by Dalia Wright
As the truck came to a stop no one said a word. No one moved.
What are we supposed to do? Ruth wondered. She turned to her mother, who gave her a soft nod, silently reassuring to her be patient.
Several seconds later her father’s door opened and he stepped out.
Ruth's mother opened her own door and slid out of the truck, Mary followed her.
Ruth sat there, watching her family make their way out up the drive. And she didn't move.
"What are you going to do?" She asked Joshua, trying to make time.
He turned to her. In the darkness she hadn't been able to see him well, but now in the midday light she took everything in- everything she had always seen. His bright green eyes, his perfect row of teeth when he flashed her a smile.
"I'll head up to Sarasota." He said. Despite the fact it wasn't winter there would still be others in the community. She’d heard a lot about it. It was close enough to them that some of their friends came up this way when the weather started to get cold. The benefits of living close to Florida.
"I'll be back to pick ye up tomorrow. If that's what your da wants."
Ruth nodded, glad that she had some idea what was going on.
"Danka." She said as she gave him a soft smile. "For doing all of this." She didn't add what she really wanted to say, but she was sure he knew what she meant.
Joshua was risking his own future by helping them.
"Anytime." His voice was serious as his eyes locked on her.
Ruth slid out of the back seat and rushed to meet the rest of her family as they made their way up the front steps. The heat from the sun warmed her skin the second she stepped out into it.
"Grace." Her father said, his voice strained.
The woman standing in front of them, Grace, looked us all up and down as she stepped forward.
"Richard."
Without a word of a warning her arms flung around Ruth's father.
He stiffened for a second, then relaxed, one arm wrapping tentatively around the woman.
When their grandmother was shunned from the community she took one of her daughters. Deatt wanted to stay behind with his Deatt. Ruth remembered.
The two of them made their own life together, working in the furniture store and earning an honest living for themselves- enough to get by on at least.
Grace pulled away from her brother and looked him over. She turned to the woman standing beside him.
"Kathrine?" She shook her head, a wide smile spread over her lips. "I always knew it." She pulled Ruth's mother into a tight hug.
"It's... Nice to see you as well." Kathrine said.
Grace pulled away and turned her attention to Ruth and Mary.
"These must be the girls. It's..." She shook her head. Her voice broke when she spoke next. "I... I don't even know what to say." She let out a soft laugh. "Come on in, we've got a family reunion to commence."
No one said anything, but they all let Grace lead them into the house.
"This is the place Maemm bought when she left, after a couple years of saving of course."
"Deatt always wondered, did the money he give her..."
"It helped more than we will ever be able to tell you."
Ruth realized she didn't know much about what had happened. No one talked about it. It had taken a few years for Ruth to realize why she only had one grandmother that she saw, and when she'd tried to ask her mother about it her mother had just said it wasn't the time to talk about it. I wonder if I will find out what happened. Ruth thought. She didn't want to pry, but perhaps if her parents weren't willing too tell her she could ask Grace. No. She thought. That wouldn't be right. If Maemm and Deatt don't want me to know there is a reason for it. She thought.
They made their way through the house, down a hallway and to a closed door. Grace paused, her hand on the door knob. “You have to understand… she’s… she’s not the woman who raised you, Richard.”
“I know that.”
“Alright.”
The handle turned and the door opened.
Ruth watched her father enter the room. He crossed over to a large bed where a woman lay.
She was old, with white hair and wrinkles, but even despite the years of age it was easy to tell that she had the same blue eyes as Ruth’s father- as Ruth herself.
Ruth’s stomach turned. She wasn’t sure how she should act. What would she say? What was she supposed to do?
Her mother touched her shoulder.
“Stay out here with Mary.” She whispered.
Ruth nodded. That is what she would do.
Seconds later the door closed in front of her, and her and her sister were left with a woman they’d never met. An Englisher.
“So,” The woman, Grace, cleared her throat. “You’re Richard and Kathrine’s daughters?” She sounded nervous.
“Jah,” Ruth’s cheeks flushed. “I mean-”
“Don’t worry.” Grace smiled, cutting her off before Ruth could correct herself. “I know what you mean. Come on, you must be hungry, let me get you something to eat.”
Ruth and Mary followed Grace into the kitchen. Ruth took everything in, her jaw dropping a little. She had never been in an English kitchen before, thought she had heard about some of the things they had in them. Grace pulled a tray out of the fridge with pasta in it.
“Mom!” Someone called as they heard the door open.
Ruth’s heart skipped a beat. Mom? Grace has kids. How old were they? What were they going to be like?
“In the kitchen!” Grace called, snapping Ruth back to reality.
Ruth heard footsteps make their way into the kitchen. She turned to see two girls, maybe a little bit older than her. The one had blonde hair and the same shade of eyes that Ruth had. She stepped forward.
“I’m Natasha.” She said with a smile.
“Ruth.” They shook hands.
“Jamie.” The other girl said. Ruth looked her up and down quickly. She had short black hair, and brown eyes hidden behind glasses. She smiled widely. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“You as well.”
