by Tara Wimble
“Toasted even.”
Janice groans. “The both of you are geniuses. How much do I owe you?”
Wellis rings her up and packs everything for her. Janice has a thought to stick around to thank Christen, the owner/baker, but the young girl shakes her head. “She’s practicing for this huge public service awards thing? They’ve ordered like a six tier cake, all blue, all the trimmings.”
“Tell her thanks for me though.”
Wellis shrugs. “Tell her yourself. You’ll be back. They always do.”
As sinister as Wellis tried to make that sound, Janice can only laugh then agree when she tries one of the cookies. Oh she’d be back.
She has crumbs falling out of her mouth and is trying to savor the cookie before she swallows when a painful lump in her throat forces its way up in an attempt to stop her.
The bag in her hand weighs heavier seeing Hope in her black uniform, jotting something down and looking calm and collected behind her sunglasses.
It all hits her at once. The running shoes, being avoided, being rejected, Vianne sitting in the car, Robin telling her to man up, sitting in the cold park waiting for something that wasn’t coming.
She’s pissed off.
“You’ve been avoiding me.”
Hope glances between Janice and the bike she’s taking a note of with hesitance behind those glasses.
In all honesty Janice hadn’t planned on stopping but with every step she’d taken towards Hope she’d just been reminded of all the afternoons she’d been stood up for their running sessions and the bitterness over it all just broke.
“Is this your bike?” Hope ignores her completely. Something stirs in her chest, that same thing she’d been taking out on Robin and she just flips.
“Can you be off duty for like a second?” Janice groans. “Or is that too much to ask?”
Hope hisses out her words in a whisper and turns to her right. “Jesus, Janice-”
“Hey, hey stop-” Janice runs around. With anyone else she would have added a shove but Hope is like a wall, Janice couldn’t move her if she tried. “You haven’t shown up to run with me in like three weeks. Do you know how boring it is running on your own?”
Hope tries to appear disinterested but Janice can see the twitch of regret beneath it.
“Do you know how embarrassing it is to have to tell your friends that you’ve been lying about seeing someone because you don’t want them to feel sorry for you?” Janice looks up at Hope and refuses to move. “Let’s just be clear here though okay? I’m not that girl that goes around after people that aren’t interested. But you gave me your number. You ran with me. You’re the one freaking out here, not me.”
“Janice.” Hope subtly looks at the street around them and the few people curiously eavesdropping.
But Janice is past caring. “I just came to find you because I’m going home for break and I know you said you weren’t going home for Christmas-”
“That’s not the girl.” A strained voice pipes up.
Janice stops mid sentence to finally notice the tiny old lady standing next to Hope, staring at her in confusion. “What?”
“That’s not the one that knocked me over.” The woman repeats again, adjusting her glasses like she’s just making sure Janice isn’t the one.
The bike that Hope stands over is missing a wheel and the little old lady looking at her curiously is holding a handkerchief to her grazed elbow. Hope’s silence suddenly makes sense and Janice flushed.
“No, that’s not my bike.”
Hope flips her notebook shut and glances at her face before turning to the woman she’s helping.
Janice feels sick with embarrassment all over again. She stands there awkwardly while Hope takes down the lady’s details and offers to call her a cab if she needs it. The longer she goes on, the more she ignores her, the worse Janice feels. The cookie bag sinks towards the ground, along with any shred of self-dignity she had.
“Janice.”
Hope is too close, too fast and the bag jerks outwards along with her arm and- “Shit, damn it!”
She can almost hear them crumble and break against the hard concrete floor.
“Hey, are you okay?”
And now she wants to cry. Over cookies.
“No, no I’m not.” Janice places the cake down carefully and bats at her eye to stop herself from crying. Not here and not now, Hope doesn’t get to see her like this. “Can you just-”
“Hey.” Hope touches her shoulders. Her hands still her entire body in one go and Janice kind of hates her for it. “Were they from Press’ place?”
Janice can feel the gasps that she wants to take in the back of her throat but she nods.
“Alright.” Hope picks up the bag and the remains of the other cookies and throws them in a trash can. “We’ll go back and I’ll buy you some more. You’re not late for anything are you?”
In ten minutes Lexie is going to start texting her.
“You don’t have to do that.”
“No.” Hope scoops up the other bag. “But I want to. Come on.”
Janice shivers when Hope doesn’t take her arm from around her. She’s steered back into the bakery by a personal guard with a soft touch.
The bell chimes again and Wellis jumps from behind the blue counter. “I told you that you’d be back.” She jokes. “I just didn’t think it’d be so soon.”
“Small accident with the cookies.” Janice mumbles.
Hope keeps her close when she leans on the counter. “How many did you have?”
“Fifteen.”
“Is there any chance we could get another fifteen?” She asks.
“Sure thing Officer.” Wellis grins and wanders into the back.
She can’t have been gone a second when Hope’s thumb brushes the back of her neck.
“Seriously?” Janice blurts out. “You don’t talk to me for two weeks and now you’re buying me fucking cookies.”
