by Tara Wimble
“There’s what I was doing wrong.” Janice taps her fingers on her thigh, still stretching, as Sorenson stands by her. “I’m sorry.”
“Hey, it’s alright.” Sorenson shrugs. “I’m not gonna give you the spiel of, if someone gives you their number then you should call but-”
“They should- I mean, I should. I want to.” Janice quickly interrupts. “I’m just-” She has all the reasons that she hasn’t called wrapped up in a ball of excuses that sound bad and like she’s not at all interested in everything that’s being presented to her right now so Janice shoots her hand out instead. “I’m Janice McPherson. You may know me from that time I got punched in the face.”
Please be charmed. Please be charmed.
“Hope Sorenson.” Her hand is taken by another and squeezed just once. “I remember.”
***
THEY run together.
Janice’s alternative to calling ends with Hope pulling her to her feet and telling her she’s not stretching her hamstring out properly. Unfortunately, Janice isn’t living in some badly made porno and Hope doesn’t offer to do it for her but does entice her into running along with her.
The scenery falls away and Janice couldn’t tell you where they ran on that first run. All she remembers is staring at Hope’s back as she led the way and the glimpses she took back to see she was still following her.
The bench where Janice stretched on the first day became their meeting spot.
Hope always passes there around three o’clock on Monday, Thursday and Friday, and Janice never has classes then so she’s aware of all those who look at her curiously as she sprints to her dorm to drop off her books and grab her running shoes to make it to the park on time. Robin’s given up asking when she’s around, just like Janice’s giving her space to figure out what she wants from Lexie. It’s a good understanding for now and she wants to hold on to this thing she has for as long as she can.
“You’re late.” Hope states when Janice sprints up to her. It’s started to get colder now so they’re both wearing long pants and sleeves. Hope has one of those all in one scarves keeping her face warm.
Janice twists her headphones into her iPod and presses play. “Sorry,” The music blares out just enough for her to still hear Hope. “I got held back.”
“Sometimes I wonder if you actually have classes.” Hope remarks.
Janice stretches out her leg. “Sometimes I wonder how you resist all of this-” She gestures to her body. “But we don’t always have answers to obvious questions.”
Hope blinks for a second, probably amused at Janice giving her lip, before she laughs. “Alright,” She doesn’t deny the statement. “But y’know, I’m not interested in second best.”
Hope has already sprinted on their usual route before Janice manages to close her jaw again.
They race after a while too.
Janice finds out that Hope is super competitive and wins their races more than Janice does. She learns that she has a dog and that she used to live in Seattle. Hope shares shards of memories with her, in return Janice feels like an open book.
Her pages are flicked through with ease, learning her friend’s names, how she’s doing in her classes and her favorite spots in the city. Giving her comments and attention that keep her blushing and trying to keep up. That notion of second best fleeing under her feet. In the process, Janice falls a little harder with every stride they take together.
Hope figures that out too.
Chapter 4
She stares into the locker, not because she’s looking for something, but because she needs something to focus on. The tidy cubby is all that’s capable of keeping her attention right now as she thinks.
That this is a bad idea.
That she shouldn’t be doing this.
That she should save herself all of the trouble that’s going to come of this in the end. It always does. Despite her father’s intention, she’s more of a raincloud trying to find her way in this world than a ray of sunlight.
Yet her rain has pitter pattered along and caught the face of someone who hasn’t shrunk from the feeling but turned up to the sky and smiled at the force of nature she’s been confronted with. And that hasn’t happened to her for a very long time.
Her hands reach out and she finally puts on her shirt. After she takes it out of her cubby she carefully stops the hanger in there from swinging. The material is home, it’s comfort and duty and she breathes for a second and then normally with every button she does up. Her badge is secure and she checks everything is in place on her belt before she clips it around her waist.
When she reaches for the gun she lets the weight of it settle in her hand.
A shock goes through her shoulder. A phantom pain reminding her that even clouds fade sometimes. They fade and they fail and things go wrong.
It’s going to go wrong.
Her grip tightens on the gun.
It’s a shame she can’t accept that and let go. She’s never been a quitter.
“Hope?” Vianne quietly closes her locker, not looking away from her, or brushing her hair out of her eyes at her partner’s strange behavior. “Is everything okay?”
Hope’s locker is clean and organized and wiped of any trace of humanity. Or at least that’s what Christenne joked to her once. Vianne’s has pictures of her girlfriend’s face and buildings taped on the inside. She carries a picture of them together in her breast pocket. On the back is the one of Hope and her standing next to their squad car on the day she was assigned with her.
She’d asked why at the time but Vianne had never given her an answer until Sara, her girlfriend, had come to size her up before she’d moved to Germany for school.
“It’s because of your name.” Sara had grinned. “Everywhere she goes, she has Hope with her.”
It’d been followed by Sara grilling her about her credentials in the force and telling her not to steal her girl away before Vianne had returned to save them both from their standoff.
Vianne’s been Hope’s partner for over a year now. Only the second longest she’s had and Hope can’t imagine not turning up to see her getting into the car with her every morning after this long.
But she’s said that before.