Grace stepped away from them, quickly getting all five of them plates, plus to extras for Ruth’s parents.
“I thought you girls could hang out for a little while.” Grace said. “You know, while the parents deal with some boring stuff.”
They nodded, all of them knowing that they didn’t really have a choice in the matter. Grace finished her meal quickly, and headed for the bedroom where Ruth’s parents were, taking them each a plate. Since Grace was never shunned they should be able to accept the meal from her. Ruth went over the rules mentally, just to have a little refresher.
The four girls were left on their own, all of them looking lost, confused, and beyond uncomfortable. So these are my cousins. Ruth thought. She’d never even wondered if she had any. Now here she was eating a meal with them.
“So,” she cleared her throat, trying to pretend she wasn’t uncomfortable, or wouldn’t have rather go hide in a bedroom alone. “Are you… in school?”
It was the best she could come up with. She knew Englishers went to school longer normally than they did, so it was a good bet. Right?
“No.” They both said.
“So what do you guys do with your time?” Ruth felt like she was grasping at straws here, but she tried anyways.
“Nat spends all her time with her boyfriend.” Jamie said.
“No I don’t!” The other girl protested. “Anyways, we broke up.”
“What? You did?”
“Yes. He didn’t like that I was spending so much time away from him and I told him if he didn’t like it he could find a new girlfriend.” She sounded so pleased with herself as she spoke.
Ruth’s jaw dropped as she watched the two girls.
“Good, I didn’t like him anyways. He seemed off to me.”
“You’re right. There was something off about him. He was too… clingy.”
“So what now?”
; Ruth watched both girls closely as she took a bite of her meal, trying to finish quickly.
Mary stood, holding her plate. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to do a little studying for a couple hours.” She let out a yawn as Ruth nodded to her, silently excusing her from the table.
“What do you mean? We’re over and done with. That’s what.”
“I know, but what about Nick. I thought he was into you.”
“Oh no.” The girl shook her head. She turned her attention to Ruth as Ruth stood, carried her plate over to the sink and rinsed it off.
“What about you, Ruth? Do you have a boyfriend?” One of them asked.
Ruth turned back to the table, she could feel her cheeks burning as she headed back to the seat she’d been sitting in.
“N-no.” She was sure to use the English words so she didn’t confuse them, or draw too much attention to herself. Now, I just hope the conversation ends there and they go back to talking to each other. It had been kind that they had tried to include her.
“Right, mom says dating was kinda different back when she grew up… away from the English world.” The one with blonde hair said. Natasha. Ruth reminded herself. “What’s it like?”
Ruth bit her lip. How much detail do I go into? She wondered. She didn’t want to say too much, more for fear of what they would think of her than anything else. You shouldn’t be ashamed of your choices. She reminded herself, but the truth is, a lot of Englishers judged Amish harshly based on what they had seen on TV or read about, and not all of that was true.
“It depends a lot on the community and the parents. For us…”
“Do your parents allow you to date?”
“They would, if there was someone I wanted to date.” Her parents were always more open to things than some of the other parents had been, but Ruth always thought part of that was because they had raised daughters who were well behaved and never had interest in the English world. It wasn’t like that for everyone.
Some of Ruth and Mary’s friends couldn’t wait to get out. Both Ruth and Mary loved their way of life. Neither of them showed any interest in Rumaschpring.
“So have you?”
Ruth shook her head.
She’d never met anyone she’d wanted to date. She knew when she was younger her mother always wanted her to court Joshua, but she didn’t seem him as any more than a friend, and when she had confided in Joshua what her mother had been trying to do he admitted that he felt the same for her as she did for him. After that conversation Ruth told her mother that, and her mother never mentioned it again, though Ruth was sure she still wanted them to get together at some point.
“Not even once?”
The words brought Ruth back to reality. Again. She shook her head.
Both girls stared at her with wide eyes.
"Wait," Natasha stared at Ruth with wide eyes. "So, you've... Like, never been out on a date?"
Ruth's cheeks flushed. "No." Even for an Amish girl this could be a source of embarrassment. "I mean," she quickly added then stopped, knowing what she had been about to say would not aid her. "I just... I've not met someone I'm interested in."
And that was true. It's not like she'd met anyone she wanted to court.
"Ohhhhh." Jamie looked like she totally understood. "Slim pickin's?"
Ruth opened her mouth, but honestly had no clue what to say.
"So," Natasha jumped in. "Mom doesn't talk about it that much, I mean being Amish. What's it like?"
"It..." What was she supposed to say? It was all she had ever known. It was... "It's what I've chosen." In truth, she knew she hadn't given it much thought. She didn't want to leave her family. She hadn't even wanted to take part in Rumschprringe. The English world was a sore subject in her family, and she hadn't want to worry her father with it.
"Why?" Jamie asked. "I mean," She quickly realized what she had said could be wrong. "I don't mean offence by it. I just mean, what made you chose it over this?" She motioned around her, to the air conditioning, to the TV, the cars outside in the driveway. "Aren't you sad knowing that you will never get to have any of this?"