It’s like she expects her reaction and has already steeled herself against it. Her hand doesn’t stop or shake or move, it just soothes against her neck while Janice stares up and Hope stares her right back down.
“I don’t expect you to accept any explanation I might give but I’m sorry.” Hope’s thumb stops and presses. “I really am.”
“Oh, so you just got too busy for me?”
“It was a busy time but no, not exactly.”
“Then what? What could possibly-”
“Here you are!” Wellis chooses that moment to interrupt and Janice bites her tongue. “Everything okay?” She looks between them both.
Hope passes over the money before Janice can stop her with some demand that she can pay for her own things. “We’re fine. Is Jasmine not working today?”
Janice blinks at them both. “You have to be kidding me.”
Hope smiles and takes her change. “Have a nice day.” Janice is steered out as she was steered in before anything else can pass.
As soon as her feet hit the sidewalk everything deflates inside her. She’s tired. She’s tired of finals and essays and running and waiting around and playing this game-
“I had some problems at work that I couldn’t avoid and I didn’t want to bring it on you.” Hope’s hand falls from her back and her words trickle sweetly into her consciousness. “I’m sorry that I upset you.”
“I’m not upset.” Janice denies.
Hope hands over the new bag of cookies for her. “Do you need a ride?”
“If I say yes will you not speak to me for another two weeks again?”
“No.” Hope tries to stop the smile, Janice can tell, but it comes through anyway. Great, even when she’s mad she ends up looking adorable to people. “But I will ask if you wanted to talk when you come back after Christmas.”
“Talk?” Janice twists the strings of the bag between her fingers. A glimmer of Hope.
“As in,” Hope takes a step forward, making it clearer how tall she is in comparison. “I’d like to invit
e you to my apartment-” She says that last part in a rush, like she can’t quite believe she’s saying the words. “- to talk.”
“Why not now?”
“Because you clearly have somewhere to be and I’m-”
“On duty.” Janice cuts in. The pressed uniform, the gleaming badge and the radio all remind her. “I get it.”
Hope raises an eyebrow.
“Sorry. I’ve been a little worked up.”
Hope adjusts the radio on her chest while she blatantly looks her up and down.
“Not like that.” Janice hisses out as if everyone walking past them can tell she is actually worked up like that.
“Would you want to?”
Janice’s eyes shoot up from where they’ve focused on Hope’s waist. “What?”
“Talk when you get back.”
Her dry throat and coughing attack doesn’t answer well enough for her as she rids her mind from what she’d thought that question meant. “Yeah, I mean, yes. I would.”
“Okay.” Hope’s radio crackles something she doesn’t understand but she knows it’s Vianne’s voice. Hope has to go. “Do you still need that ride?”
Her phone has been going non-stop in her pocket for the last five minutes so it’s safe to say she’s late. “I’m good.”
“You sure?”
No. Yes. Janice stutters on her thoughts and the sudden fear she has of seeing Hope walking away from her to that squad car all over again. They’ll talk, she says. A promise. Another promise that she has to wait for.
Janice places her bags on the ground beside her, with more grace than before and pauses, just to gage Hope’s face before she leans forward.
It’s not a hug. They’re not hugging or anything. Hope’s hand comes up to tangle in the back of her hair and Janice rests her forehead on Hope’s chest. It’s not a hug but a hold of sorts. People pass them by without a second look but maybe a thought that Janice is lost or upset and Hope is just doing her job. Nothing more.
But it’s more than that. Hope whispers that they’ll talk soon and that she hopes that Janice has a great Christmas with her family in Georgia and doesn’t mention once that she has to get going. The world stops. Her duty is postponed.
Janice feels Hope take all of the stress and the anxiety she’s caused from her body.
When she pulls away, she can feel the cold sun settle into her skin for the first time in a week.
“I’ll walk you.” Janice says. “Wait, I mean, call. I’ll call you. I have to walk back. Friends.”
“Oh yeah?” Hope laughs, the lines by her eyes deepen. “You do that.”
Janice will trace those lines in her mind for hours to come. “Have a nice Christmas.”
Hope keeps on smiling at her and there’s Janice’s Christmas present come early. “I will. I’ll see you soon.”
***
“I think you might have to roll me there.”
“You’re already on a bike, what more can I do?” Lexie remarks.
Robin groans, relaxing her hands on her handlebars. “I think you should take me back in time and tell me not to eat any more of that cake.”
“Are you going to be good for this?” Lexie laughs. “Your food coma might offend our audience.”
Robin swerves her bike a little. “I think I might just leave this in the Union building and walk back after.”
A longer walk back, that’s fine with her. “Sure. Is this the place?”
They come up outside the Union building to see a buzz of people setting up tables and chairs inside. When they walk up, the organizer Lindsey waves them over. “Robin!” She sprints over with aprons and name stickers for them as they arrive. She's glowing and talking a mile a minute that Lexie is left stunned when she leaves.
“So, how’d you two meet?” Lexie asks when Lindsey jogs off to help someone bring in some shopping bags. It's funny how many people Robin is friends with that seem completely opposite to her relaxed persona.
“I think she told me I took French? But it’s not on my schedule, then we met here.” Robin replies. “She’s really sweet though.”