She glances up at Vianne and shakes her head. Her gun is loaded and she checked through her ammo before holstering it away, hoping she won’t have to use it on shift. “It’s fine. You ready?”
Vianne beams like this is her first time on patrol, like always. “Born ready.”
***
LAUREL walks into the common area of Robin and Janice’s dorm after her run to find them collapsed around the ping pong table. When she’d left this morning they’d been knitting competitively and she’s really confused as to how this escalated so quickly.
Janice, who has a suspicious looking ping pong paddle shaped mark on her face, groans at her. “Don’t ask.”
Robin chuckles on her back only to wince, quickly grabbing her ribs.
“Right.” Coffee would be a better idea, Laurel thinks, to give them a chance to recover and to reconsider her living arrangements next year.
***
LEXIE hoists Robin’s bike over her shoulder as she makes her way towards her room. She’s wrapping up a little more as the weeks start counting down to Christmas.
Thanksgiving at home was nice. Her dad hadn’t mentioned about her taking the bike parts away so she’d managed to avoid the whole ‘don’t buy anymore bikes yet’ talk. Her sister hadn’t been as easy to brush off. Every minute they’d been alone she’d been grilled about her friends, her classes...boys.
Lexie stops to let someone by her. She’d stalled over that question so long that Jori had convinced herself Lexie had a boyfriend. In all honesty, she doesn’t know what to say to her and even if she did, thanksgiving wasn’t going to be a good time.
Christmas wasn’t looking too hopeful either.
Lexie breathes a sigh of relief as she gets to Robin’s room. She knocks and waits.
It’s Janice who answers. She puts her finger to her lips when she opens the door to their room. “She’s literally out cold.”
Lexie nods and picks up Robin’s bike from the hall rather than wheeling it in. “I put the new lights on and stuff so campus security can stop getting on at her.”
Janice closes the door behind her. “Sweet.”
Lexie spots Robin sleeping on her stomach with the covers around her waist. The white shirt stands out against her skin and Lexie scrunches her nose when she notices that it’s too big for her. “I’ll put it at the end but when she wakes up tell her that she’ll be fine hanging it on the wall. Those hooks will keep it on there.”
“Sure.” Janice watches her instead of getting back on with her essay work. “She’s really happy y’know? With you.”
“What?” Lexie’s voice spikes slightly and they both freeze when Robin’s foot hits the edge of the bed.
Janice grins at the sleeping girl. “I know I kind of pushed you two into hanging out but seriously, I didn’t think you’d hit it off this well. You’re good for her.”
Lexie lets go of the bike finally after touching the seat. She can’t help the small regret that wells in her stomach remembering the night they finished the bike, when she thought things between her and Robin were on the edge of changing finally, to the comfortable bubble they seem to exist in now.
“Yeah.”
She hitches her bag a little tighter on her shoulder and walks around Robin’s bed. Janice shifts on her seat, clearly trying not to watch her but tilting her head enough to see and smirk as Lexie pulls the duvet over Robin’s shoulders.
She has the decency to turn away like she wasn’t though when Lexie straightens up. “Are you up for dinner later?”
Janice hangs over the back of her chair. There are several browsers open on her computer with news reports involving the police. “Um, no. I’m actually meeting someone.” There’s no hiding the blush there. “But I can tell Robin when she wakes up?”
“You don’t have to-”
“Nah, she’ll be up for it.” Janice’s smile is lighter and less mischievous. “Especially dinner with you.”
Lexie is sure that Robin isn’t actually breathing louder but that Janice is implying more than she’s saying. As always. She hasn’t been able to bring up what she ended up interrupting when she got ‘almost arrested’ because that’s not what friends do but Lexie can’t help be disappointed that nothing has happened since.
“Okay, just don’t wake her up or take any pictures of her and post them on the internet.” Lexie warns.
“But she’s such a cute sleeping beauty.”
“The internet doesn’t need that.”
Janice snorts as Lexie lets herself out. “You don’t know what the internet wants Lexie!”
Lexie manages to busy herself while she waits for some sort of sign that Janice has told Robin about dinner. Her roommate rolls her eyes with every page that Lexie manages to read of her Politics textbook, as if she can’t believe Lexie is doing work or something. She’s tempted to snap that she’s passing her classes in her face but stops herself.
Her reward appears an hour later when Robin opens the door to her room with a lazy smile on her face. “Janice said you mentioned dinner?”
She’s tugging on the strings of the blue sweats she’s wearing that shouldn’t be attractive as she asks her. Her hair is tied in a bun so loose that there doesn’t seem a point to it. It’s like she’s ran out of the room to meet her.
Lexie spares Rhetta a glance before tossing her books aside and gathering her bag. “Yeah. Like three hours ago.”
Robin laughs but holds the door open for her to hurry through it. “Bye Rhetta!”
When she closes it Lexie can’t hide her smile. “She hates me.”
“Nah.”
“She hates you.”
“I told you. No one can hate me.” Robin zips up her hoodie and pulls on a pair of gloves. Once she’s finished she succeeds in making Lexie jump by putting her arm around her shoulders. Casual. Normal. Except Lexie shivers at the touch.
