. She was exhausted, her body felt as though it had been trampled upon, she was so tired that she could scarcely drag her clothes from her, but the exaltation of her spirit was beyond and above all this. Half undressed she stood before the long mirror. She had never before possessed a long looking-glass, and now she seemed to see herself as she really was for the first time. Was she very ugly and unattractive? Yes, she must be with that stumpy body, those thick legs and arms, that short nose and large mouth. And she did not know what to do to herself to make herself attractive. Other girls knew but she had never had any one who could tell her. Perhaps she would make girl friends now who would show her.
But, after all, she did not care. She was herself. People who did not like her could leave her — yes they could, and she would not stir a finger to fetch them back.
Then, deep down in her soul, she knew that she wanted success, a magnificent life, a great future. Nay more, she expected it. She had force and strength, and she would compel life to give her what she wanted. She laughed at herself in the glass. She was happy, almost triumphant, and for no reason at all.
She went to her windows and opened them; there came up to her the tramping progress of the motor-omnibuses. They advanced, like elephants charging down a jungle, nearer, nearer, nearer. Before the tramp of one had passed another was advancing, and then upon that another — ceaselessly, advancing and retreating.
In her nightdress she leaned out of the window, poised, as it seemed to her, above a swaying carpet of lights.
Life seemed to hold every promise in store for her.
She crossed to her bed, drew the clothes about her and, forgetting her supper, forgetting all that had happened to her, her journey, her fainting, the young man, Edward the parrot, she fell into a slumber as deep, as secure, as death itself.
CHAPTER IV
THE CHAPEL
Maggie woke next morning to a strange silence. Many were the silent mornings that had greeted her at St. Dreots, but this was silence with a difference; it was the silence, she was instantly aware, of some one whose very soul was noise and tumult. She listened, and the sudden chirping of some sparrows beyond her window only accentuated the sense of expectation. She had never, in all her days, been so conscious of Sunday.
She was almost afraid to move lest she should break the spell.
She lay in bed and thought of the preceding evening. Her fainting fit seemed to her now more than ever unfortunate; it had placed her at a disadvantage with them all. She could imagine the stout young man returning to his home and saying: “Their niece has arrived. Seems a weak little thing. Fainted right off there in the drawing-room.” Or her aunts saying anxiously to one another: “Well, I didn’t know she was as delicate as that. I hope she won’t be always ill,” ... and she wasn’t delicate — no one stronger. She had never fainted before. The silliness of it!
The next thing that disturbed her was the comfort and arrangement of everything. Certainly the drawing-room had not been very orderly, full of old things badly placed, but this bedroom was clean and tidy, and the supper last night, so neat on its tray with everything that she could want! She could feel the order and discipline of the whole house. And she had never, in all her life, been either orderly or disciplined. She had never been brought up to be so. How could you be orderly when there were holes in the bedroom ceiling and the kitchen floor, holes that your father would never trouble to have mended?
Her aunts would wish her to help in the house and she would forget thi
ngs. There passed before her, in that Sunday quiet, a terrible procession of the things that she would forget. She knew that she would not be patient under correction, especially under the correction of her Aunt Anne. Already she felt in her a rebellion at her aunt’s aloofness and passivity. After all, why should she treat every one as though she were God? Maggie felt that there was in her aunt’s attitude something sentimental and affected. She hated sentiment and affectation in any one. She was afraid, too, that Anne bullied Aunt Elizabeth. Maggie was sorry for Aunt Elizabeth but, with all the arrogance of the young, a little despised her. Why did she tremble and start like that? She should stand up for herself and not mind what her sister said to her. Finally, there was something about the house for which Maggie could not quite account, some uneasiness or expectation, as though one knew that there was some one behind the door and was therefore afraid to open it. It may have been simply London that was behind it. Maggie was ready to attribute anything to the influence of that tremendous power, but her own final impression was that the people in this house had for too long a time been brooding over something. “It would do my aunts a lot of good to move somewhere else,” she said to herself. “As Aunt Anne loves the country so much I can’t think why she doesn’t live there.” There were many things that she was to learn before the end of the day.
