by Tara Wimble
“That I’m sorry.” Hope states. “There’s a lot more I need to say to her, when she’s ready but I want to just start with I’m sorry and the rest can wait.”
“I’ll let her know.”
“Thank you Laurel.”
“You’re welcome.” Laurel hangs up soon after with no word or hint to when Janice will call her again. It could be days, or weeks, and that makes Hope tense up considerably even when Vianne breaks the aftermath.
“You okay?”
“Not really.” Hope admits. “This really isn’t how I wanted to handle this.”
“Janice or Henri?” Vianne asks.
Hope clears her throat. “Henri was dealt with. Weeks ago.” She stresses. “But Janice didn’t know that.”
Vianne switches the engine off, a subtle hint to make the short walk to King’s for coffee. “Because you didn’t tell her.”
Hope undoes her seatbelt and scoffs. “I may not be as young as I used to be but even I know that the idea of divorce isn’t an attractive one to bring into a new relationship.”
“You were serious about her then?”
The second she takes to question herself isn't reflected by the way she answers quickly. Her words say one thing, but the nagging in the back of her mind stresses something else. The worry that she was too serious and that Janice wasn't.
“Jesus Vianne, you know I was.” Hope gets out of the car and slams the door behind her.
Vianne leans on the roof of her squad car, not offended by Hope’s tone. “Well then, when the time comes, that’s what you tell her. Along with how sorry you are for lying to her and how much you’ll do to make it up to her.”
Hope locks the car. “That’s if she ever speaks to me again.”
“Oh I think she wi-” Vianne squints over Hope’s shoulder and the confusion follows. “-do you know that girl?”
“What girl?” Hope secures the clasp of her gun as she hears rapid footsteps coming from behind her.
“That one sprinting over here.”
Hope looks over her shoulder, turning to follow her gaze, to see the anger she feels inside reflected impressively on the girl’s face. She gets within five feet and Hope recognizes her. She was the girl that picked Janice up from the police station all those months ago. That expression was the same she wore back then, except this time Lexie Jameson is directing it at her and looks to have no intention to slow down as her friend attempts to pull her back from her approach. And then she’s yelling at her.
“Where the hell do you get off!?”
Confrontation, Hope thinks bitterly. Her window is definitely getting smashed in.
**
She didn’t realize she was running towards the squad car until Robin screamed for her to come back. When she runs she outruns everyone. They become blips at the back of her, people that can’t keep up, she can’t be stopped.
Her pace gets her to that car in under a minute. Fast enough for Hope’s partner to see her, to point her out, and for Hope to turn to face her. Hope has a good two inches on her that don’t matter until she’s practically in her face shouting at her.
This is all for Janice, she reasons, yet she’s needed this for a good few days now.
“Where the hell do you get off?” That’s her voice. That’s her anger suddenly bursting up. She feels in control as she marches into Hope’s personal space with intent.
Hope flinches for a split second before she must realize that Lexie is a student and decidedly not carrying a weapon. “Excuse me?”
“Where do you get off just leading people on like that?” Lexie’s voice shakes but all she’s been seeing in Janice’s face for days is a dark cloud and here’s the reason why. “She was so happy when you asked her out and introduced her to everyone and you just- why? Is this a game?”
“You’re one of Janice’s friends.”
“So you remember her then?” Lexie fires back. “It’d be a shame if you forgot about her. Just like you forgot to mention you were married when you decided to sleep with her.”
“Excuse me?” Hope rears up to her full height but Lexie is too far gone.
“Why would you do that? Why would you bring Janice into your bullshit and string her along like this? She cared about you,” Lexie clenches her fists. “She cared and opened herself up to you and from what I hear, you enjoyed -that- part of it all-”
It’s then that Lexie notices Hope’s partner quickly move to Hope’s side. “I’m going to have to ask you to keep walking-”
“Not until she admits-”
“Keep walking.” Hope’s partner says more firmly than the first time.