“You’re way too sure of that.” Lexie mutters. For a second she thinks it’s too quiet for Robin to have heard her until she’s turning to see Robin’s forehead nudging into her cheek, cool skin from the journey to meet her, shooting shocks that make her see snow.
“Yeah. But you’re not denying it.” Robin points out. She has a permanent smile on her face that Lexie never wants to see slip.
“So, where do you want to go?” Lexie asks to take her eyes away from her and to ignore the flush in her face. “I have a 20 on me-”
“Don’t worry.” Robin pulls her tighter against her. “I’ve got it covered.”
“You-” Lexie trails off. “What are you up to?”
Robin zips her mouth and leads them away from the cafeteria and the campus places towards one of the grocery places that Lexie hasn’t seen much of the inside of, shamefully.
It’s not until Robin is handing her a basket and pulling a list out of her pocket that Lexie realizes what’s going on.
“What?” Robin scratches the back of her neck. “Did you think I completely forget that you built me a bike? I know dinner isn’t going to cover the cost of the parts and stuff but I’m getting some money for Christmas that I can give to you then-”
Every inch of her erupts in goose bumps. A rippling fizz takes hold of her arms and compels her to just take Robin into a corner of the store not covered by cameras or watching eyes and just kiss her. A small token, a tiny gesture that would never fully explain everything she feels right now.
But Robin’s bashfulness is tentative and the list says she’s planned this just the way she wants it to go. Lexie’s fantasy is a path leading away from this that she might not be ready for.
Instead Lexie switches the basket from her right to her left hand and bravely reaches to loop their arms together. “Thank you.”
Robin hides her face in the list but Lexie can see the effect she’s having.
“So.” Lexie bites her lip to stop her uncontrollable smile. “What are we having?”
“Well, I was thinking about a chicken casserole? My nana makes this awesome buttery-”
They wander the store together, only stretching apart from each other to grab something off a shelf, coming back together to compare what they found and to point new things out. Lexie lingers close to her when they check out and takes the receipt for her. They each carry a bag back to Robin’s room.
The kitchen in Robin’s dorm is empty when they return. Lexie could swear that she sees Laurel about to walk in at one point but she’s not there when she turns.
She did see the panicked waving that Robin made in that general direction though.
Robin tries to make her sit down while she ‘works’ since Lexie did most of the hard labor on her bike but the floating feel that Lexie claimed in the store doesn’t want that much distance, so instead she helps her. Moving things around. Watching the food and whispering through the warm air.
Robin’s thanksgiving had been eventful. Her mom had told Robin to thank Lexie for the bike and to keep an eye on her. Her sisters had taken her out shopping for something she could wear at Christmas, but ended up bringing Robin back with what she wears cooking now. Something tells her that happens a lot to the Lenshire sisters.
The conversation stops and starts and they feel parts of it drop beneath them but then Lexie will look up for a second, caught between dishing out the casserole onto the plate, to see Robin staring at her hands with an expression far away and curious.
It’s a look Lexie sees throughout dinner. In the corner of Robin’s eye to the curl of her lips to the silence right before her laugh. Each one pinching at her ribs and inflating her chest.
“It’s good right?” Robin asks as she finishes her bite. Twirling the fork around her share of casserole.
Lexie licks her lips to taste it again. “It’s perfect.”
She says tha
t and so much more between it until it’s just the two of them washing up the plates towards the end of the night and wandering out of the kitchen. It’s colder when they’re not surrounded by the heat of the food and Lexie shivers.
That look in Robin’s eye flares again when Lexie comes up to her and thanks her. She sees the cogs turn just before she hugs Robin, squeezing her back, and pulling away.
And then-
“Hey wait-”
***
SHE’S become pretty good at finding Hope in the last few weeks. Her patrol centers around the campus and it’s become a sort of game to her to see how fast she can stumble upon her.
This time Hope is trading coffee cups with another cop who leans against their squad car. It’s the first time Janice’s seen someone with Hope on shift. The woman isn’t as intimidating as Hope, with her shy smile, that she puts on as Janice approaches them. For a moment Janice thinks she’s going to ask if she’s lost her parents or something, with that look on her face full of concern, until Hope sees her.
“Janice.” There’s a twist in her expression that says that she’s glad to see her. Glad but surprised.
“Hey-” She suddenly feels awkward. This isn’t like the running together thing. There isn’t an unspoken agreement that they’ll meet and run and laugh together. Standing here does make her feel like a kid who’s parted with her parents.
“Vianne, can you give us a second?” Hope saves her from explaining with a kind dismissal to her partner.
“Um,” Hope’s partner, Vianne, looks between the both of them with a degree of confusion before pointing back to the car. “I’m gonna go finish writing my letter.” She turns to Hope. “I’ll radio you if something comes up.”
Janice watches her leave and feels her confidence come back.
“You look freezing.” Hope scoffs at what Janice thought as passable for this weather. “Come on. I’ll buy you a drink.” She relents and opens the door for Janice to scoot through.
“You’re on shift today?”
“No, I’m walking around packing for fun.” Hope deadpans as they walk to the counter.