Ruth shrugged. She wasn’t sure she wanted to go into detail about it, but before she realized it she was talking. “When your Maemm and our Maemmi left the community, were shunned. It was hard on their family.” She tried not to sound resentful. She tried not to be resentful about it. “I knew if my deatt ever thought one of his girls were thinking about leaving he might not be able to handle it.”
So she’d decided to never give herself a choice. She was going to stay there and create a family of her own.
“So, you’re letting your family decide what you do?”
“No! This was my choice. Even when I was old enough for Rumaschpring I decided it wasn’t for me.”
Both girls stared at her, confusion written all over their face.
“Er,” Ruth thought quickly about how to explain it. “It’s a time when we are teens, before we’re baptized, that we’re able to go out and explore the English world without fear of being shunned, within reason.” Ruth thought fast. “We’d be able to do all the things you do; some parents even help out by saving up for a car. It’s a way to get it all out of your system before settling down and getting married.”
Both girls still started at her, though they seemed to understand what she was talking about now.
“Yea, I remember mom mentioning that a couple times when she’s had a little bit too much wine.” Jamie said, Natasha nodded. “So you didn’t do it?”
“Nee.”
“Don’t you wonder?”
Ruth shrugged. “I used to.” But she didn’t hear much about the English world these days, that was a quick way to stop thinking about it. Time to take the conversation away from me. She didn’t like having all this attention on her. “Do you, er… have boyfriends?” She asked them.
Both girls grinned widely.
“Mom’s pretty strict with us, but she does let us date.” Natasha said. “Jamie doesn’t have a boyfriend, but I do.”
“For now.” Jamie added quickly. Both girls shared a glance that only they fully understood.
Ruth’s heart tugged. Was she jealous that they had boyfriends? Nee. I’ve never cared about that. Boys had never mattered to her that much. It must be something else. She told herself.
“So, there must be something you want to do while you’re here.” Natasha said. “Something you can’t normally do.”
Ruth stared blankly. She hadn’t thought about it at all. “I… I don’t know.”
“We’ll have to think of something.” Natasha beamed. Ruth’s heart skipped a beat. I’m not sure this is a good idea. She thought.
Everyone headed to bed around 9:00. Ruth was tired, but despite how hard she tried she couldn’t get to sleep. So she lay in bed after borrowing a book from their grandmother’s library. There had been so many options, but most of them sounded strange. She ended up settling for something that was about in home gardens. A topic that Ruth already knew about and was comfortable with. That’s what I need right now. She thought. She needed comfort. Was that such a crazy thing to ask for? In a house with air conditioning it might just be.
Despite the fact she had never been out of the community she did know a thing or two about English customs and she had heard of air conditioning before from Joshua.
I hope he doesn’t get caught.
If someone figured out what he did for her family he wouldn’t be shunned, but some would not be pleased. I’ll just be thankful when this is all over and we can go back home.
It’s not that Ruth didn’t understand why they were here, but it was all… too much. Their grandmother hadn’t been in their life, Ruth had no emotional attachment to her. And Grace, she was nice- so were her daughters, but they… were just people to her. It was hard to process that she had cousins she hadn’t known about all her life. How was she supposed to feel like they were family when she was just meeting them now?
Two soft k
nocks on the door brought Ruth back to reality. She glanced up to see Natasha open the door.
“Hey,” She whispered.
Ruth glanced over to Mary, who hadn’t budged.
“What do you want?”
“Come with me.” Natasha didn’t say another word before walking away, the door opened behind her.
Ruth jumped off the bed and silently followed Natasha. What could she want at this hour? She wondered.
Natasha glanced over her shoulder as she made her way into the room that her and her sister were sharing.
“Close the door.” She said the second Ruth stepped inside. Ruth did as she was told, opening her mouth. “Sorry about that.” Natasha cut her off. “But I didn’t want to wake your sister.”
“Oh.”
So what was it they wanted?
“Come out with us,” Jamie said as if reading Ruth’s mind.
“What?”
“We’re going out with some friends. You should come with us. I mean, it’s not like you’ve ever had a chance, right? Well now you have a chance.”
Ruth looked around. They’re sneaking out. She realized. Her jaw dropped. Her parents would never allow her to do such a thing. What would they do if they found out?
“Come on,” Natasha gave her a smile. “It will be fun, trust me.”
“Wh-what about my clothes?” Ruth couldn’t believe she was actually considering this! She knew it was wrong, she knew she could be shunned for doing such a thing.
Both girls looked her up and down.
“I think you could fit into mine.” Natasha said. She rushed over to her bag and pulled out a bunch of clothing. My eyes widened as I stared at everything. She turned holding a pair of ultra short jean shorts. “How about these?”
Ruth’s cheeks flushed just thinking about having to wear them. She shook her head speechlessly.
The idea of showing that much skin… she couldn’t understand it. Jamie cleared her throat stepping towards the pile of clothes. “How about something more… like…” She ruffled through the clothing and pulled out two garments. A pair of jeans and a shirt. “We can get a sweater too,” She added quickly.