Her hot head has gotten her in too deep to do that now. “Not until she admits that she slept with my best friend while she was still fucking her husband!”
Hope reacts. She jerks forward with strength that would have forced bigger men back. For the grace of her partner throwing her body between them, Lexie would have landed on her ass.
“You don’t know the first thing about what happened-”
“What’s happened?” Lexie yelled. “What’s happened is that you’ve shown your true colors and I swear to god if you ever come near Janice again-
She’ll regret it. She’ll rue this and that and Lexie will end up the winner. Screw the badge. Screw that intimidating look on her face. Screw everything but Janice getting the best of this mess.
“Lexie!”
Except that’s not what Janice’s face is saying when Lexie turns towards the scream. Janice is pale in aftermath like she can’t believe what she'd just heard.
King’s is just across the way and no doubt Janice had seen it all, walking out of the door with Laurel and seeing Lexie’s run, Lexie’s fighting spirit. The disappointment is there and underneath it she sees the rage that Lexie knows is directed at her, and not at Hope.
Hope stares Lexie down, over her partner’s shoulder, aware of Janice in the background. “What’ll you do Lexie?” She whispers.
Hope seems taller when she looks back at her. Janice is frozen in her place the minute she sees her and it’s up to Robin to pull Lexie away from Hope. Laurel stands beside of Janice protectively, like she doesn’t expect Hope to do anything, but Janice doesn’t move an inch until Lexie reaches for her.
Hope stays in the background, her eyes don’t leave Janice at all but she makes no move to say anything, like she knows better. Yet Janice jerks away from Lexie, with a hurt expression that Lexie can’t understand as she mutters. “What the hell did you do?”
Lexie’s face drops. “Janice.”
“I had it. I handled it,” Janice’s chest expands and contracts quickly. Short panicked breathing. Lexie is dazed by this turnaround. “You couldn’t help yourself could you?”
“What?”
Laurel takes Janice’s hand. “You just had to say something-”
“I was sticking up for you!” Lexie shouts. She knows Hope is watching them curiously and the more Janice struggles against her the more she’s winning.
“I don’t need you to stick up for me!” Janice yells back. All that overdue hurt is channeling now. And it’s channeling towards the wrong person. “I needed you to just be there for me. I don’t need you to fight her for me!”
The line between those for Janice and against Hope has been kicked to the curb and Lexie finds herself on the side that Janice is against, with Hope no doubt smirking into the back of her.
Laurel shoots Hope a look that says more than Lexie can figure out and turns Janice away from them all. Janice’s dejected back retreats back towards King’s and Lexie at herself screams internally to follow them, feeling like she’s just made a huge mistake.
“Lexie.” Robin takes her wrist. “Come on.”
When she moves, she sees Hope staring at Janice and not at her, like she doesn’t even afford her attention. As Robin takes her away, Lexie sinks.
Holding her hand is the only thing Robin does until she’s away from the hostile openness of the courtyard and Lexie
only snaps into focus again when Robin has her outside her dorm. Then she breaks.
What was she thinking? She was seconds and an arm’s length away from assault or ruining her relationship with Janice forever, if she hasn’t already.
“Hey, hey come on.” Robin pulls her to the side of the building. They’ve walked here so fast, forgetting their bikes chained up outside the sports center. “Look at me for a second.”
“I was trying to help. I can’t-” Lexie sniffs quickly and wipes the tears not falling from her eyes before they do. “She completely humiliated Janice and she doesn’t even think to apologise or to try or to do anything?”
Robin brushes her hair behind her ear and Lexie shivers. It’s a leading touch that she wants to take upstairs so much. Her emotions are everywhere. Janice’s hurt face is burnt in her mind and she wants to get rid of those eyes before she tries to say anything to reconcile with her.
“Can we just go inside?” Lexie asks. “Rhetta isn’t in and I need-” You.
