by Hugh Walpole
Now, however, new impulses were stirring in his soul. Maggie saw it, Grace saw it, before the end of the summer the whole parish saw it. He was uneasy, dissatisfied, suffering under strange moods whose motives he concealed from all the world. In his sleep he cried Maggie’s name with a passion that was a new voice in him. When she awoke and heard it she trembled, and then lay very still ...
And what a summer that was! To Maggie who had never, even in London, mingled with crowds it was an incredible invasion. The invasion was incredible, in the first place, because of the suddenness with which it fell upon Skeaton. One day Maggie noticed that announcements were pasted on to the Skeaton walls of the coming of a pierrot troupe ... “The Mig-Mags.” There was a gay picture of fine beautiful pierrettes and fine stout pierrots all smiling together in a semi-circle. Then on another hoarding it was announced that the Theatre Royal, Skeaton, would shortly start its summer season, and would begin with that famous musical comedy, “The Girl from Bobo’s.”
Then the Pier Theatre put forward its claim with a West End comedy. The Royal Marine Band announced that it would play (weather permitting) in the Pergola on the Leas every afternoon, 4.20-6. Other signs of new life were the Skeaton Roller-Skating Rink, The Piccadilly Cinema, Concerts in the Town Hall, and Popular Lectures in the Skeaton Institute. There was also a word here and there about Wanton’s Bathing Machines, Button’s Donkeys, and Milton and Rowe’s Char-a-bancs.
Then, on a sunny day in June the invasion began. The little railway by the sea was only a loop-line that connected Skeaton with Lane-on-Sea, Frambell, and Hooton. The main London line had its Skeaton station a little way out of the town, and the station road to the beach passed the vicarage. Maggie soon learnt to know the times when the excursion trains would pour their victims on to the hot, dry road. Early in the afternoon was one time, and she would see them eagerly, excitedly hurrying to the sea, fathers and mothers and babies, lovers and noisy young men and shrieking girls. Then in the evening she would see them return, some cross, some too tired to speak, some happy and singing, some arguing and disputing, babies crying-all hurrying, hurrying lest the train should be missed. At first she would not penetrate to the beach. She understood from Paul and Grace that one did not go to the beach during the summer months; at any rate, not the popular beach. There was Merton Sand two miles away. One might go there ... it was always deserted. This mysterious “one” fascinated Maggie’s imagination. So many times a day Grace said “Oh, I don’t think one ought to.” Maggie heard again and again about the trippers, “Oh, one must keep away from there, you know.”
In fact the Skeaton aristocracy retired with shuddering gestures into its own castle. Life became horribly dull. The Maxses, the Constantines, and the remainder of the Upper Ten either went away or hid themselves in their grounds.
Once or twice there would be a tennis party, then silence ...
This summer was a very hot one; the little garden was stifling and the glass bottles cracked in the sun.
“I want to get out. I want to get out,” cried Maggie-so she went down to the sea. She went surreptitiously; this was the first surreptitious thing she had done. She gazed from the Promenade that began just beyond the little station and ran the length of the town down upon the sands. The beach was a small one compared with the great stretches of Merton and Buquay, and the space was covered now so thickly with human beings that the sand was scarcely visible. It was a bright afternoon, hot but tempered with a little breeze. The crowd bathed, paddled, screamed, made sand-castles, lay sleeping, flirting, eating out of paper bags, reading, quarrelling. Here were two niggers with banjoes, then a stout lady with a harmonium, then a gentleman drawing pictures on the sand; here again a man with sweets on a tray, here, just below Maggie, a funny old woman with a little hut where ginger-beer and such things were sold. The noise was deafening; the wind stirred the sand curiously so that it blew up and about in little wreaths and spirals. Everything and everybody seemed to be covered with the grit of this fine small sand; it was in Maggie’s eyes, nose, and mouth as she watched.
She hated the place — the station, the beach, the town, and the woods — even more than she had done before. She hated the place — but she loved the people.
The place was sneering, self-satisfied, contemptuous, inhuman, like some cynical, debased speculator making a sure profit out of the innocent weaknesses of human nature. As she turned and looked she could see the whole ugly town with the spire of St. John’s-Paul’s church, raised self-righteously above it.
The town was like a prison hemmed in by the dark woods and the oily sea. She felt a sudden terrified consciousness of her own imprisonment. It was perhaps from that moment that she began to be definitely unhappy in her own life, that she realised with that sudden inspiration that is given to us on occasion, how hostile Grace was becoming, how strange and unreal was Paul, and how far away was every one else!
Just below her on the sand a happy family played-some babies, two little boys digging, the father smoking, his hat tilted over his eyes against the sun, the mother finding biscuits in a bag for the youngest infant. It was a very merry family and full of laughter. The youngest baby looked up and saw Maggie standing all alone there, and crowed. Then all the family looked up, the boys suspended their digging, father tilted back his hat, the mother shyly smiled.
Maggie smiled back, and then, overcome by so poignant a feeling of loneliness, tempted, too, almost irresistibly to run down the steps, join them on the sand, build castles, play with the babies, she hurried away lest she should give way.