“Nice.”
“I’m going to put my bike round the back but someone should need some help if you ask around.” Robin wheels away. “I’ll be back in a sec.”
“You better!” She turns away from Robin to help set up some sort of food trays when she almost knocks into Jasmine Lloyd, who springs up holding several pizza boxes.
“Seriously?” Lexie blurts out before she can stop herself.
Jasmine passes the boxes over and gives her a look. “I’m going to pretend I know what you’re talking about.” Before walking away to help the other volunteers.
Jesus, her CV was going to look so good.
Lexie heads in the opposite direction with the boxes to some other girls who greet her with open arms at the sight of pizza. “These good here?”
The space they’ve set up in is big but once the doors open for the first half an hour, Lexie feels like they could have done with a bigger building.
Robin finds her between the pizza and the warm drinks when she finally gets back in. “They’re queuing up out there!” She exclaims happily.
“You think we’ll have enough to go around?” Lexie asks as she hands over a plate to the next person in line.
Robin beams out at the people filtering in and those helping behind the counter. She looks at Lexie and suddenly she’s the only person in the room. “I think we’re good.”
They stay until the end and help to pack everything away. Jasmine barks orders at other freshmen attempting to throw away leftovers instead of packing them to drop off at a shelter nearby. Robin steers them clear of her loud voice until Lindsey tells them that they can head back.
She feels tired but good. Probably because she smiled at so many people tonight and despite how they must have felt, they all smiled back.
Robin leaves her bike and they set off towards campus again. Talking and skipping over roads that they won’t remember passing in the morning until Robin slows down.
“Thanks for helping”
“I wanted to. Besides I feel like I haven't seen enough of you.” That’s a lie when she thinks about it because she’s been thinking about her so much that she’s been seeing her everywhere. Even when she doesn’t mean to seek her out.
“Well I'm trying not to fail because Janice has this master plan.” Robin points out. “This apartment plan of hers.”
Lexie shakes her head. “Janice and her master plans.”
“She'll ruin us all at some point.”
“Before or after we all move in together and realize we’re all terrible for each other?” Lexie jokes. “I actively try to avoid those plans.”
“Where was this mentality when she broke the door?” Robin accuses.
“I was tired!” She defends. Janice snapping the frame from the wall woke her up more than anything. Before that she was in a content haze.
“You slept pretty well as far as I could tell.” Robin scuffs her shoe against the ground.
“You're an excellent sleepover host.” Lexie teases, nudging her hip.
It surprises Robin into silence.
“Sorry.” Lexie is quick to recover but Robin is quicker to take it in her stride.
“No. I am aren't I?”
She walks a little faster, grinning as Robin skips to catch up. “Mind this gap, your heads getting a bit big there.”
Robin rolls her eyes and the backs of their hands brush. “I'm glad you stayed.”
Lexie could- maybe.
“We should do it again sometime.” She says and thinks something else. She could reach out and just take her hand. Friends do that. More than friends do that.
“The sleepover?”
The line isn’t really an issue for hand holding and she’s talking in and out of it while they talk around it. Yes or no.
Yes.
“The dinner.”
“I- hah.”
“What?”
<
br /> Robin’s hand is actually shaking in hers and Lexie marvels at it all. Such a small gesture holding such a weight for her. She takes the space between their palms and sweeps her thumb over Robin’s skin.
“Is this alright?” Are you okay with this?
Robin stares at their joined hands in a distant way.
“Yeah, yeah.” Her other hand comes up and runs through her hair, pulling out a grin and a new confidence that Lexie hasn’t seen in this light. Robin tugs at her hat and swings their hands together.
Lexie wants to be the one to step back now. Just to take this in. Their hands clutch at each other as they walk, scared that one will go too fast or too slow and leave the other behind. Robin ducking her head to watch her feet, to glance back at her, with that glint and reddened cheeks from the whipping air.
Her heart swells more than the night has already made it as they pass under some poorly strung fairy lights twisted around the campus gates. They’ll be home soon and Lexie just wants to put it all into words how-
“You’re beautiful.” Lexie straightens up the second those words appear. “Oh wow, that just-”
“I think you’re-” Robin’s easy smile slips away as does the compliment that she expected to return when she realizes Lexie’s is laced with sincerity and awe. It means more.
The swinging of their hands stops with their feet when Lexie stills and Robin is tugged back.
“Robin?” Fairy lights glitter in her eyes.
Everything about Robin is solid and present and that’s one of the things she loves about her. That doesn’t mean reliable or focused but in the moment and needed. This is the first time though, Lexie thinks as Robin turns around, that Robin has become aware of her own specialty.
She expects words. She’s usually given words or a look or something hesitant that Lexie sighs for hours over but nothing comes because Robin doesn’t have any words left for her.
She has only the faint flicker of gold in her hair before Robin’s cold palm releases from hers to cup her face and press their lips together in a frosted kiss.
Her breath is stalled and her heart pushes out against her chest, through Robin’s jacket to hers. The beating intensifies as Robin’s initial kiss is welcomed.
This is happening.