Robin nods. “Yeah, sure.” She kisses Lexie’s cheek, leaving a noise and an invisible mark. Robin is here with her and not Janice. She doesn’t know what to think right now, other than how much she closer they need to be.
Anything to disguise the heavy knowledge that what she’s lost will come to light in the next few hours.
Chapter 12
The three second glare that appears on Janice’s face through the crack in the door hurts more than the fact she purposely opens the door just to slam it back in Lexie’s face.
It’s been a week of this and she doubts that the hinges of the door can’t take much more of it.
Robin pushes her way out of the room and closes it behind her. She wears a tired expression, weighed down with the usual stresses of life with this new feud in addition.
“She still doesn’t-”
“No.” Robin snaps. “Sorry.”
Lexie’s shoulders fall. “No, I’m sorry. I didn’t know this was going to happen. And I’m sorry you’re in the middle of it.”
“It’d be in the middle of it either way.” Robin manages a weak smile. “It’s just a little worse because I’m your girlfriend.”
Lexie smiles back but disagrees. She’d imagine if they weren’t together it’d be ten times worse because then the fight would require her to pick sides. Janice pulling her one way and Lexie pulling the other. Robin walks a neutral line right now only because she’s Janice’s friend and Lexie’s girlfriend.
Laurel and Amy on the other hand have strayed to Janice’s side in this. It hurts but she knows that they’re not doing it out of spite. Janice is the wounded party here. Not because of what Lexie did or tried to do, but because of Hope. In the end she’s still recovering from the backlash of Hope’s actions, Lexie just added to that.
Except Lexie misses her. She misses sitting next to her in class instead of three rows from the front wondering if Janice is glaring at the back of her head. She misses going to King’s and stealing fries from each other and most of all, she misses having someone other than Robin.
“You alright?”
Lexie shimmies under Robin’s arm. “Yeah.” It’s a horrible thing to think. Especially with the strain this is causing Robin having to leave her room and negotiate between the two of them. “How is she?”
Robin scratches her nose. “She’s elbow deep in essay prep.” It sounds like she’s holding something back and when Lexie looks down, Robin sighs. “I think she’s pissed off at me.”
“What? Why?” Lexie asks as they walk out of the building. Their lunch plans always feel like sneaking around now that Janice isn’t coming with them.
“Because I’m trying not to have an opinion on all of this because I care about the both of you?” Robin voices. “I don’t want to get involved.”
“But you are.” Lexie bristles. “You are by default of being friends with us, by being my girlfriend.”
“I know. It’s just- I don’t agree with any of it.” Robin’s words feel like the start of clouds on a sunny day. Lexie wants to avoid a downpour.
“What part of it?”
“With Janice ignoring you.” Robin states. She hesitates and Lexie stiffens.
“And with what I said to Hope.”
“And that.” Robin agrees as they push through the crowd that’s headed towards their respective classes.
“But you understand why I did it.” Lexie says. A guy comes close to shoulder barging her and Robin throws her arm over her shoulders briefly to avoid it. “You get that someone had to say this to her otherwise-”
“Otherwise what?” Robin asks. “You don’t think Janice could have handled this? Or wanted to handle it herself?”
“By doing what? She was practically comatose for a week!” Lexie’s voice jumps up and she realizes that this is turning into an argument.
Robin’s arm slips from her shoulders and Lexie comes to stand in front of her. “You’re on her side.”
“Hey, no.” Robin frowns. “Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Don’t put words in my mouth.”
Lexie doesn’t lay off though. “You think what I did was wrong.”
“Confronting Hope?” Robin asks. “Yeah. I kind of do.”
“Then you’re on her side.”
“No because I’m not.” Robin says firmly. “I disagree with what you did because that wasn’t right. You completely forgot about Janice when you decided to march up to Hope and mouth off like that-”
“I did it for her!”
“You did it for yourself.” Robin retorts trying to keep calm. “You felt angry because she hurt Janice, sure, but all the words coming out of your mouth were to the tune of ‘I told you so’. And they weren’t for Hope. They were for Janice.”