“I must be pretending at being married,” she thought to herself. “I don’t feel married at all. I’m not natural. If I were sitting on the sand digging I’d be quite natural. No wonder Grace thinks me tiresome. But how does one get older and grown up? What is one to do?”
She did not trust herself to go down to the sands again that summer. The autumn came, the woods turned to gold, the sea was flurried with rain, and the Church began to fill the horizon. The autumn and the winter were the times of the Church’s High Festival. Paul, as though he were aware that he had, during these last months, been hovering about strange places and peering into dark windows, busied himself about the affairs of his parish with an energy that surprised every one.
Maggie was aware of a number of young women of whom before she had been unconscious. Miss Carmichael, Misses Mary and Jane Bethel, Miss Clarice Hendon, Miss Polly Jones ... some of these pretty girls, all of them terribly modern, strident, self-assured, scornful, it seemed to Maggie. At first she was frightened of them as she had never been frightened of any one before. They did look at her, of course, as though they thought her strange, and then they soon discovered that she knew nothing at all about life.
Their two chief employments, woven in, as it were, to the web of their church assistance, were Love and Mockery-flirtations, broken engagements, refusals, acceptances, and, on the other hand, jokes about everybody and everything. Maggie soon discovered that Grace was one of their favourite Aunt Sallies; this made her very angry, and she showed so plainly her indignation on the first occasion of their wit that they never laughed at Grace in Maggie’s presence again.
Maggie felt, after this, very tender and sympathetic towards Grace, until she discovered that her good sister-in-law was quite unaware that any one laughed at her and would have refused to believe it had she been told. At the same time there went strangely with this confidence an odd perpetual suspicion. Grace was for ever on guard against laughter, and nothing made her more indignant than to come into a room and see that people suddenly ceased their conversation. Maggie, however, did try this autumn to establish friendly relations with Grace. It seemed to her that it was the little things that were against the friendliness rather than the big ones. How she seriously blamed herself for an irritation that was really childish. Who, for instance, a grown woman and married, could do other than blame herself for being irritated by Grace’s habit of not finishing her sentences. Grace would s
ay:
“Maggie, did you remember to-oh well, it doesn’t matter—”
“Remember what, Grace?”
“No, really it doesn’t matter. It was only that—”
“But Grace, do tell me, because otherwise you’ll be blaming me for something I ought to have done.”
“Blaming you! Why, Maggie, to hear you talk any one would think that I was always scolding you. Of course if that’s what you feel—”
“No, no, I don’t. But I’m so careless. I forget things so. I don’t want to forget something that I ought to do.”
“Yes, you are careless, Maggie. That’s quite true. It’s one of your faults.”
(Strange how willing we are ourselves to admit a fault and irritated when a friend agrees about it with us.)
“Oh, I’m not always careless,” said Maggie.
“Often you are, dear, aren’t you? You must learn. I’m sure you’ll improve in time. I wonder whether-but no, I decided I wouldn’t bother, didn’t I? Still perhaps, after all — No, I daresay it’s wiser to leave it alone.”
Another little thing that the autumn emphasised was Grace’s inability to discover when a complaint or a remonstrance was decently deceased. One evening Paul, going out in a hurry, asked Maggie to give Grace the message that Evensong would be at 6.30 instead of 7 that day. Maggie forgot to give the message and Grace arrived at the Church during the reading of the second lesson.
“Oh Grace, I’m so sorry!” said Maggie.
“It doesn’t matter,” said Grace; “but how you could forget, Maggie, is so strange! Do try not to forget things. I know it worries Paul. For myself I don’t care, although I do value punctuality and memory — I do indeed. What I mean is that it isn’t for my own happiness that I mind—”
“I don’t want to forget,” said Maggie. “One would think to hear you, Grace, that you imagine I like forgetting.”
“Really, Maggie,” said Grace, “I don’t think that’s quite the way to speak to me.”
And again and again throughout the long winter this little episode figured.
“You’ll remember to be punctual, won’t you, Maggie? Not like the time when you forgot to tell me.”
“You’ll forgive me reminding you, Maggie, but I didn’t want it to be like the time you forgot to give me—”
“Oh, you’d better not trust to Maggie, Paul. Only the other day when you gave her the message about Evensong—”
Grace meant no harm by this. Her mind moved slowly and was entangled by a vast quantity of useless lumber. She was really shocked by carelessness and inaccuracy because she was radically careless and inaccurate herself but didn’t know it.
“If there’s one thing I value it’s order.” she would say, but in struggling to remember superficial things she forgot all essentials. Her brain moved just half as slowly as everything else.
That winter was warm and muggy, with continuous showers of warm rain that seamed to change into mud in the air as it fell.
The Church was filled with the clammy mist of its central heating. Maggie, as she sat through service after service, watched one headache race after another. The air was full of headache; she asked once that a window might be kept open. “That would mean Death in Skeaton. You don’t understand the Skeaton air,” said Grace.