Her thoughts were interrupted by a little whirr and clatter, which, thin and distant though it was, penetrated into her room. The whirr was followed by the voice, clear, self-confident and cheerful, of a cuckoo. Maggie was in an instant out of bed, into the passage and standing, in her nightdress, before a high, old cuckoo-clock that stood at the top of the stairs. The wooden bird, looking down at her in friendly fashion, “cuckooed” eight times, flapped his wings at her and disappeared. It is a sufficient witness to Maggie’s youth and inexperience that she was enraptured by this event. It was not only that she had never seen a cuckoo-clock before; she had, for that matter, never heard of the existence of such a thing. It gave her greater happiness than any bare mechanical discovery could have done. The bird seemed to have come to her, in the friendliest way, to remove some of the chilly passivity of the house. Her greatest fear since her arrival had been that this was a house “in which nothing was ever going to happen,” and that “she would never get out of it.” “It will be just as it has been all my life, seeing nothing, doing nothing — only instead of father it will be the aunts.” The bird seemed to promise her adventure and excitement. To most people it would have been only a further sign of an old-fashioned household far behind the times. To Maggie it was thrilling and encouraging. He would remind her every hour of the day of the possibility of fun in a world that was full of surprises. She heard suddenly a step behind her and a dry voice saying:
“Your hot water, Miss Maggie.”
She turned round, blushing at being caught staring up at a cuckoo-clock like a baby in her nightdress, to face the wrinkled old woman who the night before had brought her, with a grudging countenance, her supper. Maggie had thought then that this old Martha did not like her and resented the extra work that her stay in the house involved; she was now more than ever sure of that dislike.
“I thought I was to be called at half-past seven.”
“Eight on Sundays,” said the old woman. “I hope you’re better this morning, miss.”
Maggie felt this to be deeply ironical and flushed.
“I’m quite well, thank you,” she said stiffly. “What time is breakfast on Sundays?”
“The prayer-bell rings at a quarter to nine, miss.”
They exchanged no more conversation.
At a quarter to nine a shrill, jangling bell rang out and Maggie hurried down the dark staircase. She did not know where the dining-room was, but by good chance she caught sight of Aunt Elizabeth’s little body moving hurriedly down the passage and hastened after her. She arrived only just in time. There, standing in a row before four chairs, their faces red and shining, their hands folded in front of them, were the domestics; there, with a little high desk in front of her, on the other side of the long dining-room table was Aunt Anne; here, near the door, were two chairs obviously intended for Aunt Elizabeth and Maggie.
Maggie in her haste pushed the door, and it banged loudly behind her; in the silent room the noise echoed through the house. It was followed by a piercing scream from Edward, whom, Maggie concluded, it had awakened. All this confused her very much and gave her anything but a religious state of mind.
What followed resembled very much the ceremonies with which her father had been accustomed to begin the day, except that her father, with one eye on the bacon, had gabbled at frantic pace through the prayers and Aunt Anne read them very slowly and with great beauty. She read from the Gospel of St. John: “These things I command you, that ye love one another ...”; but the clear, sweet tones of her voice gave no conviction of a love for mankind.
Maggie looking from that pale remote face to the roughened cheeks and plump body of the kitchen-maid felt that here there could be no possible bond. When they knelt down she was conscious, as she had been since she was a tiny child, of two things — the upturned heels of the servants’ boots and the discomfort to her own knees. These two facts had always hindered her religious devotions, and they hindered them now. There had always been to her something irresistibly comic in those upturned heels, the dull flat surfaces of these cheap shoes. In the kitchen-maid’s there were the signs of wear; Martha’s were new and shining; the house-maid’s were smart and probably creaked abominably. The bodies above them sniffed and rustled and sighed. The vacant, stupid faces of the shoes were Aunt Anne’s only audience. Maggie wondered what the owners of those shoes felt about the house. Had they a sense of irritation too or did they perhaps think about nothing at all save their food, their pay and their young man or their night out? The pain to her knees pierced her thoughts; the prayers were very long? — Aunt Anne’s beautiful voice was interminable.
Breakfast was quiet and silent. Edward, who received apparently a larger meal on Sundays than at ordinary times, chattered happily to himself, and Maggie heard him say complacently, “Poor Parrot? — Poor Parrot. How do you do? How do you do?”
“Service is at eleven o’clock, dear,” said Aunt Anne. “We leave the house at ten minutes to eleven.”