Robin pauses and collects herself. Lexie can see the strain on her face. “And that’s not cool.”
Her stomach hits the floor. “I have no problem with Janice’s relationship with Hope. Where did you even-”
“You don’t?”
“No!”
“Then how come you haven’t apologized to Janice?” Robin questions. “You’re so adamant that what you’ve done is for Janice’s own good to protect her from Hope, and even though you see how upset this has made her you haven’t thought to apologise to her about it?”
“Why would I?”
“Because this isn’t about trying to protect Janice!” Robin finally shouts. “It’s you doing what you’re doing now - assuming and speaking for other people. I’m not on Janice’s side, I’m not on your side. Just like what you said to Hope isn’t what Janice thinks and believes.”
Lexie tenses. She’s seen and experienced a lot of Robin’s moods, concerned and conflicted but she’s never seen her angry. “I did what I thought was right-”
“You judged. And you took away Janice’s choice to act for herself.” Robin levels down again and Lexie hates this new distance between them. She’s never heard Robin get so worked up. “I know that you don’t disapprove of Janice’s relationship with Hope but you judged it to be stereotypical of their relationship when it fell through.”
If there’s one thing Lexie tries not to be, it’s wrong. But the more Robin argues her case, the more she feels it creeping in on her. “I didn’t want to see her hurt.” She states honestly. That’s the last thing she ever wanted to do.
“Relationships hurt.” Robin states.
“Ours doesn’t.”
Robin looks at the ground and then back to Lexie’s face. The anger has disappeared mostly and replaced with disappointment. Lexie isn’t sure that’s an improvement. “I don’t know. I feel pretty hurt right now.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You need to say that to Janice.”
“She won’t speak to me.”
“Not on your terms.” Robin exhales and her body slumps. “You have to wait for her to want to hear it.”
But right now, Lexie feels like she’s wronged Robin more than she ever did Jani
ce. Maybe Robin was right, that she spoke for Janice instead of letting the time heal her and build her back up. Maybe she did confront Hope because there was no way she could kick Janice while she was down and the demon image she’d constructed Hope out to be was too much for her not to charge into battle.
Maybe she was wrong.
Now though she’s looking up at the sun at the bottom of a deep pit wondering just how she’s going to climb back out.
Lexie doesn’t reach back out for Robin for fear of being shrugged off like Janice did. “I’m sorry.”
Robin shoves her hands in her pockets and then takes one out again. “I know. Just, chill. Okay?” She swings her hand and catches Lexie’s hand on the second motion. “Let’s just go and eat okay?”
Laurel is waiting outside her door saying goodbye to Amy when Robin comes back from dinner. For a brief second she falls into the bliss in Laurel’s expression and calms when Amy turns to see her. The dinner with Lexie had been long and a little bit more awkward than she’s been used to because of the conversation before it. Seeing some happier faces helps. “Hey stranger.”
“Hey Aimes.” But Amy isn’t there to stay and she kisses Laurel quickly, but long enough for Robin to grin and Laurel to pull back blushing, and heads off.
“You wanna come in?” Laurel asks. “I have baked goods.”
“Tempting.” Robin laughs but jerks her thumb towards her room. “However I’m on call.”
Laurel salutes mockingly. “Go put out some fires.”
That’s what it feels like she’s doing. She knows that provoking them both into talking about their feelings isn’t the kindest thing to do, especially if she’s playing on their relationship with her to do so. She stalls outside the door for a beat hearing nothing on the other side. Laurel gives her a thumbs up and she knows that she’ll probably end up seeing her sooner rather than later.
Robin turns the lock. “Here goes.”
***
JANICE has her back to her when she walks in with her coursework open on her laptop. She’s been burying herself in work or trying not to be in the room at all because Lexie is prone to coming knocking for Robin like before. Robin isn’t sure how she can keep this up. It’s exhausting enough being in the middle of it.