“That’s because I don’t get enough of it,” said Maggie. She found herself looking back to the Chapel services with wistful regret. What had there been there that was not here? Here everything was ordered, arranged, in decent sequence, in regular symmetry and progression. And yet no one seemed to Maggie to listen to what they were saying, and no one thought of the meaning of the words that they used.
And if they did, of what use would it be? The affair was all settled; heaven was arrayed, parcelled out, its very streets and courts mapped and described. It was the destination of every one in the building as surely as though they were travelling to London by the morning express. They were sated with knowledge of their destiny — no curiosity, no wonder, no agitation, no fear. Even the words of the most beautiful prayers had ceased to have any meaning because the matter had been settled so long ago and there was nothing more to be said. How that Chapel had throbbed with expectation, with amaze, with curiosity, with struggle! Foolish much of it perhaps, stifling it had seemed then in its superstition. Maggie had been afraid then, so afraid that she could not sleep at nights. How she longed now for that fear to return to her!
At this point she would discover that she was beckoning back to her the figures of that other world. They must not come ... the two worlds must not join or she was lost ... she turned her back from her memories and her desires.
During this winter there were the two affairs of Mr. Toms and Caroline.
Maggie carried out her resolve of calling on Mr. Toms. She did it one dark afternoon a few days before Christmas, moved, it must be confessed, partly by a sense of exasperation with Grace. Grace had been that day quite especially tiresome. She had a cold, and a new evening dress had cost twice as much as it ought to have done. Mitch had broken into eczema, and Mrs. Constantine had overruled her at a committee meeting. With a flood of disconnected talk she had overwhelmed Maggie until the girl felt as though her head had been thrust into a bag of flour. Through it all there had been an undercurrent of complaint as though Maggie were responsible.
Early in the afternoon Grace declared that her head was splitting and retired to her bedroom. Maggie, in a state of blinded and deafened exasperation, remembered Mr. Toms and decided to call on him. She found a neat little house standing in a neat little garden near the sea just beyond the end of the Promenade, or The Leas, as the real Skeatonian always called it. Miss Toms and Mr. Toms were sitting in a very small room with a large fire, a pale grey wallpaper, and a number of brightly-painted wooden toys arranged on a shelf running round the room. The toys were of all kinds — a farm, cows and sheep, tigers and lions, soldiers and cannon, a church and a butcher’s shop, little green tufted trees, and a Noah’s ark. Mr. Toms was sitting, neat as a pin, smiling in an armchair beside the fire, and Miss Toms near him was reading aloud.
Maggie saw at once that her visit embarrassed Miss Toms terribly. It was an embarrassment that she understood perfectly, so like her own feelings on so many occasions. This put her at once at her ease, and she was the old, simple, direct Maggie, her face eager with kindness and understanding. Mr. Toms smiled perpetually but shook hands like the little gentleman he was.
Maggie, studying Miss Toms’ face, saw that it was lined with trouble — an ugly face, grave, severe, but brave and proud. Maggie apologised for not coming before.
“I would have come—” she began.
“Oh, you needn’t apologise,” said Miss Toms brusquely. “They don’t call on us here, and we don’t want them to.”
“They don’t call,” said Mr. Toms brightly, “because they know I’m queer in the head, and they’re afraid I shall do something odd. They told you I was queer in the head, didn’t they?”
Strangely enough this statement of his “queerness,” although it brought a lump into Maggie’s throat, did not disturb or confuse her.
“Yes,” she said, “they did. I asked who you were after I had seen you in the road that day.”
“I’m not in the least dangerous,” said Mr. Toms. “You needn’t be afraid. Certain things seem odd to me that don’t seem odd to other people — that’s all.”
“The fact is, Mrs. Trenchard,” said Miss Toms, speaking very fast and flushing as she spoke, “that we are very happy by ourselves, my brother and I. He is the greatest friend I have in the world, and I am his. We are quite sufficient for one another. I don’t want to seem rude, and it’s kind of you to have come, but it’s better to leave us alone — it is indeed.”
“Well, I don’t know,” bald Maggie, smiling. “You see, I’m a little queer myself — at least I think that most of the people here are coming to that conclusion. I’m sure I’m more queer than your brother. At any rate I can’t do you any har
m, and we may as well give it a trial, mayn’t we?”
Mr. Toms clapped his hands with so sudden a noise that Maggie jumped.
“That’s right,” he said. “That’s the way I like to hear people talk. You shall judge for yourself, and WE’LL judge for ourselves.” His voice was very soft and pleasant. The only thing at all strange about him was his smile, that came and went like the ripple of firelight on the wall. “You’d like to know all about us, wouldn’t you? Well, until ten years ago I was selling corn in the City. Such a waste of time! But I took it very seriously then and worked, worked, worked. I worked too hard, you know, much too hard, and then I was ill — ill for a long time. When I was better corn didn’t seem to be of any importance, and people thought that very odd of me. I was confused sometimes and called people by their wrong names, and sometimes I said what was in my head instead of saying what was in my stomach. Every one thought it very odd, and if my dear sister hadn’t come to the rescue they would have locked me up — they would indeed!”
“Shut me up and never let me walk about — all because I didn’t care for corn any more.”