Maggie, not knowing what to do with the hour in front of her, went up to her bedroom, found the servant making the bed, came down into the drawing-room and sat in a dark corner under a large bead mat, that, nailed to the wall, gave little taps and rustlings as though it were trying to escape.
She felt that she should be doing something, but what? She sat there, straining her ear for sounds. “One always seems to be expecting some one in this house,” she thought. The weather that had been bright had now changed and little gusts of rain beat upon the windows. She thought with a sudden strange warmth of Uncle Mathew. What was he doing? Where was he? How pleasant it would be were he suddenly to walk into that chilly, dark room. She would not show him that she was lonely, but she would give him such a welcome as he had never had from her before. Had he money enough? Was he feeling perhaps as desolate amongst strangers as she? The rain tickled the window-panes. Maggie, with a desolation at her heart that she was too proud to own, sat there and waited.
She looked back afterwards upon that moment as the last shivering pause before she made that amazing plunge that was to give her new life.
The sound of a little forlorn bell suddenly penetrated the rain. It was just such a bell as rang every Sunday from chapels across the Glebeshire moors, and Maggie knew, when Aunt Elizabeth opened the door and looked in upon her, that the summons was for her.
“Oh! my dear (a favourite exclamation of Aunt Elizabeth’s) and you’re not ready. The bell’s begun. The rain’s coming down very hard, I’m afraid. It’s only a step from our door. Your things, dear, as quick as you can.”
The girl ran upstairs and, stayed by some sudden impulse, stood for a moment before the long mirror. It was
as though she were imploring that familiar casual figure that she saw there not to leave her, the only friend she had in a world that was suddenly terrifying and alarming. Her old black dress that had seemed almost smart for the St. Dreot funeral now appeared most desperately shabby; she knew that her black hat was anything but attractive.
“What do I care for them all!” her heart said defiantly. “What do they matter to me!”
She marched out of the house behind the aunts with her head in the air, very conscious of a hole in one of her thin black gloves.
The street, deserted, danced in the rain; the little bell clanged with the stupid monotony of its one obstinate idea; the town wore its customary Sunday air of a stage when the performance is concluded, the audience vanished and the lights turned down. The aunts had a solemn air as though they were carrying Maggie as a sacrifice. All these things were depressing.
They turned out of their own street into a thin, grey one in which the puddles sprang and danced against isolated milk-cans and a desolate pillar-box. The little bell was now loud and strident, and when they passed into a passage which led into a square, rather grimy yard, Maggie saw that they had arrived. Before her was a hideous building, the colour of beef badly cooked, with grey stone streaks in it here and there and thin, narrow windows of grey glass with stiff, iron divisions between the glass. The porch to the door was of the ugliest grey stone with “The Lord Cometh” in big black letters across the top of it. Just inside the door was a muddy red mat, and near the mat stood a gentleman in a faded frock-coat and brown boots, an official apparently. There arrived at the same time as Maggie and her aunts a number of ladies and gentlemen all hidden beneath umbrellas. As they stood in the doorway a sudden scurry of wind and rain drove them all forward so that there was some crush and confusion in the little passage beyond the door. Waterproofs steamed; umbrellas were ranged in dripping disorder against the wall. The official, who talked in a hushed whisper that was drowned by the creaking of his boots, welcomed them all with the intimacy of an old acquaintance. “Oh, Miss Hearst — terrible weather — no, she’s not here yet.” “Good morning, Mrs. Smith — very glad you’re better. Yes, I spoke to them about the prayer-books. They promised to return them this morning ...” and so on. He turned, pushed back a door and led the way into the chapel. The interior was as ugly as the outside. The walls were of the coldest grey stone, broken here and there by the lighter grey of a window. Across the roof were rafters built of that bright shining wood that belongs intimately to colonial life, sheep-shearing, apples of an immense size and brushwood. Two lamps of black iron hung from these rafters. At the farther end of the chapel was a rail of this same bright wood, and behind the rail a desk and a chair. In front of the rail was a harmonium before which was already seated a stout and expectant lady, evidently eager to begin her duties of the day. The chapel was not very large and was already nearly filled. The congregation was sitting in absolute silence, so that the passing of Maggie and her aunts up the aisle attracted great attention. All eyes were turned in their direction and Maggie felt that she herself was an object of very especial interest.